


kiyub

by ILJIDO



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, DEFINITELY FLUFF LATER ON, F/F, Slow Burn, its a happy little fic, lil bit of mamavelvet, side joygi, side moonsun, wenrene - Freeform, wenseul bffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 103,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILJIDO/pseuds/ILJIDO
Summary: seungwan has never considered herself lucky, getting her soulmate tattoo proved it well enough. but things quickly change when she meets bae joohyun, the very person who utters the words on her wrist.soulmate au in which the first words your soulmate says to you will appear on your wrist on your 16th birthday, also set in a university au.a happy little wenrene fic that’s borderline crack.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 105
Kudos: 485





	1. comic sans

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted on [aff](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1455713/kiyub)

birthdays have always been just a regular day for seungwan, but turning 16? 16 is an exciting time for every teen, it’s a phase of life that everyone looks forward to and it’s the turning point for most. seungwan hasn’t been excluded. she’s been bursting with excitement at the mere thought of it for weeks as much as she tries to hide it. and it didn’t help that seulgi, her best friend, or rather, her only friend, had her birthday a couple of days earlier than her.

seulgi, being slightly older than seungwan, had already received the gift of the universe — _the first words her soulmate will ever say to her tattooed permanently on her wrist._

now that 11 days have passed, it’s seungwan’s turn. between the two of them, seulgi’s the social butterfly, she made friends with everyone including both seniors and juniors from all over school, the teachers and even that random kid’s mom. seungwan, on the other hand, though a kind person at heart, is shy beyond belief. her social skills are terrible at best and honestly, being friends with seulgi for almost her entire life should’ve helped. but by some unlucky miracle, her skills are just as bad as when she first met seulgi — maybe even worse. she earns the title of being the nice and quiet girl in class pretty easily. not like she minds either way, she enjoys her books and video games more than she did people, seulgi’s the only exception.

so turning 16 would be a quiet affair for her, though it didn’t feel right without her best friend sleeping over and binging a few movies. the duo lounges on seungwan’s bed with a laptop and a bowl of popcorn between them, chatting through their second movie of the night — but it’s mostly just seulgi making stupid comments much to seungwan’s annoyance. and almost as abruptly as she had entered seungwan’s life, seulgi roughly nudges her, pointing towards the clock hanging on the wall in seungwan’s nerd cave.

“one minute to go, wannie! are you excited?" seulgi beams widely, shaking her poor friend who was in the midst of swallowing some popcorn.

seungwan’s eyes widen as she feels a kernel make its way down her throat and she reaches for her can of fizzy soda to push it down to her gut, “wouldn’t be very exciting if you killed me before i even see my tattoo." she chokes in a deadpan tone, clutching her chest as the pain slowly fades.

seulgi could only toss her a cheeky smile while wrapping her in a side hug, “hehe …“

the clock shows that it’s a little past midnight when seungwan finally collects herself. most days she thinks love is for fools, but today, she’s still more than excited to see what her tattoo could be. she prays with all her might that she wouldn’t end up with a simple ‘hey’ or ‘hello’ but something more romantic, or cooler.

seulgi’s tattoo is a little unnerving to say the least, but it’s still much cooler than a basic greeting.

“yah! hurry up! i’m curious!“ her best friend nudges her once again, though a little less aggressively this time.

seungwan rolls her eyes and groans, “i’m getting to it, stop yelling!"

the younger girl lifts up her arms, wrists covered by the sleeves of the matching pyjamas that the best friends have decided to wear in celebration of her 16th birthday. with her heart rate rising in anticipation, she pulls down her left sleeve to reveal plain skin. _wrong side_ , she huffs, the universe is really making her feel stupid already.

pulling down her right sleeve, she sees the first words her soulmate will say etched into her skin.

there’s silence for a split second before seulgi snorts loudly, which turns into a burst of full-blown laughter at the expense of seungwan’s luck. the birthday girl, on the other hand, is stunned into silence.

son seungwan, the quietest but sweetest girl to ever exist, has never let a curse word leave her tongue.

until now.

“ _what the actual fuck?_ ”

“language! son seungwan!” seulgi somehow still manages to shove the smaller girl in the midst of attempting to wipe tears from her eyes.

“i don’t give a fuck about language right now, seul! literally, the bar was on the floor! when i meant anything but ‘hi’ or ‘hey’, i didn’t mean bullshit like this!” seungwan explodes in a fit of rage all while glaring at the words that have made its home on her skin.

“it’s kinda cute if you think about it, no?” seulgi has to bite back a laugh because seungwan is pissed — and seungwan is never angry, even if she’s playing with utter idiots in her video games.

she turns to seulgi with an incredulous look plastered on her face, her jaw drops and eyebrows furrow in anger, “what the fuck does _kiyub_ mean?”

“ _kiyub!_ ” seulgi exclaims with an innocent look on her face, even in her anger, seungwan could see the underlying cuteness the word contained.

and said cuteness did help dissipate her anger slightly, huffing indignantly, the image of the word burns deeply into her mind. as cute as it could potentially sound, the design of it is more mocking than anything.

_comic sans — the bane of her existence._

it’s a five-letter word that takes up the entire width of her right wrist, of course, it has to be big and bolded. but comic sans? this is too much. 

did the universe really take her for a fool? are they serious? does she have to put on her clown shoes and a big red nose that goes honk honk?

pulling down her sleeves with newfound despair, she leans into seulgi’s attempt at comfort. seungwan likes to think that seulgi is a personified teddy bear, her best friend gives good hugs and though a good hug won’t change the words on her wrist, they do make her feel a little less of a clown.

“i swear, if my soulmate isn’t as cute as you, i want a refund.”

“you might as well start processing it now because you won’t find anyone like me. i heard it’ll take three working days for god to receive your prayers.”

“we both know god-sunbaenim will ignore me but retattoo kiyub but in a script font.” seungwan groans loudly, knowing her luck, this scenario is more than likely if it is to even happen in the first place.

“oooh, fancy _kiyub_.” seulgi teases, “ _kiyub~_ ” she tries the word again while enunciating every syllable slowly, seungwan could only smack her best friend in annoyance.

seulgi cries out in mock pain and pouts, “ow! what’s wrong with kiyub?” trying the word in a higher tone once again.

“you’re really asking for it, aren’t you? you’re dying for it!” seungwan growls as she tackles seulgi, hands on the older girl’s neck within seconds.

“kiyub! kiyub!”

“i’ll make sure you never meet your soulmate if you don’t shut up, kang seulgi!”

“...”

“...”

“… kiyub.”

“that’s it!”

* * *

the rest of son seungwan’s high school life passes by relatively uneventfully unless you consider graduating a big life event. it’s just another phase that everyone has to go through, so it didn’t feel like a special occasion or anything. her soulmate tattoo takes a backseat in her head for the years to come, the initial excitement fades quickly due to her peculiar tattoo. she doubts she’ll find them this quickly anyway, who in their right mind would say ‘ _kiyub_ ’ anyway?

after their finals, seungwan has more free time than she knows what to do with it. under seulgi’s insistence, she offers her brains to the little shits in her school — little shits being the juniors that seulgi have somehow befriended. how seulgi still manages to make friends despite her busy schedules is an enigma seungwan will never comprehend.

it starts small, just one or two that she actually recognises, then word spread that this kind and smart senior is coaching juniors. then, it turns into a group of ten bombarding her with questions that they should probably ask their teachers. eventually, there's too many of them and seungwan has to call it a day before she's mobbed by a bunch of desperate students.

oh, but she never really did have lady luck on her side. the universe loves to make a fool out of her.

seungwan sits at the empty cafeteria, mindlessly scrolling through a forum for her current obsession of a game, waiting for seulgi to be done with her dance club activities so they could go home together. it's normal for seniors to continue helping out post graduation and everyone knows seulgi is more than dedicated, it's almost as if she lived in the dance studio.

"hey."

a voice catches her attention but not enough to pull her eyes away from her phone. the harsh tone signalled to her that it isn't seulgi and she's not one to give attention to random strangers.

"hey." a forceful hand claps down on her shoulder and sends pain all the way down her shoulder blades, while the impact causes her phone to fall to the ground with a loud smack, "you're the nerdy senior that teaches right?"

seungwan holds back a wince as she bends down to pick up her phone, dusting it and inspecting it for cracks. she's prepared to lash out at the person who has so rudely interrupted her peace and quiet.

a tall — well, compared to seungwan she would be gigantic, girl, stands behind her intimidatingly. she might be the quiet nerd but standing up for herself isn’t the hardest thing to do in the world but the chances and her courage to do so have dwindled over the years. something about the look in her eyes told seungwan that it would be a good idea to listen to everything she says.

"did you hear me? are you still teaching?" the girl snaps her fingers in seungwan's face to get her attention.

the girl, probably a year or two younger, is unsurprisingly fierce and annoyed. seungwan knows these types of students pretty well, they don't usually study and they mostly leave her to her nerd shit as most would call it.

the nerdy girl breaks out of her haze and shakes her head, "i told everyone that today would be the last lesson, there's too many—"

"are you serious? come on, at least continue until i'm done with my exams."

"no means no, if i tutor you, it wouldn't be fair to the others."

seungwan didn't know where she found the courage to deny the younger girl but for a moment, she's glad she did. but the feeling is ephemeral when the girl narrows her eyes and glares at her.

her bravery turns into a quiet squeak as the younger girl grabs her by the collar, lifting her almost a little too easily while leaning a little closer, “say it again, i didn't hear you." she hisses menacingly while narrowing her eyes.

seungwan avoids her angry gaze at all costs, her brain working in overdrive to figure out an escape plan. her eyes happen to land on the girl's wrist where her tattoo is embedded and she almost snorts at what it says but holds it back because snorting right now would mean a certain death. man, she's scary, whoever's her soulmate must have worse luck than her.

"i need you to tutor me, or else!"

"i–"

"yah! you little shit!"

wait a minute … why did that sentence sound oddly familiar? linking its familiarity to the sound of seulgi's voice didn't feel right. in her confusion and to her relief, the girl lets her go, albeit a little rougher than she likes.

kang seulgi is truly her saviour.

her eyes light up as she watches seulgi storm over to them with every intent to protect her best friend but the tall girl seems shocked, like she's reached an epiphany over hearing seulgi's voice.

"i'm going to fucking kill you!" the girl suddenly yells after a quick glance at her wrist.

and then seungwan connects the dots. the girl whose soulmate is supposedly cursed with worse luck than her — _is her best friend._

seulgi freezes in her step and lifts her hand as well, her gaze flits from her wrist to the giant and then to seungwan.

seungwan's eyes are about to pop out from their sockets but she stares nervously at the two new soulmates. she should be happy, right? seulgi's soulmate is standing right in front of her.

but said soulmate has also just threatened her, so is it still a good thing? maybe not exactly?

"i can't believe your first fucking words are 'yah! you little shit!' like are you kidding me? i have to live with this tattoo on my wrist for the rest of my life! do you know how stupid i sound when anyone asks what my tattoo says?" the girl yells accusingly as she continues to glare at seulgi.

the stunned bear-like girl acts like a fish out of water, her mouth opens and closes while she struggles to find the right words, "as if ‘i’m going to fucking kill you!’ is a nicer tattoo to have!" seulgi retorts incredulously after a prolonged silence.

the funny thing about soulmates is everyone pictures the moment they hear their soulmates, but not the first words that they’ll say. the tension is heavy in the air and seungwan watches in fear and apprehension, what's next? merely watching the two stare each other in the eyes is enough to create a harrowing atmosphere and she contemplated slinking away from the new pair of soulmates before it’s too late.

"i'm sooyoung."

"seulgi."

"i need your friend to tutor me."

"okay, wannie, you heard that?"

seungwan nods in agreement to hearing seulgi — not in agreement to tutoring this girl, sooyoung, who was holding her up by her collar a minute ago.

“wait! no! no i will not tutor you!”

“you literally nodded!”

“back me up, seul.”

seulgi, being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, has to choose the lesser evil here. considering how sooyoung was threatening seungwan, she decides that it would be okay to sacrifice her best friend to her demon of a soulmate for now. it’d probably be easier to make up to seungwan than to appease and chase after her little shit.

“sorry wannie, you did agree.”

"wait what? aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

“… love knows no bounds?”

kang seulgi had just stabbed her in the back — _wait no, front._ has she really been betrayed by her best friend within mere seconds of meeting her soulmate?

"wow, i think i love you already." sooyoung smirks.

"you're still a little shit for bullying my wannie." seulgi huffs.

"your wannie?"

"don't be jealous, you can be my little shit."

seungwan couldn't believe her ears, are they really doing this? right now? right in front of her? she resists all urge to throw up here and now, if this is what seulgi is going to be like with her soulmate, she might just lose her best friend.

"you're both little shits," seungwan deadpans, "go make out in the toilet or something, i'm going home."

"i'll get your number from seulgi, thanks wannie." sooyoung winks as she turns her attention to her new soulmate who has the dopiest smile plastered on her face.

the universe just loves to torment her, especially when it comes to soulmates.

* * *

tattoos were always a little weird to joohyun. she isn't exactly sure how it begins, like do you just fall for them after hearing them for the first time? does the attraction come as quickly and unsuspecting as her tattoo? she has no idea how love works despite never having the lack of it, so many people have confessed to her over the years, but it feels like all their love combined could never make up for her missing soulmate. still, she remains hopeful, she has a whole lifetime to wait for those words to be said as strange as it might sound.

meeting people used to be fun until they started judging her for her looks instead of her personality. funny how those who knew her the least have the most to say.

if there's anyone everyone knew on campus, it'd be bae joohyun. the psychology senior who's in her final year of university also happens to be a decently popular instagram model. the modelling started as a favour for her roommate's soulmate, then more and more photographers came to her and thus, she garnered quite the following. it stays more of a hobby and part-time job than anything. the mild fame took a little getting used to but she eventually got desensitized to the comments, if people loved her, great. if they didn't, then well, they didn't. 

for the most part, she keeps a low profile despite all the attention, her grades and private life remain unaffected by all the buzz, so she didn't really mind, it just meant that a couple more people would point fingers when she travels around campus and well, in public too. but keeping it lowkey, isn’t as easy as it sounds, there's one key factor to keeping it this way and that is to stay away from social situations she had no control in, mainly parties. most of the time, she's stuck to it, but she likes to make an exception during the festive seasons.

and when word got out joohyun only went for certain parties? all hell broke loose and she pretty much stayed away from partying until her roommate, kim yongsun, convinced her to attend one last party as some sort of a final hurrah. it’s their final year anyway, after that, they couldn’t be reckless teenagers anymore.

* * *

getting into university was a breeze, a new school year begins with bare minimal social interactions because seungwan always has a hard time adjusting to new environments. being alone is and probably will always be the norm for her.

hanging out alone with seulgi becomes a rare occurrence because sooyoung is literally always with her and god forbids her to stomach this horrible married couple’s antics. sometimes they would flirt incessantly in the dorm that she shared with seulgi despite her blatant disgust, other times, they would argue as if the world’s about to end, if it did, they would be the cause of it. it’s a coin flip every time she decides to hang out with them, but she does so anyway because it’s not like she has any other choice.

the first year of university passes relatively smoothly, her grades are good — but seulgi disagrees, it’s more than good, she’s top in almost every class. still, it’s good to have a small handful of friends, well, two to be exact, seulgi and sooyoung, it’s a little depressing but less distracting. 

but her sociable best friend has other plans for her.

“c’mon wannie,” seulgi whines while poking seungwan in the arm, lying on her stomach on seungwan's bed, attempting to convince her little nerd of a friend to attend a new year's eve party, “just one party!”

“i said no, seul, i don’t wanna go to a loud ass party where people will probably puke on me.” seungwan grumbles as she turns her attention back to the anime she has decided to watch to tune out her best friend’s incessant whining.

“you can’t say you’ve been to university when you’ve never even been to a party, come on!” the graphic design major continues to tug at seungwan’s sleeves, knowing well that if she keeps this up, she’ll give in eventually.

“no, now leave me alone, i can’t focus with your whining!”

“you might meet kiyub,” her best friend offers in an almost hopeful tone.

_kiyub_ — has turned into an inside joke for the two, since seungwan has never had any sort of romantic interest about anyone or gender, so seulgi settled on calling her soulmate ‘kiyub’.

“well, kiyub can kiyub off.” the introvert hisses shortly.

“it’s either this party or i’m calling sooyoung to come over and we can make out for hours.” seulgi reveals her trump card with a gleeful smirk, adding kissing noises like icing on a cake.

seungwan slams her spacebar with a little too much force, she’d rather deal with the loud music of a party than the barf-inducing sounds of two wet lips meeting over and over. without another word, she moves over to her wardrobe to pick something that doesn’t scream loser.

within an hour, the two best friends are on the doorstep of one of seulgi’s many friends’ houses and from what seungwan gathers, it’s probably a senior. she swears she’ll get back at seulgi … _someday_ … but it’s not like she’s taken revenge for the whole tutoring sooyoung incident … _yet_.

the scene looks like any other typical party, except with a little more people than she’s comfortable to be around. loud music blares from within the house and even with the door closed, it can still be heard from the outside. she feels the loud bass pounding in her chest the moment seulgi yanks her into the crowded living room and seungwan holds onto her for dear life. groups of people hang all around the house with the scent of alcohol and cigarettes lingering in the air. as much as she regrets her choice, just the mere thought of seulgi and sooyoung making out convinces her that this is a better option — _it has to be._

all she has to do is make it through the night and everything will be alright.

seulgi drags her mercilessly through heaps of people while greeting each and everyone of them, is there anyone that seulgi didn’t know? they reach a room near the back where a crowd of people chants ‘chug! chug! chug!’. seulgi tosses a mischievous look to seungwan before raising their hands and joining in the chaos. it probably slipped seulgi’s mind that seungwan’s a little too short to see anything.

it takes a while but the crowd eventually combines into one loud cheer, assuming whoever that’s being hyped up is done with whatever challenge. seungwan snaps back into reality as if she hadn’t spent the last couple of minutes zoning out and wishing she was still back in the safety of her dorm. seulgi pushes her way through the crowd with her in tow. upon reaching the eye of the storm, seungwan finally sees a scrawny girl wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she tosses an empty bottle to the carpeted floor.

“byulyi-unnie!” seulgi shouts excitedly over the loud music, leaving seungwan’s side to embrace the girl who has just finished a can of beer, maybe two.

the scrawny girl is about the same height as seulgi, so she’s considered tall in seungwan’s head. then again, most people are considered tall. her most striking feature has to be the bleached blonde hair tucked under a backwards baseball cap, followed by her cheeks which makes her look like a hamster.

“oh, seulgi-ah! glad to see you made it!” the girl slaps seulgi’s back lightly and grins widely, obviously intoxicated but still sober enough to function.

“unnie, meet my best friend, seungwan. wannie, meet byulyi-unnie, one of my seniors.” seulgi smiles widely as she beckons the shy girl to come over, “it’s her first party and i want to introduce her to some new people!”

seulgi isn’t even drunk but she’s already hell bent on embarrassing seungwan. the introvert glares at her best friend while making her way to the semi-drunk blonde senior with a shy smile.

“hi unnie, nice to meet you.”

“seungwan-ah, i’ve heard a lot about you from seulgi, sometimes it slips my mind that her soulmate is sooyoung. wait — where’s my soulmate?” byulyi begins to ramble, okay, maybe she’s a little more drunk than seungwan expects, which is a good thing because then she wouldn't remember how awkward seungwan is.

the blonde girl breaks out of seulgi’s hold and begins stumbling out of the room, yelling at the top of her lungs for a kim yongsun. seulgi merely shrugs as she drags her best friend to follow their drunken senior.

_if god is real, please let something good come out of this night_ , seungwan pleads desperately.

somehow, they end up in the kitchen and byulyi has found her soulmate next to an ethereal being of beauty. 

_shit._

seungwan’s mind goes blank momentarily as her eyes fall upon the tiny but deadly gorgeous girl that stands next to the supposed kim yongsun. her breathing hitches as she stares unabashedly, mouth turning drier by the second.

“i see _kiyub_ might be a girl then.” seulgi whispers teasingly into her ear, earning a painful elbow to the ribs.

“shut up.” seungwan hisses sharply after swallowing, she’s not about to have her gay awakening at her very first party.

seulgi exchange greetings with the two seniors while byulyi clings onto her soulmate’s side as if they are welded together. the brunette can only offer an apologetic smile to the two younger girls. “sorry, she tends to act like an idiot when she’s drunk. i’m yongsun and that’s joohyun, nice to meet you, seungwan.”

the goddess shoots the two a small smile and seungwan feel the words getting stuck in her throat, she stammers slightly but seulgi decides to save her from making a fool of herself.

“i’ve told them about you,” seulgi informs easily, quickly assuming that seungwan's nervousness came from yongsun knowing her name, “i met them at one of byulyi-unnie’s parties.”

byulyi nods a little too excitedly and the alcohol has affected her senses, she shouts in a voice that’s several decibels too high, “we should recreate that night, seulgi-ah!”

“no and stop yelling, byul-ah, you’re going to make me deaf, idiot.” yongsun chides with annoyance in her voice, from seungwan’s point of view, it looks like yongsun is the younger one but with how they act, it’s hard to tell.

“i’m not an idiot!”

“oh really? check your tattoo, _idiot_.”

all eyes are on byulyi’s wrist and the word ‘idiot’ is embedded in her skin in a serif font. seungwan can’t help but snort at the hilarity of the situation, it makes her feel a little better about her comic sans tattoo. kiyub might not be all that bad after all.

“glad you find it amusing, seungwan-ah,” byulyi smirks devilishly as she leaves her soulmate’s side to wrap an arm around seungwan’s neck, “now let’s go meet some people, i’ve got a couple of nerd friends you’ll probably like.”

before seungwan could even beg seulgi for help, byulyi is dragging her out of the kitchen to interact with the other partygoers. 

“stick to beer, wannie! i’m not carrying you back to our dorm if you get too drunk!” were seulgi’s last words to her.

if she doesn’t make it out alive, seulgi better not sell her prized figurine collection so she can take sooyoung out for dinner.

* * *

joohyun tags along with yongsun and her soulmate, byulyi. it’s a new year’s party hosted by one of the jocks who’s been texting her nonstop for the past month and she’s not sure why she even agreed. hence, she hides away in the kitchen where the music as deafening and she can question her choices for a moment.

“busy night?” yongsun teases as she enters the kitchen to find joohyun hiding away from the rest of the world.

the senior rolls her eyes and huffs indignantly, “i finally managed to dodge daehyun, give me a break.”

“i’m surprised you even said okay to coming.” yong offers a sympathetic smile and a light nudge.

“i’m surprised byulyi isn’t glued to you for the first time.” joohyun retorts while sticking her tongue out and crossing her arms over her chest.

yongsun throws a playful smack at her roommate and shrugs, “i lost her a while ago, i bumped into chorong and i guess byul got bored.”

it doesn’t take more than a second after the words leave her lips to hear her name being yelled across the corridor. yongsun exhales tiredly and turns her attention to the source, but she could never be mad.

“yong! yongsun! kim yongsun!”

byulyi stumbles into the kitchen a few moments later and joohyun sighs, there goes her momentary break. plus, now that the younger girl has stumbled into the kitchen, clearly drunk, she doubts yongsun will be able to protect her from the dreaded jocks.

"good luck, miss kim." joohyun smirks as yongsun begins to chide byulyi.

"don't make me tell daehyun you want to talk." yongsun hisses back sharply.

joohyun purses her lips and her attention turns to the other people who entered with byulyi. she recognised seulgi, one of byulyi's juniors, she helped out with one of her projects before so they weren't exactly strangers.

but she has never seen the small quiet girl next to seulgi, so why is her heart racing?

joohyun doesn't pay much attention to the conversation, she keeps an eye on the soft spoken girl, seungwan's her name and she looked like she didn't want to be here.

_that makes the two of them._

byulyi eventually drags the poor girl out while the three continue to chat in the kitchen — the only spot indoors where anyone could hold a proper conversation without yelling.

"she's adorable, why'd you bring her here, seulgi-ah?" yongsun shakes her head with a soft chuckle.

seulgi takes a sip of her drink and sighs, "she needs to experience one party at least, unnie. i can't let her go through all of university in our dorm room." 

"you picked the worst one, any party with joohyun is guaranteed to be a disaster." yongsun jokes.

"yah … what does that mean? even if i wasn't here, she wouldn't want to be here either.“ joohyun clicks her teeth in annoyance and nudges her roommate.

seulgi waves her hand dismissively, “i trust byulyi-unnie to loosen her up a little, she brings out the fun in all of us.”

“there won’t be any fun this time, i confiscated her fireworks beforehand,” yongsun smirks cockily before ushering them back into the crowd that has only grown, “now let's have fun safely.”

the rest of the night ends up being pretty uneventful, she sticks with yong to avoid any and all men but she seemed to bump into byulyi and seungwan no matter where she went.

the younger girl noticed her as well, joohyun feels like she's being watched all night long and let's be honest, seungwan isn't sleek. if she had a dollar for every time she caught the shy girl staring, she'd probably have enough money to take her out.

the senior is used to receiving stares but something about seungwan makes her nervous. it feels like she has to be perfect in her eyes and she didn't want to mess anything up. so she keeps a distance, but as the night draws to an end, her body is filled with a little too much alcohol and she decides she wants to talk to the quiet little girl.

luckily for her, the alcohol had made the party a little more enjoyable as well, so she's in a good mood. joohyun slips into an empty spot in the house in an attempt to sober up but to no avail. she stares blankly at the wall while her mind slowly becomes devoid of any thoughts.

a snap of a finger right in her face causes her to jump in surprise and she exhales sharply once she registered who it is.

"hyun, have you seen byul?" yongsun narrows her eyes as she scans the crowded room, looking for her soulmate.

the senior shakes her head with a shrug, "wasn't she with seulgi's friend?"

"i've searched the entire place, they're not here." yongsun frowns.

joohyun slings an arm around her roommate and sighs, “maybe she went outside to set off more fireworks."

within a split second, yongsun makes a mad dash for the front door, leaving joohyun in the dust. she lets out an amused smile as she follows in yongsun's trail, half knowing that she’ll more or less be right.

* * *

the night passes by almost agonizingly, though with the help of some liquid courage, it becomes more bearable. not like seungwan would admit it to seulgi, because the latter would never let her live it down, but she’s having more fun than she thought she would. byulyi doesn’t let the introvert leave her sight until she’s a little too inebriated to form coherent sentences, so seungwan takes the chance and slips outside to escape the people and music. sitting on the wooden steps porch, she rests her head on the rails as the world spins slowly. there are only a couple people outside, most people are blacked out or having sex somewhere, both seem grossly unappealing to her.

she’s tipsy but sober. if you asked her to do math, she probably could. but if you asked her to walk in a straight line, well, that could pose a little problem. she stares up into the darkness of the sky, feeling the alcohol make its way through her system. in her drunken haze, she thinks about the various characters she’s met tonight. 

byulyi is loud if anything, but she’s nice and friendly as well, a little like seulgi but a dash more chaotic. yongsun was personable and kind and she could really yell. she also did a shot with this art major who had blue hair, seungwan vaguely remembers her name, maybe it was wheein. there’s a bunch more that she never got the names of and probably wouldn’t even remember tomorrow. it’s fine by her since she’s used to having only two friends.

but then there’s joohyun. _god_ , the way her name sounds in seungwan’s head is enough to make her heart flutter. love at first sight is utter nonsense until she’s the one experiencing it. so what if she did spend some time during the night to spare a few glances at joohyun — maybe not a few glances but more like a few long hard stares that stopped only when joohyun turns to look at her with a slight frown. her gaze is intimidatingly scary and if seungwan isn’t drunk and embarrassed, she’d probably feel a little scared.

the alcohol can’t dull the embarrassment that she feels now, she feels stupid just thinking about her actions and she lets out a heavy sigh. still, on a more positive note, this party’s a fun way to celebrate the new year, she concludes with a small smile.

“are you drunk?” seulgi nudges her while taking a seat on the wooden steps, “if you puke on me, just know that i’m going to tell sooyoung.”

the introvert barely notices her best friend’s presence but acknowledges her words with a soft grunt. sooyoung didn’t seem so scary when she’s drunk. everything seems duller, like the sharp edges of the world have been rounded off. the world feels like a much nicer place when she’s less sober.

“all the more i’m going to puke on you …” she snorts slowly without moving.

“anyway, just to let you know, joohyun-unnie is single.” her best friend informs in a nonchalant tone and a casual shrug.

hearing the name of the goddess she met earlier that night sobers her up slightly, she sits up and turns to seulgi. “i– i didn’t ask!” she stammers quickly, the heat rushes to her face and she’s unsure if seulgi would notice under the dim lights, if she did, she can always blame it on the drinks she’s had.

“but you want to know,” seulgi jabs her elbow playfully into seungwan’s side while wiggling her eyebrows, “don’t think i didn’t catch you gawking at her all night long!”

seungwan opens her mouth to defend herself but no words are spoken, anything she says now will probably be used against her for the rest of her life. she’s been caught with no defense so she opts to huff indignantly instead.

seulgi rolls her eyes and sighs dramatically, “maybe you should try talking to her instead of staring like a weirdo, she looks intimidating but she’s really nice once she warms up to you.”

“seul, you do realise, i only have two friends right?”

“wrong, you made new friends tonight, so now you have more than two.”

“ugh, that’s not the point! point is, i’m never going to talk to joohyun!”

“why not?”

“when have i ever approached anyone?”

“fair point, but if she approaches you?”

“why would she approach a nerd like me? she’s never going to—”

seungwan’s interrupted mid-sentence when byulyi comes charging out of the door with a handful of boxes, hopping over the two girls and narrowly missing their heads. she’s glad she’s a little too tipsy to react because if she is, she’s sure that she would've fainted because of the near-death experience she’s just faced.

“come on, seulgi-ah! there’s only a few minutes left till the new year!” byulyi yells loudly as she runs to the middle of the empty street, “help me set these up before yong murders me!”

seulgi didn’t need to be told twice when she jumps to her feet and accompanies their drunken senior in her chaotic and probably dangerous activities. byulyi really deserves to have ‘ _idiot_ ’ tattooed on her arm.

yongsun rushes out a few minutes later, yelling and chasing after the two lovable idiots who had already set up the fireworks in the middle of the street. they’re a little too far away for seungwan to pick up what they’re yelling but she catches words like ‘idiots’ and ‘dead’ from yongsun’s lips. she smiles stupidly as she watches the situation unfold, mildly aware that there is a presence standing beside her that didn’t demand her attention.

“ten! nine! eight!” she hears the voices counting down from within the house and out on the streets signalling that a new year is soon upon them.

this is the last way she’d picture herself bringing in the new year, slightly drunk after a night of socializing. to new beginnings, she supposes.

at the count of three, she sees byulyi light up the fireworks despite yongsun’s loud screams. her eyes follow the fireworks as they shoot upwards into the dark heavens, leaving a faint trail of light as they climb higher into the sky. the flares fade and it’s dark for a moment, she waits in anticipation for them to light up the night sky in all their dazzling glory.

“one!”

the cheap store bought pyrotechnics explode in a myriad of colorful lights and they’re accompanied by a series of loud booms.

when seungwan least expects it, she hears the very words she never thought she’d hear for the longest time.

“ _kiyub!_ ”

time seems to slow down as the fireworks continue to go off, but her attention isn’t on them anymore. turning her head, she sees the very goddess she’s been staring at all night with her eyes shut tightly and her hands covering her ears. 

_fuck, that's cute_ , seungwan thinks mindlessly.

seungwan could only gaze at the girl standing beside her with a dopey smile, she could physically feel her heart melting into a puddle the longer she stared at the girl. joohyun peeks every once in a while to see if the fireworks have all gone off, like she's forgotten that she can hear when they've stopped. she looks so small and precious when she’s covering her ears like that and seungwan can't pull her eyes away. she lets out a contented sigh and is glad that she didn’t turn seulgi down, otherwise, she would’ve missed this. it's okay if joohyun never talks to her, being able to stare from afar might be a new skill she's developing. 

when the fireworks finally stopped, seungwan snaps her head forward before joohyun could notice her staring for the nth time in the night. in the distance, yongsun can be seen holding her soulmate in a chokehold all while yanking seulgi towards the house by the ear.

"ah, byulyi and seulgi have somehow done it again at this party." the beautiful girl beside her comments with a scared but amused expression on her face.

seungwan freezes at the sound of the goddess’ voice, did she hear right? her voice sounds angelic, smooth like honey and the nerd is a little in awe of how someone’s voice could sound this good. but then, a mild panic begins to set in, joohyun, the girl whose beauty has left her distracted all night, is talking to her. like forming proper sentences, like making casual conversation — _with her_.

“are you okay?”

_oh god, she really is._

in her newfound state of sobriety, every word the goddess has said etches itself in her mind, a sudden realisation hits her.

_kiyub._

her legs begin moving on their own accord and she almost sprints towards seulgi. good call on her body to escape the situation before her brain takes a trip to clown town. there's no way she's doing this now, _nope!_ her heart is pounding too rapidly and god, she feels like throwing up. a mix of excitement and fear bubbles in the pit of her stomach and she hauls her best friend away with surprising strength and determination.

* * *

joohyun is left standing on the porch while she watches the younger girl leave with her best friend and wonders if they'll ever meet again.

“what did you do, unnie?” byulyi inquires curiously despite being dragged by the ear by her soulmate.

joohyun furrows her eyebrows and shrugs, “i just asked if she was okay."

"bae joohyun scaring someone off? seems normal." yongsun chimes in with a sarcastic smirk.

the senior rolls her eyes and attempts to hit yongsun but byulyi is much faster, getting in the way of the two before anything serious happens.

looks like this year is going to be more interesting than she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it as much as i did writing it!  
> i'd love to hear what you think about it so drop comments!!  
> this was a happy little low effort drabble i started back in april when i was working on my somewhat existentialist san junipero au and it just kept getting longer and longer. wasn't really intending to post this because like,, soulmate aus are lowkey cheesy >_< but i had enough of wenrene angst on my tl so here it is!!!
> 
> weekly updates or whenever i finish the next chapter!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)  
> [what kiyub sounds like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwg61zpWd-8)


	2. a bout of gay panic and insecurities

seungwan doesn't know how she manages to make it back to their dorm with seulgi in tow, but she miraculously manages it even in her somewhat drunken haze.

“so what’s the problem?” seulgi groans as she nurses a sprained ankle caused by her best friend while lying on seungwan's bed, “i didn’t break my ankle for nothing, did i?”

she’s been pacing ever since she’s managed to drag seulgi back to their dorm, there’s limited space for walking so she settles for stomping up and down over the same part of the room. nothing seems to calm the pounding of her heart because every time she thinks of that face, that voice — joohyun, it sends her heart racing all over again.

“i think … joohyun might be _kiyub_ …” she squeaks nervously, as if the words will explode like a landmine if she raises her voice.

“can’t hear you, my leg is hurting!” seulgi drones, the warm and comfortable bed tempts her with sleep.

“joohyun might be _kiyub_.” seungwan repeats a little louder with her back facing her best friend, staring at the posters that line her roommate’s side of the room.

seulgi groans as she sits up, resting her weight on her elbows as she frowns at her best friend, “i still can’t hear you, wannie!”

“i said joohyun might be kiyub!” seungwan spins around and yells a little too loudly, the alcohol has long left her system, now she’s fuelled by the sheer horror that the very girl she’s been staring at all night is her soulmate.

_oh god, joohyun might be kiyub._

the realisation sets in that this situation is very much real and extremely terrifying for an introvert like her. her attraction to joohyun makes a lot of sense now but in her defense, she’s never been attracted to anyone, so how is she to know? 

soulmates are destined to be together for life, it makes love easy but why does it feel so hard? the problem doesn’t lie with her mockery of a tattoo anymore but rather the person that she’s going to be with for the rest of her life.

did the universe make a mistake? how can someone like her be paired with someone like joohyun? she’s so — _normal_. even on her best days, she blends into the crowd without even trying. but joohyun? god, she’s absolutely dazzling, radiating her awe-striking beauty everywhere like she owns the place. seungwan can’t help but feel grossly inferior to the goddess that might be the one and only kiyub.

“huh? wait … joohyun as in _bae joohyun?_ as in the joohyun who you’ve been staring at all night? that joohyun is kiyub?” she watches as seulgi processes her words, her voice rises with every rhetorical question she asks.

seungwan merely nods because saying it out loud scares her more than it should. the two best friends settle into an apprehensive atmosphere and seulgi is sitting in stunned silence, probably attempting to find the right words for this situation that feels a little too good to be true. she snorts slightly before cracking into an ecstatic smile, she looks up at seungwan expectantly, but the smile quickly fades into exasperation.

it’s obvious after a couple seconds that seungwan isn’t sure what seulgi wants from her, so the older of the two sighs and rolls her eyes, “so what happened? what did you say? how did it all happen and what does kiyub actually sound like?” she fires question after question at the poor nerd.

the introvert seems to be taken aback by the sudden interrogation and some part of her knows that the truth would leave seulgi yelling at her for the rest of the night. her shoulders rise slightly as she turns away from her best friend, “ _um … you know … the usual ..?_ ”

“you didn’t talk to her, did you?” seulgi deadpans as if she didn’t see this coming already.

“what am i supposed to do? she’s just … so alluring … do you think the universe makes mistakes when they pair people up?” seungwan sighs before panicking and questioning the authenticity of soulmate tattoos, “my god, seul, what if joohyun is not my soulmate and she just so happened to say _kiyub?_ like you know how people with tattoos like ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ —”

seulgi merely rolls her eyes and interrupts her best friend’s pointless rambles, “wannie-ah, seriously, in what situation would anyone say _kiyub?”_

“i mean … joohyun did because she was startled by the fireworks … i think …” seungwan begins to justify her baseless excuse but her mind is quickly distracted by joohyun’s actions then, “my god, she was so adorable with her eyes shut and her hands covering her ears, you should’ve seen her!” her face lights up with glee before she trails off in humiliation.

seulgi shoots her best friend with a knowing smile, of course, she’s been in her shoes before. she firmly believes that though half of sooyoung is made up of spite, the other half still has charms that make her fall in love a little more every day.

“you’re a goner …”

“oh no … am i turning into you with sooyoung?” seungwan gasps dramatically, running both her hands through her hair in a panic, “i’d rather die than to become as whipped as you …”

seulgi looks at the tiny introvert with a raised eyebrow, “oh? you’re already halfway there before you’ve even spoken to her. imagine how you’ll act when she tells you she _loves_ you, can you actually resist the most attractive senior on campus?” she mocks her little nerd of a friend mercilessly.

_oh god._ just thinking about joohyun’s attention on her — all the time, is too much for her feeble heart. she plops down in bed next to seulgi, lying down so she’s facing the white ceiling while her heart thrums rapidly. to be loved by bae joohyun is one title she dares not claim.

“seul-ah, what do i do?” seungwan cries out as she buries her face in her hands. the most logical thing would be to actually talk to joohyun, but the thing is, joohyun probably has no idea that the quiet girl is her soulmate. wait — she even ran from joohyun just now, shit, things might be much direr than she thought.

“don’t be an idiot, just talk to her,” seulgi shrugs as she lays back down, waving her hand in the air dismissively, “does she even know you’re her soulmate?”

“… no? i don’t remember speaking to her at all …” the little nerd sighs with a slight pout, she turns to face seulgi with worry on her face, “what if she hates me?”

“why would she hate you, wannie-ah?”

“i kinda ran from her when she tried to talk to me …”

“you what?”

“she talked to me just before i dragged you back here …”

“what the hell, wannie? you ran from your soulmate who happens to be the prettiest girl to walk this campus? she's the poster girl of this entire university for god's sake! i can’t believe you’re doing this to yourself when the universe is finally on your side!”

“help me, seul-ah! what do i do now?”

“the universe sent you joohyun and you ran! you’re beyond hopeless now!”

“please ... i won’t snitch to sooyoung you were setting fireworks off while you were drunk.”

“ _… fine._ ”

* * *

the days after learning that bae joohyun is her soulmate pass in a sluggish haze. despite asking for help, it takes no more than a day for the introvert to take her words back. but seulgi's determined to make her talk to joohyun — no take-backs. 

so, seungwan kicks off the final school term of her first year whilst undergoing a serious bout of frequency illusion thanks to the one and only bae joohyun. once she noticed the goddess, it’s almost like she’s everywhere. from the posters plastered along the corridors of her school to her explore page on instagram, joohyun was just everywhere. it leads her to wonder how she could’ve missed her striking presence everywhere. seungwan decides that it’s okay if she watches from a distance, how could she belong with someone like joohyun anyway? 

she forms an almost unnerving resolution to get joohyun out of her thoughts while seulgi figures out how she can get her best friend to say a single word to _kiyub_.

consulting her soulmate only makes her wrack her brains harder, sooyoung suggested that they could accidentally bump into each other and go from there. but there’s a flaw in her plans — the school of social sciences and the school of engineering are pretty much on the opposite ends of campus. it takes a ten minute shuttle ride to get from one end to the other, so accidentally bumping into each other is definitely out of the question.

she could always ask byulyi-unnie for help but the moment she brings up their now somewhat mutual friends, seungwan shuts her down instantly. and as per the nerd’s firm insistence, no one can know of kiyub’s identity until she’s actually talked to her. seulgi knows better than to betray her best friend again, she had to beg for forgiveness for weeks when she sided sooyoung after they just met.

but, there's a loophole. seulgi didn't need to tell anyone about kiyub, all she has to do is make seungwan say something in front of joohyun and the rest is up to them.

meeting up for lunch is a thing and lucky for them, in the middle of the school of social sciences and engineering lies the school of arts and design. a place where both seulgi's and byulyi's classes happened to be, it's also the perfect place to have a quiet lunch because the food there is subpar compared to the other cafeterias around the campus.

her plan is simple, tell byulyi to invite yongsun, who happens to be classmates and close friends with joohyun, for lunch, then she'll invite seungwan and they can all dine together. there’s no way seungwan could avoid talking for an entire hour, _right?_

* * *

fridays happen to be the only day where their schedules seem to align, so they would occasionally grab lunch together. thinking nothing of it, seungwan doesn’t suspect anything until she sees byulyi, then yongsun and finally — _joohyun_. the horror that's plastered on seungwan's face when she realises seulgi’s plan is almost laughable, it's a fight or flight reaction and the bear-like girl has to grab the nerd tightly to stop her from running away.

“did you tell byulyi-unnie?“ seungwan hisses in a panic as they stand in the walkway just outside the cafeteria of the arts and design school. 

seulgi shakes her head innocently, "relax, it’s just lunch, it’s not like you haven’t met them before. plus, byulyi-unnie has been meaning to ask you out for lunch as well, i think she wants to adopt you.“ the design major’s lips tug upwards into a grin, hopefully reassuring her best friend a little.

“but, joohyun’s there too!“ the introvert whines worriedly, it’s not like she’s been overthinking the events that ensued once the new year rolled in — which led to her assuming that joohyun finds her weird, or hates her.

“what’s wrong with joohyun, wannie?“ seulgi asks as if she didn’t know joohyun is kiyub, "you have no idea how many people would die to have lunch with bae joohyun."

seungwan is on the verge of losing her shit, she can barely get through lunch with other people, but with joohyun around? you might as well nail her coffin shut. “you know exactly why, seul! i don't need to have lunch with her, i need to avoid her!“ the nerd’s face flushes and she attempts to walk away.

“you can't avoid her forever! at least say one word, so she knows it’s you, then you can work things out, okay?" seulgi reasons gently as she grips seungwan by the shoulders.

the introvert lets out an ugly whine but nods unwillingly anyway, she couldn’t run forever as much as she wants to. the design major grins widely as she links her arm with seungwan's and begins to drag her in.

the seniors have already gotten a table and byulyi, being the only one with direct line of sight of them, waves them over excitedly. "seulgi-ah, seungwan-ah, over here!" she pays the other patrons no heed as she yells across the entire cafeteria.

“is she nuts?” seungwan whispers worriedly while clenching seulgi’s arm.

the older girl lets out a chuckle and shrugs, “it’s just her thing, roll with it.”

byulyi sits across yongsun and joohyun who have turned around to greet the younger girls. seungwan manages a small wave despite her nerves and joohyun waves back with a welcoming smile. her breathing hitches and if it isn't for seulgi practically shoving her, she's sure her legs would've stopped functioning.

_okay … maybe joohyun doesn't hate her. but does she find seungwan weird? maybe?_ she can't rule this possibility out yet.

from the way the seniors are seated, seungwan and seulgi are forced to sit across yongsun and joohyun, next to byulyi. being in the middle meant that she's effectively trapped for the entire duration of the meal, there's no way she can run now. seungwan can't even look up, because coming face to face with kiyub is too much. she focuses on her food, occasionally on the conversation but never on the girl sitting in front of her. she can’t help but wonder what joohyun’s impression of her is — shy? awkward? weird to the point she would avoid her?

needless to say, lunch with her new friends goes by agonizingly slowly but the conversations are mostly pleasant when she listens in, which is only when joohyun is talking. she still manages to catch glimpses of joohyun every once in a while, that might be the only highlight of her increasingly shitty day. the senior has her hair up in a messy bun that somehow works in her favour, round-rimmed glasses that occasionally slide down the bridge of her nose and a — shit, joohyun is looking at her.

being caught staring one too many times might just be a new skill seungwan has picked up.

_oh no, oh no, oh no. she's going to think i'm a creep now,_ seungwan panics.

she looks away just as she notices joohyun raising her eyebrow slightly. but she's saved from flushing cheeks by byulyi placing her hand around her shoulders a little too roughly.

"ah seungwan-ah, i've been telling yongsun and joohyun how much fun you were at the party," byulyi grins cheekily, "you're much more talkative when you're drunk."

seungwan stares blankly at the blonde-haired girl, to be fair, she doesn't remember some parts of the party. not because she blacked out or anything but in her drunken haze, she doesn’t remember much, except for the shocking discovery of kiyub.

yongsun rolls her eyes and exhales exasperatedly, "byul-ah, leave the poor girl alone, she looks painfully uncomfortable."

"oh! sorry, it's a habit!" byulyi removes her arm quickly and offers a sheepish smile as an apology.

seungwan shakes her head shyly, conveying that it's okay. her source of discomfort comes from a different person — if anything, she probably feels more comfortable with byulyi. 

"so, seungwan, how's school? seulgi never told us much about you." yongsun asks politely, it's about time they got to know seulgi's shy best friend.

seungwan looks up only to see everyone looking at her with curious eyes, she can't avoid talking now. joohyun doesn’t help as she offers her a warm smile that sends her heart racing.

_nope, nope, nope!_ she can't do this. 

the fact that anything she says now could be the tattoo on joohyun's wrist is burned painfully into her mind and to be found out here is the last thing she wants to be. she’s on the verge of a breakdown and she looks pitifully towards seulgi for help, this situation is too far out of her comfort zone and if joohyun isn't sitting in front of her, she would've cried or ran — or both.

"wannie’s been dealing with a sore throat lately so her voice’s a little hoarse." she feels seulgi grab her clammy hands under the table reassuringly to indicate that in her time of need, her best friend will always have her back.

"oh, are you sick? did you lose your voice? poor thing." yongsun coos sympathetically, "you kids need to take better care of yourselves."

seungwan is more than grateful that seulgi threw her a lifeline, she plays along with nods and shrugs in succession to respond to yongsun.

"man, wasn't seulgi limping a few days ago?" byulyi adds on to her soulmate's list of growing concerns.

"i'm fine now, don't worry, unnies. it was just a minor sprain but all is well." seulgi reassures with her usual gummy smile.

"your sore throat must be really bad, i can make some honey and lemon tea tomorrow," joohyun offers with worry lacing her voice as she looks at seungwan, "and i can bring it over to your dorm since you should be resting."

_what?_

not only is bae joohyun offering to make her tea, but to deliver it to her dorm? they barely knew each other and seungwan has been staring at her like a creep without even talking to her. she’s not only pretty but she’s so altruistic? this world is too good for someone like joohyun and seungwan can’t help but feel more and more undeserving of a soulmate like her.

"aquila hall, third floor, second last door on the left." seulgi smiles sweetly, reciting the instructions to their dorm with ease. 

_this little shit bent on sending her to her grave._

seungwan squeezes and grinds the bones in seulgi's hand — she's going to get her back for this, so much for having her back.

"oh, that's not too far, i can walk there." joohyun’s eyes widen in surprise as she nods pleasantly.

byulyi whips her head to look at the goddess, "what do you mean not too far? your dorm is literally a 15-minute walk away!"

"it's not that bad, unnie, you're just being dramatic." seulgi forces a tight-lipped smile because seungwan is attempting to crush the bones in her hand.

“i am not!” byulyi defends with a pout, “it’s a long walk that nobody enjoys taking.”

“and yet you make me walk over all the time.” yongsun hums pointedly.

the conversation descends into an argument between the two unintentionally loud soulmates and the rest of the table could only watch with amusement. eventually, the seniors had to return for their classes and they called it a day.

the lunch plan flopped big time for seulgi, she's almost a little impressed that the little nerd got through lunch without speaking a single word. but then again, she feels a little guilty for putting seungwan through some unwanted social interaction. 

seulgi loves wannie with all her heart and genuinely wants the best for her, but she couldn't understand why seungwan is so adamant on not revealing herself to joohyun — is she scared of joohyun? did she think that the psychology major dislikes her? is she afraid of rejection?

soulmates aren’t always all sunshine and rainbows, some do face rejection sometimes, though it’s rare. not everyone is lucky enough to find the chosen one, so people tend to settle for the wrong pieces because to have some love is better than none at all.

to reject a love meant for you feels like the stupidest thing you could do, seulgi can never picture joohyun as someone that would reject her soulmate. if she did, it’d be her loss because seungwan’s the most amazing person she knows, even if she doesn’t feel that way about herself. also, _if,_ for whatever reason, joohyun is to reject her best friend, her little shit of a soulmate would have a _talk_ with the senior — sooyoung has been secretly rooting for the two to get together after seulgi showed her a picture of the pretty senior.

whatever the reason is, seulgi is going to try her damndest to get the two together. meeting her soulmate might be the best thing that’s happened to her and she wants seungwan to experience that in all her glory.

* * *

quiet seungwan is normal, calming even but a quiet and seething seungwan? _absolutely terrifying._ even sooyoung yelling at her feels like heaven at this point, seulgi concludes when her best friend refuses to talk to her for the rest of the day.

it carries on to the next day, even when sooyoung comes over for her usual study session with seungwan. the highschooler comes over on saturdays so seungwan can help her with studies — but not much gets done when seulgi is in the room because the younger girl is easily distracted. it’s different today, tension lingers in the air even with the tall girl’s bubbly personality.

with a shake of seulgi’s head, she understands the situation immediately, of course, seulgi would tell sooyoung everything. the giant nods sympathetically at her soulmate before deciding that she’s going to be a little nicer to seungwan today. they begin going through sooyoung’s questions and seulgi can only sulk because not only is her best friend ignoring her, her soulmate is too busy to give her the hugs and kisses she craves. the design student sighs miserably as she sketches on her bed, she hates arguing with seungwan. 

at some point, seungwan excuses herself to the bathroom and sooyoung dashes over to wrap her soulmate in a tight hug, peppering kisses on the older girl’s head. seulgi pouts as she leans into sooyoung’s warm embrace. 

“how long do you think she’ll ignore me for?” seulgi sighs sadly as she continues to draw loops in her sketchbook mindlessly.

“not for long if you continue pouting like that.” sooyoung retorts as she holds her little bear a little tighter, hoping her presence would offer some comfort.

seulgi exhales through her nostrils frustratedly, “should i not do anything then? i mean … i just want her to talk to joohyun …”

“no, i think you’re just trying to be a good friend, baby,” sooyoung shrugs, knowing seungwan’s personality, she wouldn’t stay mad for long, especially if it came to seulgi, “she’ll come around eventually.”

seulgi hums softly as she hears the flushing of the toilet and the two soulmates split at the speed of light after squeezing in a quick kiss — seungwan forbids them to do any of the _gross couple things_ while she’s supposed to be tutoring sooyoung and the last thing seulgi wants is to piss her off even more. the nerd steps out of the toilet and gets back to the grind, much to sooyoung’s displeasure. seulgi feels her stomach grumbling and decides she could probably get seungwan to forgive her with her favourite meal. 

“i’m going to get lunch.” seulgi declares softly while putting on her hoodie.

sooyoung shoots her a small smile and nods, “you know what i like.”

“wannie, do you want anything?” the older girl asks with uncertainty, hoping for a response, even a nod would suffice.

seungwan ignores her friend easily as she continues to explain the questions to sooyoung and seulgi leaves the room, defeated and hungry for some tteokbokki. 

much to the introvert’s surprise, sooyoung is putting in more effort today, most days she’d lose focus after an hour or two but they’re nearing the three hour mark and the highschooler is answering each question with precision and ease. seungwan chalks it up to her ignoring seulgi — sooyoung probably knows everything, but she appreciates the effort nonetheless.

their focused silence is broken shortly by two soft knocks on the door, seungwan eyes the door with contempt, whoever it is, just broke sooyoung's impeccable focus. 

another two knocks are heard and seungwan gets up with annoyance — whoever it is better had a damn good reason because sooyoung is unlikely ever going to pay attention like that again. besides, seulgi had keys and nobody drops by except sooyoung. maybe it's the resident assistant looking for seulgi to help design some posters for an event, she grumbles mindlessly as she approaches the door.

just as her hand is on the doorknob, ready to yell at whoever’s on the other side — her brain is reminded of joohyun. _it couldn't be, could it?_ there's no way the goddess really made her tea and is delivering it to her. 

another knock leaves her frozen in her spot and she hears sooyoung get up from her chair with an exasperated sigh. "what's wrong, unnie?" the highschooler nudges her a little too roughly, sending her even closer to the door. 

seungwan jumps back instantly, she doesn't have time to give sooyoung a piece of her mind when all that separates her and bae joohyun is a thin wooden door. the nerd whips around quickly and grabs sooyoung’s arms tightly, she’s panicking and the least the other girl could do is cover for her, "get the door, if it's joohyun, tell her i'm sick. if it's not, tell whoever to go away.”

sooyoung snorts at her frantic senior and strolls over as a voice calls out from the other side of the door, _"seungwan, are you in?"_

_yup, it's definitely joohyun's voice._ this is where her soul leaves her body for a joohyun-less plain of existence.

sooyoung watches as the nerd scrambles like a rat looking for a suitable hiding spot, “under the bed, unnie, i’m opening the door now.” the tall girl sighs at her helpless friend. 

seungwan dives under her bed frame, there's barely enough space as she keeps a couple of boxes under her bed but she makes it work. the sheets drape over the frame so she remains obscured as the highschooler opens the door. her heart continues to throb with adrenaline and the fear of being caught by joohyun is overwhelming.

"oh, hello," she hears joohyun ask with a little surprise, “are you seungwan's roommate?”

sooyoung replies casually, "i'm sooyoung, seulgi's soulmate."

she hears a soft ‘ah’ from the goddess, "nice to meet you, i'm joohyun. one of seulgi's friends, i suppose." 

"byulyi-unnie's friends, right?" sooyoung hums softly, feigning ignorance, "she's mentioned you before." 

of course, sooyoung would try to make casual talk to prolong her suffering. typical sooyoung behaviour. not to mention, the way she’s talking to joohyun made it very clear that she knew a lot about the senior.

"yes, we worked on a project together," the goddess responds politely before shifting the conversation back to the introvert, "so is seungwan in?"

seungwan shuts her eyes and clenches her fists, praying with all of her might that the demonic highschooler would cover for her. the pause doesn’t help the anxiety that’s building in her chest and she has half the mind to crawl out from under the sheets to stop sooyoung from continuing to interact with joohyun.

“seungwan-unnie’s asleep now, she’s not feeling well.”

the words bring floods of relief and seungwan feels like she can breathe — well not exactly, considering she’s under her dusty bed frame with nothing but cardboard boxes for company. she rubs at her nose to hold back a sneeze that's threatening to expose her, making a mental note to tidy up at some point.

"i see," joohyun’s tone carries a little disappointment, "i made her some honey and lemon tea, could you get her to drink it when she wakes up?"

"will do, unnie, do you want to leave your number so she can text you when she's better?" the highschooler asks innocently though seungwan knows she has some underlying intentions that will probably make her life even more miserable.

there’s a slight pause for a moment as if joohyun is considering the offer, "okay, do you have a piece of paper?"

she hears sooyoung shuffle over to the desk and she peeks out from under the bed, the nerd glares at the taller girl warningly. “park sooyoung, don’t you dare!“ seungwan hisses softly but it’s not like she can look intimidating when she’s cowering under her bed.

sooyoung rolls her eyes at her unnie and sticks out her tongue cheekily. seungwan is tempted to launch rebuttals but her nose begins to itch and before she knows it, she lets a small sneeze escape.

“fine, loser.” sooyoung snorts before heading back to the door and for a moment, seungwan is hopeful that she’s succeeded. but the highschooler proves her wrong instantly, "you know what, lend me your phone i'll save her contact for you."

god, if she had the gift of height, she would've murdered park sooyoung already.

there’s silence for a while, sooyoung is probably keying her number into joohyun’s phone. after the whole threatening incident, sooyoung never wanted to save seungwan’s number because she refused to befriend nerds like her. so out of spite, sooyoung has the nerd’s number etched in her brain and if she needs academic help, that’ll be the first number she calls.

“son seungwan.”

seungwan muffles a soft squeak as her heart threatens to stop at the sound of bae joohyun calling her by her full name. for a moment she’s worried that she’s been caught but relaxes when she realises it’s probably what sooyoung saved her contact name as.

"i'll make sure she finishes the tea, thank you, unnie."

"thank you, sooyoung. it was nice meeting you, i'll get going now."

"bye unnie, take care."

as soon as sooyoung shuts the door, seungwan is crawling out from under the bed with an intent to kill. the highschooler winks deviously as she places a thermos flask on the study table.

“yah! park sooyoung! what the hell was that?“ seungwan yells as she dusts her clothes off and wrinkles her nose that’s now sensitive from all the dust.

she steps closer to the taller girl who’s seemingly relaxed and has returned to her seat at the table. 

sooyoung shrugs in amusement, “she got your number, unnie, shouldn’t you be thanking me instead?“

“thank you? why would i thank you? you should be glad i’m not murdering you, you little shit!” seungwan fumes as she smacks the younger girl on the arm.

the highschooler cries out in pain and shock is plastered across her face, “stop attacking me, unnie! i’m doing you a favour here, if you don’t want to talk to her, at least you don’t have to text her first!“

“oh …“ seungwan says dumbly as she stands in the middle of the room, looking at sooyoung with a little remorse, “sorry, sooyoung-ah.“

sooyoung hands over the flask with a cocky smirk, “pour me a cup.”

“i’m your unnie and i have to pour you tea?” seungwan responds incredulously while taking the flask anyway. 

“i will accept your apology with a cup of tea.“ sooyoung declares as she returns to the questions they had been working on before joohyun’s interruptions.

seungwan groans while she stares at the warm flask in her hands, it’s just like any other flask except its only distinct feature is the slightly faded bunny sticker on the side of the bottle. she can’t believe she’s holding joohyun’s flask, with tea that she made. as worried as she is about joohyun having her number now, she still can't help but let a grin slip.

“fine … just to be clear, i’m doing it because i want to apologize, not because you asked me to.”

“yeah, yeah, hurry up, i still have a few more questions.”

* * *

when seulgi finally returns to the room with lunch, seeing sooyoung and seungwan sipping on some tea makes her understand sooyoung’s string of questionable emojis. her soulmate had sent her a text without any explanation and the design student couldn’t decipher it even if her life depends on it.

seungwan accepts her apology meal to seulgi’s delight, but it doesn't mean that she’s talking just yet — she’s just not one to reject a meal, especially her favourite meal, when her stomach is growling. 

the silence lasts until sooyoung has to leave and the two best friends are alone again. 

“can we talk? i want to apologize.” seulgi finally asks when the tension in the room becomes unbearable.

the introvert takes a deep breath and exhales, she’s been waiting for seulgi to offer an apology. but as much as she’s angry at seulgi, she’s more than aware her best friend only has her best interests at heart, so how could she remain mad at the girl who’s currently pouting with puppy eyes?

“we should talk.” seungwan gives in with a soft exhale as she turns to face her best friend who’s currently sulking on her own bed.

seulgi’s eyes light up at the sound of that and she rushes over to embrace her little nerd tightly in a side hug. seungwan untangles herself from the older girl's arms and opts to lie on her bed, staring at the ceiling. she sighs softly, trying to piece together her thoughts that were the result of many sleepless nights of overthinking.

“okay, i know you’re probably mad at me and you have every right to be, but all i want is to help you,” seulgi sits in seungwan’s warm chair, shifting it a little closer to her best friend, “there are just some things i don’t understand.”

“what things?” seungwan questions as she rolls over to face her best friend, resting her head on her arms.

seulgi frowns while adjusting her position to be a little more comfortable, with both her legs on the chair, she hugs her knees and rests her head on her arms. “i don’t get why you’re not talking to joohyun, does she scare you or something?”

the introvert’s gaze drops to the carpeted floor, being scared isn’t the right word though there is some reluctance to see the goddess. shrugging slightly, she responds softly, “i’m not, seul, i- … i just don’t want to see her.”

“but, don’t you want her to be your soulmate? do you not like her or something?” seulgi’s frown turns a little more dejected at her incomprehension.

seungwan shakes her head slowly, “no … i like her … or i think i do, because she makes my heart beat so fast even when i know nothing but her name — is this what infatuation feels like?”

“i’m pretty sure you guys are soulmates because that’s what i felt when i first saw sooyoung,” seulgi reaches out to move a stray strand of hair from her face, “so what’s keeping you from her, wan-ah?”

“i don’t know, seul … she’s so nice and pretty and now she’s made tea for me? it just feels too good to be true, y’know? what if i talk to her and she’s not my soulmate?” seungwan mumbles in distress, half aware of how miserable she sounds for someone in her position.

“then it means she’s not kiyub and you just have a big fat crush on the pretty senior, which is normal because that’s like half the school population,” seulgi reassures simply, “but wouldn’t it be amazing if she’s actually your soulmate?”

seungwan feels like crying, she doesn’t know why but the idea of having a soulmate scares her a little. she never anticipated that this day would come this quickly and she doesn’t feel ready to be loved. maybe it’s because of how closed off she usually is, maybe it’s because she’s afraid they’ll be like everyone else who doesn’t seem to get her jokes, or enjoy her music, or her as a whole.

for the longest time, she's been content with her sole friendship with seulgi. seulgi is familiar, seulgi is easy, seulgi won't hurt her. joohyun feels like she's going to be everything but that, unfamiliar and terrifying and seungwan isn't certain that she wants to go through all of that just yet.

“what are you afraid of, wannie?” her best friend asks softly, reaching out to pat her head gently.

the introvert reaches for her pillow and hugs it little tighter even though she knows she'll be safe with seulgi. there’s nothing is comforting about having to open up pandora's box filled with her worries and insecurities.

"i don't think she'll like someone like me …" seungwan admits softly, finally looking up at her confidant.

it's heartbreaking for seulgi to hear how lowly seungwan thinks of herself, if only she could see what seulgi sees. _amazingly smart, passionate, sweet, what's not to love?_ seulgi moves out of her chair to squat just in front of seungwan, cupping her cheeks lightly, she forces the girl to look at her.

"yeah, she won't," seulgi begins to speak, she's not going to let her precious little nerd beat herself up like this, "because she'll love you. she'll fall head over heels for you and in the moments where you can't love yourself, _she will._ " 

a tear pushes its way past her lashes and lands on seulgi's hand, the design major wipes them away easily with her thumb and continues to speak. "she's going to love you more than me, she's going to laugh at your bad jokes, play your games even if she doesn't know how to, binge-watch anime with you because she knows how excited you are to finally be able to watch everything at one go.”

seungwan begins to tear up as a surge of warmth fills her chest, she really lucked out with her friendship with seulgi. 

the older girl carries on in her affirmative talk, patting the smaller girl reassuringly, “she will see things that you don't, pieces that you try to hide, pieces that you don't like, she'll love them all, because those pieces are a part of you. you are an amazing person, wannie, and kiyub will love all of you."

at the end of her long speech, seungwan is sniffling hard. she hops off the bed and lands in seulgi's warm embrace. her best friend holds her tightly, cooing softly while stroking her head. the introvert’s arms find themselves around seulgi’s neck and she feels so grateful to be loved.

"you know how much sooyoung and i argue," seulgi smiles at the thought of her soulmate, "we can't always see eye to eye, but i know at the end of the day, there's no one else i want to give my love to — apart from you at least."

seungwan chuckles softly while her face is buried in seulgi's chest, there's still so many thoughts in her head threatening to consume her. though hearing these words from seulgi is comforting, it doesn't do much to dissipate her worries.

"do you ever feel like sooyoung is too good for you?" the nerd asks softly, voice slightly muffled from resting her cheek against her best friend's chest.

the bear-like girl nods, stroking her as they sit on the floor in each other's arms. "when she gives me cuddles or gets me icecream without me asking, it's always the little things that make me feel like maybe god really did send me an angel with the personality of a demon.”

this earns a quiet laugh from the smaller girl, "the world would end if park sooyoung was nice."

"it would," seulgi agrees with a small giggle, "but it wouldn't if you talked to joohyun."

seungwan sighs at the sound of her soulmate's name, "i don’t know, seul … i’m scared she won’t like me even if she is my soulmate.”

“don’t you think you’re judging her a little too quickly?” the taller girl sighs softly as she continues to hold her best friend, “you see joohyun as an ethereal being of perfection instead of who she really is. do you even know what she’s like? no, you don’t. you’re afraid of the joohyun you have created in your head, not who she actually is.”

_ah._

seulgi’s words make a lot of sense, her best friend has hit the bull’s eye on all her worries, breaking them down into digestible fragments of feelings. sometimes you just need someone to point things out to you, even if they are so obvious.

a weight is lifted off her chest as she tightens her arms around seulgi and lets the tears fall freely once again. to live in a world without seulgi is nothing short of a nightmare, but no words could fully express her gratitude and love for this sweet girl she calls her best friend. but seungwan knows seulgi can feel it all.

“i will talk to her … at some point …”

“i know you will, i’m only here to knock some sense into you because you deserve more than just my love.”

“but your love has been more than enough.”

“you can never have too much love.”

seungwan buries her face in the crook of seulgi’s neck and the two best friends sit in silence for the longest time, like they used to before and for many years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!  
> should i just tag this as slowburn because like,, there's a lot of other nonsense before joohyun's tattoo is revealed. also kinda surprised at how many people are interested to read this little crack fic but i hope u stick around for more!!! let me know what you think of this hehe!!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)   
> 


	3. the enigma of son seungwan

with the arrival of the new year, it also meant that joohyun's time at school is coming to an end. it's a bittersweet feeling to finally see the end of her gruelling education but she's certain she's not going to miss it any time soon.

_her final year_ — sounds a lot more exciting than it should. perhaps it's due to yongsun’s constant yapping about her future. whatever it is, she's certain that the initial thrill of starting a new year would die down when it's exam season. classes kick off relatively smoothly, yongsun is in every class with her, considering they had picked almost all the same ones, at pretty much the same time slots too.

joohyun quickly settles into a casual routine, thanks to some strategic preplanning, she doesn't have any lectures on wednesdays and fridays, leaving her with the illusion of having plenty of free time. between attending lectures and studying, she'd occasionally help byulyi with her personal photography projects as well. that keeps her busy enough, yet she still finds herself thinking about the quiet girl from the party.

it doesn't happen often, only when she's unfocused, her thoughts seem to gravitate to seungwan. there's a burning desire at the back of her head to get to know her and it's strange because joohyun is not one to be interested in another — it’s usually the other way around.

but eventually, her interest slowly diminishes and seungwan takes a backseat in her mind. that is until byulyi invites her to join them for lunch, as per seulgi's request. she thinks nothing much of it and accepts, it wouldn’t hurt to make a few more friends before she finally leaves the academic life behind — at least that's the excuse she hides behind.

and of course, making friends includes taking care of them when they're unwell. hence, she offered to make tea for seungwan.

there's absolutely nothing wrong with showing concern for a friend.

"are you okay, hyun-ah?" yongsun presses the back of her hand to joohyun's forehead with concern in her eyes.

her roommate has been hovering around her ever since she strolled onto the kitchen. she's perfectly fine and healthy, on the contrary to yongsun's assumptions.

swatting her hands away, the senior furrows her brows in annoyance. "i said i'm fine, yong. what's up with you?" she huffs as she moves about in the tiny kitchen.

"i should be asking _you_ ," yongsun retorts while settling into a stool at the counter, "you're making tea for seungwan."

joohyun shrugs casually even though she knows yongsun is suspicious, "and your point being?" she hums quietly, looking for ingredients littered in various cupboards.

"you don't make tea for anyone, other than me, but that's because i ask for it." her roommate sighs in exasperation, "what spell has she got you under?"

frankly, joohyun wishes she had an answer. making tea was one thing, but making tea at 10 in the morning on a saturday? no wonder yongsun thinks she's lost her mind. 

"i'm doing this because i want to, stop questioning it." joohyun says firmly and busies herself with tea making.

"and you're going to deliver it?"

"i am going to deliver it."

"where's her dorm?"

"aquila, third floor, second last door on the left." joohyun recites with ease.

this earns a loud gasp from yongsun which startles the smaller girl.

"what?" joohyun clicks her teeth in annoyance as she threatens to smack her roommate with a spoon.

the other girl merely cackles and raises her hands in defense, "i have never seen you do this for anyone, to think that the one and only bae joohyun would be this kind to a stranger."

joohyun rolls her eyes and returns her attention to the tea, "if you wanted me to make tea for you too, you could've just asked."

"okay then, make some for me."

"no." 

"what the heck? yah, bae joohyun …"

"i didn't say i would agree."

"i hope she's asleep when you deliver the tea."

"who would be asleep now?"

"you! you don't get up till it's 1 on saturdays!"

in her defense, 10 am is much too early for anyone to function, hence most of her classes are closer to or in the afternoon. she’s a huge fan of sleeping in, especially on the weekends unless byulyi requires her for a morning shoot — which is beyond awful and she detests them with a passion.

_mornings are evil, period._

bae joohyun isn’t and never will be a morning person, but making tea for a shy girl she barely talked to at a party is nothing but a tiny sacrifice, her precious sleep could come later.

"point taken, but also ignored." joohyun notes with a light scoff.

yongsun lets out a loud exhale and plants her cheek on the surface of the counter. joohyun merely regards her dramatic roommate with an amused glance before resuming her juicing of lemons.

"seriously, what's up?" yongsun's tone shifts along with the atmosphere to one that's plagued with genuine concern.

joohyun raises her shoulders but doesn't offer a verbal response, which only seems to make her roommate think she's hiding something. how could she hide anything when she doesn't even know what it is exactly?

"if you don't want to say it, just tell me and i'll leave you alone." the older girl huffs as she sits up with a frown.

"i'm not hiding anything, yong," joohyun clarifies as she turns to face her roommate and close friend fully, "i don't know why i'm doing this either."

yongsun scrutinizes her momentarily before giving in, in all the years they've known each other, at least she could tell when joohyun is speaking the truth.

"well, does it feel like you need to?" she attempts to dissect joohyun's feelings slowly.

"not at all, i just want to do something nice for her." joohyun shrugs in response.

her roommate hums quietly, "interesting …"

joohyun looks pointedly at yongsun, hoping that she’d get the hint to let the matter go. when her roommate waves a hand for her to elaborate, she draws a line. talking or thinking any harder would probably leave her more confounded than she’d like to be, conversations like these should be saved for twilight instead of at 10 in the morning.

“would you just drop it now? i will give you answers if there are any.”

“yes, miss bae.”

letting out a dramatic sigh, yongsun finally takes her leave and lets joohyun do as her heart desires.

* * *

waking up that early was an unnecessary sacrifice because joohyun didn’t start the walk to the aquila hall till it’s well past noon. 

she was a little too enthusiastic about tea making or rather, nervous about meeting seungwan again. they’ve had two maybe three interactions in total, though none of them were direct, which is perplexing for her considering her renown on campus — most people would jump at the chance to talk to her. and those people talk a lot more than she likes.

but seungwan isn’t like most people, joohyun isn’t even sure if she’s heard the younger girl talk. she’s an enigma to say the least, an odd piece that didn’t fit in a puzzle of her world yet despite all that, the senior still finds herself gravitating towards her.

perhaps opposites do attract, but that’s a problem for another day.

the 15 minute walk to aquila didn’t feel that long when she’s buried in her thoughts, before she knew it, she’s already standing at the entrance of the hall. she makes her way up the unfamiliar stairs, reciting seulgi’s instructions like a mantra and before long, she finds herself standing outside what is supposedly seungwan’s dorm.

there’s no indication that this is the correct room thanks to the doodles on the chalkboard at the side of the door. generally, most residents, like her and yongsun, aren’t gifted in the arts, so they’d just scrawl their names on the complimentary board. 

a squirrel and a bear, how adorable. but on the other hand, how is she supposed to know who those are meant to represent?

wrestling with her uncertainty, she pushes it to the back of her head and raps her knuckles against the wooden door. shifting her weight from one leg to another, she waits in anticipation, making use of the flask she’s carrying to warm her hands up. when no one answers the door, joohyun wonders if she’s really made a mistake or if the occupants merely missed it. she knocks yet again, this time a little more forcefully, no harm is done if she tries a couple more times.

straining her ears, she manages to pick up some shuffling coming from the other side. this time, she’s confident that she’ll finally be able to have a proper conversation with seungwan. her eagerness fades the longer she’s kept waiting so she knocks one final time.

“seungwan, are you in?” joohyun calls out, hoping that she’d get a response at least.

footsteps nearing the door indicates to her that seungwan is finally answering her, but when the door swings open to reveal someone other than the shy girl, joohyun is a little surprised but also disheartened.

gathering her manners, she greets the tall girl in front of her with a polite smile. “oh, hello, are you seungwan’s roommate?”

a mutual judgement takes place between the two strangers when the girl contemplates her for a moment. she looks young, a little too young to be a university student, joohyun notes.

“i’m sooyoung, seulgi’s soulmate.” the tall girl finally speaks while leaning against the frame of the door.

joohyun nods understandingly, it makes a lot of sense now that she thinks about it — seulgi being able to give her instructions to seungwan’s dorm so easily, they’re roommates. "nice to meet you, i'm joohyun. one of seulgi's friends, i suppose." she introduces herself quickly.

upon conversing with sooyoung and finding out that seungwan is asleep, she can’t help but curse yongsun’s foul mouth. but at the same time, she couldn’t help but worry that seungwan could be down with something a little more serious.

"do you want to leave your number so she can text you when she's better?"

a proposition that draws her out of her thoughts instantly — a perfect solution for her problem has just presented itself. 

joohyun nods, biting her lower lip to hide a grin. "okay, do you have a piece of paper?" she asks as calmly as possible.

sooyoung excuses herself and disappears from sight. in times like these, she's glad she's managed to build a cold and distant persona thanks to her popularity, it really comes in handy when she needs to conceal her emotions.

it doesn't take long for sooyoung to return and ask for her phone. "you know what, lend me your phone i'll save her contact for you." she smiles sweetly at the senior.

joohyun doesn't think much of it when she watches sooyoung save a new contact seamlessly. she doesn't think much of it when she bids sooyoung goodbye. she doesn't think much of it until she's back in her dorm, lying in bed and staring at the new number in her contact list.

_son seungwan._

she doesn't think much of anything, but here she is, mind filled with thoughts of son seungwan. she likes the way it sounds in her head, the way it rolls off her tongue so effortlessly.

_son seungwan._

* * *

joohyun spends the whole day struggling to compose a message — a problem that she's never had to deal with because she never texts first. 

she decides it'll be best to consult someone who doesn't know anything, yongsun would never get off her back if she asked for advice on texting. considering that she didn’t have many close friends that she feels comfortable baring her heart out to, her younger cousin is, sadly, her next best alternative. but then there’s the issue of dealing with her partially infuriating teenage sass.

yet another sacrifice she’s willing to make for seungwan.

**joohyun** :

yah kim yerim

10:39 pm

how do i text someone for the first time?

10:39 pm

**yerimie:**

??

10:40 pm

just do what you're doing now??

10:40 pm

**joohyun:**

e_e … i meant like how should i start a conversation

10:40 pm

**yerimie:**

don't tons of people text you everyday? just reread their messages

10:40 pm

well, she had a fair point but it's not the answer that joohyun is looking for. she doesn’t have to think hard about coming up with an appropriate bribe to get the advice she wants. 

**joohyun:**

i'll buy you lunch

10:41 pm

**yerimie:**

done

10:41 pm

it's not that hard, unnie, just type what you wanna say

10:41 pm

**joohyun:**

but what if they don't reply?

10:42 pm

**yerimie:**

sounds like a you problem, suck it up

10:42 pm

**joohyun:**

yah kim yerim!!

10:42 pm

**yerimie:**

how about you send that text first before you worry about not getting a reply hmm?

10:43 pm

would ask for more context but i’m in a game

10:43 pm

let me know how it goes

10:43 pm

**joohyun:**

e_e … i hope you lose

10:43 pm

tossing her phone aside, she lets out a frustrated exhale while burying her face in her pillow. everything about this is just out of character for her and she doesn’t know what to make of it, or what to do and how she should act. she could just go with the flow as she usually does but her gut is telling her that she should be a little more spontaneous.

she’s never really trusted her gut, but maybe she should, things always worked out one way or another.

concocting various scenarios in her head, she wears herself out from planning the supposedly perfect first message. sleep comes swiftly and texting seungwan turns into a problem for future joohyun.

* * *

sunday mornings are usually when seungwan has her _me_ time, a short half an hour just before seulgi crawls out of bed so they can grab breakfast together. there she lay, bundled in bed with her laptop, about to start a new episode of anime, when she feels a vibration from somewhere on her bed. putting her laptop aside and lifting the duvet, she pats around her bed for her missing phone to no avail. she feels another vibration and manages to track it, it’s hidden under her pillow for some reason. fumbling to unlock the screen, seungwan sees that she has two new messages from an unknown number. 

**unknown:**

hello, it's joohyun

9:07 am

**unknown:**

sooyoung gave me your number yesterday, i just wanted to check to see if you're feeling better

9:07 am

seungwan almost tosses her phone out the window after reading the message but she opts to slam it down on the soft sheets instead. heat rushes to her cheeks and she lets out an excited yet muffled squeal. unable to contain the wide smile on her face, she picks her phone up to reread the two short messages again. 

_screw anime_ — she's not about to watch a bunch of 2D characters when _bae joohyun,_ the goddess herself, is texting her. she thinks for a moment for an appropriate response and luckily for her, she's much more articulate in the virtual world.

**seungwan:**

hi, unnie. thank you for your concern!

9:09 am

i’m feeling much better thanks to the tea which was delicious :)

9:10 am

when should i return your flask?

9:10 am

  
  


she could flirt in the digital space but flirting in real life? it’d be a miracle if she could even get a proper sentence out. 

while waiting for a response, she taps on joohyun's profile, saving her number in the process. joohyun still hadn't come online so seungwan takes a moment to check out her display picture — it's a picture of her with bangs, dressed in a pink knitted sweater with her hands covering the lower half of her face, only revealing her huge bright eyes. it's probably an older picture because the joohyun now doesn't have bangs.

smiling contentedly, she reads the psychology major's bio.

' _hit me up and i'll beat you up_ 🤨'

seungwan's smile turns into one of amusement, the goddess having such a threatening bio feels almost too jarring from the current impression that she has of her. plus, the idea of joohyun beating anyone up is comical, to say the least, they are about the same height and seungwan has never won a physical fight before — at least against sooyoung.

as she tabs back to the conversation, she sees that joohyun is now online and typing. a surge of anticipation rushes through her system, she doesn't get to text new people very often and being approached by the one person she wants to talk to is a little scary and thrilling at the same time.

with everything that seulgi said last night, she doesn't feel as afraid of the goddess. the fear has turned more into curiosity at this point and seungwan just wants to know what she's really like. besides, texting is easier, she doesn't feel as pressured or flustered knowing that she can edit her messages easily. it's so much harder to communicate in the real world, why couldn't everyone just text instead? 

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'm glad to hear that ^_^

9:13 am

i can always make more if you really like it

9:13 am

no worries about the flask, i can drop by sometime next week to get it or whenever's convenient.

9:13 am

seungwan feels her excitement bubbling and she wants to wake seulgi up so her best friend can spazz out with her about the pretty senior texting her. she's unable to wipe the huge smile off her face as she continues to text joohyun, her excitement fuels her bravery and suddenly it's like she had nothing to fear in the first place.

**seungwan:**

okay! i'll make sure it's sparkling clean before i return it to you.

9:13 am

cute sticker too by the way.

9:14 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

hehehehe it was a gift from yongsjn

9:14 am

yongsun*

9:14 am

anyway, shouldn't you be sleeping in? it's a sunday~

9:15 am

**seungwan:**

i usually get breakfast with seulgi on sundays.

9:15 am

which is also whenever she decides to wake up 😐

9:15 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

sounds like your breakfast might turn into brunch hmmm~

9:16 am

**seungwan:**

sigh 😔

9:16 am

why are you up this early on a sunday?

9:16 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i was a little worried that you'd might still be sick

9:16 am

i wanted to text you last night but i was afraid you might already be asleep

9:17 am

so i thought i’d check in on you in the morning instead

9:17 am

seungwan's eyes widen and her eyes read the message again, she's a little astonished at how concerned joohyun is for her wellbeing. what did she do to warrant such kindness? it feels odd, almost foreign, that anyone would be this kind to her, let alone notice her in the first place.

**seungwan:**

sorry for worrying you

9:17 am

you can head back to bed now that you know I'm fine.

9:17 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

it's okay, yongsun and i are going to get breakfast too

9:18 am

maybe we'll bump into you and seulgi hehe

9:18 am

_okay, breakfast is cancelled._ there's no way she's going to risk meeting joohyun for some bacon and pancakes. even though she says she will talk to the senior, she just doesn't feel ready yet. for now, she's fine if they can talk through text. it's an equally valid way of communication and a step up from straight-up running from her.

**seungwan:**

seulgi isn't up yet 😩😩

9:18 am

have an inkling that we might be having lunch instead 😔

9:19 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

do you want to join us for breakfast instead? you can also get something for seulgi when she wakes up.

9:19 am

**seungwan:**

thanks for the offer, but it's alright, i’d feel bad if i ditched Seulgi.

9:19 am

go enjoy your breakfast, unnie.

9:19 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

okayy~

9:20 am

**seungwan:**

:)

9:20 am

11 minutes. 

she’s spent 11 whole minutes talking to joohyun. that’s gotta count for something, right? she’s making progress, not that she deserves an award for such a minuscule achievement but something along the lines of a pat on her back would suffice. she could see herself working up the courage to talk to joohyun in real life at this rate.

seungwan hears a loud yawn coming from the bed across hers and sees the figure under the sheets moving before emerging with a stretch. looks like it’s time to unleash her frantic thoughts upon her poor best friend. 

* * *

being up before noon on both days of the weekend is absolute torture for joohyun.

flitting in and out of sleep through the night makes her even more exhausted, but getting up now would probably save her body clock from being ruined. reaching for her phone, she checks the time. she expected it to be early but not this early, it's barely 9 in the morning and she's up — not something she'd like to turn into a habit.

blinking tiredly, she navigates through her social media feeds, hoping it'll wake her up. it does the exact opposite, dropping her phone on her face though — that woke her up instantly.

sobering up, joohyun concludes that now would be a perfect time to text seungwan. a simple hi would suffice, why did she even bother fantasizing about a multitude of elaborate scenarios that would never happen anyway? speaking to yerim feels like overkill too, on top of that, she has to treat that brat to lunch — yet another problem for future joohyun.

nothing is too daunting when you're half awake, so she shoots son seungwan a text. and as with all risky texts, she throws her phone aside upon hitting the send button. joohyun plops back down in bed and lets out a loud sigh. seungwan aside, she had some work that needs to be done today which is unpleasant to think about at 9 in the morning.

a knock on her door draws her out from her thoughts and she turns towards it. “come in!” she calls out after she lets a loud yawn escape.

yongsun pokes her head in and surveys the room with a tired look, “breakfast?”

“are you cooking?”

“no.”

“munch?”

“munch.”

“i’ll be up soon.”

“i’m killing you if you fall asleep.”

“mhmm.”

the door clicks shut and she hears yongsun shuffling to the bathroom to wash up. she lets out another exhale before she’s finally ready to separate herself from her warm sheets, but a buzz from her phone signals that she’s received a new notification. reaching for her phone, she looks at the notifications popping up on her lock screen.

**son seungwan**

3 unread messages

she lays back down with a huge grin, ensuring that she’s comfy before opening the messages.

texting people is something joohyun is pretty decent at, though this conversation with seungwan feels a lot different from her usual ones. usual ones where she doesn’t really try because short replies lead to short conversations. it’s a different ballgame when she’s texting someone she’s actually interested in, talking doesn’t feel as gruelling as it normally does.

a disappointingly short conversation with this enigma of a girl puts her on cloud nine though she’s not any closer to solving the mystery behind her attraction. pushing her attraction aside, there are more pressing matters at hand, like yongsun stomping loudly towards her room.

* * *

"what do you mean breakfast is cancelled?" seulgi groans while she texts sooyoung from the comfort of her bed.

"joohyun-unnie and yongsun-unnie are going to grab breakfast together and there's no way i'm talking to her just yet." seungwan repeats in exasperation, she's said this twice now and her best friend just doesn't seem to be paying attention.

seulgi taps away on her phone with a smile on her face, " okay, but sooyoungie asks how do you know?"

the introvert rolls her eyes before going into their group chat to send a couple of angry emojis. "you would've known if you had paid attention to me earlier." she sighs as she reads a response from sooyoung.

**seulgi's demon:**

🤪🤪🤪

9:26 am

"yah! stop texting park sooyoung!" seungwan tosses her pillow at her best friend who has shockingly good reflexes, "do you want to know or not?"

seulgi chuckles as she puts her phone down, turning to face her roommate with a cheeky grin. "yes, yes, boss, go on." she nods while resting her head on her hand.

"joohyun-unnie texted me just now to check on me," seungwan starts slowly to make sure the design student is actually listening this time, "and then we talked for a little and she said she's going to get breakfast with yongsun-unnie."

seulgi watches the introvert talk with glee and her joy is infectious, a shit-eating grin makes its way onto her face and she can't help but feel a little proud. “so she’s _joohyun-unnie_ now, huh?” she teases her little nerd lightly.

seungwan gapes momentarily before retorting, "what else am i supposed to call her? pretty senior who gave me her hot lemon water?"

the design major cracks up as she plops back down on her bed, "you know how that sounds right?"

"don’t start, i regret it already." 

this is exactly why talking to kiyub now would be a disaster, her brain would probably malfunction and she'd blurt out something stupid. and god forbid she'd give someone that gorgeous a stupid tattoo.

"well, i'm glad you're making progress at least, though i expected a much bigger reaction."

"you were texting sooyoung throughout it all, i got tired after you stopped listening for the second time."

"sorry!" the older girl exclaims as she hops out of her bed to tackle seungwan into a hug, "but son seungwan, you just might talk to kiyub someday!"

the smaller girl struggles initially but surrenders soon enough, well aware of the fact that she could never overpower seulgi. 

"we're still going to get breakfast because sundays are the only days where munch makes those fluffy pancakes that you like." the bear-like girl declares while squishing the little nerd.

"what part of not wanting to bump into kiyub do you not understand?" seungwan sighs uselessly as her limbs are being restricted by seulgi's weight.

"the wanting part," the design student takes a chance to mess up her bangs and grins, "and breakfast is on me if you say yes, we have to celebrate this win!"

seulgi knows her too well, the fluffy pancakes are tempting yet the chance of bumping into joohyun is equally as intimidating.

"stop calculating the statistics, you dummy. if we do see them, i will let you run." seulgi clicks her teeth as she crawls off to wash up.

free breakfast is always nice and so is being able to run from kiyub, this is a win-win situation for son seungwan. besides, there are plenty of eateries around campus, there's no way they'd bump into each other.

"fluffy pancakes it is!"

* * *

it's a little after ten when the two seniors finally step out of their dorm, catching the poster girl of the entire campus on a sunday morning is a rarity. so of course, joohyun took her time to get ready, much to yongsun's displeasure. 

the weather is cold but bearable as they make their way to the hub, the heart of the entire university. the hub has mostly cafes and restaurants but also shops and amenities catered to the students' wants and needs. if you want to hang out or grab a meal, the hub is just the place. it's less crowded on sunday mornings because most students like joohyun, prefer to sleep in.

the seniors make their way into _munch_ , a popular cafe amongst students, mainly because of their affordable prices. they'd occasionally get breakfast if byulyi needs joohyun for a morning shoot, otherwise, eating breakfast together almost never happens.

joohyun settles into a table for two on the second floor while yongsun gets their food. now that she's a little more awake, she could appreciate the serenity that comes with the early hours. it's idyllic to sit in a cafe and just — _exist_. watching people go about their day, listening in to random conversations of surrounding strangers, all of these feelings are alien to her but strangely soothing nonetheless.

a lapse in her daydreams causes her thoughts to dart to seungwan and their brief conversation earlier. joohyun has zero intentions of making it their final talk at all, though she isn’t exactly sure how to keep up a conversation with someone she barely knows. she’d probably have to ask yerim for plenty of help and she can just picture the glee on her younger cousin’s face — pure ecstasy stemming from her plight.

yongsun returns with food and they settle into a comfortable conversation, discussing the work that they’d have to complete for their respective projects between bites. seungwan doesn't come up, joohyun thought it would be a little odd to mention her now and luckily, yongsun doesn’t even think about interrogating her.

eventually, yongsun goes off on a tangent about her group members and joohyun is left humming and nodding every once in a while. it’s not that she doesn’t enjoy yongsun’s friendship, she appreciates the brunette for sticking around and being her first friend in university. but sometimes, joohyun’s attention span is much too short for her lengthy rambles.

a loud ding from yongsun’s phone finally interrupts her rant and joohyun turns her attention to the patrons below, lightly scanning the crowd, half expecting a familiar face.

and she does. it’s the face of a person who’s profile picture she spent a lot of time staring at last night.

_son seungwan._

“looks like seulgi and seungwan are here too,” yongsun announces just as she catches sight of them, "byul just sent me seulgi's story."

her breath hitches as she turns to face yongsun with a raised brow, “hmm?”

“i said, seulgi and seungwan are here too.” her roommate turns her phone to show the other girl what she was looking at.

she squints at the instagram story, it depicts a video of seungwan holding up a plate of souffle pancakes while grinning at the camera.

**hi_sseulgi** 5 m

‘fluffy pancakes for @todayis_wannie’

the shy girl must be feeling a lot better now that she’s out with seulgi, at least joohyun doesn’t have to worry.

the corner of joohyun's lips tug upwards in a smile and it doesn't go unnoticed by yongsun. "did she like your tea?" she eyes her roommate curiously, momentarily putting aside the idea of looking for the two juniors.

joohyun hums as she sips on her drink, side-eyeing the table where she spotted seungwan earlier. "yeah, we texted a little earlier." she responds shortly.

"why didn't you invite them to join us?" yongsun probes as she follows joohyun's not so subtle gaze directly to the two best friends.

the smaller girl raises a brow and turns her attention back to her companion, "i did but she rejected me because she was waiting for seulgi to get up."

"ah, meanwhile i would've left you behind if you fell asleep." yongsun retorts while snickering.

joohyun snorts with her signature smile gracing her lips, “and i’d gladly let you.”

the conversation drifts off into a silence where joohyun doesn’t mind the mild tension and yongsun is contemplating whether they should talk about the elephant in the room. they are close, yes, but their friendship still has boundaries. they didn’t have a ride or die friendship like seungwan and seulgi, their bond was more muted and subtle, existing in forms of talks in the wee hours of the night and occasional shared meals.

but perhaps this isn’t the right time to pursue it, yongsun leans back in her chair and the tension eases off. joohyun visibly relaxes and resumes her observation of the patrons below, but really her eyes are glued to a single patron by the name of son seungwan.

the younger girl is talking animatedly about something but joohyun is too far to hear and it’s hard to make words out with her subpar lip-reading skills. still, it's a different side from what joohyun has seen — quiet, reserved and stared a little too much. seeing her alone with seulgi, eyes widening with a large grin on her face as she shovels breakfast into her mouth, makes joohyun wonder if they could reach that level of ease as well.

on the other hand, yongsun could only watch her roommate stare at the two friends below them. whipping out her phone, she snaps a few shots of the decently popular instagram model for two reasons. one being that joohyun would probably need to post something soon, and two, the look in her eyes, while she's watching seungwan, is all too familiar.

"do you wanna go say hi or are you just going to watch like a creep?" yongsun sighs after joohyun remains frozen for a solid five minutes.

the poster girl waves her off with a glare, "no, they look like they're having fun. let's go."

"mhmm, sure you don't wanna continue staring?" yongsun teases as she gets up.

"she's cute but don't forget that we still have to graduate." joohyun scoffs.

yongsun groans as they link arms and make their way out of munch. joohyun has a busy day ahead but texting and seeing seungwan makes it feel a little more bearable.

the enigma of son seungwan brings about an unfamiliar but welcomed joy.

* * *

the universe is working in her favour today, seungwan acknowledges with a small smile. a conversation with her soulmate, free breakfast, it sounds a little too good to be true for someone with her luck. she wouldn't be surprised if it all goes to shit soon. she's a little disappointed that her conversation with joohyun ended that quickly and she somehow convinced herself that the other girl probably has better things to do than to talk to her.

seulgi returns with their food and they devour the delicious pancakes with some occasional chatter. with how well the bear-like girl has been feeding her, seungwan is ready to put all her anger aside — not like she could ever stay mad at seulgi for long. the two friends chill and catch up about things that happened during the week since they have contrasting timetables, it's hard to talk on weekdays.

the introvert enjoys moments like these, just hanging out with her best friend and talking in their own world. seulgi gets up to go to the bathroom towards the end of breakfast and seungwan continues to mindlessly bite on her straw since there's no drink left — a habit she's never managed to kick. her phone buzzes in her pocket and she reaches for it without thinking. seulgi has sent a worrying text to say the least.

**seulbear 🐻:**

DONT PANIC AND DONT LOOK AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE

11:01 am

**seungwan:**

???

11:01 am

are you okay?

11:01 am

**seulbear 🐻:**

KIUUB 

11:02 am

KIYB

11:02 am

KIYUB HERE

11:02 am

seungwan freezes at seulgi's frantic texts, she squeezes the device tightly and tries to remain calm but her eyes widen as the panic makes itself at home in her chest.

**seungwan:**

WHERE

11:02 am

**seulbear 🐻:**

dOMT LOOK

11:02 am

DONT LOOK SHES WATCHING U FROM THE 2ND FLOOR

11:03 am

you know, the more you tell someone not to do something, the more likely they are to do it? seungwan can’t resist the temptation to look. bringing her phone a little closer to her face, she wonders if she could just take a peek. but seulgi returns just in time and obscures her view with a huge grin.

"move! you're blocking my view." seungwan hisses as she tries to peek past the towering figure in front of her.

“are you sure you want to look?"

“stop it seul, you’re killing me!"

"are you really really sure?"

“kang seulgi, why are you doing this?"

"because i know you're not going to function after you see how she looks at you." seulgi winks as she moves aside, finally letting bae joohyun into her line of sight.

she scans the second floor as subtly as she can but doesn't even catch a glimpse of the goddess. was seulgi playing tricks on her? frowning slightly, she kicks seulgi's leg under the table.

"ow! what was that for?" seulgi jumps at the pain that shoots through her shin.

"she's not there, liar." seungwan huffs.

as if on cue, when seulgi turns, she sees joohyun and yongsun descend the stairs from the second floor.

seungwan feels her throat go dry and she stares at the senior with flushed cheeks — her hair is tied up and she’s wearing her round-rimmed glasses as usual and holy shit, her heart is beating so quickly it might actually leap out of her chest.

oh to be a mere mortal witnessing a goddess descend from the heavens.

a small contented sigh escapes her throat and seulgi snaps her head back at her best friend with a questionable look plastered on her face. the design student cuts her staring short by snapping her fingers in the introvert’s face, causing her to jump slightly.

"stop that," she chides while biting back a grin, "if you're going to stare, can you do it without the sounds?"

“it wasn’t intentional,” seungwan hisses, “now shut up.”

to her dismay, the pair of seniors had already left and that was the end of her staring for the day. seungwan lets out a sad sigh as she pouts at seulgi.

"she's just so … _pretty_ …" seungwan bemoans as she rests her chin in her hands, her vocabulary is far too limited to describe the beauty of kiyub.

"she's not on the walls of campus for no reason." her best friend retorts nonchalantly as she taps away on her phone.

"are you texting sooyoung?"

"you bet."

"please do not share the little sigh."

"too late, joohyun is also known as the _hot lemon water senior_ now."

"little shit …"

* * *

**yerimie**

5 unread messages

the first thing joohyun sees when she reaches for her phone after spending a solid four hours on her research is a bunch of unread messages, she’s a little dismayed that they’re from her cousin rather than seungwan.

nonetheless, she opens up the conversation with her dearest cousin.

**yerimie:**

i won by the way

3:43 pm

how did things go

3:43 pm

and when are you taking me out

3:44 pm

so you’re going to ignore my messages but still post on instagram?

6:10 pm

i hate instagram models 🙄🙄🙄

6:10 pm

**joohyun:**

it was a scheduled post in my defence

6:23 pm

and you’re a little bold aren’t you … you were barely any help!!!

6:24 pm

**yerimie:**

you caught me at a bad time

6:24 pm

i’m ready now :-)

6:24 pm

**joohyun:**

go away 🙄

6:25 pm

**yerimie:**

don’t regret this 😠😠😠

6:25 pm

joohyun scoffs at the little brat’s message before tabbing to check her socials. yongsun took a pretty good picture of her at the cafe earlier and the post went up at the top of the hour. 

despite her infrequent usage of the app, it’s still a pretty big part of her life. being byulyi’s go-to model brought a lot of attention to her and though she’s not exactly considering a career in modelling, certain gigs paid pretty decently and it was a more than optimal backup plan should she fail her final year of school.

though that is highly unlikely, joohyun likes the security a little too much to let her instagram page wither away.

most of the time she’d skim through the comments, reply to a couple of friends and scroll through her typically empty feed. she doesn’t like following people she doesn't genuinely care about, there’s no way she’d be able to keep up with everyone’s posts if she followed everyone she’s vaguely friends with. she scrolls through the timeline with glazed eyes, doing assignments usually leaves her pretty drained.

but, a certain user pops up on her suggestions. tapping her profile curiously, the senior takes a quick glance through the design student’s feed.

**hi_sseulgi**

103 839 788

posts followers following

seulgi

hehe

followed by **mo_onbyul** and **yongsun**

it was filled with a whole variety of pictures, from scenic pictures to outfits to selfies, it’s apparent that seulgi puts a lot of effort into her feed. she drops a couple of likes here and there to applaud her hard work. joohyun could never be that dedicated, she's lucky that her friends are avid fans and take great shots of her which usually requires little to no editing.

a picture that doesn’t match the theme of the warm orange and yellow tones of seulgi’s feed catches her eye and she taps on it. it’s a photo of seulgi wrapping seungwan in a tight hug from their high school days.

**171 likes**

**hi_sseulgi** happy birthday to my best little nerd 💙 @todayis_wannie

 **todayis_wannie** 👎👎👎

> **hi_sseulgi** @todayis_wannie :(

21 february 2019

_adorable_ , is the only thing that comes to joohyun’s mind. it’s evident that these two girls have a bond that she could never come close to forging with seungwan and it makes her realise that this isn’t what she hopes to get out of the younger girl. but at the same time, the thought of being merely friends doesn’t satiate her.

she heads over to seungwan’s profile which is unfortunately private so she couldn’t do any less than subtle sleuthing.

**todayis_wannie**

3 13 89

posts followers following

seungwan

followed by **mo_onbyul** , **yongsun** and **1 other**

joohyun has a following count of under 10 people, it’s puzzling to see that more people followed seungwan instead of seulgi. of course she has to check who it is.

**yerimiese**

and of course, it’s her cousin. her younger cousin which she just chased away through text. swallowing her pride, she heads back to their conversation to figure out how her cousin has made it into seungwan’s extremely private instagram account.

**joohyun:**

how do you know seungwan

6:39 pm

**yerimie:**

😏😏😏

6:43 pm

so you need my help now huh unnie

6:43 pm

**joohyun:**

yes … spill

6:43 pm

**yerimie:**

only if you agree to barbeque

6:44 pm

**joohyun:**

yes fine how do you know her

6:44 pm

**yerimie:**

geez no need to rush

6:44 pm

we’re online friends

6:45 pm

**joohyun:**

i see

6:45 pm

**yerimie:**

and how do you know her? 👀👀👀

6:45 pm

**joohyun:**

mutual friends at school

6:46 pm

**yerimie:**

how does she have mutual friends with someone like you

6:46 pm

hold on i’m going to go ask her

6:46 pm

**joohyun:**

DO NOT

6:47 pm

in a panic, she rushes to call yerim who picks up unwillingly after a few rings.

“woah, was it that serious?” yerim teases with an amused chuckle, “you know i was kidding right, unnie.”

heaving a sigh of relief, her anxiety fades and her annoyance kicks in. “yah, kim yerim, you’re more trouble than it’s worth.”

“i’m well aware, but it seems like i have something to hold against you now.” the younger girl drawls cockily.

she’s losing this, there’s no way she could win against yerim but it doesn’t mean she’ll go down without a fight. joohyun hisses into the phone, “stop it, keep this between us. seungwan does not need to know we’re related.” 

“and if i tell her?”

“i’ll snitch to your mom, i bet you probably have some undone schoolwork right?” joohyun threatens with a smirk.

“if you’re willing to suffer the consequences of seungwan knowing that you struggled over texting her first then i’m willing to play this game.”

joohyun freezes at the threat that has just been thrown back at her. god, yerim is young but at the same time, too smart for her own good. she should’ve known better than to ask this brat for help.

“hello? unnie? you’re getting owned by your 16 year-old cousin, how does that feel?” yerim muses in her ever so cocky tone.

“what do you want?” joohyun sighs, with an opponent like kim yerim, she needs all the luck she can get but sadly, the odds are not in her favour. 

“i’ll text you the deets, but tell me about seungwan.’

“why do you want to know?”

“because, you, bae joohyun, is struggling to talk to someone like seungwan. it’s almost laughable really.”

“what’s so bad about that?”

“it should be the other way around, _duh_. now, tell me everything.”

* * *

sunday nights are when the monday blues begin to kick in and seungwan is lying on her bed watching some anime to distract herself from the fact that she has classes tomorrow. but that goes poorly when she receives an odd notification from an app she barely uses.

_irene (renebaebae) has requested to follow you._

_now, who the heck is irene?_

assuming it’s a spam account, she enters instagram to delete the request when she catches sight of the user’s profile picture.

bae joohyun. otherwise known as kiyub and perhaps someday she’ll be known as seungwan’s soulmate.

“seulgi-ah, what’s joohyun-unnie’s instagram?” seungwan calls out to her best friend who’s busy working on her project.

“renebaebae, she goes by irene for her modelling stuff,” seulgi responds while spinning her tablet pen in her hand, “why?”

“she just sent me a follow request.”

the design student narrows her gaze and reaches for her phone quickly to confirm her suspicions. “what the heck? she followed you but just left a couple of likes on my posts!” seulgi exclaims in offense.

seungwan shrugs, not quite understanding her roommate’s outburst, “i’m going to reject it.”

“don’t be dumb, do you know how rare it is to get a follow from _renebaebae?”_ seulgi chides instantly as she makes her way over to the introvert’s bed.

irene, or rather, renebaebae, was extremely selective about her following. she liked a couple of seulgi’s posts without following her even though they are acquaintances at this point, so that says a lot.

and the fact that she bothered to follow seungwan’s little account, says even more. 

“no … besides, it’s not like i post anything.” seungwan responds nonchalantly.

seulgi sighs as she grabs seungwan by the shoulders and looks her in the eye with an intensity that makes the nerd uncomfortable.

“she’s trying to follow you,” seulgi explains slowly, “in her world, it means that you’re worthy enough for her attention.”

_oh._

_oh fuck._

seungwan bids goodbye to her monday blues and welcomes a new wave of panic with open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok look it took me two hours to edit and format this so if it flops or breaks when i post it just know that i tried my best but seriously if there are any errors pls let me know t.t  
> anyway, let me know what you think!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)


	4. smooth brained fools

the two best friends’ descent into chaos was swift and messy. one minute it was a peaceful sunday night and the next they're losing their minds over renebaebae's follow request.

“accept it!”

“but there’s nothing to see!”

“just show her anyway!”

“what if she finds me boring?”

“she won’t find you boring, she’ll like all your posts, trust me.”

“no she won’t!”

seulgi looks at the little nerd with puckered lips and seungwan sends her ridiculous pineapple plushie flying into her face without a second thought.

“let me call sooyoungie, she’ll be on my side.” seulgi declares as she crawls out of seungwan’s bed to get her phone.

seungwan groans loudly as she taps into joohyun’s profile, “what has your demon got to do with this?”

“you trust her opinion, don’t you?”

in times of dire need, she did trust sooyoung's judgement more than her bear-like friend's. seulgi was good, but she was also pretty biased sometimes. park sooyoung, on the other hand, a rebellious teenager blessed with the skill of foresight, could prove useful in a situation like this.

“fine.”

seulgi hops over to her desk and begins to call for external help.

**renebaebae**

59 23.4K 8

posts followers following

irene

followed by  **hi_sseulgi** , **mo_onbyul** and **3 others**

sure, she’d seen joohyun’s pictures pop up in her explore page, but being in denial meant ignoring those pictures. things have changed now, she’s a different person, she actually texted joohyun. she’s earned the rights to gawk at a couple, maybe all of renebaebae’s photos.

the latest one was posted just today, a mere five hours ago. taken on the second floor of munch, joohyun’s gaze is drawn downwards with a pleased smile gracing her lips.

liked by **mo_onbyul** and **2,902 others**

 **renebaebae** ✨

view all 43 comments

 **yongsun** shouldn’t you be using 🥰 instead

 **yerimiese** still waiting for a reply 🥱🥱🥱

5 hours ago

munch. she and seulgi were there in the morning too. and also yerimiese. how did yerim know kiyub? before she could spiral into a string of questions from one instagram post, seulgi interrupts her by flopping onto her bed, causing her to drop her phone.

the design student lays across the introvert’s lap, angling her phone in front of the both of them so sooyoung could see.

“hi sooyoung.” seungwan greets her with a small smile as she adjusts to seulgi’s weight on her.

the highschooler offers a grunt in response as she shuffles around with her phone, finding an optimal spot on her desk before talking. “okay what’s the situation now?” sooyoung drawls, her phone is placed to the right while she attempts to put her bangs into curlers, showing clear disinterest in the discussion.

“kiyub followed wannie on instagram and she wants to reject it.” seulgi gives her a quick summary and the next thing you know, sooyoung is snapping her head towards the camera.

“with her main?” the highschooler gasps, bringing her hands up to her mouth dramatically.

“yes! can you believe it? she liked my posts but didn't follow me," seulgi whines as she shifts around on seungwan’s lap, "and she followed wannie!"

sooyoung clicks her teeth, taking offence at the model's actions, "what the heck? who does she think she is?"

seungwan frowns as she watches the couple diss her potential soulmate for a full minute before clearing her throat. "why do you want a follow from her anyway?" seungwan asks innocently, it's not like seulgi needed the attention, sooyoung gives her plenty.

seulgi sighs as she looks up to face her best friend, "so i can flex it and also because i want to work with her for my upcoming editorial project."

"yah kang seulgi! i thought you were going to ask me!" sooyoung's shrill voice erupts from the speakers.

seulgi faces the camera with a sheepish smile, "i am, but i need another model too."

snatching her phone from seulgi's hands, she sighs at park sooyoung. "give me an answer and i'll let you guys get back to your quarrel, reject it or not?"

"reject it." sooyoung declares confidently.

"hey! aren't we rooting for her to get together?" seulgi yells into the receiver upon hearing her soulmate's final answer.

"we are but hear me out, baby. get my baby back into view first, unnie." sooyoung coos nonchalantly as she squints at the screen to look for seulgi.

rolling her eyes, seungwan hands the phone back to seulgi so they are both in the frame.

sooyoung grins before starting her explanation, "if seungwan-unnie rejects it and joohyun cares enough, she'll probably text her again to ask why. and look, let's face it, seungwan-unnie's not going to text her."

the introvert bobs her head in agreement, "very true."

"wow, i love your sexy brain." seulgi's expression is plastered with a dopey smile.

"okay but what if she doesn't?"

"she will, you're not the only one feeling the attraction. if she really is your soulmate, she'll come looking for you eventually."

this mysterious attraction that sparks upon sight is felt by most soulmates. but it starts slow and gradual, small and non-existent till it grows into something out of anyone's control.

but imagining that joohyun could be feeling the exact same way as her is just something she couldn't fathom.

"honestly, i don't know how you are resisting her this well. all i wanted to do was to get to know my baby." sooyoung comments before winking at her soulmate whose face scrunches up into a grin.

the nerd responds with a guttural choking sound before reaching for her phone. she promptly taps the reject button and shuts her phone.

"crisis averted, thanks guys." she sighed tiredly. 

kiyub is constantly making her go through a rollercoaster of emotions and perhaps she's overreacting but this is how she is. and if kiyub can't love all of the mess that she is, then maybe soulmate tattoos are a lie. but deep down she knows she doesn’t want it to be a lie.

"what are you going to say anyway?" sooyoung questions while returning to her curlers.

"i don't know," seungwan shrugs, "i just don't wanna give her a stupid tattoo."

"she already gave you kiyub so isn't it only fair to repay it?" seulgi snickers.

"she's too pretty for a dumb tattoo."

"so are you, but you got kiyub."

"yah, kang seulgi, stop flirting with her and give me attention."

* * *

**joohyun:**

what the hell

11:08 am

she rejected me!!

11:08 am

**yerimie:**

LOL!!!!!

11:09 am

can't handle a tiny rejection? 😏

11:09 am

**joohyun:**

i will choke you

11:09 am

help me

11:09 am

**yerimie:**

uh??? text her i guess

11:09 am

she appreciates it when people are upfront

11:09 am

**joohyun:**

are you sure? how do you know?

11:10 am

**yerimie:**

🙄🙄🙄

11:10 am

she's a very different person in-game okay trust me on this!!

11:10 am

and joohyun, obviously, _does not._

she had spent the latter part of her sunday night sharing her woes with her cousin was surprisingly pretty apathetic about it but still offered some decent advice for a 16-year-old. there's no one else on her side except yerim so she has no choice but to trust her.

besides, she had an excuse to text seungwan anyway. and there’s no way she can ruin things through text.

**joohyun:**

hey~ just thought i'd check in on you again

11:20 am

are you fully recovered?

11:20 am

her messages are met with silence and she has no way of verifying if seungwan has read them because she's turned off all read receipts. there's no way she's turning them back on because she needs to peek at unwanted messages on the down-low. joohyun is left distracted for the whole day, constantly checking her phone just to see if son seungwan has replied. it gets a little frustrating at some point, she's never been denied anything, especially when it comes to getting people's attention.

when she finally sees the notification that son seungwan has responded, relief washes over her like a heavy rain after months of drought.

**son seungwan:**

hi unnie! sorry for the late reply, had a busy day.

5:38 pm

yes, i'm really feeling much better now 😊

5:38 pm

**joohyun:**

that's really good

5:39 pm

take better care of yourself in the future okay?

5:39 pm

**son seungwan:**

yes ma'am 👍

5:39 pm

they could end the talk there. it's a good cut off and normally, joohyun would just let the chat die. but she’s not going to let their chat die in five messages after waiting an entire day.

**joohyun:**

hope my flask is still in good condition~

5:41 pm

are you free anytime this week?

5:41 pm

**son seungwan:**

i'll have to check, have lots of things to do before the seollal holidays.

5:41 pm

you know how it is when the final semester is upon us 😬

5:41 pm

**joohyun:**

can't even spare time for a quick lunch? u_u

5:42 pm

son seungwan goes offline and joohyun stares at her last message for a little. had she been too direct? but yerim said seungwan appreciates when people are upfront, so she did just that and now the other girl's gone.

just as she's about to yell at yerim, seungwan returns and begins typing.

**son seungwan:**

🙏 sorry unnie! i will let you know the moment i have time!

5:48 pm

**joohyun:**

i'm kidding, don't worry about it~

5:48 pm

i know how hectic the final semester can get

5:48 pm

let me know whenever~ i'm usually free on wednesdays and fridays~

5:48 pm

**son seungwan:**

will do!

5:48 pm

another lapse in their conversation makes joohyun rack her brains for something to keep this going. anything goes, even her mildly insufferable cousin. there's no way joohyun could let seungwan know that they were pretty close. yerim might be a conversation starter and also the only way she’ll get to know the younger girl better.

**joohyun:**

by the way, do you know yerim?

5:50 pm

**son seungwan:**

yerim?

5:50 pm

**joohyun:**

yeah~ yerimiese, i saw that she follows you on instagram

5:50 pm

which brings me to my next question

5:50 pm

**son seungwan:**

oh! we play games together

5:50 pm

what question? 

5:51 pm

**joohyun:**

why did you reject my follow u_u

5:51 pm

**son seungwan:**

uhm … 😳

5:51 pm

**joohyun:**

sorry~ is it really that private?

5:51 pm

you don’t have to accept me i’m just curious why you rejected me

5:51 pm

the moment she sent that text, she regrets it with every fibre of her being. _curse yerim and her suggestions._ then again, you don’t normally ask someone why they’ve rejected your instagram follow request, so it might be on her for handling it in all the wrong ways.

in an attempt to salvage this chat, she has to rely on yerim being their only conversational topic.

**joohyun:**

sorry~ you don’t have to answer that

5:56 pm

what do you and yerim usually play?

5:56 pm

**son seungwan:**

sorry … i don’t feel comfortable sharing my account just yet 😥

5:56 pm

maplestory usually, occasionally valorant and lately we’ve been trying out among us with some other friends

5:56 pm

not having anything to talk about other than her cousin should’ve been a big telltale sign for joohyun that they are two very different people, but being clueless about what seungwan has just typed reinforces that harsh truth. 

**son seungwan:**

oh sorry, they're just various online games

5:57 pm

**joohyun:**

ah~ you’re treating me like yerim e_e

5:57 pm

i’m not that old!!

5:57 pm

**son seungwan:**

sorry! i didn’t mean it that way!

5:57 pm

i assumed that you wouldn’t know what those games are

5:57 pm

**joohyun:**

well, you’re not wrong but at least i’ve heard of league of legends

5:58 pm

hopefully that counts for something 🙄

5:58 pm

**son seungwan:**

hahahah of course it does! sadly it's not my type of game 😋

5:58 pm

when’s your birthday anyway, unnie?

5:58 pm

such a simple question from son seungwan seems almost divine. after struggling with the nagging feeling that their relationship wouldn’t progress past a pair of acquaintances, beginning to feel that seungwan is reciprocating her energy is gratifying in ways she can’t explain.

joohyun spends the rest of the evening engaged in a casual conversation with son seungwan at the expense of having extra work to do tomorrow.

* * *

son seungwan is an escapist, a fact that hasn’t changed for the longest time and probably won't ever change. there's no explanation as to why, or at least she hasn't done enough introspective soul-searching for that answer yet.

but diving into alternate worlds of fiction, experiencing life in virtual fantasies, all of that appealed to her. and if it makes her happy, who's going to get in her way? with her shy personality, she gravitated towards games of all sorts. jumping from genre to genre till she found her people.

highschool ended pretty anti-climatically for seungwan, with seulgi busy with her new soulmate, she had too much time than she knew what to do with. there’s no way she was going to third wheel on every date for the rest of their lives.

in the virtual world she sought solace, spending nights upon nights in everything but reality. she spent a lot of time in maplestory, an adorable little 2d mmorpg. she's made good friends, though none comparable to seulgi, they’d be there when she wants to have a good time.

"we're going to need another attacker." luna, her first friend in-game declares as he dies for the third time in a row.

she'd been practising for one of the harder bosses, lucid, with a few friends, but seemed impossible to kill without a little extra damage.

a blade master who goes by bread agrees with a hum,"i know someone but she’s a little brat that can really get on your nerves." 

"well, if she meets the requirements i have no complaints," seungwan responds as she attempts to dodge lucid's attacks, "i'd like to actually see lucid die for once."

"true, we gotta get our hands on that sexy loot." luna chuckles.

and so, with the addition of a pathfinder, which was pretty much a glorified archer class, their party was formed. when bread said that the new attacker could get on her nerves, seungwan didn't know to what extent.

"where was the holy shell? aren't you a bishop?" yeri, their brand new attacker was scolding her for the third time that night.

being a bishop, it means that the responsibility of keeping her team alive in critical situations rests on her shoulders. due to a bad call on her part earlier on, she had messed up and didn't block an attack that could've prevented yeri from dying. to be fair, seungwan did deserve getting told off but at least she could be more polite about it.

with a small sigh, seungwan mumbles an apology, "sorry, it's on cooldown. it'll be up to block the next bomb."

tension hangs in the air and no one speaks for a solid minute and bread turns to typing in the buddy chat where yeri couldn’t see since they haven’t added each other in-game.

**bread:** i told you

 **bread:** she's really demanding

 **azure:** she's a piece of work but at least she's got the mechanics down

 **luna:** stop typing man we gotta focus

seungwan makes sure to pay extra attention to their new attacker, showering her with a plethora of heals and buffs. afterall, she’s dishing out more than enough damage for them to progress to the second phase. all hell breaks loose in the second phase of lucid, blame it on the lag or pure bad luck but her members begin to use up their death counts, dying out before they can see the end of this boss.

now it’s just seungwan and yeri, the last two survivors of a party of five. the end is in sight, they are but a few minutes away from victory.

“i’m on my last life.” yeri announces when lucid sends sickles flying towards her character, it’s a mistake on her part. she’s gotten much quieter once seungwan pretty much stuck to her after her initial beratings.

a quiet hum escapes seungwan’s throat. she doesn’t talk much when she’s focusing hard, “i got your back, i’ll keep you alive.” a simple reassurance followed by a quick use of her resurrection skill.

“let’s fucking go!” luna cheers them on, killing all trace of animosity in the call.

with lifted spirits and some luck, they manage to kill lucid for the first time ever — though half the party’s dead. a celebration ensues and the irritation from yeri’s initial lectures are forgotten.

"thanks for the heals, azure." yeri mumbles after they had split the loot with the rest of the members.

"no problem," seungwan replied easily, “though you could’ve been nicer about it.”

“sorry … it’s just my previous parties have been very frustratingly bad, it felt like you guys were going to be a repeat.” the younger girl explains with an apology.

well, it was nice to know that she wasn't a rude little gremlin at the end of the day.

seungwan lets a smile slip, “technically, three of them died out, so i wouldn’t say we’re that good.”

“at least it’s an upgrade from my previous one.” yeri snorts.

and now, it’s time for the final question that her members have been anticipating for the entire night — whether this bratty archer would be a permanent member of their party.

"will you be joining us next week?"

all at once, her buddy chat explodes with messages from her party members expressing their shock at her decision. they trusted her enough to let her take charge of their party formation but they couldn’t fathom having someone as mean as yeri in their party permanently.

**bread:** wow azure for real?

 **luna:** we're keeping her????

 **oobie:** guess we're adopting her kekeke

 **luna:** holy shit we gotta deal with her flaming us every week now t.t

 **azure:** be nice guys

 **azure:** i’m sure things will be better once we get to know her

 **oobie:** yeah guys listen to the sajangnim

"if you guys are willing to take me in, definitely." yeri responds with surprise in her voice as she jumps around on her character.

"well, nice to have you onboard, yeri."

it takes a few weeks for things to smooth out and eventually the party grows fond of their young but deadly archer. their little party continued to progress through the game together, from forming guilds to defeating endgame bosses, a friendship blossomed. they had talks that lasted till dawn, played various other games and did everything you could possibly do with virtual friends.

at the end of the day, it’s easier to be herself behind a screen, behind a character named _‘azure’_. even though there’s a potentially ineradicable barrier between them, seungwan still likes to think of her online friends as her people. they wouldn’t understand all of her but they were still companions in a grand escape from reality.

* * *

**seungwan:**

sorry i fell asleep last night 🙏

10:13 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

yah aren't you late for class?

10:17 am

sorry for keeping you up u_u

10:17 am

**seungwan:**

don't worry, seulgi woke me up just in time 😬

10:18 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

have a good day

10:18 am

i gotta get ready too

10:18 am

talk to you later~

10:18 am

"miss son, i'd appreciate it if you'd put your phone away." a stern voice resonates through the entire lecture hall, drawing her attention away from her phone.

having her professor call her out in a lecture hall full of people makes her want to disappear instantly. seungwan started her day by being violently awoken by seulgi, followed by rushing to class and now, being singled out by the one professor who she doesn't want to get on the bad side of. lowering her head with an apologetic nod, she tucks her phone away and diverts her attention to the lecture.

it's fine if things turned out the way they did. being able to talk to joohyun felt like it was worth the trouble, they'd spent the night texting and talking about the dumbest things. from what she's gathered, joohyun isn’t all that intimidating but rather a little goofy.

how could someone look that gorgeous and be that adorable at the same time? and that someone would be the person she'll be able to give all her love to.

merely thinking about it makes her giddy with excitement and she has to bite back a grin before she gets called out again. love has to take a backseat for now because she can’t fail her final semester because of her soulmate.

* * *

**son seungwan:**

got called out for texting you just now

2:08 pm

how’s your day going?

2:08 pm

**joohyun:**

🤐 woops … sounds like i’m a bad influence~

2:09 pm

my day’s a little better now that i’ve eaten

2:09 pm

**son seungwan:**

ooh, what’d you get?

2:09 pm

**joohyun:**

spicy tteokbokki n_n!!

2:09 pm

**son seungwan:**

ahh … sounds good ... 😩😩

2:09 pm

**joohyun:**

go get them!! it’s a new shop down by the hub

2:10 pm

**son seungwan:**

going to the hub on a weekday is a big no 🙅🙅

2:10 pm

there’s way too many people and i’d have to wait an eternity for my food

2:10 pm

**joohyun:**

but it’s really good ..!!

2:10 pm

**son seungwan:**

for tteokbokki ..? it’s not worth the sacrifice 🤔

2:10 pm

**joohyun:**

what’s worth the sacrifice then?

2:11 pm

**son seungwan:**

fluffy pancakes hands down.

2:11 pm

**joohyun:**

fluffy pancakes? o_o

2:11 pm

**son seungwan:**

ah i mean souffle pancakes

2:11 pm

i just like to call them fluffy pancakes

2:11 pm

it's the one they serve at munch on sundays 🥰🥰

2:11 pm

**joohyun:**

they’re always sold out by the time i get there 😤

2:12 pm

**son seungwan:**

what time do you get there? because they’re never sold out before noon 👀

2:12 pm

**joohyun:**

yah … there’s a reason why i don’t have a single 8 am class ...

2:12 pm

**son seungwan:**

not a single 8 am ?!

2:12 pm

that must be really nice 😔 

2:12 pm

**joohyun:**

and so is tteokbokki 😉

2:13 pm

**son seungwan:**

i will try it sometime just not on a weekday 🙄

2:13 pm

**joohyun:**

and i will hold you to it~

2:13 pm

* * *

**yeri:**

yo unnie are you free

11:23 pm

**seungwan:**

i'm finishing up on some schoolwork

11:23 pm

what's up?

11:23 pm

**yeri:**

free to discord?

11:23 pm

**seungwan:**

math?

11:23 pm

**yeri:**

nah just wanna talk

11:23 pm

it's a thursday night, seungwan tries to avoid joining discord calls on school nights because she knows her friends will keep her up till dawn. but she makes exceptions for yerim, talking to the highschooler unshackles her from the anxieties that come with growing up.

"hello." seungwan greets softly when she enters their guild server.

"oh, hey unnie, is seulgi asleep?" yerim replies casually as she queues a bunch of songs with the server's music bot.

seungwan tosses a glance at her roommate who's bent over her screen in a way that couldn't be good for her neck and sighs. when seulgi focuses, she's in her own world, which is a good thing when she's in discord calls.

"nope, she's focusing now so i don't want to disrupt her." the introvert explains while keeping her voice down.

yerim hums in acknowledgement and goes silent, which leaves seungwan questioning the intent of a call on a school night.

"so what's up? we both have school tomorrow, i'd like to be in bed before midnight." seungwan prompts easily as she tabs back to her work.

"relax grandma," yerim snickers, "i just wanted to talk about my cousin."

_her cousin. yerim's cousin?_

"joohyun-unnie, if you're wondering who."

_oh, joohyun._ the joohyun she's been texting for the last few days. the joohyun who's also her soulmate that she doesn't have the courage to face yet. and the joohyun who said they were distant cousins.

what does yerim want to talk about? how does she know they know each other when joohyun said they were distant?

"hello? miss azure?" yerim speaks with the mic so close to her mouth, it’s a miracle she hasn’t swallowed it.

"ah! sorry, i zoned out." seungwan lies with flushed cheeks, she couldn't admit to yerim the truth just yet, "what did you say?"

"i said i want to talk about my cousin, joohyun. bae joohyun. renebaebae on instagram." the younger girl repeats dramatically.

"what about joohyun-unnie? she said you guys weren’t close." the nerd swallows nervously, hoping the highschooler doesn't catch on.

yerim chuckles, "she’s lying but i'll be honest with you, she's told me some things but i want to hear from you too."

"hear what?"

"don't worry, it's nothing bad. i'm on your side more than hers."

"is that supposed to be comforting?"

"not really."

"then what's the point of saying it?"

"i'm just trying to be a good ally here alright,” yerim clicks her teeth, “i wanna know what you feel about her."

seungwan hesitates for a moment before coming up with an ultimatum, "only if you swear to not tell her."

"you're so dramatic."

"i will kick you out of our party if you do."

"but you need me!"

"i can find a replacement."

yerim huffs, "you're harsh but fine, i swear on my life that i won't tell her."

"okay, great." the bishop replies with a grin, "i think she's really kind and pretty."

"that's it?"

"you asked me what i thought and that's what i think!" seungwan defends herself easily.

"heck, you're annoying, i'll get straight to the point." yerim groans as she kicks the music bot out so there's nothing to distract them, _"is she your soulmate?"_

the question takes seungwan by surprise and she freezes in shock, quickly assessing the risks of being honest with yerim. but her silence makes it evident that the younger girl has hit the nail on the head. it’s checkmate for her.

"holy shit, are you serious?" yerim gasps loudly.

the nerd gapes and tries to protest, "where'd you get that idea from and no she's not!"

"don't lie to me that pause is extremely questionable!" yerim exclaims.

"you swear to not tell her?"

"like she doesn't already know?"

panic fills her soul. this is the first time she's considered that joohyun might know that they're soulmates. she thought that she's hidden it well enough, but maybe she's not as sleek as she thinks she is.

"oh my god, does joohyun-unnie know about this? did she ask you to talk to me? does she know we're soulmates and i'm avoiding her because i'm scared?" seungwan sits up in her chair and babbles in a panic.

her fear causes yerim to burst into laughter, responding in between breaths, the younger girl reassures her easily, "not at all, i'm here because i care about you. she's so clueless it's almost painful, you're safe for now."

drawing a breath of relief, she relaxes and regains full functionality of her brain, "then how did you know?"

"it was a hunch," the highschooler explains, "you're forgetting that people my age are getting their tattoos and finding their soulmates daily, it's not hard to connect the dots."

"so why didn't you tell her?"

"it's kinda funny to see her like this," yerim laughs amusedly, "but you on the other hand, what are you doing?"

the nerd clicks her teeth in retort, "what do you mean what am i doing?"

"why haven't you revealed yourself? isn't it like pretty hard to hide the attraction? all these couples at school are literally glued to each other."

talking to yerim is always easy, though it's usually a gamble on whether she'll understand and empathise. but seungwan doesn't mind sharing her insecurities because yerim does the same too.

"i don't feel ready yet." she confesses.

yerim hums softly as if she understands but it's clear she doesn't when she speaks, "what's there to be ready for? don't you just fall in love?" 

"i mean … yeah i think so? but i-" seungwan exhales deeply as she gathers her thoughts, normally she could be more articulate about feelings but love is a foreign topic, "i'm not comfortable with the idea of joohyun-unnie being my soulmate yet."

"why?"

seungwan tilts her head up to the ceiling and admits the truth that's been weighing on her chest for a while now, "we're literally from different worlds, yeri, i don't know if she can understand me or if i can love her like i'm supposed to."

"these tattoos are called soulmate tattoos for a reason, right? it sounds pretty dumb to question what's meant to be isn't it?" yerim reasons easily.

oh the ignorance of youth, she'd been like that too. but hearing stories of how people don't find their soulmates or how they get rejected can really kill all that positivity.

"i know but it's not like people don't reject their soulmates, it still happens from time to time." seungwan counters.

"are you questioning your bond because of that video where they interviewed people who got rejected by their soulmates?"

_"... no?"_

"it was a really sad interview, not gonna lie."

"don't bring that up, it makes me sad just thinking about it."

"then go get your soulmate, she won't reject you, what are you afraid of?"

"because i'm insecure, you smooth brained fool!"

"i'll have you know my brain has many wrinkles!"

a pause lingers before they guffaw at yerim's retaliation. this is always how talks between them are going to go — casual with a tinge of seriousness and a dash of quips. yerim’s presence in her life is a reminder that you can still have fun in seemingly shitty situations.

"but okay, what’s the game plan now?”

“i don’t know, we’ve barely started texting.”

“how do you lead a whole party into endgame bosses but not know how to talk to girls?”

seungwan deadpans, _“i’m a bishop, not a flirt.”_

“fair point, so do you want my help or are you going to wait for her to approach you?”

“aren’t you going to be her wingman too?” seungwan raises an eyebrow curiously, “how is this going to work?”

“i don’t know, maybe i’ll drop some shitty hints during seollal next week. or tell me what you want to talk to her about and i’ll guide her in the right direction. either way, i’m open to all ideas.”

confessing to kiyub after the lunar new year doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, it’ll give her plenty of time to get to know joohyun better and hopefully gather her courage too.

“that works, though i don’t see why you’re telling me first.”

“first of all, joohyun-unnie said she spoke to you, so if you guys were soulmates, you’d know, which you do.” the younger girl elaborates, “secondly, because you’re my friend and i think you might need more help when it comes to someone like my cousin.”

“aww, that’s really sweet.” seungwan’s chest warms at the thought of yerim looking out for her, “but i think i can handle myself pretty well if we’re texting.”

“for your sake, i hope so. how can you be this bad at talking to someone?”

“it’s a personality trait at this point.”

“well, it’s a terrible one. i hope you get a refund.”

“should’ve suspected it was defective when i got it on sale.”

"can't believe they straight up scammed you like this."

* * *

**joohyun:**

i need more info on seungwan

1:03 pm

**yerimie:**

text me at night i don't wanna spend all my lunch breaks texting you

1:03 pm

**joohyun:**

yerim-ah help me 😭😭😭

1:03 pm

**yerimie:**

why are you so desperate? 😂😂😂

1:03 pm

**joohyun:**

because!! i have nothing in common with her!! i feel like i’m running out of things to talk about!!

1:03 pm

i have to google what she’s saying half the time

1:04 pm

**yerimie:**

LOL same 

1:04 pm

just say you don't know and she'll sum it up in two lines for you

1:04 pm

**joohyun:**

but i don’t wanna sound clueless

1:04 pm

**yerimie:**

but you are clueless, it's not like you know her

1:04 pm

**joohyun:**

is she really that different online?

1:05 pm

**yerimie:**

i wouldn't know 🥴

1:05 pm

but based on everything you've told me it's like she's done a complete 180

1:05 pm

i think it's just your effect on people like her

1:05 pm

**joohyun:**

on people like her?

1:05 pm

**yerimie:**

yeah like she's not used to interacting with people like you

1:06 pm

we're a bunch of losers online we don't hang out with instagram models every day

1:06 pm

**joohyun:**

🙄 am i really that snobbish?

1:06 pm

**yerimie:**

no … what i mean is you guys are like polar opposites

1:06 pm

it's just weird that you're trying to befriend someone who's out of your league

1:06 pm

**joohyun:**

who's out of who's league

1:07 pm

she just seems like a nice girl, okay?

1:07 pm

**yerimie:**

yeah she is a literal angel but you're like medusa 🤔🤔🤔

1:07 pm

**joohyun:**

yah … it's only a week till i see you …

1:07 pm

just help me find a common ground with her

1:07 pm

**yerimie:**

like what?

1:08 pm

should i just ask her?

1:08 pm

**joohyun:**

NO

1:08 pm

if you can’t be a wingman, at least explain the games to me

1:08 pm

**yerimie:**

fine i’ll drop you some gameplay links later

1:09 pm

i want to spend my lunch break eating now thank you

1:09 pm

**joohyun:**

okay i'll text you later

1:09 pm

**yerimie:**

you ought to pay me for my time ...

1:09 pm

**joohyun:**

🖕

1:09 pm

* * *

texting kiyub steadily turns into somewhat of a routine and seungwan has never been so attached to her phone until now. they started texting a few days ago and aren’t seem to be stopping any time soon, which is surprising and relieving for her. though joohyun seems to be the one putting in the extra effort now, seungwan is slowly adjusting to it as well. if either one of them falls asleep, they'd pick up the chat the next day with a good morning text to go.

**joohyun-unnie:**

okay you got me

10:12 am

i can see the appeal of in-game cosmetics 

10:12 am

but how do you spend more on virtual clothes than real physical clothes??

10:12 am

good morning to you too~

10:12 am

**seungwan:**

it's a lifestyle choice, unnie 😏

10:14 am

got an early class today?

10:14 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

nope~ just gotta meet my project mates for an interim update

10:14 am

i'm starting to appreciate the final year a lot more

10:14 am

**seungwan:**

what's so good about the final year?

10:14 am

adulthood is upon you soon 🤨

10:15 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

e_e … yah … you'll get there soon enough ...

10:15 am

there's lesser lectures and classes in the final year

10:15 am

**seungwan:**

which means more time to sleep in?

10:15 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

ahh~ i can just imagine being under warm blankets now

10:15 am

**seungwan:**

you would graduate from your bed if you could

10:16 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

you know me so well~

10:16 am

what's your schedule like today?

10:16 am

**seungwan:**

have two long lectures today, wish me luck 💀

10:16 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

son seungwan fighting!!

10:17 am

text me if you're bored

10:17 am

no wait ... listen to your professors!!

10:17 am

**seungwan:**

yes, yes i will

10:17 am

* * *

**joohyun:**

any plans for seollal?

12:05 am

**son seungwan:**

not much, just heading home to spend time with my family

12:05 am

my sister's flying back for the first time in almost a year 🥳

12:05 am

**joohyun:**

ah~ where was she?

12:05 am

**son seungwan:**

she’s been in canada for work

12:05 am

we don't talk as often nowadays so i’m looking forward to seeing her again

12:06 am

**joohyun:**

that's nice~

12:06 am

**son seungwan:**

what about you? excited to head home?

12:06 am

**joohyun:**

i’m dreading the journey back and facing my prying aunts

12:06 am

**son seungwan:**

glad to know that we have the same kind of gossipy relatives 🤭

12:06 am

**joohyun:**

my aunts are on a different level trust me u_u

12:07 am

**son seungwan:**

we should pit our aunts in a gossip showdown then

12:07 am

i’m betting on yours

12:07 am

**joohyun:**

😂😂😂

12:07 am

yah what the heck!! shouldn’t you be betting on your own team?

12:07 am

**son seungwan:**

there’s no winning against rich elite middle-aged women

12:08 am

**joohyun:**

hopefully i don’t turn into one of them 🤨

12:08 am

**son seungwan:**

i’m pretty sure you won’t 🤨

12:08 am

* * *

seollal rolls around much faster than joohyun expected, the days seem to be passing by a little quicker. after spending the last few days tying up loose ends for her project, she's ready to head home and spend some time with her family — which includes her cousin who she's pestering much less lately. she can't deny missing being around a big family and celebrating the different festivities together.

but family holidays do get increasingly harder to be around as the years go by, it’s a struggle to answer the same questions every year with the same answers. her relatives are relentless when it comes to judging her future and her love life, her looks only added fuel to the fire.

the dreadful question of being asked when she's bringing someone back lingers at the back of her head when her family's mansion comes into view. specifically, it belonged to her grandparents but she lived there all her life, only moving to a different city for academics in recent years.

a buzz from her phone draws her attention and she squints at the new message she's just received. it’s just who she expects it to be.

**son seungwan:**

i'm back!! 

5:45 pm

hope you made it home safe! and say hi to yeri for me 😊

5:45 pm

stopping in her steps, joohyun types a quick response. conversations with seungwan started out rocky but things are much better now, comfortable even. chatting with seungwan turned into a daily routine and doesn’t mind if things stay this way.

**joohyun:**

just arrived, hope i can make it through the holiday u_u

5:45 pm

how did your cooking go~

5:45 pm

the senior tucks her phone away and steps into the large property, preparing herself for half a week of festivities. she's not the biggest fan but she looks forward to catching up with her family nonetheless.

upon entering the mansion, she's immediately greeted by loud screaming followed by children racing across her path. she jumps back and stifles a yelp while glaring at her younger cousins who greets her with a shriek before running off. times like these, she dislikes being the eldest amongst all her cousins.

"joohyun-unnie's finally here!" yerim declares to no one in particular as she greets the senior in the foyer.

"your siblings almost gave me a heart attack." joohyun exhales sharply with a hand pressed against her chest.

"but they're the kindest people here." yerim snorts while slinging an arm around her unnie's shoulders.

"that is true," the senior huffs, "seungwan says hi by the way."

"i can never get over the fact that you're calling her seungwan." the highschooler shakes her head.

the senior raises an eyebrow curiously, "what else am i supposed to call her then?"

"i'm just more used to calling her azure," yerim shrugs, "now come on you're already late."

yerim ushers her into the living room where most of her relatives have gathered. apparently, she's the last one to arrive because it seems like everyone is here.

joohyun excuses herself to settle in after greeting everyone but it is also so she could talk to seungwan for a bit more. the younger girl had been busy while she was on the journey back home so they couldn't talk much. being back in her room after months feels strangely odd yet familiar at the same time, things are pretty much the way she’s left them though she’s pretty sure her room has been tidied for her return.

plopping herself onto her soft bed, she lets out a soft exhale. fatigue from travelling for the entire afternoon begins to settle into her bones and as much as she wants to take a nap, it’ll be dinner time soon and with her family around, it’ll be impossible.

reaching for her phone lazily, she seeks out her recently discovered source of comfort, son seungwan.

**son seungwan:**

it can’t be that bad right?

5:53 pm

i’d prefer to have you back in one piece

5:53 pm

dinner looks delicious but we're still waiting on my sister

5:53 pm

**joohyun:**

yerim’s sisters almost ran into me the moment i set foot in the house

6:01 pm

i’m not going to make it through 3 days

6:01 pm

**son seungwan:**

ah unnie you’re so dramatic

6:01 pm

i’m sure it’ll be fine!

6:01 pm

**joohyun:**

how are things on your side?

6:02 pm

**son seungwan:**

no running children here

6:02 pm

probably more relaxed compared to your family 😝

6:02 pm

dealt with any nosey aunts yet?

6:02 pm

**joohyun:**

don’t remind me u_u

6:02 pm

they’re going to keep asking me where my soulmate is

6:03 pm

**son seungwan:**

hahaha, is that really such a dreadful question?

6:03 pm

**joohyun:**

it is when i don’t know the answer either 

6:03 pm

if it’s not about my love life then it’s going to be about my future

6:03 pm

**son seungwan:**

well, maybe next year you should bring someone home

6:03 pm

that oughta keep them quiet 🤭

6:04 pm

**joohyun:**

i’m not bringing strangers home!! 

6:04 pm

**son seungwan:**

i was going to volunteer myself but i guess not 🤐

6:04 pm

there goes my plans for meeting yeri for the first time

6:04 pm

**joohyun:**

i wouldn’t subject anyone to their relentless probing

6:04 pm

especially you!!

6:05 pm

it’s pure torture!!

6:05 pm

also i find it really strange that you and yerim refer to each other by your usernames ... 🤨

6:05 pm

**son seungwan:**

hahaha it's just become a habit at this point 😝

6:05 pm

also i'll probably be useless considering that i'm a pretty bad conversationalist

6:05 pm

**joohyun:**

you're not that bad 😤

6:06 pm

a knock on the door steals joohyun’s attention from her phone and she cranes her neck to glimpse at the person who has interrupted her texting with seungwan. 

yerim pokes her head in with a curious glance. “dinner time, halmoni specifically requested that you sit with her.”

**joohyun:**

gotta go for dinner, talk to you later~

6:07 pm

**son seungwan:**

have a good meal!

6:07 pm

with a frown, joohyun gets up and shuffles to the door. “is she saving me from you know who?” the senior’s eyes light up at the thought of avoiding her nosey aunts.

the highschooler shrugs, “knowing her, she might be plotting to marry you off.”

joohyun smacks the younger girl’s arm without remorse as they make their way downstairs.

* * *

seollal food always smells heavenly, but perhaps the rarity of it makes her love it a little more. dinner is chaotic, to say the least, everyone takes a little while to settle into their seats and she finds her spot next to her grandmother.

she drags yerim along for moral support because it's rare that her grandmother would shower her with extra attention. most of the time it'll be on the younger kids who are making a mess on the opposite end of the table.

"you look prettier every year, joohyun-ah." her grandmother compliments when she takes her seat.

joohyun returns the compliment with a shy smile. they should be considered close considering that joohyun has lived with her for most of her life but university caused them to drift apart. dinner begins and everyone digs in with the occasional chatter once in a while. joohyun spent most of it idly listening to the adults chatting about politics and seollal feels like it could be bearable for once. that is until yerim decides it'll be fun to ruin her life.

"did you know she's an instagram model, halmoni?" yerim asks aloud.

joohyun snaps her head at the highschooler with a glare, her instagram gig is something she doesn't want to share with her family because they are very traditional. pursuing a degree in psychology is a stable career path and throwing something like modelling into the mix would only sound like it could threaten her future. she's not going to hear the end of it from her parents and the entire family if they find out — hence the reason she chose to go by _irene_ instead.

the elderly woman nods while taking a sip of her drink, "of course, nothing slips by me. irene, right? i think it's a lovely name."

"it's just a hobby, halmoni, i don't plan on doing it past graduation." joohyun defends herself easily, there's no need to get flustered, her grandmother is a reasonable person and would listen to her explanation.

her grandmother chuckles, "really? i think you could really excel in it." 

joohyun widens her eyes at the revelation and yerim exclaims in awe.

"are you serious?" yerim chimes in with a mouth full of food.

the senior clicks her teeth in annoyance, "yah, can you not talk when you're chewing?"

"i just wanna know what halmoni thinks about your so-called hobby." yerim retorts while continuing to chew.

their grandmother shakes her head with amusement before eyeing her younger granddaughter, “she’s beautiful and she’s using it to her advantage, nothing wrong with that.”

“and you’re against my idea of becoming a youtuber?”

“you should be focusing on your studies, yerim-ah. we can talk more after you get into university.”

catching up with her grandmother and cousin over dinner turned out to be more pleasant than she expected, for the first time in years she doesn’t have to be on her guard against her aunts. joohyun lets herself soak in the festive mood for the rest of the evening because it feels great to be home for the first time.

most of the family retreat to their rooms before midnight in preparation for the long day tomorrow, but joohyun decides to sit out back for a little while. nights at home were always serene, but she could never appreciate the tranquillity as a child. now that she’s older, she’s a little more appreciative of the silence.

a sudden creak startles her and joohyun whips her head in the direction of the back door, only to find her grandmother is shuffling outside in her sleepwear.

“ah, halmoni, shouldn’t you be asleep?” joohyun asks quietly as the elderly woman joins her on the porch’s sofa.

the aged woman waves her off dismissively while draping a cardigan around her small frame, “and you’re out here.”

“it’s nice and quiet here,” joohyun lets a small smile escape while pulling the cardigan closer around her body, “it’s really different in seoul.”

her grandmother nods without saying much and joohyun contemplates if she should attempt to strike up a conversation or merely sit in silence with her. the senior shifts uncomfortably, all she wanted some time to ruminate before bed and her grandmother's presence a little unnerving. 

the elderly woman notices her discomfort and sighs, "i was going to save if for the last day but i might as well say it now."

joohyun can't help but feel anxious from the way her grandmother has worded the question, she bites the inside of her cheek as she picks her words carefully, “is this regarding my instagram?”

“a little, but i was also expecting you to bring a partner home this year," the aged woman speaks in an stern tone, "you know the statistics regarding soulmates."

the senior continues bobbing her head slowly, her grandmother’s ulterior motives are clear with one sentence. as reasonable and open-minded she likes to believe her grandmother is, there's always a catch. there's no way her grandmother would approve of such a future without any sacrifices from her.

joohyun feels like she’s treading on eggshells now, “but it’s much higher in seoul.”

the elderly woman tosses her a disapproving stare, “you remember what i said last year, don’t you?”

the senior tightens her jaw and nods, she can’t bear to look at the woman next to her. being from a wealthy and traditional family has never felt more imprisoning.

"good, this is your final year." her grandmother says with a pleased smile. "we're going to start looking for suitable partners if you don't bring anyone home next year."

between her grandmother threatening her with prospects of an arranged marriage and her aunts interrogating her about her life, she would have to pick the latter.

arranged marriages are common in her hometown where the rate of finding soulmates is ridiculously low. though it's a different story in seoul where there's a higher rate of soulmates finding each other.

this ultimatum that is delivered upon her means she has to bring her soulmate, or someone of her choosing and present them to her grandmother or she'd be married off to strengthen business ties. if she didn't agree, it's likely that she'd be kicked out of the family.

"you’re a smart girl, i’m sure you’ll understand. i can’t deny the fact that soulmates exist but we don't have to conform to that. all your aunts and uncles, including your parents, are happily married to someone who's not their soulmate, it's possible to live a life without them."

perhaps it's just her family but no one in this household are together with their soulmates. if it isn't an arranged marriage then it'll be them settling for the best they could get. at the end of the day, they are happy without the one, at least that's what her grandmother thinks — _her parents would disagree._

the short conversation leaves a feeling of frustration and distaste and joohyun opts to remain silent. she didn’t want to speak out of turn, especially when it would only cause unwanted tension for the rest of the holiday. fighting her grandmother on her take on soulmates doesn’t seem like the wisest idea and she doubts the elderly woman would have a change of heart anyway.

“don’t stay up too late.” her grandmother bids her goodnight and leaves her with her thoughts.

hugging her knees to her chest, joohyun balls her hands into fists in an attempt to keep her rage from spilling. this ideology of living blissfully with someone other than your soulmate has been ingrained in her since she's a child.

_and she hates it._

how does something as simple as love get ruined by impatience and greed? being taught that it's better than finding your actual soulmate, that settling for the half of it is better?

going to seoul for university changed her entire perspective, it took her a long time to unlearn all of it. and after witnessing yongsun and byulyi's love firsthand, it makes her crave for a love like theirs too. a kind of love where happiness and warmth come in heaps and bounds.

but with how things are now, a future like that seems out of reach.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this still fun to read?? i don't know where i'm going with this. also like disclaimer all the events in this fic are definitely not accurate like sis ain't even been to uni aight so if it feels unrealistic plz lmk i'm just winging everything at this point. and i did say no angst but man it got boring without conflict and like this doesn't even hurt (yet). thanks for reading i will see you next week (or in like 10 days)!!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)


	5. icky little emotions

the evening goes by in a flash and seungwan doesn’t think about texting joohyun till she’s all wrapped up in bed. it’s turned into somewhat of a routine to unwind by telling each other about their days and the nerd wanted to regurgitate some of her dad’s terrible jokes. 

_but there’s no new messages._

when joohyun says that she'll talk to seungwan later, it's always a promise that she'll come back. but for the first time since they've started texting, joohyun hasn't returned. a lapse in their schedule leaves seungwan a little antsy, but then again it's only been a couple of hours. joohyun hasn't texted her in a while and the most logical reason she could think of is that the senior is busy with her family festivities.

so seungwan leaves it at that, but when there are no good morning texts the next day? she can't help but feel uneasy, a nagging feeling weighs heavily on her but she tries to push it to the back of her mind.

**seungwan:**

good morning 😊

8:45 am

hope everything's going well and you have a fun day!

8:45 am

there's no response for a day and seollal festivities took priority over worrying about joohyun, if anything they provided the optimal break from thinking about her. nothing notable really happens at home but seungwan takes the time to unwind and catch up with her family knowing that once she returns to school, it'll be the exam season. seungwan checks her phone periodically throughout the holiday, as she always does. but there are still no new messages from joohyun.

she tries not to think too much about it but this is the person she’s going to potentially spend the rest of her life with, how could she not worry?

seungwan gives in on the third day and reaches out to the only person who could assuage her worries, _yeri_.

**seungwan:**

is joohyun-unnie okay?

7:10 pm

haven't heard from her since the eve

7:10 pm

**yeri:**

she's been really quiet

7:23 pm

i don't know what's up

7:23 pm

**seungwan:**

have you talked to her much?

7:28 pm

**yeri:**

yeah but she's like in a really bad mood

7:30 pm

she's not talking to me either

7:30 pm

**seungwan:**

i'm losing my mind over here

7:31 pm

yeri:

drop her a text maybe she'll respond now

7:31 pm

**seungwan:**

and if she doesn't?

7:31 pm

yeri:

i'll pester her on your behalf

7:31 pm

go talk to her she's really killing the mood around here

7:31 pm

* * *

**seungwan:**

are you okay?

7:33 pm

i'm worried about you

7:34 pm

i'll be here if you need to talk

7:37 pm

seungwan stares at her phone for the longest time, waiting for joohyun to come online and respond like she usual. but her screen times out before joohyun replies and she's on the verge of giving up.

she's tempted to give joohyun a call, but that would mean revealing herself. though she's become more receptive to the idea of joohyun being kiyub, it doesn't feel right to do it through a call. if she's going to reveal herself to joohyun, she's going to say it to her face. she doesn't want to hide behind a digital barrier even though it's safe and familiar. her soulmate deserves to see her true colors, even if she doesn't like it very much. 

the least joohyun deserves is to know her for who she really is.

a buzz from her phone interrupts her train of thought and seungwan jumps to look at it.

**joohyun-unnie**

2 messages

she doesn't waste a second and opens the messages with anticipation.

**joohyun-unnie:**

sorry for worrying you

7:41 pm

haven’t been in the best mood to talk

7:41 pm

**seungwan:**

it's okay

7:41 pm

i'm just glad you replied

7:41 pm

wanna hear about my day instead?

7:41 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i could use a laugh

7:42 pm

**seungwan:**

you make me sound like your personal clown 😔

7:42 pm

but okay since you're sad, have a laugh on the house

7:42 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

🤨

7:42 pm

**seungwan:**

i lost four times in a row in yutnori

7:43 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

isn't that an easy game?

7:43 pm

**seungwan:**

it's not that easy … 🙄

7:43 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

bet i can kick your butt with my eyes closed

7:43 pm

**seungwan:**

that's not very nice 😤

7:44 pm

i have terrible luck

7:44 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i don't care~

7:44 pm

we should play sometime

7:44 pm

**seungwan:**

after the exams! i can't let my grades slip because you want to bully me in yutnori

7:45 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'm not going to bully you!!

7:45 pm

anyway, i'm going to be offline for a couple of days

7:45 pm

don't be too worried about me, i just need some time alone

7:45 pm

**seungwan:**

did something happen with your family?

7:45 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'd rather not talk about it

7:46 pm

**seungwan:**

okay, if there's anything you need i'll be here

7:46 pm

i appreciate you telling me ahead of time and i hope you feel better soon

7:46 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

thank you seungwan~ enjoy the rest of the holidays

7:47 pm

let's meet for a meal after our papers?

7:47 pm

**seungwan:**

of course, have a safe trip back!

7:47 pm

joohyun goes offline and seungwan is left with a gaping hole in her chest. it sucks to get comfortable with kiyub only to have her dip a week later. but if this is what joohyun needs, then she'd gladly oblige.

* * *

coming back from seollal, students are welcomed back with the stress of the end year exams. whoever's idea it was to have important tests right after a holiday was truly evil. on top of that, being overly worried about kiyub was just icing on the cake.

seungwan never thought she’d be one of those people who would be so gloomy without their soulmates, but here she is moping over joohyun’s absence in her life. even if it’s missing her texts throughout the day, at least they gave her something to look forward to. they haven’t even been texting that long but maybe it’s the attraction that makes it feel like she’ll never be able to find joy without joohyun in her life. more dramatically, the absence of kiyub is turning into a void that's swallowing up her ability to feel any positive emotions.

she spends the first couple of days brooding over joohyun’s reasons for ghosting but then she walks out of her first paper without her usual confidence. seungwan would say she’s a pretty diligent student, she listens to lectures, studies almost daily, so being uncertain about the syllabus is literally impossible. but when she doubts her answers on multiple questions, she knows she has to do something before she flunks the rest of her papers.

the only way she knows how to get rid of her feelings is to repress them, every ounce of her mental strength is used to lock away any emotion that's associated with joohyun. 

a week passes in a flash when the fear of getting anything but a distinction takes precedence over being a functioning human being. seungwan spends most of it constantly buried in her books. studying always made her forget that there’s more to life than complex mathematical formulas. without her realising, she finished most of her papers without thinking much about joohyun.

it's not that seungwan doesn't miss her but thinking about joohyun kind of sucks big time. she doesn't even want to think about her first words even though fantasizing about eloquent verses tend to bring joy to her.

it's just easier to not think about her icky little emotions in a situation that she has no control over, joohyun will come back when she’s ready and seungwan can wait.

* * *

"i called you like three times," yongsun grumbles from the entrance of joohyun's room, "why is your phone off?"

"i didn't want to be distracted when i'm studying." the model responds with a nonchalant shrug.

her roommate cusses under her breath, "well, keep it on, i got you dinner since you didn't reply."

looking up from her laptop, joohyun forces a small smile of gratitude, "thanks, yong."

"how's your revision coming along?" yongsun lingers with worry clouding her eyes, she knows joohyun has been off since she came back from seollal but she chalks it up to stress due to the impending exams.

"good."

"is your project done?"

"yes, we're all set for the final submission. all that's left are the written papers."

"okay, great."

the conversation dips into an apprehensive silence and joohyun watches yongsun with a piercing gaze, hoping that it’ll be enough for her roommate to get the hint and leave her alone. and thankfully, she does. the brunette nods and takes her leave promptly, shutting the door in the process.

joohyun runs a hand through her hair and reclines in her chair. instinctively, she reaches for her phone to text seungwan but puts it back down before even switching it on. her emotions have been all over the place since her rather unpleasant chat with her grandmother a few days ago. she hates that it affects her more than it should but it's her life that's being wagered here, being upset is more than valid.

it’s harrowing to feel that you’re running out of time when you’ve barely started living. her grandmother and her silver tongue could convince anyone that there’s no difference in finding your soulmate or not, but not joohyun. she knows the traditions of her family all too well, she listened to her mother lament for hours on end about how miserable she is to be stuck with her father. and she’s afraid that she’ll end up like her, trapped in a life that she has no control over.

but even if she has time left, it feels pretty fucking hopeless at this point. how is she going to find _the one_ in a year? it’s futile to even try, where is she going to even start? maybe she should just accept her fate has been set in stone. maybe in a year, it won’t feel like her world is crashing down on her.

and until she gets a proper hold on her emotions, she’s not going to talk to anyone.

her feelings are hers to deal with, she’s not going to put this weight on yongsun or seungwan. _it’s not anyone else’s problem but hers._

* * *

the days go by blandly, nothing interesting ever happens during the exam season. everyone's too busy struggling with last-minute revisions to stir up any sort of trouble. seungwan has pretty much settled into a simple pattern consisting of studying and binging anime.

“how do you have time to relax?” seulgi whines when she emerges from the shower to find seungwan all snuggled up in bed.

the nerd scoffs while hitting pause on her show, “unlike you, i don’t procrastinate during the semester.”

“it’s not like i procrastinate that much!” seulgi retorts, “i just prefer to be motivated by the impending doom of a deadline.”

“that’s not the energy i’m getting from you ...” seungwan hums nonchalantly, “are you getting breakfast tomorrow?” 

she knows seulgi a little too well at this point, her best friend swears to fix her habits after every submission but never actually does. hence, she has to pull all-nighters in the days leading up to the deadline. sometimes, if she's feeling up to it, she gets breakfast for seungwan.

seulgi doesn't hold back a loud sigh as she settles into her chair, mentally preparing herself for yet another sleepless night.

"why don't you go get breakfast with joohyun-unnie or something?" seulgi grumbles, "byulyi-unnie says the psych seniors are pretty much done with school.

seungwan glances at her best friend who probably has the darkest eye bags and frowns. "we haven't been texting lately …" the introvert admits with a pout.

"wait, why?"

"something happened with her family when she went home and she wanted some time alone." a shrug of her shoulders is enough to let seulgi know that it’s not something she wants to talk about just yet.

“have you tried checking up on her?" seulgi mutters while stifling a yawn.

"no … i don't want to pressure her into talking. she probably just needs a little space."

"well, if she doesn't text you soon, it's about time you confessed, huh?" seulgi shakes her head as she turns to her laptop.

"she asked me out for a meal after the exams and i agreed. i think i might actually do it."

"i'm really happy for you but i don't have the energy to show it," the design student sticks her thumb upwards without turning, "remind me when i'm done with this nightmare of a project."

"good luck, buddy." with a sympathetic smile, seungwan attempts to continue her show but thoughts of joohyun are slowly resurfacing.

maybe she would try to check up on joohyun.

* * *

**son seungwan:**

hello unnie! hope you’re doing okay

9:01 am

don’t worry about replying, i just wanted to text you for a bit.

9:01 am

good luck for the rest of your exams if you still have any! i’m sure you’ll do great!

9:01 am

* * *

there's a week left till the official end of the final exams for the entire university — but being seniors, other than their final year project, all they had was a few papers which they finished the previous week. so they're unofficially done with school for the rest of their lives.

"okay, we gotta talk." yongsun declares the moment they return to their dorm, "what's going on with you?"

the psychology majors had just handed in their final project of their entire academic lives and joohyun is feeling mentally drained to say the least.

_"what?"_ she snaps at her friend who hasn't even taken her shoes off.

"you've been quiet and grumpy. it happens to you after every seollal but this year it's much worse." yongsun waves to her entire figure with a frown.

joohyun exhales sharply as she trudges into the apartment, feeling the fatigue settling into her bones, "can we not do this now?"

"like you're ever going to talk about your feelings without me asking?" yongsun retorts as she follows joohyun inside.

"i'm tired from the last two weeks, yong." the model mutters while grinding her teeth, "i don't want to do this now."

the brunette sighs in frustration, "you've just been insufferable to be around, you know that?"

_"then leave me alone."_ joohyun raises her voice slightly. 

it's taking a lot of effort to hold her temper and she really doesn't want to take it out on yongsun but _fuck,_ the other girl is just getting on her nerves.

"i'm trying to be a good friend here, okay? you don't have to be so closed off all the time."

"i have my reasons."

"and you can't share them?"

"you wouldn't understand."

"we've been friends for 4 years, i thought you trusted me."

"i do, but you wouldn't get it! you have everything i don't! a perfect family, a plan for the future, and you have byulyi for fuck's sake. how could you ever understand when you get to chase your dreams with your soulmate by your side?" joohyun screams in a fury, unleashing all her pent up anger on her close friend.

yongsun gapes in shock at joohyun's sudden outburst and takes an uneasy step back. the realisation at what she's just done causes her to look for an escape. joohyun retreats to her room before the guilt settles in, ending their argument before she ruins their friendship entirely. 

she isn't jealous of yongsun, she could never be. but how could yongsun even begin to understand the extent of what she's missing when she has it all? there's no way someone who's never been in her shoes can even begin to empathise with how all of this feels for her.

joohyun isn't a perfect person, much to the contrary of her online persona and to everyone's ideals. just because her flaws aren't visible doesn't mean they don't exist. she has plenty and locking people out of her world when she's overwhelmed by her emotions might be the most toxic one of all.

_her feelings, her problem. simple as that._

* * *

**son seungwan:**

i’m almost done with my papers!

3:38 pm

hope you’re doing well too!

3:38 pm

looking forward to our yutnori competition soon 😉 

3:38 pm

* * *

the guilt eventually attempts to swallow joohyun whole and she hates the tension between her and yongsun. she attempts to apologize with the only way she knows how to — takeout food. yongsun had been hiding out in byulyi's dorm because the atmosphere at their apartment has been downright depressing. the model had ordered a bunch of yongsun's favourites and waited till she got back. apologizing isn't always the easiest thing to do, she's spent many nights thinking of how horrible of a person she is to hurt someone who's merely concerned for her.

she loves their friendship too much to let it die like this, so she musters the courage to apologize. knocking on yongsun's door shouldn't feel this difficult but the guilt is almost suffocating when she stands outside the door of yongsun's room. joohyun fiddles with her fingers as she waits, the longer she waits, the more antsy she gets.

"yong, are you free?" joohyun calls out as she raps her knuckles against the wooden door again.

hearing some shuffling coming from the other side, she takes a step back as yongsun pulls the door open. 

with indifference plastered on her face, yongsun looks at her roommate blankly. "do you need something?"

"i want to apologize," joohyun mumbles while avoiding eye contact, "i shouldn't have taken out my anger on you. i know you were worried and i wasn’t thinking straight. i'm really sorry and i hope we can still remain friends because i really cherish our friendship."

yongsun moves her hand and with joohyun's gaze drawn to the ground, she isn't sure what her roommate is actually doing. that is until she feels a hard flick of a finger against her forehead. pain radiates through the center of her forehead and she flinches in surprise.

she looks up at her roommate only to see her with a teary smile, "idiot." yongsun mutters while shaking her head.

"i got tteokbokki too if you accept my apology." joohyun smiles weakly as she rubs her sore forehead.

"only if you tell me what's bothering you," the brunette says firmly while folding her arms across her chest, "if you really cherish our friendship, having proper conversations is important too."

the model nods without much hesitation, arguing with yongsun is never fun and she's glad to have her friend back. after fussing for a little, the seniors finally settle into the comfy couch in the living room.

"alright spill, you've apologized and fed me so i'm ready to listen." yongsun demands as she faces her brooding friend.

joohyun exhales while glancing at the other girl, "what do you want to know?"

with a quiet hum, yongsun ponders for a moment, "what are you willing to tell me?"

"i really don't want to talk about this." joohyun mumbles uncomfortably. talking about feelings has never been her forte, she much prefered to keep them to herself. but during the last few years with yongsun, she's been learning to open up and embrace the relief that comes with vulnerability — though she's not very good at it yet.

the brunette clicks her teeth and jabs her lightly, "but it's made you so upset, and you rarely show your emotions."

they've spoken about their families before but joohyun never revealed too much. with her looks and popularity, coupling it with how she's from a filthy rich family only makes her a perfect target for gossipmongers. yongsun knows a little about her family, merely to the extent of how conservative they could be and nothing more.

"fine, it's just some things my grandmother said during seollal." the model flops a hand lazily to extenuate the situation.

"bae joohyun. don't downplay it, if it bothers you, it bothers you." yongsun chides seriously with concern laced in her tone, "you don't have to tell me everything, but why does what she said make you so upset?"

she's thought about this long and hard. and it all boils down to a simple conclusion.

she wants to find her soulmate, no matter how long it takes. no matter what if it's against her family's wishes. she craves love from the one person that's meant for her.

and her grandmother is robbing her of the chance to do so.

"it feels like i'm just an asset to the family. like i have no worth other than being the oldest grandchild." joohyun admits softly after piecing her thoughts together.

yongsun scoots a little closer to her and joohyun can feel an aura of sympathy radiating off her without looking. "you know that’s not true, right?” yongsun whispers gently.

“of course i do,” joohyun mumbles with a heavy sigh, “it’s just … my family will only see me for what i can offer and not who i am.”

“and that makes you upset.”

“and that makes me upset.” the model reaffirms with a nod.

“you can’t make them see your value if they don’t want to acknowledge it in the first place,” yongsun slings an arm around joohyun’s shoulder and pulls her into a side hug, “and all you gotta know is everyone around you loves you as you are.”

joohyun smiles and leans into her embrace, “thanks, yong. it’s cheesy but i appreciate it.”

"and look, whatever happens with your family, you'll always find a safe space with me, okay?" the brunette nudges her lightly.

the model nods while looking up at her roommate who's much too kind to someone like her. there's nothing better than someone taking the time to be gentle with you. maybe she'd like that quality in her soulmate as well.

yongsun lets out a sigh of relief, "so will you stop being an idiot and actually talk about your feelings in the future?"

"maybe. you know i hate being vulnerable."

"i know, but what if it's with your soulmate?"

_her soulmate._ it sounds almost comical at this point. it's possible that they don't even exist yet, or they're in a different part of the world entirely. either way, she's not too optimistic about finding them. her family's statistics do not bode well for her, even if she's in a different city now.

the smaller girl licks her lips with furrowed brows, "maybe things will change when i find them but it's not like it'll happen any time soon."

"how do you know that for sure? they could be anywhere, maybe they've even spoken to you." yongsun prattles suggestively.

"i've had their first words etched in my brain for the longest time," joohyun huffs as she flexes her tattoo, "i'm pretty sure i wouldn't let them go if i ever heard them."

yongsun snickers at the words on her roommate's wrist, "i can't even imagine the situation in which they would say that, you gotta promise to let me know how it all goes down."

"if it happens at all."

"stop raining on your own parade, idiot. be a little more positive, would you?"

"fine, fine,” joohyun scoffs, ”how should we celebrate the end of our academic life then?"

"i had plans but i was going to cancel them since you were so snappy, but ..." yongsun grins, "byul asked if she could use our apartment for a post-exam celebration cum birthday party for her friend."

"no way." joohyun flat out rejects the idea the moment yongsun finishes her sentence.

"look, it'll be fun," the brunette whines, "everyone is either going to be moving home or celebrating, you know how the end semester parties are like, especially with those creative majors."

joohyun groans as she leaves yongsun's embrace to face her roommate fully, "how did we go from a serious talk to discussing if we should have a party here?"

"is that a yes?" yongsun wiggles her eyebrows with a cocky smirk.

with a playful shove and exasperated sigh, joohyun agrees, "you have my permission but i'm not sticking around long. just promise me you'll keep everyone out of my room and i'll sleep in byul's dorm for the night."

"done."

it's not the first time they've hosted parties, having the biggest dorms on campus meant that they were the most inclined to do so. and they did for a little, when they were younger and dumber. but their days of hosting were shortlived because joohyun got fed up with the amount of cleaning they had to do the next day. it's fun but the hassle just isn't worth it. besides, they'll be moving out in a couple of weeks anyway, she might as well let yong do whatever she wants.

"and the place will be clean when i'm back."

"if you come back at night, then done."

"go nuts."

"you are truly the greatest woman of this generation, bae joohyun." yongsun winks as she tackles joohyun into a big hug.

* * *

it’s a couple days before seulgi’s birthday and seungwan’s already has a gift prepared for the design major, it’s not much but she figures seulgi could really use an upgrade on her battered graphics tablet. that’s one of her major concerns settled, the whole kiyub feelings thing is being repressed so that’s settled too. all that's left is to ace her final upcoming paper and they'll be having a long awaited break soon enough.

a knock on her dorm door breaks her focused silence and seungwan shrugs it off, nobody ever comes looking for her. if sooyoung visits, seulgi usually picks her up so the only possibility is that whoever’s at the door isn’t looking for her. her roommate’s out to meet with her project mates so if they would kindly leave so she can go back to studying, that would be great. 

after waiting for a few seconds, silence greets her and she returns back to her books. she manages to finish off another question before there’s a knock yet again. putting down her pen, she hesitates if she should get up and answer the door.

but before seungwan could make a proper decision, the door bursts open to reveal sooyoung with irritation plastered all over her face.

“didn’t you hear me knock, unnie?” she huffs in annoyance as she makes her way into the room, shutting the door behind her.

over the years, as terrifying as sooyoung is, she knows the younger girl can’t get away with bullying her — too much at least. it’s not like she’s afraid of sooyoung but seungwan would prefer to not spend time alone with her, she’s a little nicer when seulgi’s around. nonetheless, despite all this, the introvert still considers her a close friend.

“yes … but it’s not like you've ever knocked.” seungwan responds softly with uncertainty lacing her tone. 

sooyoung visits sometimes, but today is a wednesday afternoon and seulgi usually has classes till late in the evening — sooyoung should know this well. it didn’t make sense for the younger girl to be here when her soulmate isn’t.

the highschooler chucks her bag aside and makes herself comfortable on seulgi's bed as she always does and bobs her head, “fair point.”

the younger girl then proceeds to stare at her phone so seungwan assumes it’s safe to return to her books. but before she could even read the next question, sooyoung exhales loudly.

“aren’t you going to ask why i’m here?”

“you’re only ever here for seulgi.” seungwan deadpans as she skims over the next practice question.

“fair point yet again,” sooyoung hums, “i want to do something for her birthday, it’s this weekend, you know that right?” she asks pointedly.

seungwan is offended at the statement, the audacity of this girl to question whether she knows her best friend’s birthday, they’ve celebrated every single birthday together since they were 7. 

“of course i do!” seungwan replies a little more defensively than she intends to, “we usually do a small celebration the day before."

sooyoung raises her eyebrows in amusement, “oh? i wasn’t aware of this.”

“seulgi has told you, you probably just forgot.” seungwan grumbles, feeling her annoyance grow at the sight of her unwanted guest.

the younger girl mumbles disinterestedly, “oh, probably.”

silence befalls the two yet again and seungwan can’t shake the feeling that sooyoung needs something from her. other than tutoring, she’s never asked for any help, it's just not like her to do so.

“so, what do you want?” she eventually gives in to the younger girl, the sooner the demon gets what she wants, the sooner she can go back to her revision.

“thought you’d never ask,” the highschooler cracks into a small smile as strolls over and takes a seat next to the introvert, “look, seulgi’s turning 21, shouldn’t we celebrate with a party or something?”

hearing the word ‘party’ brings her back to new year’s eve, which leads her to memories of the party and joohyun. she tenses up and forces a quick shake of her head, “you can organize one if you want to but leave me out of this, i’m celebrating with seul a day before and that’s that.”

“unnie, please ..?” sooyoung whines with puppy eyes. to anyone who isn’t familiar with the giant’s personality, she could probably melt hearts with ease, but to seungwan, she knows all too well that she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

“no.” seungwan denies firmly as she returns to her books.

“you owe me one,” the younger girl nudges her roughly, “i totally helped you with joohyun-unnie.”

well, to be fair, sooyoung did get them on talking terms. without her, seungwan wouldn’t know how much progress she could’ve made on her own. so she has two choices here, agree and plan a party for seulgi’s birthday or disagree and suffer at the hands of sooyoung until she agrees. so technically, either choice would lead to the same outcome, she might as well bite the bullet and get it over with, at least she’ll have more time to plan.

“i will help, but just to be clear, you’re going to be in charge.” seungwan jabs the younger girl sternly.

to her surprise and shock, sooyoung wraps her in a quick embrace, “thanks unnie! i've already got the location down so i just need you to help with some logistics, and probably hiding this from my baby."

sighing softly, seungwan nods, "just tell me what i have to do and i'll try to get it done, you're not giving me much time so i'll make no promises."

"you're son seungwan, i know you'll get it done." sooyoung grins widely. 

this is probably the first time that the highschooler has been this nice to her and it’s probably just because she needs something from her. well, the only thing she has planned for the days after her exams is to mope over joohyun’s absence. helping sooyoung with her surprise sounds like a much better use of her time.

* * *

**son seungwan:**

i'm done with my papers!

10:34 pm

i miss talking to you throughout the day 😔

10:34 pm

remember to drink plenty of water, unnie! i'll be waiting for your grand return!

10:35 pm

* * *

a chorus of hellos greets seungwan upon entering a discord call on a friday night. her party had been graciously waiting for her since she'd been busy helping sooyoung with seulgi’s surprise. apparently, logistics meant getting everything from food to drinks to decorations. 

running around to help sooyoung after her final paper isn't the relaxation she had in mind and it makes it a lot harder to hide from seulgi. not that the design student would notice anyway, the poor girl has been trying to stay ahead of her submission deadlines which thankfully happens to be a day before her actual birthday.

“you’re late, unnie.” yeri's voice fills her headset.

"sorry, i was busy with something." seungwan apologizes as she logs into the game, park sooyoung really knows how to work her to the bone. 

"texting joohyun-unnie?" yeri teases.

seungwan feels her heart wrench at the assumption but tries to hide her disappointment anyway, "we haven’t talked since seollal."

"what? i thought everything was okay after you texted her," the younger girl exclaims, “she stopped being all detached and whatnot.”

“she said she needed some time alone, we’ll probably talk when she feels better.” seungwan murmurs as she prepares her character for the upcoming boss run. frankly, she didn't feel like talking about joohyun. she just wants to have fun with her friends and not think about the worry that's built up in her chest.

“aight, who is this joohyun-unnie?” luna interjects before yeri could continue interrogating her for details.

“a friend.” seungwan responds swiftly, she knows the amount of teasing she’d have to endure if yeri got a word in before her.

_“a friend,”_ the archer snorts, “no wonder you make for such a good imposter.”

"yah yeri, lay off her, we all know it’s a lie," luna comes to her defence easily or so she thought, "as if we don’t know she has like one real-life friend."

"that's kinda mean, luna," seungwan grumbles indignantly, "i'll have you know that i have three now!"

oobie chimes in with a loud cheer, "ooh, do tell, miss azure."

“hey, hey, let me talk! i wanna know what’s up with joohyun-unnie!” yeri speaks over the other party members easily, this little archer is a force of nature compared to the other members.

“ma’am, we have a boss run, can we do the therapy session after?” bread sighs loudly as he moves his character around from left to right.

“shush, ahjussi,” yeri snaps, “we can do both at the same time.”

and so they do. they are veterans when it came to bosses, knowing the mechanics at the back of their hand allows them to slaughter each one without much trouble. thus, between dodging attacks and dealing damage, yeri manages to drill seungwan for more information. and well, seulgi has been too busy to listen to her vent so her online buddies are her next best outlet.

“okay, so what did she say?”

“she didn’t tell me anything, she asked for space and i’m giving it to her.” the introvert mumbles tiredly for the third time, it hasn’t even been a full half-hour since she’s joined the call.

“isn’t that like a girl’s code for _‘please give me more attention’_?” luna muses densely. 

seungwan couldn’t hold back a sigh at that comment. perhaps to someone like luna it’ll seem like joohyun wants extra attention but in the short time they’ve spent talking, the nerd knows that her soulmate doesn’t exactly enjoy the popularity that comes with her hobby.

“she’s not like that, i think whatever happened at home probably affected her mood big time.” seungwan reckons as she moves her character with precision when a full map attack is launched upon them.

a screech is heard from one of the members but yeri ignores it and continues talking. “yeah it did, like, she’s always been aloof but this year is different.” the younger girl mumbles, “it’s like she’s angry or something.”

“she maldin’?” bread chuckles.

seungwan rolls her eyes at the insult, “even if she was bald, she’s still pretty to me.”

“azure, it sounds like you’re pretty whipped.” oobie teases in a sing-song tone.

a dramatic gasp erupts from someone’s mic but no one’s come close to dying, let alone taking any damage. confusion ensues and is only clarified when yeri speaks.

“i might have told our grandmother about her instagram but she already knew about it in the first place,” yeri babbles, the sheer panic in her voice is a rarity, “maybe they talked and it made her upset.”

“if it’s really your fault, i’m kicking you out of the party.” seungwan threatens almost instantly. the introvert can’t help but feel protective over joohyun — this is _kiyub_ that they’re talking about, if she could, she would rend whoever hurts her to pieces.

yeri whines as she uses a sad emote on her character, “don’t worry, i’ll fix it.”

“how–”

the nerd is interrupted mid-sentence when bread cries out in a panic when he’s hit for more than half his health. “yo fuck, pause whatever the heck this discussion is! i’m going to die out at this rate!”

the call lapses into focused silence; the only sounds that could be heard are call-outs of whatever attacks are being thrown at them. it doesn’t take more than five minutes but the silence is a nice escape from yeri’s incessant talking.

“god, we’re so fucking good at this game!” luna yells when they finish the run for what feels like the nth time of their entire game careers.

yeri retorts mockingly, “you’re down to your last life, you would’ve died without azure’s heals.”

"aight, i'm doing a deathless run next week. watch me."

"and if you don't?"

"then i never said it."

"you're really giving off smooth brain energy tonight, bud."

the earlier conversation regarding joohyun is buried with usual banter from her friends. boss runs with her party is always a nice reprieve from reality. it's relaxing to be with people without having to constantly be engaged in conversations. usually, thoughts of the real world don't come to mind but today, she can't seem to stop her brain from flitting to joohyun.

the idea of admitting that this attraction is turning into a little more than just infatuation is something she's going to have to learn to accept before she comes face to face with joohyun again.

* * *

**yerimie:**

are you still up?

1:58 am

did halmoni say anything to you during seollal?

1:58 am

like after dinner

1:58 am

**joohyun:**

why are you still awake?

2:05 am

**yerimie:**

wow you really replied me and not azure?

2:08 am

also because i can’t sleep till you answer me

2:08 am

**joohyun:**

why?

2:09 am

**yerimie:**

you were pretty upset during seollal and i didn't think it was that serious but azure just said you guys weren't talking

2:09 am

so i need to know if i'm at fault

2:09 am

**joohyun:**

you're so sweet for checking up on me

2:09 am

i thought you had a heart you brat 🙄

2:09 am

**yerimie:**

so halmoni said something?

2:10 am

sorry unnie 😔😔😔 i just thought your instagram would be a fun thing to talk about

2:10 am

**joohyun:**

it's fine, it's not your fault

2:10 am

she was going to bring it up regardless

2:10 am

whatever i was upset about has nothing to do with you or seungwan

2:10 am

**yerimie:**

okay that's a relief

2:11 am

can you text her then?

2:11 am

**joohyun:**

seungwan?

2:11 am

maybe tomorrow, i'm going to be busy today

2:11 am

**yerimie:**

share your feelings with her!!! she's a great listener

2:12 am

i speak from experience 😉

2:12 am

**joohyun:**

that's good to know but i can't believe the poor girl listens to you

2:12 am

**yerimie:**

😉 everyone loves me

2:12 am

**joohyun:**

i'm sleeping

2:12 am

**yerimie:**

nights unnie

2:12 am

* * *

for the little nerd's personal celebration with seulgi, they celebrate in their dorm in the middle of the night when the horrible procrastinator finally wakes up from her well-deserved nap that started right after she finished her final submissions. they were supposed to get dinner together but seulgi was knocked out all the way till it was dark out, so seungwan leaves her gift on the desk with a note letting her know that there’s a slice of chocolate cake in the mini-fridge.

needless to say, when seulgi finally awakens from her deep slumber, her squeals of excitement wake her best friend up. they share the chocolate cake in the dark with nothing but the moonlight shining on them, perhaps it’s these little moments that make her love her best friend more with each day.

she wonders if things could be like that with her soulmate someday, there’s a joohyun-shaped space in her chest now and well, it feels like nobody else could ever fill it. the feelings that linger in joohyun’s absence only seem to prove an irrefutable fact — _she is kiyub._ seungwan doesn’t know how long she's been trying to deny this attraction, but it becomes a little easier to accept with each day. somewhere along the line of getting to know joohyun and joohyun dipping, she’s made up her mind to talk to kiyub the next time they meet, whenever that might be.

she wants to experience a world knowing where someone will love all of her without hesitation. she wants a world with kiyub that exists outside the boundaries of text messages. the urge for something more slowly begins to outweigh her fear of rejection.

she wants joohyun to know that they're soulmates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feelin a little iffy about this chapter. like the scenes don't flow as smoothly. i dunno, i just don't like it very much?  
> also, there might not be an update next week, but we'll see how it goes. i'm really excited for the next chapter but i think i might wanna hit pause on writing so i can focus on grinding valorant LOL. maybe i'll make up for it by sharing some scenes that didn't make it into the final version.  
> anyway, thanks for reading bubs, see u in the next chapter.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)


	6. dumpster fire of a soulmate

seungwan is certain that seulgi’s birthday could be compared to an event like the first moon landing — that’s how extravagant sooyoung is trying to make it. sooyoung doesn’t tell the nerd much, just the bare minimum details like the time, date and location of the party. everything else had to be a secret and despite all of that, seungwan still managed to help out with everything behind the scenes. and for the actual day, thankfully, her sole task is to escort seulgi to the location.

the birthday girl arranges a make up dinner considering she slept through their supposed celebratory dinner yesterday. seungwan agrees, it makes things easier since she has to bring seulgi to the surprise party anyway.

sooyoung had been texting her incessantly since she parted from seulgi after their date in the afternoon and seungwan found it a little amusing that she’s being so anxious over a surprise party. as if seulgi would love her any lesser if it flopped, these two little shits had heart eyes for each other all the time.

**seulgi’s demon:**

let me knwo when u’re leaving ok!

7:33 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

are u guys on the way soon?

7:38 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

sEuNGWAN UNNIE!!!!

7:40 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

unNINEINIENIENE!!!!!!

7:43 pm

**seungwan:**

could you just calm down?

7:45 pm

seul’s getting changed now we’ll be out in 5

7:45 pm

be there by 8

7:45 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

ok good

7:45 pm

sorry i’m just nervous

7:45 pm

**seungwan:**

you know she’ll love it no matter what right?

7:46 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

yeah but i just want it to be perfect :/

7:46 pm

**seungwan:**

never thought i’d see the day park sooyoung turns into a perfectionist

7:46 pm

**seulgi’s demon:**

🙄 shut up?

7:46 pm

the location of the surprise party is at the cygnus hall, one of the other student residences in school but it’s slightly bigger since the students there get apartments instead of tiny dorm rooms. they’re usually meant for scholars on the director’s list and though seungwan is on it as well, between living in a cushy apartment with a stranger and dorming with her best friend, she had to pick the latter.

seungwan manages to lead her all the way to the entrance before seulgi realises what’s going on, a huge grin sprouts on her face and she’s unable to mask her surprise.

“am i allowed to ask what’s going on?” seulgi smiles while they step into the elevator.

seungwan pouts slightly, “should’ve known bringing you here unblindfolded would’ve ruined half the surprise already.”

the taller girl wraps an arm around her little nerd and squeezes her tightly, “it’s okay wannie, blindfolding me would’ve made me suspicious from the start.”

the elevator doors ding open and seungwan leads seulgi to the apartment where her surprise is waiting. she confirms the apartment number with a quick glance before ushering seulgi towards the door.

seulgi looks at her, then the door, before shrugging slightly and opening it. as soon as the knob turns, a chorus of cheers and hoots can be heard erupting from the tiny apartment. 

“happy birthday seulgi!” seungwan joins in the cheers as she shoves her best friend into the apartment.

there’s more people in here than what’s probably allowed but it’s not like anyone really cares, it’s _kang seulgi’s_ birthday, rules are meant to be broken on occasions like this. sooyoung is the first to greet them and she acknowledges seungwan’s presence with a small wink before proceeding to make out with her girlfriend in front of all her friends. shaking her head and sighing, seungwan slinks away to the kitchen and watches seulgi get bombarded by all her friends.

* * *

electronic music begins blaring much to her distaste, she pours herself a cup of whatever soda is available while she watches the party go on without her. sooyoung did tell her that she could leave once seulgi’s here, not because she didn’t want the nerd around but because she knew that seungwan would feel more than uncomfortable if seulgi is too busy to keep her safe from strangers. well, she’s right about that, seungwan feels out of place despite having experienced the new year’s eve party with absolute strangers. to be fair, she did have byulyi around her for the entire night, but there’s no one that she recognises now and hence the resurfacing anxiety.

seungwan rests her arms on the kitchen counter and whips out her phone and takes a couple of photos of seulgi before quietly navigating to discord to look for a lifeline.

she figures she’d stay for a little, linger a while just in case seulgi needs her and then dip. for the most part, it isn't so bad to just watch from the sidelines. she probably looks like a sad little nerd right now, it’s okay because she’ll be out in under ten minutes.

**yeri** today at 8:17 pm

didn't you say you were gonna be busy with seulgi's party?

why are you here??

**azure** today at 8:17 pm

:( don't chase me away

i'm leaving in 5 minutes anyway

parties aren't my thing if you haven't noticed

**luna** today at 8:18 pm

yeah i bet

the only parties you ever go to are boss parties 🙄

**bread** today at 8:18 pm

kekW

**azure** today at 8:18 pm

😔😔 i'm retiring as a bishop

**oobie** today at 8:18 pm

azure noOooooo :(!!

@ **luna** shut up meanie

**luna** today at 8:19 pm

🤡

**yeri** today at 8:19 pm

while since you're here

what's the situation with joohyun-unnie?

**azure** today at 8:19 pm

same old?

**yeri** today at 8:19 pm

oh.

i talked with her last night and she said she'll text you soon

i'm starting to hate this slow burn

**azure** today at 8:20 pm

what do you mean by slow burn 😒

**yeri** today at 8:20 pm

what's so hard about talking like??? you could call her right now and confess???

**oobie** today at 8:20 pm

don't listen to her zuzu

you take your time!! we'll be here waiting with you!! 😤

**azure** today at 8:20 pm

thanks oob 🥺

**yeri** today at 8:21 pm

wait oob you don't even know the situation 😠😠😠

she’s spent the last few weeks avoiding her soulmate

**azure** today at 8:21 pm

i am NOT avoiding her!!

it's just we haven't had time to meet

**oobie** today at 8:21 pm

zuzu i love you but what the heck?

**azure** today at 8:21 pm

i'll talk to her soon!!! 😔

**bread** today at 8:22 pm

sounds fake but okay …

**yeri** today at 8:22 pm

anyone wanna make bets on when she'll actually reveal herself?

**luna** today at 8:22 pm

😗 i'm in

next cosmetic update lookin kinda juicy ..

getting roasted by her buddies forces a sigh from her lungs, she watches as they place bets on when she'll actually confess. typical of them but perhaps this is how absurd the whole situation is in the eyes of others. and she feels dumb because deep down she knows that there's no way joohyun would reject her. but the girl on new year's day had no clue what the goddess is actually like. maybe it’s a good thing that she feels dumb.

* * *

“are you okay, seungwan?" a concerned voice pipes up, causing her to look up from her device.

yongsun stands beside her with a small smile, the flush on her skin tells seungwan that the partygoers probably did a little pre-drinking before seulgi's arrival. 

pulling her eyes away from the senior, she nods softly. “i’m okay, just waiting for a little before i leave." the little nerd reassures, mildly glad that someone is concerned about her.

“leave? isn't it a little early?" the brunette asks while taking a sip of her drink.

seungwan shakes her head as she watches seulgi down yet another shot, wincing as she thinks of how hungover her best friend is going to be tomorrow. “someone has to take care of seulgi when she drinks like that."

yongsun chuckles quietly under her breath, “i don’t suppose you trust sooyoung enough to take care of her."

“sooyoung can barely take care of herself, unnie." seungwan adds with a light scoff.

the conversation dies down as the two watch as the party picks up in intensity, seulgi is downing more drinks than ever and byulyi has somehow made her way to the birthday girl as well. the two make a chaotic pair and with sooyoung around, it becomes a trio that should really be arrested before they set something on fire. but that’s not her problem to deal with tonight.

“you’ve got a cute tattoo." yongsun comments out of the blue and seungwan can’t help but feel self-conscious about how comical it seems.

turning her arm over to hide it, she shoots the brunette a weak smile, “thanks … it doesn’t mean much though, sounds more like nonsense than anything …"

“it will when you finally meet them," yongsun pats her arm gently and offers a warm smile, “i used to hate my tattoo but realising that those are byul’s first words to me changed my perspective."

seungwan smiles lightly at the sentiment but she can’t help the ache in her chest that begins to grow at the thought of kiyub, at the thought of joohyun. 

“maybe." she replies with a small shrug, taking a gulp of her drink.

the silence that settles between them doesn’t last for long as yongsun speaks yet again, it seems the senior has an ulterior motive for approaching her.

“i’ve been meaning to talk to you …" yongsun starts off uncertainly, the ambiguous sentence leaves seungwan a little nervous and she can only look at the senior with worried eyes.

yongsun senses her distress and quickly waves it off with a light chuckle, “oh it’s nothing serious, i just wanted to know what you think of joohyun."

oh, of course yongsun would know. the bubbly senior had her own soulmate after all, of course she would have recognised the signs.

“i think she’s kind, pretty and even funny sometimes." seungwan lets a smile slip, it's not exactly a lie but neither is she exactly honest either.

she knows that joohyun makes her feel more things than she could ever put into proper words.

“oh, that’s it?" yongsun raises an eyebrow, her tone indicating that she’s expecting a little more.

yongsun _definitely_ knows.

seungwan doesn’t really feel like doing this now, the past few weeks of repressing her emotions have made her mentally exhausted and she’s not going to talk about it with a senior she barely knows. especially when said senior is close friends with the person that’s making her feel this way.

“she's a lovely person, though little guarded." seungwan tries to play it off like the last few weeks are nothing but her tone tells yongsun that it’s definitely not.

"ah …" yongsun bobs her head sympathetically, "so you were affected too …"

seungwan tosses the senior a puzzled look, "affected by what?"

"post-seollal joohyun." yongsun sighs with a wry smile and offers a gentle pat on the shoulder.

the nerd is still confused by the brunette's cryptic words, a crinkle appears between her brows as she attempts to decipher it. her tone carries nothing but confusion as she presses further, "do you mean how she's disappeared for a while?" the introvert tilts her head slightly.

yongsun nods as she busies herself with pouring a drink. "she does this every year, but this year was exceptionally bad."

seungwan tucks her phone away to focus fully on the brunette, she’s not entirely sure where this conversation is heading but she’s certain that something important is about to be unravelled. 

“some liquid courage,” yongsun hands her a cup as she takes a generous sip of her own drink, “you’re going to need it.”

the introvert accepts the cup hesitatingly, she’d never drank anything stronger than beer so diving into pure alcohol is a little daunting. the senior nudges her lightly and smiles woozily, “you won’t pass out if that’s what you’re worried about, it’ll help you loosen up so we can talk.”

trusting the senior beside her, she swallows the contents with a mix of nervousness and excitement. the liquid burns as it makes its way down her throat and she scrunches her face in disgust — she’ll never understand how seulgi is such a proficient drinker of beverages like these. yongsun lets out a snort at the younger girl’s reaction and shakes her head slowly.

“you already know what i’m going to ask next, don't you?” the brunette turns her attention to the crowd, gazing lovingly at her soulmate who’s messing around with seulgi.

seungwan feels the pounding in her chest grow a little stronger, anxiety settling in the pit of her stomach as she contemplates the question at hand. yeri knows, yongsun knows, it seems like the whole world is going to know before joohyun herself. she’s never talked about kiyub with anyone other than her close friends — it feels strange to talk about someone who you barely know but is destined to be yours. on top of that, it seems weird to pour your heart out to someone you barely know at a party that you’re just about to leave. for a moment, she wonders if she should just be frank with the senior standing next to her. 

maybe the absence of joohyun has created an embarrassing amount of longing, or the teensy bit of alcohol in her system. she doesn’t know what prompted her to be so vulnerably honest, but she knows that it’s futile to feign ignorance at this point.

“she’s my soulmate.” the nerd blurts almost inaudibly, if it isn’t for the music, she’s sure her racing heart would have drowned out her words.

“i knew it!” the brunette grins widely as she slams down her plastic cup on the counter and it startles seungwan, “god, you two will be so cute together!”

the introvert jumps in surprise as an apologetic look finds its way on yongsun’s face almost immediately. “ah! i’m so sorry!” the senior expresses her regret with a bowed head and explains quickly, “i’ve had this gut feeling for weeks and i wanted to confirm my suspicions.”

the nerd relaxed while exhaling slowly, “and now, you want to know why i haven’t spoken to her, don’t you?”

yongsun’s lips form a sheepish grin as she bobs her head with less enthusiasm now. seungwan sighs and refills her cup, more liquid courage could do her more good than bad now. feeling the warmth run its course through her system gives her just the right amount of bravery to be as honest as she needs to be.

“i was scared of her, probably because i was insecure about myself. everything about her is just so — magnificent. and i’m just me. then comes the whole ‘i think she’s too good for me’ and just a lot of wrestling with my insecurities. that’s until i started texting her.” seungwan lets the words flow at the speed of light, she speaks so quickly that yongsun struggles to keep up, “and she still scares me, i think. but at least i know she won’t reject a dumpster fire of a soulmate like me.”

the senior purses her lips and her brows stitch together to form a crinkle between her eyes. like a fish out of the water she gapes, “yah … that’s a quick summary for events spanning almost a month.”

seungwan nods as she turns to the party, watching seulgi and sooyoung dance away to the rhythm of the music. “now you’re all caught up, i should go before i process anything i’ve just said.”

yongsun nods quietly with a knowing smile, “i’m probably not supposed to tell you this, but you’re doing something to joohyun.”

as if a sign from the powers that be couldn't be clearer, seungwan proceeds to make a speedy escape, leaving yongsun standing at the counter. 

“she’s going to be sleeping at the bootes hall tonight, at byul’s dorm on the second floor, if you feel brave enough!” yongsun calls out. seungwan pauses in her step to process the information but she notices the picture frames on the shelf by the door in the midst of her thoughts.

she’s in the shared apartment of joohyun and yongsun — well, fuck.

it’s like she walked into a lion's den without even knowing. not for any longer though, seungwan makes a hasty retreat out of the apartment and walks. the alcohol leaves a light buzz in her system but she's still more than sober after her little chat with yongsun. her emotions threaten to wash over her and seungwan can’t decide if she wants to laugh or cry, she’s not one for bold moves but holy shit, the uncertainty of this whole situation is making her incredibly anxious. 

the rapid beating of her heart has yet to slow and the exhilaration makes it hard to process her thoughts, all except one — whatever just happened sounds like progress made with _kiyub._

* * *

cold winds blow her hair all over the place as she struts around campus. it’s not the most ideal weather for a stroll but seungwan needs to do something to clear her head. everything she’s been repressing for the past few weeks is bursting at the seams, emotions coming undone with every step she takes and she finally feels brave enough to admit it.

she really likes bae joohyun — and bae joohyun might like her back too.

running her hands through her hair, the nerd is feeling more than overwhelmed by her own feelings, she didn’t think it’s possible to like someone this much when you barely even know them but her heart is proving her so very wrong.

she begins formulating a plan, well, the first step is acceptance. she likes joohyun, what about it? no big deal, _right?_ she is the prettiest senior on campus and almost any sane person would have a crush on her so seungwan is no exception to that. that makes acceptance pretty much checked out.

but accepting the possibility that joohyun could like her back is a different situation entirely and a much harder pill to swallow.

seungwan feels her insecurities and self-doubt bubbling to the surface once again but seulgi did knock some sense into her since that night, it’s not the end of the world if joohyun likes her, _right?_

_god, but it sure feels so._

and if things couldn’t be any worse, yongsun knows now and joohyun will at some point too. seungwan has run out of time to avoid kiyub and it feels like it’s going to blow up in her face in the foreseeable future.

seungwan walks for a long time, strolling around the campus like it isn’t a freezing night in february. she finds herself outside bootes at some point but forces her legs to continue moving, she’s not ready _yet._ eventually, she makes her way back to her room, overthinking and walking coupled together is enough to tire her out.

* * *

joohyun is still in pretty low spirits by the time the party rolls around, she’s ready to disappear for the night. but by some obligation, she feels bad if she didn’t even attend a party that’s happening at her dorm. so she pops out of her room, has a couple of drinks and mingles about. she had no idea whose birthday it was until she was ready to leave, apparently it’s seulgi’s coming of age party. but even then, the model leaves the party by 11, not wanting to stick around for when the real chaos begins. she knows the people around here a little too well. most of the calmer ones come before midnight and the actual partygoers only begin to appear after she takes her leave.

she braves the cold to the bootes hall where byulyi's dorm is, she'd dropped off a bag of essentials earlier so she could wash up and get some sleep.

as much as the weather is warming up a little, joohyun still hates the cold with every fibre of her being. warm blankets are the way to go on nights like this. by midnight, she's tucked up in byulyi's bed, ready for a good night's rest knowing fully well that she'll probably have to help yongsun and byulyi clean up in the morning.

being all snuggled up in bed with a light buzz of alcohol lingering in her system, she whips out her phone to read recent texts from seungwan.

the younger girl sent them periodically throughout her absence and joohyun really wanted to reply to all of them but she doesn't feel exactly up for it. having a little chat with yongsun did help a little, she doesn't feel as burdened as before now that she's somewhat spoken about it.

it's coming close to three weeks since they've texted, even if she needs space, she could squeeze the younger girl into her little bubble of a world.

**joohyun:**

hello~ how have you been?

sorry i haven't been replying~

how did your exams go? ^_^

12:07 am

**son seungwan:**

welcome back!!

i've been fine, feeling pretty confident about my papers!

is everything better now?

12:11 am

**joohyun:**

somewhat, still a little under the weather but i'm dealing with it

12:12 am

**son seungwan:**

🤨 it's not very nice to lie, unnie

12:12 am

**joohyun:**

😔 it's not a lie!!

12:12 am

i'm really dealing with it!!

12:12 am

**son seungwan:**

bottling your feelings up isn't dealing with it to be clear

12:13 am

if you're not doing that then i'll believe you! 🤨

12:13 am

**joohyun:**

okay fine, you got me 

12:13 am

it's just that i'm stuck in a hopeless situation and there's not much i can do u_u

12:13 am

**son seungwan:**

if you can't do anything about it, it's best not to worry about it!

12:14 am

at least that's what i like to tell myself 👍

12:14 am

**joohyun:**

you're too positive e_e …

12:14 am

i wish i could think like you but it's a little too important

12:14 am

**son seungwan:**

ahh …

12:15 am

**joohyun:**

enough about me

12:15 am

what're you up to on a saturday night?

12:15 am

**son seungwan:**

nothing much really

12:15 am

just hanging out with some friends online

12:16 am

might turn in early since i'm beat from helping to plan for seulgi's surprise party

12:16 am

**joohyun:**

ah yes, the party that's, unfortunately, happening at my dorm 🙄

12:16 am

speaking of which, i didn't see you at all~

12:16 am

**son seungwan:**

i left after delivering seulgi 😶😶

12:17 am

parties just aren't my thing … and seul's going to be too busy to cater to me

12:17 am

**joohyun:**

i can relate, i left at 11 😬

12:17 am

**son seungwan:**

left? isn't it your dorm? where'd you go then? 😳

12:17 am

**joohyun:**

i'm crashing at byulyi's dorm for the night

12:18 am

her roommate's at the party too so their room is conveniently empty

12:18 am

**son seungwan:**

my room's going to be empty tonight too

12:18 am

it's so quiet without seulgi, i don't know if i like it

12:18 am

**joohyun:**

i'd take the silence over loud edm music 

12:19 am

might have given pop music a pass

12:19 am

**son seungwan:**

but they're both going to keep you up 🤔

12:19 am

**joohyun:**

at least it's a little more bearable than a couple of hours of wub wubs

12:19 am

**son seungwan:**

😂😂😂

12:20 am

i missed talking to you late at night

12:20 am

**joohyun:**

me too

12:20 am

with that, they spend a little time catching each other up on the last three weeks. seungwan tells her some terrible dad jokes she’d been saving since seollal and joohyun? well, joohyun’s just glad to have her source of comfort back.

all the gnarly little feelings that she’d been harbouring in her chest take a backseat because she could never feel bedevilled when she’s talking to seungwan.

* * *

**joohyun-unnie:**

honestly, do you really want to know why i disappeared for three weeks?

01:13 am

**seungwan:**

of course, i care about you

01:13 am

it's been a little while since they started talking and the night has only gotten darker. it seems that heart to heart conversations are best saved for twilight. regardless of the time, seungwan's still grateful that joohyun is willing to open up to her.

**joohyun-unnie:**

well ...

01:13 am

it's about soulmates

01:13 am

my family has a very … unique history with them

01:14 am

**seungwan:**

unique? 🤔

01:14 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

yes, no one in my family has met their soulmates

01:14 am

**seungwan:**

how is that possible?

01:14 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

it's just the norm back at home and my grandmother does her best to make it possible

01:15 am

she's turning it into a reality for me soon

01:15 am

if i never came here for school, maybe i would be okay with it

01:15 am

**seungwan:**

😔 don't say that

01:15 am

why'd you think it's okay without your soulmate?

01:16 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

it's true, if i never knew what i was missing out on, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much

01:16 am

**seungwan:**

you still have an entire lifetime to find them

01:16 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

except i don't

01:17 am

my grandmother has given me a year to find my soulmate or i'm going to be married off

01:17 am

if you were in my shoes, what would you do?

01:17 am

**seungwan:**

maybe talk to your grandmother? she can't be that unreasonable right ..?

01:17 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

but she always gets her way

01:18 am

**seungwan:**

i can see why you were upset, i'd be upset too

01:18 am

it sounds … tough. it's honestly not much of a choice if you ask me, finding soulmates can’t be put against a schedule

01:18 am

the little nerd doesn't know how to really react to this piece of news. joohyun's family has a peculiar tradition, or at least it's not one that she's not too familiar with. it's not a common practise nowadays, in fact, it's considered old fashioned. a burden begins to weigh on her shoulders, if she was a little more courageous, maybe she could've saved joohyun from this anguish.

**joohyun-unnie:**

mhm, indeed

01:18 am

the sooner i accept that it's a hopeless situation, the better it'll be for me

01:19 am

**seungwan:**

you don't think that you'll find them?

01:19 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i might, but i'm not optimistic about the odds

01:19 am

**seungwan:**

you'll find them someday, i know it!

01:19 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

not unless they show up at my door within the next few months

01:20 am

**seungwan:**

why's that?

01:20 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'll be moving back home if i don't find a job here~

01:20 am

and daegu has one of the lowest rates of soulmates amongst all the cities

01:20 am

it's pretty much, in your words, gg for me

01:21 am

**seungwan:**

😂 where'd you pick that up from?

01:21 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i've been watching some gameplay videos on youtube 😬

01:21 am

anyway, when are you free? i haven't forgotten about our yutnori match

01:21 am

**seungwan:**

i'm free any day, i won't be heading home this break

01:22 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

lunch, tomorrow?

01:22 am

**seungwan:**

that works, besides i have something to tell you

01:22 am

but i have to make sure seulgi isn't terribly hungover first

01:22 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'm pretty sure i saw sooyoung at the party too, she can take care of seulgi, right?

01:23 am

and saying that you have something to tell me is just gonna make me anxious!! spill it now!!

01:23 am

**seungwan:**

i can't trust sooyoung. knowing them, they'll probably fall asleep in each other's puke

01:23 am

c'mon, it's a surprise~

01:23 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

🙄 … is it a good or bad surprise?

01:24 am

and also, that's gross … 

01:24 am

**seungwan:**

i know … and i think it'll be good?

01:24 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

you're making me worried now e_e

01:24 am

what do i have to do to get you to tell me now?

01:25 am

**seungwan:**

hmm …

01:25 am

answer a question?

01:25 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i'm all ears

01:25 am

**seungwan:**

what would you do if your soulmate actually appeared in front of you?

01:26 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

i might just faint out of joy but who knows? 😗

01:26 am

so, what are you going to tell me?

01:26 am

* * *

she doesn't know how long she sits on her bed for, but it's enough for her screen to time out and she's left in the darkness of her dorm. picking up her phone, she dials the only number she knows to call when she doesn’t know what to do.

seungwan places the phone against her ear as it rings, she’s not even sure if seulgi will even pick up but it’s not like she has many options left. it takes a while but relief fills her when she hears the loud music blaring into her ear, wincing slightly, she pulls the phone away.

“wannie?” she hears seulgi’s muffled voice coming from the speakers.

“i’m going to do something really stupid and i-” seungwan blurts so quickly she’s not even sure if she’s saying the right words. but seulgi interrupts her mid-sentence.

“are you going to talk to joohyun?” her words are slightly slurred but somehow she’s still sober enough to be seungwan’s pillar of support, “it’s going to be okay.”

“wait,” the nerd furrows her eyebrows, “how’d you know?”

with a loud belch, seulgi clears her throat and ignores her question entirely, “talk to her, wannie. you got this, okay?”

drunken seulgi isn’t the most elegant person, but that’s a topic for another day. tonight, it’s all about _kiyub._

“are you drunk?”

“mayhaps i am but even drunk me is telling you to talk to her,” seulgi yells over the music, “go talk to kiyub!”

wincing yet again, seungwan sighs in despair, “seul-ah …”

the pounding of the music fades away and the introvert assumes that seulgi has moved to a quieter place to continue their conversation. “seungwan,” her best friend starts off in a serious tone, if seungwan didn’t know better, seulgi could definitely pass off as sober, “remember what i said? she’s going to love you and if she doesn’t, she’s going to catch sooyoung’s hands when she comes back.”

scratch that, _seulgi is definitely drunk._

“there’s nothing more i can say to reassure you, wannie, you just need to muster up your courage.” her best friend sighs, “at some point, you gotta stop waiting for the universe to do shit for you.”

plopping back down onto her bed, she heaves tiredly, “you’re not making any sense right now, you know?”

“all i’m saying is you gotta stop being a passive little shit, you’ve spent long enough talking to her to know that she wouldn’t reject you. you gotta think of it like the first time you approached me as a kid, where’s that son seungwan from when we were 7?” seulgi mutters softly, her words offering a much-needed push for the little nerd.

“i was a kid, the world wasn’t so scary back then.” seungwan chuckles softly, she was so much bolder at 7 than she is now.

“but joohyun isn’t the world.”

“no she isn’t, but i’m so nervous anyway.”

“if she knew, i think she’d be scared too.”

seungwan falls silent as she bites down on her lower lip and exhales softly. why did seulgi have to make such good points? 

“you can do this, okay? if it’s genuinely too much for you to handle, call me and i will be back.”

“can you even walk straight?”

“can you?”

“ugh, shut up.”

“i love you, wannie, now go get your soulmate and don’t forget to update me in the morning!”

"don't drink too much, i'll be over at-"

seulgi cuts the call with a loud cackle, leaving seungwan in the silence by her lonesome, she huffs and lies back down in her bed. she waits it out in the darkness, staring at her ceiling as her mind whirls around thoughts of joohyun.

* * *

**joohyun-unnie**

1 message

seungwan doesn't know where she gets the courage from but this spurt of bravery is all she needs. she clings to it, not wanting it to slip away otherwise she might just cower behind a screen again. and she runs once again, but this time, it's not away from joohyun — she's going to get her soulmate.

she runs. she runs in the dead of night. she runs through campus grounds despite the freezing temperatures.

that leads her to finding herself at the bootes hall, panting and gasping for breath as if she's completed a marathon. through sheer willpower, she turns the ten-minute walk from aquila to bootes into a five-minute sprint. she shoves the thought of getting into shape for later and clambers up the stairs two at a time. leaning against the wall, she takes a moment to catch her breath before continuing on her quest for her soulmate.

she finds byulyi's dorm with ease since it's right next to the stairs. the chalkboard next to the door had scribbles on it but at least there's some confirmation that she's at the right room

_'moonbyul & hani'_

that's good enough for her. whipping her phone out, she looks at joohyun's recent messages.

**joohyun-unnie:**

yah son seungwan, you're making me antsy here

01:37 am

did you fall asleep?

01:37 am

**seungwan:**

no i didn't

01:37 am

open the door

01:37 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

yah … i almost fell asleep

01:38 am

what door?

01:38 am

seungwan doesn't reply but instead, she knocks on the wooden door in front of her. she hears silence from the other side and stares at the chat intently, joohyun is still online but there's no reply. her breathlessness doesn't make her feel as anxious as she should be and it's a great feeling. she needs this kind of courage for the rest of her life, it'll do her wonders, she muses quietly as she waits.

footsteps reverberate softly when joohyun goes offline and seungwan clenches the phone tightly in her hands. her adrenaline hasn't faded yet but it feels like she might pass out from fear or excitement, or both. her heart beating rapidly against its fragile cages makes the silence of the night feel less unnerving.

the knob turns slowly and seungwan steadies herself. she doesn't know what to say now even though she's spent weeks preparing for this very moment.

_she's okay._ _she's got this._

how _bad_ can her first words to kiyub be?

_she’s got this, she’s got this, she’s got this._

the senior cracks open the door slowly and pokes her head out, recoiling in surprise when she sees younger girl standing outside. her brain goes into overdrive, processing a hundred thoughts as she considers her options. she’s too flustered to function properly but she knows it’s too late to run now. it’s now or never.

"seungwan?" she gasps, "what are you doing here?"

_it’s okay. it’s going to be okay. even if it's not okay, sooyoung will throw hands for her._

joohyun isn’t going to reject her, so if she could just spit something out instead of gaping like a fish out water, that’d be perfect.

_say it. just say it — whatever comes to mind._

seungwan runs her tongue over her lips nervously. she just has to be direct, just get whatever words out so joohyun knows it's her. this is her chance, the hardest part is already over, all she has to do now is let joohyun into her world. taking a leap of faith, she pours all her bravery into her words. with her own feelings and seulgi's words in her head, seungwan's mind is a mess and she can barely string together a coherent sentence, so when it doesn't come out as intended, is anyone even surprised?

_"you're my joohyun!"_

when the words reach her ears, seungwan thinks her soul is ready to leave her body for another plane of existence so she can escape this embarrassment she feels.

“ _fuck …_ ” she mutters under her breath.

the senior widens her eyes and upon realising what had just happened, cracks into a large smile. after a long time spent moping and praying for her soulmate to miraculously show up, here she is. not at all what she had been expecting, but even joohyun isn’t sure what to expect in the first place.

_son seungwan_ , turning up at her door in the middle of the night, blurting the words on her wrist with a nervous quiver in her voice. it turns into one of those moments that she ingrains in her memory, moments that she’s certain that she’ll never forget. the enigma behind her predilection for son seungwan is finally resolved.

visibly relaxing in front of her, joohyun pulls her right sleeve down with an amused smile, “i am your joohyun.”

the goddess that stands before her turns her right wrist to show seungwan her tattoo — the words that have just left her mouth, including the curse word, are embedded permanently in her skin in a simple sans serif font.

seungwan feels like no matter how much air she draws into her lungs, she can't breathe. her gaze flits from joohyun's tattoo to joohyun herself, her mind goes blank and she only has one thought.

_bae joohyun is kiyub, bae joohyun is her soulmate._

"i-i …" it's impossible to form words at this point and seungwan forces herself to stop stammering.

"we can talk later, let's get you warmed up first." joohyun pulls her freezing body into the warm room without another word.

* * *

they don't say much, joohyun extricates herself of her hoodie and forces seungwan to wear it, additionally she's being wrapped up in blankets too. her soulmate bustles around the room as she shivers away on byulyi's bed. running here barefoot in nothing but a thin shirt and shorts is a horrible idea but the outcome is more than worth it. seungwan is still processing that this is very much real and not a dream and joohyun is trying to hold back all her urges to embrace her new soulmate.

_her soulmate. she's got her soulmate._

joohyun eventually returns to her side with a mug of hot water. "drink." she urges quickly as she takes a seat next to the younger girl.

seungwan accepts it with a grateful smile and sips on the literally burning hot water. but the heat is more than welcomed, it warms her up instantly.

"you didn't even put any shoes on?" joohyun gasps as she looks at seungwan's bare toes, breaking the comfortable yet tense silence they've settled into.

wiggling them cheekily, she nods while avoiding joohyun's gaze, her feet are hurting from the harsh grounds she had to run across but all of it is worth it. she then brings her gaze to look at joohyun with her lips tugged upwards in a small smile, "i needed to tell you." 

a gentle blush begins to show on joohyun's cheek and the senior bites back a grin. she gets up and shuffles around the room to look for something.

"what are you looking for?" seungwan questions softly as she warms her hands against the mug.

joohyun responds with a mumble, "a first aid kit, or anything to clean up your feet.”

turning her feet upwards, they're not horribly injured, just a little scratched from the terrains of campus. nothing that won't heal in a couple of days. seungwan sips on more water as she watches joohyun, "it's not that bad, don't worry."

her soulmate clicks her teeth and turns around, "was it really necessary to run here without proper clothing and shoes?"

seungwan nods her head seriously, "if i didn't, you might just get married to someone else."

"yah … i still had time." joohyun chuckles and continues her search. but she can’t deny that the sentiment makes her heart swell with adoration for her soulmate.

the introvert is reminded of the various situations in which she ran from her soulmate and sighs, "i know, but i would've chickened out."

the senior stops her rummaging and turns to her newfound love. "why? are you afraid of me?" joohyun's eyes are filled with concern and she fiddles with her fingers.

"no! no! not at all!" seungwan quickly clarifies. seeing joohyun relax, she continues to ramble, "it's just … i overthink and i'm insecure and i had a whole bunch of unrealistic ideals of you that scared me. i also didn't want to give you a dumb tattoo and i-"

the nerd stops mid-sentence when she finds her soulmate listening intently with a watchful gaze.

"and you?"

"i … i was afraid that you'd reject me."

"seungwan …" joohyun's tone is almost heartbreaking, her gaze softens as she bites on her lower lip almost in despair, "i would never do that."

"i know and i don't feel that way anymore. but at the start it just felt like it could be a possibility, then it grew into this big ball of worry." seungwan mumbles, "it's just a bunch of dumb feelings."

"it's not dumb at all, they're all valid. these are all parts of you that i don't want to ignore. we don't have to rush to do anything, we can take it as slow as you want, okay?"

seungwan looks up with a small gasp, how could she have gone weeks without her soulmate? if she knew that being loved by her soulmate would feel this amazing, she wouldn't have avoided this for so long.

joohyun pulls her gaze away and bites the insides of her cheek, "w-what?"

"what, what?"

"why are you staring at me like that?"

"i should've talked to you sooner if i knew you were going to be this sweet." seungwan admits with a dopey smile plastered across her cheeks.

talking to joohyun in real life feels easier than she pictured it to be. maybe the initial barriers have all been broken through weeks of texting. whatever it is, she feels comfortable with her soulmate, albeit a little awkward.

"yah! you're really greasy, son seungwan!" joohyun stutters and she resumes her rummaging once again. she doesn’t want seungwan to see the flush that’s rushing to her cheeks even though the lights in the room are dim.

seungwan lets out a snicker as she sinks deeper into joohyun's warm hoodie. eventually, the senior gives up on finding supplies and cleans her feet with a washcloth.

they settle into an apprehensive silence once that has been done, neither of them knowing what to really do now.

* * *

joohyun finds a seat beside seungwan but doesn't move much, all she does is reach for seungwan's hand and the younger girl lets her hold it. she's grateful that joohyun is willing to take it slow but some part of her just wants to leap into her soulmate's arms and say _fuck you_ to all her worries and insecurities. they stay like that for a little, seungwan doesn't want to let go of the hand she's been aching to hold for weeks. 

in this tiny dorm room, it feels like there's only the two of them in this world. like the world has stopped for these two soulmates to learn how to love.

eventually, the fatigue begins to overtake her and seungwan stifles a yawn. joohyun has been watching her like a hawk, so it doesn't go unnoticed.

"oh … it's really late." joohyun murmurs softly after squinting at the clock on byulyi's desk.

the little nerd turns to see that it's a half-past two in the morning, no wonder she feels like she's about to pass out.

"i should head back …" seungwan mumbles uncertainly as she stands up, letting go of joohyun's hands in the process. she hadn't even realised how clammy her hands are till they are out of her soulmate's grasp.

the senior watches while her soulmate prepares to leave, should she try to convince her to stay? maybe it's too soon to sleep in the same bed. should she say goodbye? should she hug her? is hugging too much for now?

“i’ll see you tomorrow, unnie.”

before she knows it, seungwan bids her a soft farewell before quietly exiting the room. 

only in her absence does joohyun come to the realisation — she didn't want her to leave at all, she didn't realise how desperately she wants seungwan to stay until the girl is gone. so the model leaps up off her feet and races after the introvert who is already making her way down the corridor.

"wait!" joohyun calls out and chases after her brand new soulmate, " wait, seungwan!"

seungwan swivels around, slightly startled by the model's abrupt actions. she calms down and bobs her head slowly, "oh! i'm still wearing your hoodie, do you need it back?"

joohyun doesn't hide the confusion on her face but quickly shakes her head, "no, keep it on, it's cold. "

the nerd hums softly as she blinks at her soulmate, "do you need something?"

it takes joohyun a few moments to stop gasping for air and she gathers her courage. "stay." joohyun squeaks before clearing her throat and repeating firmly, "i want you to stay."

seungwan cracks into a small smile and joohyun swears she could see tears glistening in her eyes. but the senior wraps her arms around her before she can even take a proper look. joohyun caves in to her desires and embraces the little nerd tightly, meeting your soulmate is one thing, but to feel yourself fall in love with them is an entirely different experience.

"i don't know how to love you yet," joohyun takes a deep breath while taking in seungwan's scent, burying her face in the crook of her neck, "but i'm going to figure it out because i know you're the one for me. you're my seungwan." 

the small frame in joohyun’s arms loosens up and lets herself be embraced. hearing these words from kiyub makes eyes blurry with tears, joohyun is just like her, scared and uncertain, but the difference between them is that the older girl seems so much braver. seungwan melts into the hug easily, she's still pretty terrified but at least she's not alone now — _she's going to figure things out with joohyun._

"i like you a lot …" seungwan finally admits, saying it aloud feels like she's cementing the fact that joohyun is her soulmate. and that feat alone is relieving in ways that she can't even begin to explain.

she didn't have to say more, not that she has any words either. joohyun pulls back slightly, not too much so that she would leave seungwan's arms. she cups her soulmate's cheeks yet again and wipes her tears away with her thumbs, she looks into seungwan's eyes longingly, wondering if she is feeling the same things.

"can i kiss you?" joohyun asks nervously, her eyes flit to the soft lips of the introvert and then back to her.

seungwan doesn’t have to reply, she leans forward to meet her soulmate's mouth instead. their lips collide gently and joohyun steps a little closer, holding seungwan steady, anchoring her to savour this moment together.

maybe this is what the right love tastes like, a little wet with a tinge of tenderness, a little daunting but exhilarating all at once. to feel like you're falling but knowing that someone's going to be there to catch you, is this what a love meant for you feels like? 

seungwan doesn't really know, but what she does know is she's willing to fall. 

her arms reach around joohyun and find their place at the small of her back, pulling her closer and all she can feel is how amazing it feels to kiss her soulmate for the first time ever. in that moment, she didn’t feel fear, or anxiety, just — love. all the love she has is waiting to be poured into this tiny girl in her arms and she does so with a long and deep kiss against joohyun’s sweet and tender lips.

and joohyun basks in it while returning her feelings. for the first time since she got her tattoo, seungwan feels blessed that the words are what they are.

joohyun pulls away slowly with the need to catch her breath, she stares at the soft girl in front of her and wonders if she can squeeze in another kiss before her lungs begin to burn.

"wow …" seungwan gasps softly, cracking into a dopey grin as she sniffles. her tears are gone and the only thing keeping her from passing out is joohyun's firm grip against her neck.

kiyub smiles before planting another soft kiss on her cheek, "i think i'm going to turn into yongsun and byulyi if you keep looking at me like that."

seungwan feels the heat rush to her face as she looks away shyly, self-conscious of the staring she's done yet again. "is that a bad thing ?" she asks unsurely.

"nothing with you could ever be a bad thing, seungwan." the way her name rolls of joohyun's tongue is enough to reassure her of her soulmate's feelings.

the little nerd smiles and nods, removing joohyun's hands from around her neck and clasping it in hers, “well then, would you like to brave the colds with me back to my room?”

“we have a perfectly good room right there.” joohyun begins to argue as she points back to byulyi’s dorm, the thought of walking outside in the middle of the night is not one that is welcomed.

“i know …” the younger girl whines with a sheepish smile and shifts her weight from one leg to another, “but i can’t sleep in unfamiliar places.”

nodding her head with an understanding sigh, joohyun untangles herself from her soulmate to gather up her things. 

* * *

when joohyun is done, she finds seungwan playing with the strings of her hoodie mindlessly while resting against the wall — what an adorable sight to behold, yet another moment she’s committing to her memory. approaching slowly, seungwan notices her presence and looks up with a beaming smile. it didn’t matter that it’s the middle of the night and her body is screaming for sleep, all that matters is the girl standing before her knows that they are soulmates.

joohyun drops her sneakers before seungwan and looks at the little nerd pointedly.

“what?”

“wear these.”

“what about you?”

“i’ll be fine.”

“take your hoodie back then,” seungwan begins to wiggle out of the warm hoodie that she’s somewhat made a home out of, “no way you’re walking like this when it’s freezing outside.”

joohyun looks down at her clothes and well, they clearly aren’t made for a cold night in february. but then again, neither is seungwan’s t-shirt. she clicks her teeth and folds her arms across her chest, “you came here in the exact same manner, i don’t think you should be lecturing me.”

“i’m not lecturing you,” seungwan retorts, though her voice is muffled while she takes off the sweatshirt, “i just don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“and you think i would let you?”

seungwan bites her lower lip and hands the hoodie back to joohyun, “i’ll wear your shoes if you wear your hoodie.”

deciding it’ll be futile to argue, joohyun accepts the compromise and readorns the warm article of clothing. if she’s really honest, she knows that she’ll regret every minute of the walk without her hoodie. but for seungwan, it is but a tiny sacrifice.

joohyun’s shoes are a perfect fit for her, probably due to their similar physiques. they’re a nice reprieve from the harsh if not cold floors though she feels horrible that joohyun is now the one who has to walk back without shoes on. but joohyun didn't seem to have a problem with it at all.

“let’s go.” joohyun clings onto seungwan when she deems that her girl is ready.

they exit bootes and enter the biting chill of the night. lucky for them, the winds aren’t as strong as when seungwan made her way over. and also an added bonus for her, seungwan has her own personal heater now. her thin shirt did nothing against the cold but with joohyun hanging onto her, things are marginally better.

_scratch that, it’s more than marginally, it’s fucking great._

she’d run through the horrible temperatures any day if it meant having joohyun by her side for the rest of her life. and despite being the one in warmer clothes, joohyun is still shivering more than the nerd — something which seungwan finds a little comical.

“bad with the cold?” the introvert muses as they walk through campus grounds.

joohyun offers a meek nod in response, “let’s just say i don’t appreciate being outside when the weather is this cold.”

“and you wanted to give me your hoodie!” seungwan laughs at the absurdity of the situation and snakes her arms around joohyun, pulling her a little closer to her equally small frame.

the senior wrinkles her nose and picks up her pace, “come on, you’re going to fall sick at this rate.”

and the two new soulmates find themselves brisk walking from one hall to another in the icy darkness. but neither of them minded it, spending time with each other is something they’d both savour, even if it’s at the risk of getting hypothermia.

* * *

joohyun stays the night at the dorm of the two best friends, seungwan had intended to let her sleep on her bed while she took seulgi's. but after some serious convincing, the two new soulmates lie on seungwan's bed. thanks to their physiques, they're able to fit comfortably. 

they lie on their sides, facing each other with the moon lighting up certain parts of their faces. their hands tangled, fingers entwined with no intention of wanting to let go in sight.

as tired as seungwan is, sleep is a secondary thought when her soulmate is currently lying next to her. there’s so much she wants to say, so many feelings she’s yet to articulate, so much she wants to share without the fear of her confidant finding her annoying.

"i knew." seungwan starts abruptly, interrupting the tranquillity of the dorm.

joohyun raises an eyebrow curiously as she plays with the introvert's fingers, "that you were my soulmate?"

seungwan nods slowly, moving her arm under the moonlight so joohyun could see her tattoo. the comic sans mark on her skin has felt like a joke for years until she heard it for the first time, it’s no longer an abomination. now, it brought the pleasant feeling of love.

kiyub has a different weight now, yongsun was right, things do change.

"kiyub?" joohyun pushes herself up, frowning in confusion before her expression turns into one of panic, "i could've sworn my first words were a proper sentence … did i make a mistake? are you actually my soulmate?"

seungwan fails to hold back a soft snort as she reassures her soulmate in a gentle tone, “yes, i am, when seulgi and byulyi-unnie set off those fireworks, it scared you and you went kiyub!” the nerd smiles at the memory, the image of joohyun covering her ears resurfaces in her mind and she imitates it with a certain degree of cuteness.

joohyun stares at seungwan momentarily, a breath is caught in her throat because she thinks she might have fallen a little more in love with this girl. she can’t stop the smile that creeps up onto her lips but she does lie back down to bury her face in her hands out of embarrassment. “ah, i wasn’t expecting this at all,” the older girl groans, voice muffled by her hands, “i thought you’d have something less odd.”

seungwan inches closer to remove her hands from her face and she rests her weight on her elbows. “i don’t think it’s odd,” she says softly, moving the strands of stray hair away from joohyun’s face with a little hesitation, “it’s a little unique.”

“calling it unique is a nice way to put it, huh?” the psychology major cringes as she traces her fingers over the indelible word, taking it in slowly and seungwan looks up at her adoringly with a small nod.

“i mean, would you prefer an almost nonsensical sound of exclamation or a messed up sentence from a nervous fool?" the nerd teases cheekily.

joohyun becomes quiet as she seriously weighs the two options, “i think i wouldn’t mind either as long as they’re your words.” she admits shyly with a soft smile.

seungwan swallows nervously, she’s not used to having someone express their feelings about her so openly, positive feelings too. everything about this situation just feels unreal to her, she partially expects it to be a dream and she’ll wake up disappointed in the morning.

_“i’m sorry.”_

the atmosphere between them shifts to one of a more serious tone when seungwan murmurs almost inaudibly, there’s been a weight on her chest ever since their texts that night and not even finding her soulmate could lift it.

“what for?” the senior widens her eyes in bewilderment.

“running mostly," the nerd’s voice is guilt-stricken and joohyun can feel how apologetic she is, “i didn’t know how significant soulmates were to you.”

"how could you have known?” joohyun coos gently, taking her soulmate’s hands into hers tenderly.

“i’m just thinking about how if i acknowledged you at the party, you wouldn’t have had a shitty time in the last few weeks.”

“things with my family are entirely out of your control. how could you possibly hold yourself responsible, seungwan-ah?”

the introvert shrugs as she lies back down to face the ceiling, she’s not sure how things are supposed to be with joohyun. could she be as honest like she is with seulgi?

joohyun shifts beside her and faces her fully. "stop it, silly. at least you came looking for me," joohyun tries to comfort her, "it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it gave me a lot of time to think about my soulmate and what i really wanted. in some ways, you gave me the time i needed." 

the little nerd squeezes her fingers lightly and sighs, "i still feel guilty …"

joohyun feels her heart break a little, the last thing she wants to ever see now is a sad seungwan. instinctively, she places her arms around seungwan in an awkward hug, she'll never get how easy it looks in the movies.

"it's okay, it's in the past now, what matters is what happens now," she murmurs into the crook of seungwan’s neck, but she's sure the younger girl is able to hear her, "don't be sad, because it's going to make me sad."

joohyun shifts her arms so that she's holding seungwan tightly and she plants a kiss on the younger girl's forehead. her soulmate snuggles closer to her chest and joohyun thinks that there's no better feeling. 

her heart feels so full tonight and all she wants to do is express her love, "i’m very grateful that you’re here, seungwan. i think i got really lucky when the universe decided to pair you with me.”

"are you kidding? have you seen yourself?" seungwan mumbles incredulously, basking in joohyun's warm affection, "one of the reasons i couldn't talk to you was because you were so … wow …"

"so wow?" joohyun doesn't hold back a snort.

"don't laugh," seungwan pouts as she looks up at her soulmate, "you looked like a goddess when i first saw you and honestly, it just feels like having you as my soulmate is too good to be true."

joohyun smiles softly as her gaze lingers on her precious soulmate, "i'm only human and this is all very true and very real. i can’t wait to get to know you better, _azure._ ”

seungwan lets out a groan at the sound of her username being mentioned and her soulmate could only giggle cheekily.

“yeri placed bets with our friends on when i would actually talk to you.”

“yah … that brat is going to get it from me.”

“it’s okay, i’m pretty sure she lost. she had zero faith in me.”

“well, serves her right.” joohyun scoffs, “i also can’t believe she knew and didn’t tell me!”

seungwan purses her lips as she takes a mental check of how many people actually knew that the two of them are soulmates before joohyun herself knew. put it short, it’s basically the entire world and their moms.

“well … i have some news for you …” the nerd drawls nervously.

the senior looks down at the girl in her arms and expels a sigh, “alright, who else knows?”

“seulgi, sooyoung, yeri, yongsun-unnie,” seungwan begins to list off names at the top of her head, “a bunch of my online friends and byulyi-unnie too probably.”

“yah, son seungwan! you told that many people before me?” joohyun raises her voice in offense.

seungwan bites back a laugh, “to be fair, yeri and yongsun-unnie found out on their own.”

“seulgi and sooyoung?”

“sorry, i tell seulgi just about everything and by extension, sooyoung knows everything too. those two are inseparable.”

“unbelievable … ah … whatever! at least you finally talked to me, i’ll take it.” joohyun mumbles and doesn't try to hide her yawn, it's getting late now and neither of their bodies is agreeing to no sleep.

"we should save this conversation for tomorrow.” seungwan suggests, feeling the fatigue in her body catching up to her as well. all the adrenaline has passed and even love isn't enough to keep her up through the night.

joohyun nods slightly as her eyes begin to shut, "as much as i agree, i just want to spend a little more time with you."

the introvert hums in agreement, "i do too, but you know i won't disappear, right?"

"i'm not so sure about that …" joohyun mumbles as pulls seungwan closer, the little nerd cranes her neck to look up at her with a softened gaze, "you ran from me. i’m partially expecting you to immigrate when i wake up."

“i’m a changed woman now, i don’t think i wanna be anywhere without you.”

“careful now,” joohyun teases warningly, “i wouldn’t want to turn into yongsun and byulyi, or seulgi and sooyoung.”

“is it really that bad?” seungwan pouts, “because for one, i do take great pleasure in being in your arms.”

the senior lets out a sleepy chuckle and leans in to meet seungwan's soft lips again. a gentle peck that catches seungwan off guard. the younger girl jumps slightly but joohyun’s firm grip keeps them intertwined. 

“and i take great pleasure in adoring you.” joohyun hums sleepily before proceeding to plant more tender kisses on her cheek and neck.

"well, i’ve got great news for you. i like it, a lot."

"and i like you, a lot."

"you call me greasy, but look at you. are you always this soft?" seungwan can’t help but grin widely.

"only for you, you have no idea what you do to me. i’ve been trying to figure out why for the last few weeks and i finally know now."

"i'm going to make a bold move and assume it's the same as what you do to me."

"i make your heart melt into a little puddle and all you want to do is kiss me?" joohyun mumbles nervously in the quietest tone ever.

seungwan bobs her head, "pretty much."

_"nice."_

_"nice?"_

"yeah, nice, because i get to have you all to myself."

"wish i could say the same. half the school's population is going to come after me once they learn that i'm your soulmate.”

"it's not like they stood a chance anyway. plus, once they see how adorable my seungwannie is, they'll understand."

"your seungwannie?” seungwan chuckles lightly, “but they'll come after me with pitchforks and torches. "

"yeah, mine. and i will fend them off with my own pitchfork and torch." 

"i'm sure you will …" seungwan mutters as she drifts off into slumber.

"goodnight, my seungwannie." joohyun says with a content smile on her lips, but her soulmate is already fast asleep.

listening to the silent breathing of her soulmate, she takes a moment to appreciate everything that’s just happened. it’s funny how things work themselves out when she least expects them to. all her life, she never thought that meeting her soulmate would be a possibility, let alone falling asleep all cuddled up with them.

not only did she get her soulmate, she got seungwan too. of all the people she could’ve been paired with, she got this adorable little nerd. somehow, seungwan just snuck her way into her heart so frictionlessly, she doesn’t doubt that her love for this girl will only grow. and for that, joohyun thinks she must be blessed by the gods themselves. with thoughts of a future together in mind, joohyun lets the gentle rise of seungwan’s chest lull her into a series of sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! it finally happened!!! thanks for sticking around and reading, i genuinely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.  
> edited this entire chapter to joji's like you do, if you love some mellow shit please give it a listen!
> 
> going to be a sort of a lengthy ramble so it's chill if you skip. 
> 
> started this fic back in april but it took me long while to think of joohyun's tattoo, and well, i'm glad to say that it hasn't changed since i first thought of it. not sure if it's what anyone expected, or if anyone's disappointed but it's kinda always been the way i had things in my head. and yes i am incredibly anxious about everyone's reactions since i've been building this up for like,, 2 months? if u hate it pls don't tell me i'm insecure and will probably cry.
> 
> anyway. holy hell. sorry i've been gone for a month, i spent a solid three weeks grinding my valorant battle pass and rank and ho my god i am fucking bald my dudes. didn't make it to plat sadly, but in my final days of grinding i just gave up and played tft instead. and i got plat there so kinda pepehands but i'll take it.  
> also while i was gone, i binged watched indian matchmaking on netflix and it was literally so eye-opening, might write in some of my newfound revelations in future chapters. honestly!! give it a watch if you can!!
> 
> and also!! highkey shameless promo but i wrote a wr among us fic ... why? idk either ... you can read it [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27015373)
> 
> gonna try to go back to weekly updates too. this isn't the end yet, i'm out of plot but i'm not leaving without sprinkling more fluff in the wr fandom. i have a little bit more pre-written stuff and like maybe ~conflict~ but i read a comment saying that the grandmother shit was like a makjang and omg i- ... i don't wanna turn this into a cringefest of drama y'know ... it ain't be like that ... i just wanna have fun t.t will take it chapter by chapter i guess,,
> 
> ok!!! that's enough from me. might share some scenes that didn't make it on my twitter so pop by in a day or two! thanks for reading this fic and ramble. (again, i really hope joohyun's tat doesn't disappoint anyone t.t)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)


	7. of garden gnomes and a life of firsts

waking up to an alarm blaring at 7 am is not how joohyun was expecting to wake up after spending the night with her soulmate for the first time. needless to say, she's a little irritated and wants nothing more than to fall back asleep with seungwan in her arms.

joohyun feels the small girl fumbling around the bed to shut the alarm off and buries her face in her back with a small groan. "it's sunday … why do you have an alarm?" joohyun whines in a voice filled with drowsiness.

feeling seungwan leave her arms, she's forced to open her eyes. the nerd has sat up and is on her phone, texting her best friend and her demon of a soulmate since they didn't return last night.

"sorry, i have to go get seulgi and sooyoung since they're not back." seungwan sighs as she yawns sleepily, "you're welcome to warm my bed while i go get those two."

joohyun looks up with a pout, "it's not going to be nice without you here."

"so, not nice?"

"yeah not nice."

seungwan can't help but grin at how clingy joohyun is already, it's barely been a few hours since they've found each other and she's already acting like she's not going to live without the nerd. not that she disagrees, now that she has joohyun, she doesn't want to spend a minute away from her either — the feeling is mutual.

but she's gotta admit, being wanted by bae joohyun is a lovely feeling.

"come with me then."

"but it's too cold and too early …" joohyun whines as she continues to hide under the duvets.

"it is too early but i gotta make sure they're not sleeping in their own puke."

joohyun ignores her words and tugs at her shirt with the intention to pull her back into bed. and well, how could seungwan deny her? 

"come on, unnie," seungwan lets out a breathy laugh when her soulmate clings onto her waist, "we have the rest of our lives to cuddle."

the senior let out yet another groan and closes her eyes. using seungwan's lap as a pillow, she traps her soulmate with her own gravity. if she ever sleeps over when seungwan has morning classes, it’s very likely she’ll be on her way to failing her first class.

"i'm just saying, seulgi and sooyoung has spent years with you, all i want is to sleep with you till noon." joohyun mumbles a weak retort.

"stay here then, i'll get breakfast and be back in an hour or two then we can sleep again." the nerd offers and begins to untangle herself from joohyun's iron grasp.

"it's not the same …"

"it's the best compromise i can give you. though if you come, fluffy pancakes at munch will be on me," seungwan smirks as she crawls out of bed and heads to the bathroom, "and i'll hold your hand!"

a tempting offer. one that even joohyun could not simply pass up on.

"fine …" joohyun sighs in defeat as she removes the duvet, " i'll go …"

* * *

it's a half-past seven when the soulmates leave the warm dorm to brace the cold winds back to cygnus. this time, they are both properly clothed. the harsh temperatures are no match for the clothes they've put on. 

joohyun is clinging on to her for dear life once again. with her hands wrapped around the younger girl's waist, it makes for an awkward walk but neither wants to let go. the psychology major didn't do well in the cold despite being layered up like a burrito made out of all the warm clothes in seungwan's wardrobe — she had borrowed an extra jacket to battle the chills, but even that couldn't stop her shivering.

"i'm ready to jump back into bed, it's too early for me to function." joohyun mutters as they stroll down the empty paths.

seungwan snickers as she rubs a hand down joohyun's arm, hoping the friction would offer some warmth. "when you said you weren't a morning person, i didn't expect it to be this bad." she muses.

joohyun stifles a yawn as she looks up at the introvert, "you are too much of a morning person."

"unfortunately, i am. and that's why i have to go get seulgi when she doesn't come back in the mornings." seungwan sighs with a small smile. 

joohyun giggles lightly, "but you were at the new year party?" she questions.

"it was either that or watching her and sooyoung make out in our dorm room and i can't take anymore smooches. seul practically pointed a gun to my head and said _party or perish_." seungwan groans.

"i'm glad she did, otherwise when would we ever meet?" joohyun grins as she rests her head on her soulmate's arm, "also, smooches aren't so bad, _seungwannie_."

_seungwannie._ she could really get used to this. the way joohyun says her name makes her fall a little more each time.

seungwan wets her lips and shrugs, "we'd probably meet because of seulgi at some point and you haven't seen the two of them make out, they're absolutely disgusting and should probably get a room without me in it." she says firmly, she's been the sole audience of their full-blown make-out sessions for a few years now and there's only so much she can tolerate without gagging.

joohyun chuckles at her predicament and hugs her a little tighter, "come over anytime, i'll be more than happy to offer you a safe haven and non-disgusting smooches."

the weather doesn't feel as cold anymore when her face flushes at joohyun's words, she's on the verge of mumbling a response but it comes out as a weak squeak and now she's twice as embarrassed.

the senior doesn't hold back the amused laugh that leaves her throat, "we don't have to do anything you don't want to, seungwannie. i'd be happy to just have you around." she reassures quickly.

the world feels like it's come alive, bringing color to every corner and she finally has something to look forward to. with joohyun in her arms, she's not sure if she could ever hate this world again. her soulmate has been so accommodating and patient and sweet and — the list goes on but everything about her makes seungwan's heart flutter.

seungwan makes a bold move and leans in to plant a soft kiss on joohyun's freezing cheek and the senior stops in her step. the introvert looks at her with a confused expression and joohyun's lips slowly crack into a huge smile.

"what's wrong?" seungwan frowns worriedly, afraid that her actions may have upset her soulmate.

"i thought kissing you was the best thing ever, but you kissing me is so much better." joohyun admits cheekily and resumes walking.

"i-!" seungwan stutters and her soulmate has to drag her along so she doesn't freeze up in the middle of the path.

* * *

the apartment where seulgi's birthday party was held got somewhat trashed, it's probably worse before they got here since yongsun is already busy cleaning up. the situation still looks dire though, there are still plenty of unconscious bodies littered around various spots in the apartment. joohyun can’t help but let out a soft sigh at her ruined apartment, every fibre of her being is regretting that she agreed to the party.

“you good?” seungwan questions with a worried gaze and runs a hand down her back comfortingly.

the senior bobs her head, “just thinking of how much of a pleasant sight this is.”

“close your eyes, you won’t have to see it.”

“yah …”

“joohyun? i thought you said you were only going to come back after lunch!” yongsun pokes her head out of the kitchen to peek her roommate presumably.

“i was.” joohyun snaps. clearly returning at the wee hours of the morning isn’t going to do wonders for her mood. not only is she cranky and tired, but their apartment also looks worse than a pig’s sty.

the brunette gasps loudly when she sees joohyun wrapped in seungwan's arms and she's beyond elated. "is this a dream? is this real? i'm not still dru–"

“not now, yong,“ joohyun shoots her with a sharp glare, “it’s too early for this."

yongsun looks at the two with a pointed grin and seungwan recognises that look. the senior probably think they did more than just cuddling and there’s no stopping the heat from rushing to her cheeks now.

“i should go check on seulgi and sooyoung …" seungwan stammers and trails off awkwardly. she scans the room but doesn’t see the couple anywhere.

“they’re in my room with byul," yongsun jabs a finger back into the corridor with a closed door, “watch out though, they drank a lot."

joohyun lets her seungwannie leave albeit a little unwillingly but she’s not going to act this clingy in front of yongsun who is throwing her an amused grin as her soulmate leaves. seungwan hurries into the room and leaves the two seniors to talk.

* * *

the room she enters is cool and dark, perfect for three hungover idiots sharing one bed that’s clearly too small for all of them. byulyi is on the precipice of falling off and seulgi is lying on top of sooyoung in a position that can’t be comfortable for either of them. but somehow, the expression on sooyoung’s face makes her look strangely comfy. shaking her head in exasperation, she walks over to the bodies and aggressively shakes the two drunk little shits.

"kang seulgi, park sooyoung, get up." seungwan hisses, not wanting to wake byulyi up too.

sooyoung groans as she cuddles seulgi like a giant teddy bear and her best friend doesn't even budge. "park sooyoung, get up right now, i know you're awake." the nerd threatens as she shoves sooyong roughly.

"aish, unnie, go away …" sooyoung grumbles as she raises a hand to wave seungwan away.

seungwan leans in till she’s right next to sooyoung, “joohyun spent the night.” she whispered.

she has never seen sooyoung sit up that fast before, she barely has time to step back. in sooyoung’s haste, she caused the poor senior who happened to be sharing a bed with them to fall off with a loud thud. seulgi is lucky that she’s sleeping on top of sooyoung, who is holding onto her tightly so she doesn't end up on the floor like byulyi. seungwan rushes over to the film major who looks confused as to why she’s on the floor.

"you finally talked to joohyun?" sooyoung grins as seulgi stirs awake from all the commotion.

“yes,” seungwan answers before turning her attention to the senior, “byulyi-unnie, are you alright?”

“who pushed me off …” byulyi yawns as she accepts a hand from the nerd.

the door to the bedroom bursts open before seungwan could even reply and yongsun and joohyun are barging in with worried looks. "what was that noise?" yongsun demands quickly, her eyes darting all over the room to assess the situation, as if the puzzling positions of the four girls could provide any clues.

"probably me falling off the bed …" byulyi groans from her position on the floor in the corner of the room, “i’m okay just hungover now.”

yongsun sighs with visible relief, “idiot … get up and we can go get breakfast."

yongsun leaves the room while joohyun lingers a little, watching seungwan for a moment before joining her roommate outside. seulgi clings onto her soulmate and turns to face seungwan.

"what time is it, wannie?" seulgi yawns and blinks the sleep out of her eyes.

"time to get up," seungwan responds sharply, "glad to see you had a fun birthday."

"mhm, today would be a good day to sleep in." seulgi sighs as she buries her face in sooyoung's chest.

sooyoung sighs, "get up, baby, we gotta harass seungwan-unnie for the joohyun tea."

"joohyun tea?" byulyi chirps up as she looks up after zoning out for a while, "what joohyun tea?"

seungwan sighs as she looks at the three of them, "she knows we’re soulmates." the nerd leaves the room after dropping a bomb and she can hear arguing ensue.

* * *

seungwan can't help but grin when she thinks of her soulmate, it makes her beyond elated to know that joohyun has not only accepted her but is also equally as infatuated as she is. unable to stop herself, she does a happy little skip into the living room.

the living room has been cleaned up considerably, no more bottles or beer cans or sticky spills on the floor. the number of unconscious bodies has reduced too, leaving just a few stragglers. she watches yongsun and joohyun go on a cleaning rampage from her spot in the corridor. but despite their aggressive cleaning, the two seniors are strangely having a proper conversation.

"so, she ran from aquila to bootes, without shoes?"

"all she had was a thin t-shirt that i would get hypothermia in."

"and then what?"

"and then she asked me to open the door and said those exact words."

_“you’re my joohyun, fuck?”_ yongsun takes a pause to clarify.

joohyun tosses an empty can into a trash bag and nods with a subtle eye roll, “yes …”

"if you weren’t so intimidating, maybe you'd have a proper tattoo." the brunette quips with a chuckle.

"shut up, do you even know what hers says?"

"yeah, i saw it last night. never knew bae joohyun would be capable of a word like that."

"i blame your idiot for this." her soulmate hisses.

"yah! lay off my idiot,” yongsun tosses a wet rag at joohyun, “what’s byul got to do with this?”

the smaller girl sidesteps the attack with ease and responds with one of her own, “it’s because she set off those fireworks that night!”

“it's not her fault that you get scared so easily."

"if byulyi didn't set off the fireworks, i could've talked to her like a normal person."

the two seniors are engaged in a nasty war that seungwan is glad to be out of. the sight of wet rags flying through the air accompanied by empty beer cans is hilarious to some degree, part of her wants to jump in and rescue her soulmate but the other part of her refuses to ruin her clothes in a petty fight that doesn’t exactly involve her.

"what would you say, miss bae? 'hi i'm bae joohyun the hottest girl on campus, maybe you've seen me on the posters around school.'"

"zip it, kim yongsun, or i'm leaving you to clean this up on your own since you agreed to this."

"you’d call my cleaning sloppy and clean it all over again."

"i hate that you're right, but i would much rather be asleep right now."

"you wouldn't leave me alone, hyunnie!”

"for a few more hours of sleep? i'd sell you."

“ah, you're so heartless— oh seungwan, are they all up?" 

two pairs of eyes turn to her and she snaps out of her daze, she's been staring at joohyun as she eavesdropped on their conversation.

"y-yes, they are. thanks for taking care of them, yongsun-unnie.” seungwan nods quickly.

“thanks for taking care of joohyun,” yongsun winks slyly as she heads to the kitchen, “don’t forget to take out the trash, hyun-ah.”

joohyun clicks her teeth and huffs with two large trash bags by her sides. “when i get back, i don’t wanna see any more stains!”

she didn’t even have to ask for help and seungwan is already taking one out of her hands. the senior shoots her an appreciative smile and they exit the apartment.

“is this what you and yongsun are usually like?” seungwan asks with a snicker when they enter the lift.

joohyun shakes her head quickly, “i’m a different person in the morning.”

“well, then i guess we should get you back in bed soon.” the little nerd jokes when the doors open.

the senior expels a quiet sigh and they make their way to the back of the building where the garbage bins are in relative silence.

“so, are we still on for breakfast?" joohyun asks softly once they are done disposing of the trash.

seungwan can't hide the huge smile on her face, "i thought you wanted to go back to sleep."

the senior huffs while pressing the button to call for the elevator, "i really do, but i think spending time with you takes precedence." she admits softly as she leans against the wall sleepily.

it’s warming, relieving even, that joohyun feels the exact same way that she does. maybe they wouldn’t have to figure out how to love each other, maybe it’s already wired in them. but it also feels like they’ve still got so much about each other to uncover.

"okay," seungwan nods with a wide grin, "right after i make sure seulgi and sooyoung are fine."

"do you think they'd want to tag along?" joohyun asks as the lift arrives and they step in together.

seungwan frowns for a moment before shrugging, "they're going to be pestering me about you if they do." the nerd sighs.

the senior shoots the younger girl an amused smirk, “oh, i can definitely foresee that happening.”

* * *

the couple splits up upon entering the house, joohyun opts to wash up and seungwan is instantly pulled aside by her friends. on another note, the apartment is empty save for her friends who are forcing her to sit on the couch — at least their interrogation would be privy to their small circle. stuck in between her best friends, seungwan has no choice but to answer to their demands.

"so what happened last night?" seulgi is the first one to interrogate the nerd upon her return, a cheeky smirk is plastered on her face.

seungwan sighs and rolls her eyes, "nothing happened, at least not what you're thinking of."

sooyoung clicks her teeth from her spot beside her on the couch, she nudges the introvert a little too hard, "no way, unnie." she shakes her head determinedly.

"what do you think happened?" seungwan exhales sharply, glaring at the two girls, demanding an answer from them.

the tall girl frowns at her unnie, "do i really need to say it?"

"we didn't have sex! god! we talked a little and then it got late, so we just slept." seungwan huffs in annoyance.

"you're so boring unnie, you had the room to yourself and you just slept? unbelievable." sooyoung groans in disgust, "seul, baby, back me up here." 

seulgi snorts in amusement and shrugs, "i can't because that is an extremely wannie thing to do. she's not like us." the bear-like girl wraps an arm around her best friend in an attempt to appease her.

"by not like you do you mean that i'm not as nasty as you two?" seungwan asks as she leans into seulgi's side hug, sooyoung can only cross her arms in annoyance.

"pretty much," seulgi shrugs, "so what actually happened?"

"after you so rudely ended the call, i ran to bootes, fumbled over my words and then she knew." seungwan recalls the night without fail.

everything is still so fresh in her head. the look on joohyun's face when she realised. the firm tug as she pulled her into the room. the taste of her soulmate’s soft lips. the fear, the anxiety and the love of it all.

"what the heck? what does her tattoo say then?" sooyoung gasps and brings her hands up to her mouth.

seungwan's face heats up at the mention of joohyun's tattoo, she really couldn't keep herself together for more than a minute to say a proper sentence.

"get her to show it to you because i feel stupid just thinking about it." the nerd admits as she covers her face with her hands.

seulgi snickers and removes her hands, "for what it's worth, i'm glad you actually spoke."

"me too, seul, me too."

"did you do anything other than talk?" sooyoung rolls her eyes in boredom. 

"we kissed … she kissed me … wait, _i kissed her_ ..." seungwan lets a lopsided grin slip at the memory of joohyun's lips on hers.

sooyoung sits up straight and widens her eyes, "okay? i wasn't expecting that, how did you get to that?"

the nerd cringes and contemplates whether she should avoid the question, telling sooyoung that they sat in silence for almost an hour would mean she'd never shut up.

"it just happened, okay?" seungwan gives up on finding an excuse.

"okay, wannie. we'll just ask joohyun." seulgi grins.

with perfect timing, joohyun steps into the living room. "ask me what, seulgi?" she questions, looking at the three girls with a raised brow.

"seungwan-unnie said you guys kissed last night and we wanna know how it went down." sooyoung smirks.

park sooyoung will really be the death of her, seungwan expels a sharp exhale and sinks further into the couch in an attempt to disappear from existence.

but it doesn't faze joohyun one bit, she's too used to her family’s constant prying. with a small smile, she explains calmly, "she was going to head back and i chased after her, asking her to stay. and, then we kissed."

"why aren't you this romantic, sooyoung-ah?" seulgi looks to her best friend and then her soulmate.

seungwan feels the heat rushing to her cheeks and she looks at joohyun shyly. seulgi and sooyoung enter a mildly heated argument while she's still sandwiched between them. joohyun shoots her a warm smile before excusing herself to take a shower, leaving seungwan entrapped in a gradually unpleasant scenario.

the nerd has little to no idea what the couple is even arguing about, all she knows is that her body definitely needs more sleep — and she definitely wouldn’t mind curling up next to joohyun again. honestly, that’ll be the best thing in the world. sleeping in on a sunday all tucked up with her soulmate. 

“wannie, are you even listening?” her best friend pulls her from her daydreams with a snap of a finger.

“huh?”

“i asked, breakfast at munch or mcdonald’s?”

seungwan scrunches her face up, “why mcdonald’s?”

“it’s the perfect shitty food for a hangover,” sooyoung groans as she rests her head on her unnie’s shoulder, “which we both are.”

“serves you guys right,” seungwan shrugs the highschooler’s head off her shoulders mercilessly, “i’m getting breakfast with joohyun-unnie.”

sooyoung doesn’t hold back a loud gasp, “seul, baby, you heard that? she’s abandoning us for her soulmate!” she cries out dramatically.

“yah! your voice is too loud!”

“need i remind you that seulgi backstabbed me the minute you guys met?” the nerd clicks her teeth in annoyance. that memory is etched in a part of her brain that swears to never let them live it down for the rest of their lives.

as if on cue, yongsun swoops in to save the day before it descends into a full-blown and less than passive discussion. "do you guys ever stop arguing?" the brunette sighs while shaking her head.

"don’t drag me into this, i’m innocent" seungwan defends herself quickly. 

"those two were bickering over ketchup and tomato sauce last night," yongsun exposes them with her voice raised a pitch higher due to the absurdity of the situation, "i don't even know how it started!"

sooyoung hums tiredly, "oh i vaguely remember that, i was saying they're pretty much the same thing."

"they can't be the same thing!" the design major cries out in mock horror, "you wouldn't cook spaghetti with ketchup!"

"oh really? _try me._ "

"the last time i ate your food it gave me a stomachache, i'd rather eat wannie's food!"

"nope! nope! do not bring me into this!" seungwan grunts with extra emphasis on the word ‘not’ and wrestles her way out from between the dysfunctional soulmates, "i want no part in your tomato and ketchup argument."

seulgi looks up with a pout, "but you're on my side, right?"

anyone with a working brain would side with park sooyoung, especially when the opposition is kang seulgi.

"i love you seul, but i’d rather not incur the wrath of park sooyoung at 8 in the morning.”

seulgi clicks her teeth and huffs while sooyoung sticks her tongue out playfully. "little shit …" 

"anyway, breakfast?" seungwan changes the topic before her two friends start a new argument.

a resounding yes is heard from the corridor as byulyi finally makes her way out of the darkness, “let’s go! together!” she croaks with a large grin.

and well, seungwan feels terrible if she rejects byulyi and the rest so she could have some private time with joohyun. so, of course, she agrees to a group breakfast.

* * *

with the sun fully risen, the temperatures aren’t as cold as before. seungwan misses how tightly joohyun had been clinging onto her. the group is mostly quiet when they make their way to the hub. the brand new soulmates find themselves trailing behind at a comfortable pace, away from the potential jabs that might come out of sooyoung’s mouth.

for the most part, seungwan is content to be with joohyun, even if it’s in the presence of others. but she finds herself uncomfortable with displaying her affections for joohyun when there are so many people around. it’d been okay when it was just the two of them in the wee hours of twilight and dawn but with her friends around, holding hands seem a little more daunting than it should be.

“i thought i could’ve had you all to myself today,” joohyun’s whisper reaches her ears and she turns to the older girl, “but i’m very wrong.”

a soft laugh escapes seungwan’s throat and she shrugs, “never hurts to spend some time with our friends, right?”

joohyun bites her lower lip and nods, “yeah but it’s our first day together.”

“we’ll have plenty more, that i’ll promise you right now.” seungwan declares firmly, to joohyun or herself, she’ll never quite know.

"cheesy." joohyun snickers and slips her small, freezing hand into seungwan's, "but i'll hold you to it."

with a firm bob of her head, the pair simply basks in each others' presence. they would save the words and conversations for later, to be with each other is enough for now.

breakfast is a simple affair, the group find themselves at munch. what used to be a weekly ritual for the two best friends is now a gathering session for all of their friends. and for a bunch of hungover partygoers, byulyi and seulgi are more talkative than anyone had expected. most of the time it's just the two creatives blabbering on whilst the rest listened in.

joohyun had decided about an hour in that seungwan’s bony shoulder would make a good headrest, so she shut her eyes and lets the world continue on without her.

“you’re gonna be so whipped.” sooyoung nudges her unnie in the elbow.

seungwan is cautious not to wake her soulmate so she cranes her neck slowly, “it’s not going to be as bad as you and seul.”

the highschooler puckers her lips and continues biting on her straw. “well, i just think it’s neat you got someone as caring as her. i’m happy for you, unnie.”

park sooyoung, being so — _nice,_ is something that never happens. and maybe, it should be a cause of worry.

“sooyoung-ah, are you okay?” seungwan can’t help but snort even though she knows that the highschooler has good intentions. 

it’s just that she’s not used to their dynamic being anything but borderline hostile, seeing a less aggressive side of sooyoung is something unfamiliar but not unwelcome.

the younger girl shoots her a deadly glare, “why do i even bother being nice?” she huffs.

the nerd bites back a grin and reaches for sooyoung’s hand apologetically, “sorry, i appreciate it, i really do. thank you, sooyoung-ah.”

“i was going to make fun of you and joohyun-unnie being so clingy but i held my tongue because you guys are actually adorable together,” sooyoung rolls her eyes with a smirk, “but at the same time, you two look like little garden gnomes.”

“yah park sooyoung ..!” seungwan clicks her teeth in offence but can’t help but let a giggle slip at the highschooler’s comment.

“it’s kinda funny when you think about it, right?”

“i hate that you’re kinda right …”

* * *

breakfast ends on a good note and everyone wants to head home and sleep the rest of the weekend away. the couples begin to part ways after bidding each other farewell, save for seungwan and joohyun. do they say goodbye now? do they hang around each other for a little longer? defining their relationship is a little tough when neither party wants to come off as too much.

“are you going back to sleep ..?” seungwan shifts her weight from one leg to another uncertainly, well aware that seulgi and sooyoung are already much further ahead.

joohyun nods, “do you wanna …” she never finishes her sentence because seungwan is already nodding.

does seungwan want to spend the rest of her sunday napping with her soulmate? or does she want to spend the rest of her day with her soulmate? both questions would earn a resounding yes from her.

and lucky for her, it's a mix of both.

it mattered nought that their first day as soulmates is about to be spent on the most mundane of things like napping, because being cuddled up with joohyun under some warm duvets sounds more than perfect.

the two gnomes return to joohyun's room where, thankfully, the aftermath of the party did not reach. sure, the living room still needs cleaning but joohyun decided that it's on yongsun's shoulders for today.

today is a day for long naps and seungwan.

leading seungwan into her room, the pair is silent. joohyun flops onto her bed without a second thought while seungwan takes some time to examine joohyun’s little nest. it’s not as big as she thought it’d be, but it’s definitely more spacious than her shared dorm with seulgi. the room is lathered with sweet scents from the multiple candles that joohyun had around the room. though none of them are lit, a light and pleasant residue is still wafting through the air.

polaroids are pinned to a corkboard just by the door, pictures with friends and family undoubtedly. she manages to spot one with yeri dated back to october 2018, while joohyun looks pretty much the same, the younger girl has matured considerably. she has all the basic necessities of a room, but at the same time, it feels unbelievably cosy and fitting for someone like joohyun. 

“did you spot yerim?” joohyun asks while she lies on her belly, resting her head in her hand lazily.

seungwan bobs her head slowly, “she looks so different.”

“yeah, she wasn’t that much of a brat back then either.”

“i bet.”

sensing her apprehension, joohyun shifts herself to make space for seungwan on the bed. patting the spot next to her invitingly, she looks at seungwan with a welcoming gaze. the nerd accepts it by settling at the precipice awkwardly, maybe the adrenaline from last night helped her to feel less conscious about her actions.

“come on, i won’t bite.” joohyun sighs as she tugs at seungwan’s shirt lightly. 

she understands the nervousness that her soulmate is feeling, after all, she feels it too. they are so new to each other, so fragile in the eyes of the other. as if saying or doing the wrong things would mean the dire end of this new _good thing_ in their lives. though she knows that’s hardly the case, they both just need time to adjust to this, even if it’s a good thing.

seungwan shifts herself further in and joohyun doesn’t waste another second in tackling her into a gentle hug. feeling no resistance from her love, she glances at the younger girl who still seems a little rigid.

“if there’s anything i do that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me. same goes for me, sound good?” joohyun offers a straightforward solution to their little predicament with a light smile.

the introvert bobs her head slowly and begins to relax into joohyun’s lovely embrace, “i like being hugged by you.”

“i like it too,” joohyun plants a tender kiss on the crown of her soulmate’s head, “now can i go back to sleep?”

“see you in my dreams, unnie.”

* * *

the incessant buzzing of a phone stirs seungwan awake. it takes her a moment to register where she is before blinking the sleep out of her eyes. finding herself entrapped by joohyun’s limbs, she struggles to raise her phone so that she could check who’s bothering her.

**yeri**

9 messages

that can’t be a good sign. something in the virtual world must be on fire otherwise yeri would never send her so many messages at once. opening up their conversation, she skims through the texts with a small yawn.

**yeri:**

hello??

12:05 pm

we have a practice for heretic hilla today

12:07 pm

did you forget??

12:07 pm

are you still asleep?

12:10 pm

you good?

12:12 pm

hey

12:12 pm

hey

12:12 pm

hey hey hey

12:12 pm

yah!!!!

12:12 pm

the panic that fills her body is unlike any other. this has never happened before, her sense of responsibility translates well into the online world. so how did she forget that she had a practice run for the newest boss today? opening up discord, she sees that her party members are all ready and waiting for their dear bishop to log in.

**yeri** today at 12:03 pm

@ **azure** HELLO

**azure** today at 12:13 pm

🙏🙏 SORRY!!!

i got caught up with something

**yeri** today at 12:13 pm

get in the call NOW

she extricates herself from joohyun's arms slowly so as to not wake her soulmate but her less than elegant stumbling out of the room probably woke her anyway. shutting the door behind her, she enters the discord call with apprehension.

"yah! where are you?" yeri grumbles before she even has the chance to explain herself.

"did something happen?" oobie asks in a gentle tone.

seungwan has to lower the volume of her speaker so yeri's screeching doesn't wake the entire apartment block.

"sorry, i'm with joohyun-unnie," seungwan mumbles, "just give me like 15 minutes i'll run back to my dorm."

the sound of overlapping voices make it hard to differentiate who's speaking but she manages to catch a few questions.

"wait what?"

"say that again, azure."

"yeah, say it again!"

"i'll be back in my dorm in 15 minutes." seungwan repeats in a hushed whisper, making sure to enunciate each word slowly so they’d catch it this time.

"no! who are you with now?" luna shouts.

"joohyun-unnie …" seungwan mutters as she attempts to map out the fastest route back to aquila in her head.

the call erupts with gasps and cries of disbelief and shock, she has to pull the phone away from her ear so she doesn’t blow her eardrums out.

"yah!"

"no way! azure you did it?!"

"she confessed! she confessed!"

“yes i did!” seungwan hisses, “now let me hang up so i can tell her i gotta go!”

a hand finds itself on her arm and she almost recoils in surprise. snapping her head to the left, she finds that joohyun had been awoken.

“is everything okay?” the senior mumbles with a small yawn.

“oh my god! joohyun-unnie!” yeri yells from the call but her boisterous voice still emerges loud and clear.

blinking the sleep out of her eyes, joohyun turns her attention to seungwan’s phone. “what’s going on?” she demands with a frown.

seungwan grimaces and begins to explain, “sorry, i forgot i’ve got a practice run today and my friends are waiting for me.”

“is it important?” joohyun runs a hand through her hair with a pout.

“uh … it’s just a practice run but …” seungwan trails off when her breath is caught in her throat, merely watching joohyun is enough to distract her from her thoughts.

“okay, skip it then. i don’t feel like sharing you today.”

seungwan can’t help but let a grin slip, she snakes an arm around joohyun’s waist and hands her phone over, “can you tell yeri?” 

shaking her head with an amused scoff, joohyun obliges. “hello?” she greets while raising an eyebrow at seungwan.

“hi unnie! i know you guys just met but can you let azure go?”

joohyun is relentless when it comes to spending time with her new soulmate. it seems like the universe is taking every opportunity to snatch her soulmate away and she’s not going to let that happen so easily. 

“no.” a swift and firm reply should allow her soulmate to stay.

“yah! why not?” yeri whines.

with a tired sigh, joohyun brings the phone closer. “because i’ve been waiting almost 8 years for her and we finally met. is it too much to want her all to myself? you guys have spent more time with her than i have, let me have this one day.”

the call turns silent and seungwan can feel her face flushing with how possessive joohyun seems. though she's certain that joohyun would let her go if she wanted to, she didn't exactly want to anymore. her friends would definitely make fun of her later when she logs in.

the silence is broken when bread breaks out in a snicker, “alright, alright. azure’s soulmate gets her for today.”

“thank you.” joohyun’s lips tug upwards into a large smile, “also, you’re going to get it from me the next time we meet, kim yerim-ah.”

“aish, unnie, you haven’t even bought me lunch!”

“i am not doing this right now,” joohyun declares and hands seungwan her phone, “i’m going back to sleep.”

seungwan lets joohyun return to her room while she bids her friends a swift farewell. “sorry guys, we can talk later. i gotta go for now.”

“go on, don’t keep your soulmate waiting!” oobie chases her away by disconnecting her from the call.

usually, she’d be upset that she’d miss a boss run with her friends. but today, she’s glad for the change of events. it’s unlikely that she’ll be able to concentrate even if she does leave joohyun. she’d be too distracted by the thoughts of her soulmate clouding her mind to focus on anything. biting back a grin, she returns to joohyun’s bed and warm arms instantly wrap themselves around her waist.

“do i have to book you for today? how do i stop people from trying to steal you away from me?” the senior mumbles while seungwan is crawling back to her side.

“i’m all yours today, promise. no one else is going to try anything.”

“good.”

joohyun settles comfortably on her chest, falling asleep within mere seconds. seungwan takes the time to gaze at her soulmate and the thought that has been echoing in her head resurfaces once again — _she's so lucky to have joohyun._

and as promised, seungwan stays for the rest of the afternoon. keeping her soulmate company while she remained knocked out for hours, only shifting ever so slightly when she felt seungwan shift.

they share a simple dinner, seungwan whipping up a meal consisting of leftover ingredients from the fridge. it’s not the best but it’ll have to do. eventually, joohyun lets her soulmate leave because her cousin just wouldn’t stop texting her to _release azure from her grubby little hands._

and seungwan doesn’t leave without showering joohyun in a plethora of hugs and a promise that she’ll text her a little later. slowly but steadily, they’ll learn to spell out what it really means to have someone’s first words as your tattoo.

* * *

**joohyun-unnie:**

is kim yerim satisfied now?

10:40 pm

**seungwan:**

not exactly

10:41 pm

she’s mad at me because she lost the bet

10:41 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

😤 if only she had more faith in you

10:42 pm

**seungwan:**

if only 🤭

10:42 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

not sure how i’m going to fall asleep tonight

10:42 pm

you let me sleep for way too long

10:42 pm

**seungwan:**

it’s not my fault you looked so peaceful while you slept 😔 

10:43 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

it’s your fault because you made for such a great napping companion

10:43 pm

**seungwan:**

😗 well … i’m glad to be of service

10:43 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

anyway …

10:43 pm

i know i said we could take it slow

10:44 pm

but how do you feel about a date tomorrow?

10:44 pm

**seungwan:**

a date? 😳

10:44 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

yeah, what do you think?

10:44 pm

**seungwan:**

i think …

10:45 pm

bae joohyun? the hottest girl on campus? the senior i’ve seen on posters around school? asking someone like me out?

10:45 pm

unbelievable 😲

10:45 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

YAH!!

10:45 pm

**seungwan:**

🤭 just kidding

10:46 pm

i think that sounds really nice

10:46 pm

we could meet around 12 for lunch so you can sleep in a little more

10:46 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

🥺 okay

10:46 pm

we could catch a movie after that~

10:47 pm

**seungwan:**

horror? heard there’s a really good one that just came out recently

10:47 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

NO

10:47 pm

😭 anything but horror please!!

10:47 pm

**seungwan:**

👀 when you put it like that … we definitely have to

10:48 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

seungwan-ah 😭😭

10:48 pm

**seungwan:**

😂 fine

10:48 pm

we can check if there’s anything good that’s not horror

10:48 pm

but if there’s nothing good, we’re watching something scary 👻

10:49 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i’ll go home 😤

10:49 pm

**seungwan:**

no!! 😔😔!!

10:49 pm

okay, okay! no horror at all!

10:49 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i’m trusting you

10:50 pm

**seungwan:**

yes~ 😬

10:50 pm

i gotta go, yeri’s yelling at me again

10:50 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

i’ll yell at her for you 🤬

10:50 pm

**seungwan:**

🥰 appreciate it unnie, but i got this

10:51 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

have fun~

10:51 pm

* * *

the psychology senior wishes she could say she had a good night’s rest before her first official date with her soulmate — but she spent a good part of it tossing and turning in bed until the fatigue finally overtook her.

waking up in the morning to someone shaking her aggressively isn’t the most ideal, but nonetheless, she’s awake. sobering up slowly, she registers yongsun’s presence in her room, which isn’t the most uncommon thing. but her body being uncomfortably warm isn’t the most common thing either.

“what?” she demands but her voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. 

“you’ve been asleep for like 12 hours, i thought you died.” yongsun folds her arms across her chest, “are you okay?”

sitting up in a sluggish haze, she squints at the only clock in her room. it’s a quarter past twelve. the realisation that she’s late for her date with seungwan settles in almost instantly.

"yah! you're burning up." yongsun's brows furrow in worry after she places a hand on joohyun's forehead.

"i'm fine, i'm late to meet seungwan …" joohyun sniffles as she scrambles out of bed.

that was a bad move, she's instantly hit with a throbbing headache. pinching the bridge of her nose, she attempts to fight it but is quickly faced with defeat.

"you're not fine, you're sick." yongsun sighs at her stubborn friend, "give me your phone."

“why?” the model mumbles, stumbling momentarily only to find herself back in bed where she yields to her body.

“i’m texting seungwan,” the brunette explains simply, “there’s no way you’re going out in this condition.”

a whine escapes joohyun’s throat, “but it’s our first date ..!”

“if you’d taken better care of yourself in the weeks prior, you wouldn’t have fallen sick so easily!” yongsun chides harshly, scouring the room for joohyun’s phone and she finds it tucked by her bed.

if the tables were turned, yongsun foresees herself attempting to clamber out of bed too. and joohyun would never let her set foot out the door until she was fully recovered. it’s just the right thing to do for this idiot in love. bringing the phone to her face, yongsun prompts her sick roommate to unlock it. joohyun, in her haze, obliges without much of a struggle.

**son seungwan**

4 messages

**son seungwan:**

good morning!!!

11:01 am

hope you had a good sleep, can't wait to see you!

11:01 am

are you up? i'm leaving my room now~

11:55 am

unnie?

12:07 pm

**joohyun:**

sorry to disappoint, yongsun here

12:13 pm

joohyun's sick and i'm not letting her go out

12:13 pm

not like she's up for it anyway

12:13 pm

**son seungwan:**

sick? is she okay?

12:14 pm

does she need anything?

12:14 pm

**joohyun:**

probably just the flu

12:14 pm

we've got some meds that should help

12:14 pm

but i should be picking up lunch unless you wanna come over

12:15 pm

**son seungwan:**

take care of her

12:15 pm

i’ll get some food and be right over

12:15 pm

**joohyun:**

you can expect her to be extra whiny

12:15 pm

**son seungwan:**

gotcha, thanks unnie

12:16 pm

"you name your soulmate's contact as her full name?" yongsun comments upon finishing a quick exchange with seungwan, "i'm shocked that you even saved my number."

her witty remark is met with silence and yongsun looks up from the phone only to find that her roommate has curled up into a ball at the edge of the bed. the great news is she’s fallen back asleep and the not so great news is that she could fall off the bed at any time. using her strength, yongsun maneuvers the smaller girl’s body with minimal difficulty, ensuring that she’s all tucked in and safe.

this idiot has had a rough couple of weeks, it's a miracle she's managed to last this long without crumbling. hopefully with son seungwan, she can expect a life with more ups instead of downs.

yongsun leaves her roommate to rest while she scours their apartment for resources to nurse a sickly joohyun.

* * *

worry is the only thing that seungwan feels when she makes her way from the university’s train station back to the hub. she suspected something was up when joohyun hadn’t replied to her earlier texts, but she chalked it up to the possibility that the senior had merely overslept.

knowing that her soulmate is down with an illness makes her feel uneasy, every fibre of her being just wants joohyun to be safe and happy. as much as she hates to admit it, sooyoung is right about her being whipped for joohyun — this is a loss she’ll take any day.

her limbs move on autopilot as she hurries around campus grounds, getting food appropriate for her ill soulmate before rushing over to the cygnus dorms.

it’s a quarter to one when yongsun greets her at the door, offering a warm smile and a side hug as she ushers the younger girl in.

“is she okay?” is the first thing that leaves seungwan’s lips, unable to mask the worry that’s plaguing her right now.

yongsun nods as she helps the nerd place lunch on the table, “she’s sleeping now. i gave her something to bring down the fever but if that doesn’t work, i’ll take her to a doctor.”

essentially, seungwan is powerless. perhaps the furrow of her brows gave it away but the brunette rests a hand on her shoulder to offer some reassurance.

“she’ll be okay, it’s nothing more than a bout of flu.” the senior coos, "you can go see her, maybe wake her up to eat a little later."

the nerd bobs her head weakly and mumbles something to excuse herself so she could be with her newfound love. it really sucks that when she's finally spoken to joohyun, a bunch of obstacles just happen to pop up as well.

she enters her soulmate's ever so cosy room to find her all wrapped up in a cocoon of her sheets. her pale lips are a telltale sign of unwellness, followed by the sniffling and ragged breathing signalling uncomfort. seungwan can't bear to admit that it breaks her heart a little to see joohyun so vulnerable.

the nerd settles on the floor by the bed, making sure to keep a distance so she doesn't catch whatever nasties that have infected joohyun. and she watches and waits.

eventually, joohyun stirs awake and seungwan is instantly tending to her. wrinkling her nose, the senior offers an apologetic smile.

"sorry i missed our first date …" her voice is nothing more than a raspy whisper.

seungwan moving a stray strand of hair aside from joohyun's face, "it's okay, we can go on a proper one when you're better."

"but it's our first …" she tries to argue.

"we'll have plenty of firsts," seungwan offers her soulmate a glass of water before mumbling a string of soothing words, "this can be the first time i take care of you, it's not exactly the most romantic but it's still a first."

pushing herself up with some assistance from seungwan, joohyun accepts the glass with small sips. her limbs are aching so badly and the throbbing in her head has yet to cease. she hates being sick, obviously preferring that her body works as it should. having seungwan by her side is comforting in its own ways, to be taken care of by her soulmate sounds nice.

reaching a hand out, she leaves a gentle pat on seungwan's head. "thank you."

a quiet scoff escapes her soulmate's lips, "what for?" seungwan questions with a mildly worried gaze.

"being here."

"you're thanking me for the bare minimum," the little nerd chuckles and rests her head on the edge of the bed whilst looking up at her soulmate, "i think the fever's getting to you."

"maybe it is."

or maybe it's how she's looking forward to everything now that she's got someone to spend the rest of her life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 damn chapters. never thought it'd get this long but thanks for reading as usual! and i never really said it but thanks for leaving comments as well, i do read every single one of them even if i don't always reply. i usually post before i sleep so i can wake up to nice things and they truly make my day sometimes.
> 
> anyway! this chapter might feel kinda slow and the ending may be a little abrupt but consider this the calm before the storm. thought a lot about my last relationship in this one, had some introspective thoughts (that'll appear in upcoming chapters hopefully) and god i even dreamt of my ex t.t .. we did end on good terms but it feels odd to dream of her now yikes. but wokay, my last relationship had plenty of cuddles and naps but a lot of it was really restrained because HOMOPHOBIA!!! putting that aside, i mostly wanted to bring out that initial stage of care and tenderness when you're with someone new, hopefully that's somewhat conveyed because ya girl can't remember how relationships work anymore.
> 
> and to wrap things up, i don't like to admit it but the whole irene situation was really bringing me down. i believe her and i'll continue believing in her until she gives me a proper reason not to. it's just the things that people have been saying on twitter, my own friend circle ... it just gave me lots of anxious feelios and i!! do not!! appreciate it!!! diving into this chapter and just writing for a couple of days helped and i hope this helps with any nasty feelios you guys might be dealing with. take care, stay safe, i'll see you in the next chapter!
> 
> i don't have a specific playlist for this fic but here's a calming one that i've been writing this chapter to: [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/021alLutI28INcjbLYXo92?si=XbCEzq8wSCamVYTYcW9gBQ)
> 
> and you know the drill: [twitter](https://twitter.com/lljldo)


	8. CONGRATULATIONs

spending the majority of her day at joohyun’s apartment isn’t how seungwan envisioned how she would spend her semester break. but alas, life had different plans for the little nerd.

she found it almost impossible to leave joohyun on the first day of her falling ill, the sight of her soulmate curled up under her sheets with a trail of snot dribbling down her nose didn’t incite the most pleasant feelings. so she spent the day tending to every single one of joohyun’s needs, only leaving when she needed to get a change of clothes and returning to spend the night right after.

the older girl’s condition had shown improvement after ingesting the medication that yongsun had given her, but she wasn’t at a hundred percent just yet. though a little feverish and delirious at times, she’s more than aware that the fluttering she feels is a result of seungwan’s tenderness and not her sickness. you’d expect that growing up in a big family meant that joohyun would be less of a stranger to affection, but that's hardly the case. it didn't mean that she has never felt love, it just came in more distant forms that are rarely affectionate. 

with _seungwan_ , it feels like something within her is shifting. 

seungwan takes it upon herself to prepare joohyun's meals, even making her version of _hot lemon water_ , though she's certain that joohyun's one is much tastier.

they spend the next day with the intention of binging movies with a laptop between them, but joohyun has energy for half a movie before she's steadily snoring on seungwan's shoulder. the nerd doesn't finish a single movie, simply because she wants to wait for joohyun.

she opts to read up on subjects for the upcoming school year instead. the quiet breathing of her soulmate helps her to focus a little better. well, it's mostly just nice to have company for once.

* * *

“are you ever going to let me into your instagram?”

“why?”

“i’m just curious …”

“i don’t even post anything though … i only use it to lurk …”

“you have three posts!”

“they’re from years ago, seulgi made me post them.”

“can i see?”

“it’s kinda embarrassing …”

“i’ve got sick people rights, let me in …” joohyun whines and pouts at seungwan before blowing her nose into a wad of tissue.

damn her _sick people rights_ , seungwan couldn’t find it in herself to say no to her soulmate when she’s getting her ass kicked by a virus. she finally taps on the big blue _confirm_ button and lets joohyun do all the lurking she wants.

**renebaebae** started following you. 10 s

a chortle is accompanied with a loud cough when joohyun finally sees the three hidden posts that have been kept from her for weeks. _oh, how it is all worth the wait._

* * *

joohyun’s condition fluctuates for a few days. seungwan has done everything she can to make sure she’s taken care of, the rest is up to joohyun. she can’t help but feel helpless even though her soulmate reassures her that her presence is more than enough. by wednesday, seungwan and yongsun come to a consensus and lug her feverish body to the nearest clinic.

a simple diagnosis, nothing but the flu, probably from the weeks of academic and emotional strain. with some stronger medication, joohyun begins to inch her way back to the world of the living.

by the eighth day of their meeting, joohyun is somewhat recovered and conscious enough to get through the day without sleeping. her fevers are a thing of the past but her body is taking it’s time to return to normal. seungwan still lingers at the senior’s apartment, cooking, cleaning and keeping an eye on her stubborn soulmate who would insist she’s fine before coughing her lungs out a second later.

it’s a sunday and yongsun is out on a date with byulyi, giving the new pair some privacy or getting some privacy for themselves, who knows? the most they’ve done is decide what to eat for lunch. they settle on beef stew, a recipe from seungwan’s mother. the younger girl has always enjoyed creating dishes and pastries with her mother back at home. going to university, has thankfully, not dulled her culinary skills. sure, she isn’t at her prime anymore, but at least the food she puts out are still edible. 

joohyun has been watching her tiny soulmate work her magic at the stove and she thanks the gods with reverence because seungwan is a talented cook. she’s gotten really lucky to relish in the assortment of recipes of _sick people food_ that seungwan has under her belt. if it were up to her, she’d probably be eating oatmeal or wet rice that cannot be considered as congee.

her heart swells with gratitude and she mumbles from the kitchen counter, "thank you for taking care of me for the past week."

joohyun’s words have broken the tranquillity they’ve settled into, they’ve been vibing to seungwan’s playlist of ten songs on repeat and she’s got all the titles memorised in her head. ‘ _you feel like’_ comes on shuffle and all joohyun can think of is how apt the song is at reflecting her feelings.

the little nerd scoffs lightly without turning, "how many times do i have to say it? it's what i'm supposed to do."

"yet, i can still be grateful, can't i?" the senior sighs with a smile tugging at her lips. resting her cheek in her hand, a certain calmness washes over her, like she’s been so strung up for her entire life and this is the first time she truly relaxes.

the younger girl turns her head slightly and bobs it in the general direction of joohyun. "in that case, you're welcome." she chuckles, giving in to her soulmate with ease.

watching seungwan prance around the kitchen feels like she's getting a taste of the domestic life that awaits them in the future. and this future doesn't seem so far away as it did before.

"i think i'd like this." 

"like what?"

_"a life with you, son seungwan."_

a simple sentence causes seungwan to freeze in her spot. joohyun has been pretty liberal with her words of affection, but they mostly happen when she’s barely conscious, so the younger girl doesn’t take her too seriously. this time, she’s certain that her soulmate is sober, but still, she’s not sure how much of it is actually true. a skip of a heartbeat leads to a small grin on her cheeks.

"cheese." the little nerd deflects with ease as she resumes cooking.

"i'm serious."

seungwan hums as she stirs the stew she’s been working on for slightly over an hour, "is this because i've spent the last few days as your napping companion?"

“yes,” joohyun plays along with a light scoff, “you made for a really comfortable headrest and i’m not about to give that up so easily.”

the older girl saunters over to her soulmate before snaking her arms around her waist. burying her face in seungwan's back, she inhales deeply with contentment. mixed with the delicious scent of a stew, her soulmate's scent is soothing. her heart is finally at ease after weeks of turmoil and all the waiting is worth it.

spending a few days together have led to discoveries from both parties. joohyun is a big fan of cuddles while seungwan lets her do as she pleases — not that she minded being snuggled against in the slightest. now that there's no longer a virtual barrier between them, every action or word is a little more genuine.

it's strange. texting joohyun in the earlier weeks merely feels like a trial period and now that they're in it for the long run, everything seems much more intense. _her feelings_ are a lot more intense.

"lunch is ready if you're ready to release me from your grubby hands." seungwan teases as she leans back into joohyun's embrace.

yeri had been going off about how her cousin had kidnapped azure since seungwan couldn't find the time to get online. the archer, albeit a little annoyed that she lost the _soulmate bet_ , as her friends had coined, is still elated that the pair is finally together.

a muffled groan escapes joohyun's throat, "next time i see kim yerim, she's going to catch _my_ grubby little hands."

seungwan chuckles and places down the spoon she'd been holding before turning to face her soulmate. joohyun looks at her with a soft gaze and the nerd can't stop her heart from dissolving into mush. withholding the urge to kiss her, seungwan buries her face in the crook of joohyun's neck instead. 

her friends, including seulgi, would make fun of her if they knew that she's too shy to kiss her soulmate. the son seungwan on the day of the confession has ceased to exist, she's back to the good old son seungwan who chickens out on a regular basis.

they stay like that for a little, basking in each other's warmth until the grumbling of joohyun's stomach forces them apart.

"as much as i enjoy this, unfortunately, you can't survive on hugs."

"a little longer?"

"this is the one time i refuse to give in, time to eat."

"okay …"

"don't look at me like that …"

" _seungwan-ah_ …"

" _fine,_ one more minute."

* * *

**seulbear 🐻:**

is joohyun better?

3:20 pm

**seungwan:**

fever's pretty much gone but she's still got a runny nose

3:22 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

good to hear

3:22 pm

are you coming back today?

3:22 pm

**seungwan:**

why? 

3:22 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

sooyoung's coming over 😈

3:23 pm

**seungwan:**

forget i asked 

3:23 pm

i'll come back next semester 🤮

3:23 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

wannie no!!!

3:23 pm

just give me a heads up

3:24 pm

**seungwan:**

fine … i'll probably be back at night

3:24 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

okay great!!! 

3:24 pm

that's plenty of time 😗

3:24 pm

**seungwan:**

STOP

3:25 pm

I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW

3:25 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

what’s wrong 😗😗😗

3:25 pm

don’t think i haven’t peeped at your browser history

3:25 pm

**seungwan:**

you don’t scare me, park sooyoung

3:26 pm

like the valorant videos?

3:26 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

honestly unnie how many videos titled _AGGRESIVE RAZE PLAYS_ are you going to watch

3:26 pm

i’m so glad you found your soulmate

3:26 pm

go get a life nerd

3:27 pm

**seungwan:**

i am … 🙄

3:27 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

love you wannie!! 😘

3:27 pm

* * *

lunch consisted of beef stew and the other half of the movie that they couldn't finish because joohyun fell asleep. fortunately, she stays awake through it all this time.

they spend the afternoon relaxing to one of joohyun’s playlist instead, chatting about the little things and everything in between. they don't talk about hard stuff like families and the future yet. all they're focusing on is this budding love between them, planning for their first date all over again.

they shelve ideas for a picnic date for warmer days and amusement park dates for when joohyun is fully recovered. their first date would be dinner at a restaurant in town that has just opened up, nothing too romantic or over the top. 

and by nightfall, yongsun deems that joohyun is healthy enough to not require seungwan's presence around the clock. so the senior chases the little nerd back to her dorm, muttering something along the lines of – _you two inseparable lovebirds need to chill_.

seungwan unwillingly trudges back to aquila, though she can’t deny she misses her bed a tiny bit. being all snuggled up next to joohyun for the last few days has been a pleasant treat, she might consider sneaking back to cygnus if her soulmate requests it.

she shoots seulgi a text on the way back, not wanting to catch the couple in the midst of any indecent acts. one time had been scarring enough, seungwan would sell her kidney if it meant erasing the sight of their bare bodies from their minds.

**seungwan:**

i'm coming back

9:01 pm

yongsun chased me out

9:01 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

okay!!!

9:02 pm

can’t wait to see you!!!

9:02 pm

**seungwan:**

you sound so suspicious …

9:02 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

i’m not!!

9:02 pm

it's a little after 9 when the nerd makes it back to her dorm, it feels strange to not have to rush back to joohyun. maybe tonight she'll finally be able to hop into a discord call to answer all her friends' burning questions — they’ve been pestering her non-stop on various messaging platforms since she hadn’t been online in game.

opening the door to her room, she's greeted with the deafening booms of party poppers going off.

"jesus!" she blurts in surprise and recoils back.

taking a second to collect herself, she inhales a deep breath and takes on the sight before her. her shared dorm room is filled with balloons while seulgi is holding remnants of a party popper and sooyoung is capturing the entire thing down. confetti is still gently gliding down and the only question seungwan has is, _why?_

"what's going on?" the nerd furrows her brows as she takes a cautious step into the room.

sooyoung points towards the back of the room where a horribly constructed banner is taped to the wall. a message, made out of a couple of pieces of A4 paper conjoined together horizontally, written in crayon or colored pencils. seungwan can't really tell from the distance but she could still read it.

CONGRATULATION _s_

clearly, these two winged it. the letter 's' at the end is squished in with the rest, as if they forgot about it. and to think that seulgi is pursuing a degree in graphic design, the least she could do is have equal kerning between the letters.

holding back a snicker, seungwan raises an eyebrow curiously, "congratulations for ..?"

"for finally confessing to kiyub, wannie!" seulgi exclaims as she reaches for another party popper.

this time, seungwan is more prepared and plugs her ears as seulgi pulls the string with a worrying amount of glee. covering her ears mitigated the loudness of it but it still makes her flinch slightly.

"congrats!" seulgi throws her hands up excitedly as confetti begins falling on the introvert.

seungwan cracks into a grin and brushes the small pieces of paper off her head. once everything has settled, she hops over the pool of balloons to pull her friends into a big hug. one arm for each is the best she can do with her small frame. they reciprocate it with ease, absorbing her into their warmth.

"thanks guys," she beams, the crumbling banner lining up in her line of sight, "what's up with the s on the banner though?"

"it's a long story." seulgi grumbles.

"it's _not_ long at all, it's just my baby can't spell."

"why'd you leave it to me then?"

"what's the point of studying design if you're not going to put it to use?"

"designers aren't artists, we're problem solvers!"

gripping her friends a little tighter, seungwan makes the couple shut up. "okay, come on, that's enough. it's janky as hell but i love it.”

surrounded in a sea of balloons with her two best friends, seungwan is reminded of how love can come in so many different forms. and she just knows that nothing could ever come close to what she feels for joohyun.

* * *

**joohyun:**

i miss you already

10:10 pm

**son seungwan:**

just say the word and i’ll be right over 🏃

10:13 pm

**joohyun:**

i watched seulgi’s story

10:13 pm

go hang out with your friends!

10:13 pm

when seungwan finally let joohyun into her private instagram, the model gave her friends a follow as well. and frankly, she’s getting more updates about her soulmate from her friends instead, which still works in her favour. it seems like they were celebrating something with beer and fried chicken.

**son seungwan:**

i am!

10:13 pm

these two little shits wanted to celebrate my confession

10:14 pm

but if you want me to come over again, i’ll be there

10:14 pm

**joohyun:**

no!! celebrate with your friends

10:14 pm

you deserve it 

10:14 pm

besides, you could use some fun after taking care of me

10:15 pm

the senior had also found out about the many attempts in which seungwan avoided her. hilarious yes, but also frustratingly puzzling. she just couldn’t comprehend what her soulmate was so afraid of but decides it’s not worth questioning.

**son seungwan:**

spending time with you is fun too 😔

10:15 pm

anyway, seulgi is pestering me to send you a picture she took of me

10:15 pm

do you wanna see it?

10:15 pm

**joohyun:**

of course 😊 

10:16 pm

**son seungwan:**

seulgi says i look cute here

10:16 pm

(photo)

10:16 pm

the model opens up the picture with anticipation, not entirely sure what she should be expecting. her soulmate stands under a poorly made banner, covered in confetti while holding onto a blue balloon. a wink plastered on her face accompanied with a large beaming smile sets the celebratory mood for the picture.

joohyun laughs in amusement but at the same time, her chest swells with love for her adorable little soulmate.

**joohyun:**

yah!! who gave you the rights to be this precious!!!

10:16 pm

i’m swooning so hard~~

10:17 pm

🥰😘💖😍❤️💕🥰💞💓💗😘💘❣️

10:17 pm

**son seungwan:**

😳 wow

10:17 pm

seulgi says you're whipped

10:17 pm

**joohyun:**

🙄 and!!

10:18 pm

**son seungwan:**

she says that's good because she won't accept anyone as my soulmate if they don't shower me with love

10:18 pm

**joohyun:**

tell her she has nothing to worry about

10:18 pm

you're going to get all of my love 😉

10:18 pm

**son seungwan:**

sooyoung just gagged but i'm honored 🤭

10:19 pm

what are you up to anyway?

10:19 pm

**joohyun:**

nothing much, i was watching cooking videos

10:19 pm

and then i got bored

10:19 pm

**son seungwan:**

awaiting the day where chef bae makes an appearance 😗

10:20 pm

**joohyun:**

i would rather not poison you~

10:20 pm

**son seungwan:**

it can't be that bad

10:20 pm

**joohyun:**

i think you'll eat your words once you see this

10:20 pm

(photo)

10:21 pm

it's a picture of a fried egg she tried to make a while back, but she messed it up so badly that it looked comical. yongsun cackled at her before frying her a perfect sunny side up.

**son seungwan:**

oh …

10:21 pm

well … um ...

10:21 pm

i'm not the best cook but i can teach you how to fry an egg … 😶

10:21 pm

**joohyun:**

i think i'd prefer if you cooked for me instead 😗

10:22 pm

**son seungwan:**

we could have a cooking session

10:22 pm

or a baking session! that might be more fun!

10:22 pm

**joohyun:**

baking, huh?

10:22 pm

is there anything you can't do?

10:23 pm

**son seungwan:**

i can't sleep with you tonight 😔

10:23 pm

**joohyun:**

do you wanna come over that badly?

10:23 pm

**son seungwan:**

maybe ..?

10:23 pm

i wouldn't have left if yongsun-unnie didn't chase me away 😢

10:24 pm

**joohyun:**

i know 😉

10:24 pm

but we'll see each other tomorrow too

10:24 pm

go enjoy your celebration with your friends in case they turn into another kim yerim

10:24 pm

**son seungwan:**

they're probably glad i'm venturing into the outside world

10:25 pm

but okay i will spend some time with them today

10:25 pm

**joohyun:**

👋 go on~

10:25 pm

* * *

"ah look, she's got that dumb smile again." sooyoung sneers as she sips on some beer.

the trio had cleared some space in the middle of the room so they could feast on a meal of fried chicken wings and beer. they occasionally hang out when seungwan feels up for some third-wheeling or when seulgi insists that she comes along. so there they sit, seungwan leaning against the side of her bed while sooyoung is lying on seulgi's lap across her.

the nerd rolls her eyes in retort and tosses her phone aside, "yeah, yeah, i'm happy! what about it!" she huffs loudly whilst reaching for a piece of chicken.

"let her live, sooyoungie," seulgi's words are spoken between munches, "we're celebrating for her after all."

seungwan sticks her tongue out, " _yeah,_ heard that?"

"fine." the highschooler groans loudly and shrugs. "but honestly, you're probably the only person who'll get a celebration for confessing to their soulmate."

the introvert looks to her best friend for back up but when there's food, seulgi is good as mute. her older friend is currently munching her way through another piece of chicken without a care in the world.

"you guys did this on your own accord!" seungwan frowns as she bites into a piece of chicken, rending its delicious flesh from its bones.

"the whole situation was absurd from start to end anyway." sooyoung deadpans, "maybe we should head out to the temples to thank the gods tomorrow."

seungwan clicks her teeth in offence as the younger girl snickers.

"i thought you guys would be happier, at least i'm spending time with someone else apart from you two." the nerd sighs with a slight pout.

seulgi bobs her head aggressively, "we are! but our banter usually revolves around you."

"aww … you guys are so sweet." seungwan says with sarcasm dripping all over her words.

"anyway," sooyoung sits up lazily, "what are your plans with joohyun-unnie?"

seungwan questions curiously, "plans?"

"like about your future, she's pretty much done with school right? what are you guys going to do?" the highschooler elaborates a little.

they've barely met a few days ago and sooyoung is already asking about their future. joohyun's nosey aunts could be given a run for their money.

a rise of her shoulders is the only response she has, "it's a little early, sooyoung-ah. we haven't even gone out on a proper date and she’s been sick for the past week."

“yeah, we know. it’s so quiet without your snoring.”

“i don’t snore!”

“okay, it’s more like aggressive breathing i suppose.”

sooyoung shushes them with a wave of her hand, "enough about that, when’s your first date going to be?"

"tomorrow, probably." seungwan shrugs.

a glimmer in sooyoung’s eyes signals that the conversation has finally piqued her interest, "ooh, what are you going to wear?"

"my usual clothes ..?" seungwan mumbles questioningly while she chews away.

"are you not going to dress up?" the highschooler is clearly offended by her nonchalance, but the nerd pays her no mind.

"do i have to?”

"don't you wanna look good for your first date?"

seungwan speaks with a tint of exasperation in her voice, "yeah but … you know me … i'm not good at things like these."

loud tuts of disapproval leave sooyoung’s lips and then she commands the nerd to _get up and start picking clothes out._

it quickly descends into an argument before seungwan begrudgingly agrees. she could be harsh at times but the highschooler is merely saving her from a potential fashion disaster. it’s not like she has a bad fashion sense, but everything in her wardrobe is simple, nothing screams _first dat_ _e_ material.

the rest of the night is filled with snarky comments from sooyoung as she tries to put seungwan in outfits that might impress joohyun, even borrowing a couple of pieces from seulgi. but of course, it doesn’t really work out when half the time the nerd is whining that it’s not her style. they eventually settle on a white blouse and dark beige pants — simple, smart and casual, as sooyoung would say.

“so who’s going to clean up the mess?” seungwan mumbles from her bed after they spent almost three hours trying on almost every outfit the pair of best friends owned.

their room looks like it’s been through hell. with balloons, remnants of fast food and clothes littered all around, she’s not sure if there’s even space for sleeping tonight. she’s even lying on some clothes but it’s not like she has the energy to care anymore.

“ _not_ me.” sooyoung dodges the responsibility with ease as she hops onto seulgi’s bed.

seulgi lets out a loud sigh from her spot on the ground and gives in, “ _fine_ … it’s only so you can enjoy your day with your girlfriend, okay?” 

_girlfriend_. seungwan hadn’t considered that at all. _kiyub_ has always just been a person in her head. but that person is now joohyun and while they are soulmates, she’s not sure if they can be considered girlfriends. are they ready for this label?

“we’re not … girlfriends … _yet_ ..?” seungwan responds with uncertainty as she continues to ponder over this new epiphany.

"c'mon, you guys are literally soulmates, isn't it pretty much guaranteed that you're going to be girlfriends?" sooyoung retorts as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

romantic relationships are entirely new territory for seungwan. considering how she isn't the best at friendships, it might be good to take things slow, even if their fate is set in stone.

"well, yeah but i think i'm still warming up to the idea of having someone for life. i wanna do things one step at a time." the little nerd admits genuinely as she stares at the ceiling blankly.

"you're going to get married at 50 at this rate."

"so be it," seungwan shrugs, "if she's willing to be that patient with me, i'd gladly marry her at 50."

"ugh … you've become so cheesy, unnie!"

seulgi lets out a sound that sounds like a mix between a groan and a whine, "wannie would make a really good flirt if she had the courage!"

"and thankfully, i don't."

"people would be falling for your greasy lines left and right."

a quick glance at each other and both seungwan and sooyoung knows that seulgi is drunk. drunk seulgi is usually harmless, though she spews the weirdest things. it’s like someone put her brain on a random word generator and then it’s a challenge to say the most confusing things as quickly as possible.

"seul, baby, i think it's time to sleep."

"no wait i'm not done hyping my best friend up!"

"go on, i'm enjoying this theoretically flirty version of me." the nerd encourages cheekily, knowing fully well that she probably won't remember what she said tomorrow.

"and like … you'd have a really cool english name like _wendy!_ "

"wendy?" sooyoung snorts, "what would my english name be?"

_"joy,"_ seulgi responds almost instantly, like she has known the answer for the longest time now, "because you bring so much joy to everyone around you."

a chortle escapes seungwan’s lips, "okay, who's the cheesy one now?"

"you, duh. when my baby does it, she's the sweetest."

"you've got some serious double standards there, park sooyoung …"

"oh really? i wasn't aware."

" _aish_ …"

"hey!” seulgi pips up, demanding for attention before beginning another ramble. or rather a glorified mumbling of words. “and like … maybe you would be a really cool singer … what if we were all singers … " in the midst of picturing an alternate universe, seulgi decides to shut her eyes and let hypnos claim her.

"called it …" sooyoung sighs, _who the hell even dozes off mid-sentence?_ she crawls out of bed to haul her drunken soulmate into bed. 

the room still lies in chaos but it would be a problem for tomorrow. the two sober ones have come to a silent and mutual agreement after dimming the lights.

"goodnight."

"nights, unnie."

tonight, seungwan lets contentment wash over her, making sure that she etches this feeling into her heart forever. it’s amazing to be alive in a world full of love and she’s so grateful to merely be here.

* * *

sleeping in on a weekday is something to get used to, at least for the next week or two before the new semester starts. but despite the extra shut-eye, she still feels sluggish, probably due to the thrills from the previous night.

the two best friends and one demon spend an hour or two cleaning up the mess they've caused. as much as seungwan whines, nothing beats spending time with her friends. it's a worthwhile tradeoff in her opinion.

the nerd texts her soulmate throughout the day, multiple mentions of their upcoming date pop up during their chats. their botched first date a few days ago didn’t feel as serious because it was so spontaneous. this time, it's exciting but also slightly nerve-wracking. it's not the first time she's going to be with joohyun alone but it's their _first date_. slapping a label on things always makes them seem more important.

by the time the sun begins to set, seungwan is all dressed up and ready to meet her lovely soulmate. sooyoung had stayed the rest of the day to hang out, but she also took it upon herself to help seungwan prepare for her grand affair.

a myriad of voices is currently being emitted from her computer speakers, of course, her online friends have to be here for this monumental occasion.

seungwan currently stands to the side of her monitor, twiddling with her fingers nervously. she isn’t sure how her friends would react, like sure, they’ve seen each others’ real-life pictures and all but they know that _azure_ isn’t one to dress up. heck, she doesn’t even like being in front of the camera much, so this is a _big thing_ in everybody's eyes.

with an unsuspecting hard shove from the side, she pretty much flies into the webcam's view. stumbling to regain her balance, she directs her wrath upon the smug highschooler who seems hell-bent on ruining everything.

"yah park sooyoung!" the nerd exclaims when she steadies herself.

sooyoung merely raises her shoulder, "your friends want to see you, i’m just helping you out."

fixing her clothes and ignoring the insufferable girl, she stands in front of the camera and waves awkwardly. "thoughts?" she asks quietly.

the voices in the call come to a still before erupting in a chorus of cheers and hoots. on her screen, she can see her friends cheering and clapping away.

_"woah! let's fucking go, azure!"_

_"oh my god!"_

_"girl, give us a spin!"_

blushing slightly, she obliges, turning in her spot. it might not feel like much but it’s a step out of her comfort zone, maybe being with joohyun is making her a little braver day by day. she spends a little more time chatting with her friends to ease her nerves — bread assures her that it’ll all be fine while luna goes on about how she should get flowers _like roses or some shit_ so she can really charm joohyun. and then yeri retorts with a snort because her cousin doesn’t care for things like flowers.

and when it finally came time to leave, seulgi and sooyoung looked like a pair of proud parents sending their kid off for prom.

"hold still!" seulgi hisses as she snaps yet another picture of seungwan at the door. the design major has brought out the big guns, cameras ranging from digital to film, everything that can be used to immortalize this moment is being made use of by kang seulgi.

the little nerd exhales sharply when the flash from the polaroid camera blinds her momentarily. the buzz emitted from the camera is followed with a satisfied hum from her best friend. well, they've already taken the phone shots, the DSLR shots, the film shots and finally, the polaroid shot. seungwan is kind of terrified at how many pictures seulgi wants of her, she dreads to imagine how many photos seulgi will end up with if she continues to go on dates.

"wannie's first date!" the design student declares proudly as she bounces over to her desk to scribble something at the bottom of the picture.

"it's the 19th of february, time is a quarter past 6 in the evening." sooyoung adds in an attempt to tease her soulmate but the innocent girl is taking the information down diligently, “seungwan-unnie is about to yell at us because she’s going to be late.”

"can i go now?" seungwan grumbles from the door after listening to sooyoung’s narration. she feels her phone buzzing in her pocket, probably a text from joohyun.

the highschooler waves her off easily, "go on, young grasshopper. don't come back if you didn't get laid!"

"i'm leaving now!" seungwan announces loudly before slamming the door behind her.

* * *

it’s a short walk from her dorm to the train station where they'd agreed to meet. seungwan shoots joohyun a couple of texts, one to apologize for being late and the other to let her know that she's on the way. her soulmate reassures her with a smiley emoji and hurries her lightly.

the amber glow of the sunset is slowly making its way for the darkness of the night. the atmosphere of the whole place feels otherworldly, seungwan is usually in lecture halls or her dorm at this time of the day. the campus is still buzzing with life, some students are heading home for the break, some are hanging out with their friends and others are merely wandering about. it’s a strangely comforting feeling border lining on surreal, like she doesn't exactly belong in this space, like going on a date with her soulmate is a dream. she chalks it all up to her excitement looming over her.

with a bounce in her step, seungwan finds herself at the train station. and there her soulmate waits, dressed in a casual shirt and jeans, paired with the jacket she’d stolen from seungwan upon their official meeting. her gaze is drawn downwards and she looks to be deep in thought. even with her hair hanging over her face, joohyun still looks like a goddess. _her goddess._

she approaches joohyun with pursed lips, waving slowly to draw the girl out of her thoughts. the senior snaps her head up, the blank look on her face is quickly replaced with a beaming smile.

“hello,” the model greets while straightening her posture, “you look good.”

heat rushes to her cheeks and she stammers, “y-you too.”

shifting her hands from behind her back, joohyun pulls out a small bouquet of flowers. “i got you flowers,” the older girl presents the small bouquet to her soulmate, “a little something to make up for last time.”

luna was right, she should’ve gotten flowers, or chocolates, or something along the lines of a romantic gesture. well, it’s too late for that now, maybe she could conjure up something else on their date.

_white roses_ , seungwan guesses. she isn’t an expert on flowers, nor an enthusiast for the matter but they are beautiful. there aren’t any florists on campus, or within walking distance. this probably means that joohyun specifically went out of her way to get her flowers. 

realising her effort, seungwan looks at her with a softened gaze. while the nerd had been thinking, joohyun has been watching her closely, almost worried that her soulmate wouldn’t like the flowers.

“i love it, they’re gorgeous,” the younger girl accepts the roses and wraps her arms around joohyun for a quick hug, “thank you.”

seungwan feels warm and nice and joohyun lets herself melt into her embrace easily. times like these always make her feel like if they really tried, the rest of the world could just fade away around them. but time continues to tick, separating themselves, joohyun slips her hand into seungwan’s. 

_“ready?”_

swinging their arms, seungwan bobs her head and lets joohyun tug them into the station for a nice night out.

* * *

it’s a monday evening, the weather isn't exactly freezing though it's still cold out, overall a seemingly pleasant night for a date.

wading through the throngs of people at town, they wind up at a western bistro with a live band playing some gentle tunes in the background. a modest little place that's just beginning to pick up buzz amongst the youngsters. monday nights seem quiet enough though there’s still a handful of patrons. the place is littered with flowers of all kinds, probably adhering to some kind of floral theme. seungwan felt slightly awkward holding her roses but the little bouquet doesn't seem so out of place now.

sliding into a booth in the corner, they relax after ordering their food. and of course, like the inseparable couple they are, they sit on the same side with their fingers intertwined.

the band plays a series of mellow pop songs that suits the taste of the couple. they had discovered that they both enjoyed similar genres of music, but that could also be attributed to the fact that joohyun listens to just about anything.

"last night, seulgi was drunk and going off about how i could be a singer named wendy in another reality," seungwan mumbles mindlessly as she watches the band, "makes me wonder where i would be if i didn't make the choices i did."

joohyun hums quietly, "what would you be if you weren't a brilliant little software engineer in the making?"

chuckling, seungwan shrugs and glances at joohyun. "maybe a doctor or a scientist, or some other nerdy thing. i'm not very artistically inclined if you can tell."

"doctor son," the senior teases with a giggle, "or doctor wendy?"

"i think i'm fine with just being seungwan, i think coding is much easier than cutting a body up." seungwan replies and takes a moment to stare at her soulmate adoringly, "what would you be?"

joohyun thinks hard for a moment before her face lights up with glee, " _a candle maker._ " 

the nerd quirks an eyebrow, it's not something that she expected joohyun to say. sensing her confusion, the older girl is quick to clarify.

"i have a thing for scented candles, i think it would be nice if i could make my own."

"oh i've noticed your shrine of candles," seungwan snickers, "an interesting dream job, huh?"

the senior pouts slightly, "yah, are you making fun of me?"

"not at all!" the nerd defends herself swiftly, "i think it's nice to know these little things about you."

"i would say the same, wendy." joohyun rests her head in her hand before grinning.

"unfortunately, i sound like a dying cat. wish i could belt a high note or two."

"karaoke night some time? yongsun's got this karaoke mic lying around."

"sounds like a nightmare to me honestly …"

"it'll be fun, come on!"

"you're not sick anymore, i'm not going to give in so easily."

joohyun whines and pokes the younger girl lightly, " _seungwan-ah_ …"

thankfully, the waiter comes to her rescue with their food. a series of polite _thank-yous_ is heard and then joohyun is speeding off to the other side of the booth.

"what's wrong?" seungwan takes in the peculiar behaviour of her soulmate without knowing how to process it exactly. 

the senior is whipping her phone out across her and raising it to her face. and when seungwan realises what’s going on, she immediately brings up her hands to cover her face.

“are you going to post these anywhere ..?” the introvert mumbles with a tint of fear in her voice. joohyun could have an entire album of her pictures for all she cares, but the thought that they might be shared with the thousands of her followers too — that didn’t kindle any positive feelings at all.

the model tilts her head to peek past her phone and she blinks at seungwan with a puzzled expression. “is that something that might bother you?” she tries softly.

the introvert runs her hand through her hair before they come to rest at the nape of her neck, she doesn’t have the right words to explain how this makes her feel so she merely bobs her head in agreement.

joohyun nods slowly. she doesn’t quite understand the apprehension her soulmate is facing but doesn’t want to pressure her into anything she might be uncomfortable with either. “okay. all these will remain a personal collection until you say it’s okay, is that alright?” she offers with a small smile.

“it’s not that serious,” seungwan plays it down quickly, not wanting their long-awaited date night to turn sour so quickly, “come on, i’ll take a few shots of you, seulgi has taught me some nifty tricks.”

the model hands her phone over with a wide smile and strikes her signature pose — cheek in hand accompanied with a lustrous wink. a blush creeps up on seungwan’s face and the feeling she felt when she first laid eyes on joohyun is back, her soulmate is genuinely the epitome of ethereal. _thank_ _god,_ the lights in here are dim so joohyun wouldn’t see her flushed cheeks.

she snaps a couple of pictures of joohyun, even handing her bouquet over as a prop. if anyone would complain about how disgustingly enamoured they are by each other, it would be a fierce competition between kim yerim and park sooyoung.

seungwan decided that it was okay if she posted a picture without her face in it. the model jumps at the chance, of course. once the usual dating rituals are concluded — mainly picture taking and updating _renebaebae’s_ instagram story, they enjoy their juicy steaks and joohyun even splurges on a glass of wine. a dinner fitting for a first date, seungwan supposes, she’s not sure what they should be doing exactly, but none of this seems _wrong._

besides, how badly could she mess up dating the person that’s meant for her?

* * *

the pair lounges around long after they’ve finished their food, enjoying the music and relishing in each other’s presence. they might have just spent a whole week together but it seems like they couldn’t get enough of each other. the soulmates take their leave just shy of closing time, opting to stroll by the river. _gotta burn those calories_ , joohyun grumbles as she tugs her soulmate into the frigid night.

considering how it’s still the middle of february, the weather is still pretty _fucking_ cold. neither of them likes it but somehow, they’re still ambling their way down the stone path.

joohyun doesn’t admit it but it’s mostly an excuse so she could cling to seungwan a little longer. the whole night has been lovely and healing even, she never expected that finding her soulmate would make her feel this _complete_.

“is this a good time for questions?” the little nerd chirps up after a solid ten minutes of strolling in silence.

humming quietly, joohyun responds easily, “it’s never a bad time.”

“okay.” seungwan swallows, though she knows fully well she has nothing to fear, important questions always make her a little nervous. “did you mean what you said yesterday?”

“about?”

“you know …” the little nerd mumbles as she directs her gaze to the ground, “liking a life with _me_ …” her voice drops a couple of decibels due to her doubt, but joohyun catches each word earnestly.

joohyun stops them in their step and turns to face her soulmate. the younger girl looks nervous beyond belief and joohyun wishes she could ease all her worries with a snap of a finger. but unfortunately, people don’t work like that.

cupping seungwan’s face with her freezing hands isn’t the most romantic thing but she’s going with it either way. the nerd flinches at the icy touch and she doesn’t know where to look, at joohyun? or at the tree behind her? maybe the space between her brows so she won’t come off as insincere?

“i do, seungwan.” her thoughts are interrupted with a firm answer leaving joohyun’s lips. “i’m going to need a thesaurus if i want to describe just how much i want to be with you.”

_“a thesaurus?”_ seungwan can’t resist a snicker.

“yah …you just feel really nice, okay?” joohyun squishes her cheeks mercilessly and frowns, “i don’t always have a lot to say, but i’m very serious about wanting a life with you, son seungwan.”

a wide grin makes its way on the younger girl's face and joohyun can’t help but give her squishy face a light jiggle. _absolutely adorable_ , the older girl declares silently in her head.

“i’ve got another question.” seungwan pipes up as she takes joohyun’s freezing hands into hers. the model looks at her pointedly, taking that as a sign to go on, she spits out the question that’s been on her mind since last night.

“are we _girlfriends?_ ”

“yah … we’re soulmates, i think that triumphs over every title imaginable …”

seungwan shifts her weight from one leg to another and mumbles quietly. "i know but … i still want to call you _my_ girlfriend."

this earns a raised eyebrow from joohyun who shakes her head slowly. "yes … we're girlfriends." she exhales quietly and gives seungwan’s hand a light squeeze, “now let’s go back, wash up, and you can sleep over like you’ve had for the past week.”

“that sounds _nice_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! sorry this took a little longer than anticipated!  
> it's taken me so long but i found the perfect song for wr in this au: [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JTFBbFkwNY&ab_channel=Hojean)  
> also a pic of joohyun's egg: [hehe](https://twitter.com/joohyunisabae/status/1242708907690053633?s=20)
> 
> now on to the rambles! honestly, i don't think i've been stuck on any chapter for as long as this one. maybe it's writer's block idk but this chapter turned out pretty okay, i don't hate it or anything, guess it just needed some time to grow into a full thing. read 2.5 fics in the past week and it was refreshing, really helped to get me out of a slump. and i'm not sure if anyone's gonna notice but i think my formatting might have changed a little. just a little bit more italics here and there. also pushed the angst back to the next chapter, gonna take my time to plan things out and make it more realistic but at the same time, i doubt anyone needs any angst right now.
> 
> we're maybe slightly over the halfway mark, i've begun to write shit for the epilogue so i doubt this fic will go past 12 chapters. and that's all from me!


	9. lord help me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> falling in love can feel so fleeting sometimes. no rambles today, but i will leave you with two songs, my whole life by alina baraz and my blood by echos.

**yerimie:**

do you have any plans with azure tomorrow?

5:13 pm

**joohyun:**

why? do you need her for a boss run? 🙄

5:13 pm

**yerimie:**

it's her birthday, dummy

5:13 pm

me and the boys wanna do a celebration for her in game

5:13 pm

but she's literally never free thanks to you 😑😑😑

5:14 pm

**joohyun:**

wait

5:14 pm

oh my god

5:14 pm

**yerimie:**

what?

5:14 pm

**joohyun:**

I FORGOT ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY

5:15 pm

**yerimie:**

unnie … this ain't it …

5:15 pm

**joohyun:**

quick help me!!! what do i do!!! 😭

5:15 pm

**yerimie:**

🤪🤪🤪 i'm not helping you anymore after you casted me aside

5:15 pm

**joohyun:**

this is a life or death situation!!!

5:16 pm

please!!! 😭😭😭

5:16 pm

i don’t even have ideas for a present!!!

5:16 pm

**yerimie:**

why don’t you just ask her

5:16 pm

**joohyun:**

what

5:17 pm

**yerimie:**

ask her what she wants … it’s her day after all

5:17 pm

**joohyun:**

doesn’t that feel a little insincere?

5:17 pm

**yerimie:**

i’m not the one that forgot my own soulmate’s birthday

5:17 pm

how much worse can it get?

5:18 pm

**joohyun:**

should i take her out to do something?

5:18 pm

**yerimie:**

no don’t

5:18 pm

wait if you do can you return her before 10

5:18 pm

**joohyun:**

what are you gonna do with her?

5:19 pm

**yerimie:**

play games with her till the crack of dawn

5:19 pm

**joohyun:**

what

5:19 pm

**yerimie:**

?

5:19 pm

**joohyun:**

that can't be healthy

5:20 pm

**yerimie:**

you're talking to a bunch of GAMERS

5:20 pm

which part of being a GAMER screams healthy?

5:20 pm

**joohyun:**

fair point … so what should i do?

5:20 pm

are you getting her any virtual gifts

5:21 pm

**yerimie:**

oh yeah we got her a new outfit for her character

5:21 pm

but that's about it

5:21 pm

**joohyun:**

what do i get for her? what does she like? in real life.

5:21 pm

**yerimie:**

i don't know … she's been considering getting a figurine but it's like mad expensive

5:22 pm

or any junji ito book, she’s a big fan

5:22 pm

maybe get the one about spirals and stuff

5:22 pm

**joohyun:**

a book about spirals?

5:22 pm

**yerimie:**

it’s a horror manga revolving spirals

5:23 pm

**joohyun:**

how scary can spirals be?

5:23 pm

**yerimie:**

get it, read it with her then tell me

5:23 pm

**joohyun:**

🙄 okay …

5:23 pm

what’s it called?

5:24 pm

**yerimie:**

i will get back to you on that

5:24 pm

anyway, all her interests are nerdy or expensive

5:24 pm

maybe you should ask seulgi for more financially friendly and less nerdy options

5:24 pm

**joohyun:**

you know seulgi too?

5:25 pm

**yerimie:**

unnie … they're literally best friends …

5:25 pm

everyone knows seulgi

5:25 pm

**joohyun:**

🙄 why does it feel like you know my soulmate better than me …

5:25 pm

**yerimie:**

the bonds forged through video games are unlike any other

5:26 pm

besides, it takes time 🤷

5:26 pm

update me on your plans

5:26 pm

**joohyun:**

yeah yeah i'll be back in a bit

5:26 pm

* * *

> **seulgi**
> 
> hi_sseulgi

**renebaebae:**

hi seulgi

i need to ask you something

**hi_sseulgi:**

oh unnie, what's up?

**renebaebae:**

what does seungwan like? i need ideas for her birthday

**hi_sseulgi:**

🤔 hmmm … she loves baked goods but i'm already getting her a cake

don't get her clothes, she only wears the same few shirts in rotation

**renebaebae:**

i've noticed …

**hi_sseulgi:**

😂 oh man

well, she likes handmade stuff, she kept all my notes and cards from all these years 

i think it's fine if you don't do anything extravagant

by that i mean don’t throw a whole party like sooyoung did for me

just spend time with her, maybe come over and play games together

**renebaebae:**

ahh, note taken

but doesn't she already have friends to play games with?

**hi_sseulgi:**

yeah but i'd imagine that it feels different doing something you love with someone you love

wannie's big on things like this, she loves intimacy

**renebaebae:**

thanks seulgi, i owe you one

**hi_sseulgi:**

no problem unnie! let me know if you need any help!

**renebaebae:**

will do 😄

* * *

**joohyun:**

is it really okay if i don’t do anything big? she’s turning 21 after all

5:35 pm

**yerimie:**

what’s the big deal about turning 21?

5:35 pm

**joohyun:**

you “officially” turn into an adult

5:35 pm

**yerimie:**

congrats on adulting! it really sucks, good luck buddy! haha!

5:35 pm

**joohyun:**

yah!! as if you know anything about adulting!! 😒

5:36 pm

**yerimie:**

and i dread to find out

5:36 pm

the book’s called uzumaki by the way

5:36 pm

so what are your plans

5:36 pm

**joohyun:**

i’m gonna make her a card

5:37 pm

and get her the book

5:37 pm

**yerimie:**

what are you? 7?

5:37 pm

you trust my suggestions now, huh? 😏😏😏

5:37 pm

**joohyun:**

shut up. when it comes to seungwan, i don’t have a choice but to trust you

5:38 pm

and seulgi said she likes handmade things

5:38 pm

**yerimie:**

oh god are you turning into one of those cheesy couples who make photo books and stuff

5:38 pm

you’ve been together for less than two weeks

5:38 pm

lord help me

5:39 pm

**joohyun:**

the lord should be helping ME instead …

5:39 pm

i think i have a rough idea

5:39 pm

i'm gonna get her a present, wrap it up nicely with a note and then surprise her at midnight

5:39 pm

**yerimie:**

well, that actually doesn't sound so bad, good luck!!

5:40 pm

if you’re going out tomorrow, return her by 10, please

5:40 pm

**joohyun:**

you’re so annoying

5:40 pm

**yerimie:**

say that again and i will tell azure you forgot her birthday

5:40 pm

**joohyun:**

sorry my hand slipped, i meant to type you’re so accommodating

5:41 pm

**yerimie:**

😚 of course! anything for my favourite unnie!!!

5:41 pm

**joohyun:**

🖕

5:41 pm   
  


* * *

six hours. joohyun had six hours till midnight, six hours to come up with something presentable and surprise seungwan at her dorm. they didn’t have any plans for today, seungwan merely said she was going to stay in and catch up on her shows. and joohyun had spent the entire day cleaning her room, all she wanted to do is relax now, but _how_ could she relax now?

“where you goin’?” yongsun perks her head up from the couch where she lounged with byulyi. the two seem to be watching some documentary and the film major has her eyes glued to the television screen.

“craft store,” joohyun mumbles as she puts her coat on, “i need to put something together for seungwan’s birthday.”

“aww, aren’t you going to do anything for _my_ birthday?” yongsun pouts.

_shit._ not only did she forget about seungwan’s birthday, she forgot about her roommate’s one too. why did they have to be born on the same day? joohyun lets out a weak smile, “you know i love you, right? i’ll take you out for dinner the day after or something.”

yongsun sighs and bobs her head, “do you need help? miss moon byulyi thinks this documentary about the ocean is more interesting than a trip to the museum.”

“yah!” byulyi whines, “i’m doing research for my next shoot! unnie, you gotta defend me or i’m looking for another model.”

snorting lightly, joohyun looks towards the screen with furrowed brows. she clearly doesn’t have time for this needless bickering.

“are you going to make me do an underwater shoot ..?” joohyun questions worriedly.

“maybe.” the photographer shrugs and hits pause, “just kidding, what are we doing for seungwan?”

“something that’s so cheesy that even you guys would be disgusted.”

“you really are a changed woman, hyun-ah.”

“well, let’s go, i only have six hours till midnight.”

she works out a rough schedule in her head on the way, with yongsun and byulyi’s help, maybe she could put together something sweet. little did she know, they would spend an hour shopping for all the materials. yongsun and byulyi getting distracted by all the _fun_ things did not help at all. they pick out some helium balloons as well, because _what’s a celebration without balloons?_

and by sheer luck, the store ran out of birthday balloons, so they are wrestling with the choice of getting some animal balloons or nothing at all. if joohyun had been alone, she would be walking out of the store empty-handed. but of course, her companions convinced her to get _five_ goddamn animal balloons. it started with one rabbit and then a squirrel for company, and somehow joohyun ended up paying for a bear, a chick and a turtle too.

the worst part of it all is how yongsun and byulyi refused to help her hold any of them, they helped with the art materials but not the balloons. it’s embarrassing enough to walk in public with one kiddy helium balloon, but five? she’s used to getting stared at but this is the next level, she considers moving home because of the sheer amount of humiliation she feels. 

“you look like a zookeeper, hyun-ah.” yongsun snickers on the way back to campus.

the model shoots her roommate a death glare and forces the other girl to hold one of the balloons so she doesn’t look like a walking sanctuary for animal balloons. returning to campus, they head to the university’s bookstore to get the book that yerim had been talking about, there’s a whole section dedicated to mangas so it’s probably the easiest item to find.

they part ways after that, joohyun feeling confident and satisfied, dismisses the couple so they could get dinner. she could finish the rest on her own. she has a gut feeling that yongsun and byulyi would only distract her and she couldn’t risk them botching her plans now that there are only four hours to midnight.

dinner could wait, joohyun considers it as punishment for forgetting her soulmate’s birthday and gets to work.

* * *

it takes three whole hours to craft the perfect birthday card and love letter for seungwan, along with putting everything together into something presentable. her back aches and she’s gotten a couple of paper cuts but the outcome is worth it. joohyun examines her work once it’s done, it’s not too shabby but it definitely could’ve been better if she’s more prepared. 

she squeezes in some time for a quick shower and potentially a meal but a ding from her phone catches her attention. her stomach grumbles mercilessly, but she decides she could grab something to eat a little later. she had some unread messages from seungwan that she deemed more worthy of attention.

**son seungwan:**

i finished my show

11:39 pm

i feel empty inside now

11:39 pm

**joohyun:**

what’d you watch

11:39 pm

**son seungwan:**

devilman crybaby

11:39 pm

i’ll tell you all about it once i can feel something again

11:40 pm

how’s your day?

11:40 pm

**joohyun:**

i cleaned my room! it smells like lavender now n_n

11:40 pm

**son seungwan:**

ooh lavender, i bet that smells lovely

11:40 pm

want me to come over again?

11:41 pm

**joohyun:**

not tonight, i’ve got something planned for yongsun

11:41 pm

**son seungwan:**

👀 what’s the occasion?

11:41 pm

**joohyun:**

it’s her birthday~

11:41 pm

i would be a terrible person if i didn’t do anything

11:42 pm

**son seungwan:**

tell her i said happy birthday too!

11:42 pm

**joohyun:**

i will~

11:42 pm

talk to you later? i gotta go~

11:42 pm

**son seungwan:**

sure, i’ll probably be up late tonight

11:43 pm

**joohyun:**

😘 okay~

11:43 pm

the few minutes that she could’ve spent on finding something to eat has been used on seungwan instead. she’ll be fine without dinner for one night. tossing on seungwan’s jacket that she’s claimed as her own, she gathers up seungwan’s present and the balloons and heads out. thankfully, there aren’t many people out now so she doesn’t look like an idiot. imagine seeing bae joohyun walking around campus with five animal balloons in hand at midnight, nobody would believe it for how comical it seems.

the senior reaches the aquila dorms just shy of midnight and she finds herself wondering what seungwan was feeling when she ran to her apartment that night. exhilaration? fear? anxiety? perhaps all three mixed into one big bubbling pot of feelings. that’s how she’s feeling right now. waiting outside the door only intensifies all of that. and that’s when it really hits her — she’s never felt this strongly for anyone before. she’s never been this open, this caring or even this willing to go lengths for someone. god, she’s _whipped_ as hell for seungwan.

but if she’s not going to love the little nerd with all her heart, what would the point of these tattoos be?

the clock strikes midnight and son seungwan turns twenty-one. joohyun raps her knuckles against the door twice. she's been hearing voices coming from inside the room but it’s too muffled for her to make anything out. inhaling deeply, she tries to calm the thrumming of her heart. she has nothing to be worried about but she’s anxious all the same.

the door cracks open a few seconds later, seungwan pokes her head out with a cautious stare.

“joohyun?”

“happy birthday, seungwannie.” joohyun beams as she holds up the balloons.

seungwan can’t help her lips from tugging upwards and she opens the door even wider, "what's all this?" the nerd motions to the zoo of balloons in joohyun’s hands.

"a horribly rushed present," joohyun mumbles with a tint of shame in her voice, "along with some impulsive purchases."

“i thought you were going to be busy with yongsun, was that a lie?” seungwan muses and invites her girlfriend in.

“yup,” joohyun replies with a bob of her head, “i’ll make it up to her, today is your day."

"well, then i'm all yours."

* * *

entering the dorm, it’s dark save for seungwan’s monitor lighting a portion of the space. joohyun finds that seungwan has the room all to herself, her best friend has seemingly disappeared.

"seulgi's staying over at sooyoung's, if you're wondering." seungwan hums while taking the ridiculous balloons from joohyun's hands.

"oh, you answered my question." joohyun smiles, "did she not celebrate with you?"

her words fall upon deaf ears because seungwan starts to play with the balloons like an overly excited child.

"these are so darn cute!" she squeals in glee, "it's like i'm walking all of them!"

the balloons hover and bounce against the floor, following the little nerd as she hopped around in the tiny space they had. joohyun chortles at the sight and shakes her head, perhaps not the best gift for someone turning twenty-one, but at least she's having fun.

"i looked like an idiot getting them, take good care of them." joohyun cringes at the memory, it’s something she never wants to go through again.

the little nerd nods with a large smile, pushing all the animals to a corner, "what's that then?" 

the decently wrapped present in joohyun's hand catches her eye, mostly because it's big and chunky too.

"your actual present. but i think you'd like the balloons more." joohyun giggles as she hands over the hulking package.

seungwan accepts it with a large grin and crouches on the ground. joohyun follows suit, settling cross-legged beside her. using the glow of her screen, the younger girl lifts it up to get a closer look, contemplating her present for a moment before speaking up.

_"is it a bible?"_

"what?"

"it feels like a heavy book." seungwan shrugs innocently.

"yah … why would i get you a bible … for your birthday ..?" joohyun quirks an eyebrow upwards as she laughs.

seungwan cracks into a cheeky smile, "it would be good to ward off demons like park sooyoung."

joohyun sighs with a tint of exasperation, “just open it."

the nerd nods before carefully ripping apart the paper that concealed her gift. she pulls out a neat white envelope before looking at her actual gift. it’s in fact, _not a bible_ , but a book she’s been wanting for a while but never took the plunge to get it.

"so you did get me a bible, a _horror_ bible." seungwan smirks in droll humour and is met with a light slap on her arm.

"yerim said you wanted this, i didn't really know what else to get you." joohyun explains with a small sigh. it's a little frustrating that everyone seems to know her soulmate better than her, but she supposes it can't be helped.

seungwan bobs her head and puts her horror bible down and she leans over to wrap joohyun in a tight hug. "you could've gotten me anything, or nothing at all, or even a real bible and i would love it.” seungwan nuzzles her face into the crook of joohyun's neck and lets out a contented sigh. “as long as it's you."

the senior reciprocates with her hands around seungwan's back. "i'm not getting you a goddamn bible, you cheese …"

seungwan chuckles and turns her attention to the pristine envelope wrapped with a ribbon and picks it up. joohyun bites her lower lip nervously, to say she poured her heart out into its creation is a mere understatement. but the contents hold a piece of her soul if she were to exaggerate. the younger girl opens it slowly, not wanting to accidentally rip anything apart. she pulls out a card, followed by some pieces of paper which have paragraphs on it.

“am i going to cry if i read everything?” seungwan asks while glancing at her girlfriend.

the darkness makes it hard to see each other but joohyun’s shoulders rise uncertainly before she beckons seungwan to start reading. 

“let me get comfy first.” the younger girl stands up and readjusts her position. she settles in joohyun’s legs, resting her back against her girlfriend’s chest.

“okay, birthday girl.” she chuckles lightly as she slinks her arms around seungwan.

with joohyun resting her chin on the crown of seungwan’s head, the birthday girl finally deems herself comfortable enough.

“shouldn’t you turn on the lights?”

“it’s fine,” seungwan dismisses her concern easily, “i can see.”

with the way her screen is angled and their position on the floor, it offers just enough light for her to make out the contents. seungwan starts with the card first, a large _happy birthday_ is written in cursive across the front and she opens it with anticipation.

a large paper cake pops out in the middle, accompanied by a _happy birthday son seungwan!_ just below it. it’s decorated with hand-drawn banners and balloons, with stickers and glitter all around the border.

“you did this all by yourself?”

“don’t laugh, i really tried … it’s been years since i’ve done anything like this.”

"it's endearing and i appreciate the effort."

she moves on to the essays that joohyun had thrown in too, thumbing over the ridges of the handwritten words. her eyes move over the letter slowly, taking in everything that her soulmate has to say.

_‘happy birthday, seungwannie~_

_it’s been a couple of weeks since we started texting, a little under two weeks since we officially met but my world feels like a happier place with you in it. i’m grateful that you spoke the words on my wrist, as jumbled as they might be._

_i have a terrible habit of not sharing things, but you make me want to try. i’m not as eloquent as i like to be, but i hope this will be able to convey just how much i feel for you._

_so here goes nothing~_

_you’re insanely adorable, caring, smart. and you let me get away with just about anything. in those quiet moments that we have, sometimes you look at me with the softest eyes and i'm torn between squishing your cheeks and wrapping you in a big hug. you make yourself out to be this gawky nerd but when i think of you, all i can feel is your tenderness and warmth._

_you're so good to me, i don't think i've ever been loved like this. i feel so very lucky to have you in my life, i'm glad we met, son seungwan. i can't seem to find the right words to properly describe what you make me feel yet, but when i do, i will be sure to let you know._

_over the course of today, or rather since i’ve come to learn of your presence, i’ve noticed that your friends all know you much better than i do. you’re surrounded by good people who love you so much and i want to be one of them too._

_i’m really fond of you. i don’t want to use a stronger word like love just yet. i know, it’s dumb considering we’re soulmates afterall, but i’m afraid that i’ll mess things up. i’ve never been in any relationships, or even remotely infatuated, so this is all new to me._

_but i mean everything i say, son seungwan. how i want to learn to love you, how i want a life with you. it might take a while but i want to show you all of that and more._

_once again, happy birthday, my love. i look forward to every day we get to spend together._

_yours always,_

_joohyun.’_

a sniffle escapes seungwan’s throat and she blinks away the tears in her eyes. overwhelmed with emotions, especially love and adoration for her soulmate, she struggles to respond. seungwan does half a turn and buries her face in joohyun’s chest, snaking her arms around the older girl’s waist.

“you’re … the cheesy one …” the younger girl sniffles, voice muffled from the way she smushes her face into joohyun’s shirt.

joohyun lets out a small laugh and she cradles her soulmate, running a hand reassuringly down her arm. “we’re both cheesy, how about that?”

seungwan nods slowly and draws in a deep breath. the things she feels, the things that joohyun feels, they aren’t too far off. it’s _nice_ to be able to relate to each other like this.

“i feel the same way too,” seungwan confesses, “it feels like i should know you better but we haven’t gotten to that stage yet. and i guess it’s okay, isn’t it?”

joohyun hums softly in agreement, “i’m making my peace with it, but yes, it’s okay if you don’t know every little detail about me nor i about you.”

“mhm … besides, you’ve really hit the nail on the head. i don’t think you’ll be needing a thesaurus any time soon.”

“my professors would be happy to know that,” the senior chuckles, “and i’m glad you understand, i don’t always share my feelings but i thought you would like to know.”

“well, i did like to know. thank you for sharing your little gay feelings with me.”

“yah …”

“i’m kidding, i genuinely do appreciate it. i want to be a good person in your life too.”

_“you already are.”_

not just a good person, but the _best_ thing in her whole life.

the couple spends a little time soaking in nothing but love until seungwan remembers that she was in a call with her friends and left them hanging. she ditches them for the night and hangs out with joohyun instead, luna would probably yell about _the bro code_ or something but she could care less. and to prove that they meant what they said, seungwan lets joohyun into her world of video games. specifically, introducing her to the universe of _super smash bros._

seungwan tried getting seulgi to play with her but her poor friend kept walking off the arena. though she insisted it was fun, seungwan could tell it's just not seulgi's thing, so she stopped. besides, that's what her online friends are for.

still, teaching joohyun is something she doesn't mind in the slightest. it’s a little rough at the start, joohyun fumbling with the controls and all of the different characters and their variety of abilities. seungwan is merely glad that her soulmate is willing to give it a shot, though she'll be bummed out if it turns out like seulgi. it feels like this is all she’s ever wanted — to have someone to play video games with and enjoy themselves as much as she did.

whilst she worried over her girlfriend disliking the game, what she didn’t foresee is joohyun being insanely competitive and a fast learner. within two hours, the older girl is punting her character out of the map. in her defense, she isn’t the best at smash bros but her soulmate picking up the basic controls in two hours is a little too outrageous. _we should do this more often_ , joohyun smirks after claiming victory for the third time in a row. 

and of course, how could seungwan say no? she huffs and bobs her head, _sure, i’m not going to get my ass kicked every time though._

joohyun scoffs as she readies up, _yeah, yeah. come on isabelle, let’s go for another match._

they spend the entire night playing an assortment of multiplayer games but joohyun seems to like competitive games the most, so they stuck with those. joohyun finally understands what yerim means about gamers and healthy living, her first night as an official gamer girl and she's sleeping at four in the morning. the older girl still drags them out for a nice dinner on her, which is also accompanied with some dessert hunting since her love seems to enjoy them. 

seungwan feels content at the end of the day, nerd things and sweet treats paired together only spells happiness. everything she could've ever asked for is slowly coming true. two months ago, she would've never expected to spend her birthday without her closest friends or family, but now she's got someone that triumphs all of them — _her soulmate_.

definitely not a loserly way to celebrate her coming of age, something she’d have to flex to all of her friends soon enough.

* * *

liked by **hi_sseulgi** and **3,460 others**

 **renebaebae** 💙

view all 21 comments

 **yerimiese** wow you’re so cryptic!

 **renebaebae** @yerimese 🙄

28 february 2020

liked by **todayis_wannie** and **4,225 others**

 **renebaebae** 📷: 💙

view all 50 comments

 **mo_onbyul** i feel betrayed …

 **jennierubyjane** lookin’ good as always 😉

7 march 2020

liked by **yongsun** and **3,537 others**

 **renebaebae** 🎮💙

view all 34 comments

 **yerimiese** NO WAY YOU’RE PLAYING SMASH RIGHT NOW

 **yongsun** who are you and what have you done to my roommate?

15 march 2020

liked by **yerimiese** and **5,019 others**

 **renebaebae** taken by the best 💙

 **todayis_wannie** 😳

> **yerimiese** @todayis_wannie WHIPPED
> 
> **renebaebae** @yerimiese mad?
> 
> **yerimiese** @renebaebae oh my god @todayis_wannie is changing you

20 march 2020

* * *

with the semester break spanning six weeks, it meant that there’s plenty of time for seungwan and joohyun to do their _gross little couple things_ and still have time to prepare for the future. for seungwan it’s merely a lot of pre-reading and preparing for the new year while joohyun is packing her life into little cardboard boxes. moving out isn’t as hard as it seems, it’s just a lot of packing and logistics which yongsun seemingly has under control. they decided a few months before graduation that they’d rent an apartment together for a little. yongsun didn’t have to do it but it would help joohyun stay a little longer in seoul and the latter couldn’t be more appreciative.

despite being busy with moving out of the apartment she’s called home for the last four years, joohyun still squeezes time out for dates with seungwan. perhaps they can’t be fully considered dates, sometimes she just heads over to seungwan’s dorm to play games. or to cuddle with a movie. or watch seungwan do her things while vibing to a playlist. sometimes they’d head out for a proper meal or to shop, but everything feels _nice_. joohyun chalks it up to the fact that it’s because they get to spend time together and that alone is enough for her.

the world is a much nicer place when you’ve got someone to love, it almost feels like nothing bad could ever happen as long as she’s got seungwan by her side. or at least, if anything did happen, they’d get through it together.

little does she know that this is merely the calm before the storm, _the beginning of the end_ as one might say.

by march, joohyun is fully moved into her new apartment with yongsun. it’s an upgrade from what they had back on campus though it’s a little further from their soulmates. a few train stops feel like they’re ages away compared to a ten-minute walk. seungwan doesn’t mind travelling, joohyun’s new apartment had an oven, which meant they could actually have a baking date.

it’s the second last weekend before the new school year, which means seungwan would be thrown into another year of extreme mugging and joohyun would finally be graduating into the working world. what other time would they have to bake some delicious fudgy brownies?

their morning starts with a trip to the supermarket, they need ingredients and joohyun needs to get groceries for the week, it works in her favour.

they spend a long time getting everything despite seungwan making a list. joohyun getting distracted by things they could possibly add did not help in the slightest. _we won’t need marshmallows, unnie, it’s going to be too sweet_ , seungwan sighs. however true that might be, they do leave with an extra pack of chocolate chips instead.

baking is definitely not her forte, heck, joohyun could barely cook, why would she learn to bake? lucky for her, her girlfriend had talents in the kitchen. she guides joohyun step by step, instructing her with some light supervision, only stepping in if she was going to mess up.

joohyun has to admit that she’s considering picking up baking because of seungwan. it’s not something she’d picture herself doing, she really should try new activities every once in a while. it doesn't take too long before the batter is baking in the oven and they play the waiting game.

joohyun gets a headstart on the cleaning, though the kitchen isn’t as messy as she anticipated — probably due to how seungwan wipes away any spills immediately. _i've got it_ , joohyun reassures as she dismisses her girlfriend to relax. the younger girl still helps in putting everything away, insisting that they’re a team after all.

* * *

seungwan settles at the counter and whips her phone up to just check in on seulgi and sooyoung. the highschooler, or now, an upcoming university freshman, had gotten into a veterinary science course and is about to join the duo of best friends at university. seulgi had been helping her soulmate move in but she probably brought way too many things, so it’s been taking longer than expected.

**seungwan:**

how’s everything?

2:21 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

she almost fought her roommate!!! can you believe her??

2:25 pm

everything’s all good now though

2:25 pm

how’s things on your side?

2:25 pm

**seungwan:**

why am i not surprised?

2:25 pm

brownies are baking right now

2:26 pm

all is well over on the other side

2:26 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

look at how far you’ve come wannie 🥳🥳

2:26 pm

look at us, we’re not spending time together for once!!

2:26 pm

**seungwan:**

😔 we gotta hang out soon

2:27 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

gotcha you clingy nerd

2:27 pm

sooyoung’s pestering me, talk to you later bud!!

2:27 pm

**seungwan:**

i’ll bring brownies back for you guys 👍

2:27 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

you’re the best 😘😘

2:28 pm

she’s just about to put her phone down when a text from yeri draws her attention. seungwan reads the text without expecting much, assuming that it’ll be patch notes for one of their games or something along the lines of that.

**yeri:**

have you seen this

2:28 pm

(photo)

2:28 pm

without opening the image, all she sees is a preview depicting a screenshot from the university's unofficial confession page.

a space for students to vent about anything and everything, all under anonymity. with that said, it leaves room for posts ranging from uplifting and positive to downright vile and hateful.

**seungwan:**

what's this?

2:29 pm

why are you on SNUConfessions anyway?

2:29 pm

**yeri:**

bread sent me an old post and i went to read the newer ones

2:29 pm

why are people so fucking mean?

2:29 pm

yeri’s words provided a hint at what the contents might hold, so she readies herself for something negative. seungwan opens the unsuspecting picture with a tinge of worry.

‘ **#53605** : irene found her soulmate and it’s a big yikes from me.’

her breathing hitches and she feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach when she takes in each word of this confession. it’s a short sentence, yet it feels like she’s taken a stab to the gut. tabbing away from yeri’s chat, she heads to the source of the posts. she has to see it for herself. 

**snuconfessions**

8,423 2,290 0

posts followers following

**SNU Confessions**

not affiliated with seoul national university.

dm for any inquiries

submit confessions here: snuconfessions.com/submit

scrolling through the recent confessions only showed that all anyone had to talk about is _irene_ and her new soulmate. this page is nothing but bad news and she knows better than to continue to read shitty confessions like these but her curiosity gets the better of her.

' **#53612** : no lie, i’m happy when people find their soulmates but in irene’s case, it doesn’t feel like they’re a good match. her soulmate is in one of my lectures and wow, she is definitely out of irene’s league.’

' **#53615** : wait no way … irene found her soulmate and it's some girl nobody's ever heard of?'

‘ **#53620** : @#53612: totally agree with you there. for someone like irene, i thought she’d get somebody more imposing like her.’

in a sea of mostly hateful comments, the positive ones do nothing to ease the unrest that's made a home in her heart. the shock that came with finding out that strangers on the internet are hating her for merely being joohyun's soulmate is jarring. being bae joohyun's soulmate is nice, but being irene’s soulmate makes the tattoo on her wrist feel like a curse. 

"seungwan-ah? are you listening to me?"

_huh?_ seungwan looks up from her phone, feeling a slight strain in her neck from how long she's spent bent over the device. she must’ve missed joohyun’s words because the older girl is looking at her, awaiting a reply.

"i said, the brownies are pretty much done." joohyun repeats with a smile, "what's gotten your attention?"

"nothing." she replies shortly, not wanting to let this ball of hurt rear its ugly head when they are having a good day.

fortunately, the senior pays too much attention to her love. a small crinkle between her brows, a tightened jaw, a shift in her aura. telltale signs that something is bothering seungwan.

“what’s wrong?” joohyun doesn’t try to hide her concern, she makes her way over to her girlfriend who’s seated at the kitchen counter. resting her weight on her elbows, the senior stares intently at her younger girlfriend to assess her.

“it’s nothing.” seungwan repeats firmly, “let’s get the brownies out.” she hopes that a change of topic could prevent joohyun from digging further. 

but it doesn’t. her girlfriend continues to question her.

_“seungwan,”_ a tone of sternness seeps through the older girl’s words as she places a hand on seungwan’s arm, “something is bothering you, what happened?”

on top of the already overwhelming feelings, joohyun’s persistence is stifling for seungwan. she doesn’t feel like talking, or explaining. so she hands her phone over with the terrible instagram page still opened, displaying one of the milder confessions.

joohyun quirks her eyebrow before reading the contents and then she understands the situation. desensitized, the model returns the phone with tight lips. 

navigating comments like these is something she’s gotten really good at, she’s had this _garbage_ confessions page blocked since her third year of school. blowing up in her second year was the hardest, learning how to deal with all her newfound fame and attention was a challenge. she's seen the good and bad sides of it all. in the end, blocking the negative things out like these is much better for her mental health.

“ignore them, people will say what they want to say.” joohyun leans in a little closer and rests her hand on seungwan’s head, giving her a light pat on the head.

the gentle affection is numbed by the turmoil bubbling in her chest. seungwan isn’t someone who can easily block things out, unlike her girlfriend who seems to be unfazed by it. without thinking too much, her brain seems to be in fight or flight mode and the words just seem to flow out of her mouth.

"is it alright if we called it a day? i just …" she trails off as she fixes her gaze on anything but joohyun. on one hand, she’s worried that her girlfriend would be upset. but on the other, she really doesn’t want to be around anyone at all, including the girlfriend she’s so fond of.

the senior straightens herself up, clearly, this is a much bigger issue than she thought it'd be. "it's okay, i know it must feel like a lot right now but just block the page and move on." she coos softly, "we can't control what people have to say."

"i know … but i just …" the little nerd can't seem to find the right words or any words at all. all she wants to do is hide under her duvets, safe from the world that's hurting her.

joohyun finds her way beside her soulmate and pulls her into an embrace, enveloping her in loving warmth.

"i'm sorry … i really don't feel up for anything right now, can i call you later instead?" seungwan mumbles weakly as she extricates herself from her girlfriend and prepares to leave.

slightly taken aback, joohyun lets go. of all the sides of her soulmate she's seen, this is the one where she finds herself lost on what to do. specializing in criminal and forensic psychology, she’s much better at reading people’s behaviours instead of empathising with them. she's not good when people are sad or upset, most of the time she just represses all the negative feelings so how good can she be at emotional support?

"don't go, we can talk about this." she tries gently, unsure of how effective it would be to persuade her soulmate. and well, it doesn't work.

seungwan pleads quietly without meeting her gaze, "joohyun, _please_ … not now …"

she lets the younger girl shrug out of her grasp and head out the door. the scent of freshly baked brownies wafts in the air as the front door clicks shut. how did their day go downhill so fast?

_fuck,_ she's not sure what she did wrong, but she’s obviously mishandled the situation. she's not going to let this pass like she usually does. this matters, _seungwan matters._

“seungwan, wait!” joohyun chases after her soulmate and manages to catch her before she gets too far. she pulls her back and grabs her arms tightly, preventing her from taking another step.

seungwan is on the verge of tears and she looks at joohyun for the first time, “not now, please, i just want to be alone for awhile …” she begs softly as she pries joohyun’s hands away from hers.

“those are just some dumb comments, seungwan-ah. those people don’t know what they’re talking about.” joohyun attempts to hug her seungwannie but she's met with a harsh rejection. seungwan stiffens and dodges her soulmate's arms, something she never thought she'd do.

"but they do know, you're pretty and smart and kind and … i'm just me …" she looks away from joohyun. 

"and you’re my soulmate. what other people say or think doesn't matter to me." joohyun tries to reassure her love softly, though it’s apparent that she’s not up for listening now.

_"but it does to me.”_

instinctively, her legs begin to move. she’s not going to fight, she doesn’t want to fight. seungwan hurries off while joohyun is left in the cold empty corridor. dumbfounded, the older girl merely watches as her soulmate leaves, not quite processing what has just gone down.

* * *

joohyun figures that she could give seungwan some space. they don’t talk for the rest of the day. seungwan is too caught up in her emotions and joohyun is busy hunting down the admins behind _SNUConfessions_. 

incurring the wrath of bae joohyun is almost the equivalent of a death sentence and this _fucking_ people behind the confessions page is going to face hell. it doesn’t take much effort at all, she had plenty of connections that are more than willing to help her out. since the whole world now knows that son seungwan is her soulmate, they can also be made aware that she is fuming.

the page is inactive within hours and she’s got the names of everyone who sent in those horrible confessions about the love of her life. they can be sure that their future employers will know of their atrocious behaviours on social media.

by nightfall, joohyun is a moping mess on the couch. she’s eaten a piece of the brownie they’d baked, and sure, the brownies are delicious but nothing feels right without seungwan. she chances a text to her girlfriend, hoping that she’ll be up for talking but she’s met with silence.

she doesn’t understand why seungwan would react so harshly, sure, it’s a pretty horrible thing to face but they could’ve worked through it together, probably talk it out even. and now, seungwan isn’t even responding — and the younger girl never takes more than an hour to respond.

_the absence of son seungwan_ , what a horrible feeling.

* * *

seulgi knows something is up when seungwan is back without the brownies she promised. there were other signs too, like how the nerd didn’t greet her upon her return, or how she’s playing that pixel farming game with a frown.

she knows wannie a little too well at this point, something’s bothering her and she just needs time to process it. when she’s ready, then they’ll talk. or they won’t if seungwan decides it’s not worth mentioning. but something about her best friend’s aura tells her that it’s pretty serious.

**seulgi:**

I NEED HELP

12:10 am

wannie’s upset

12:10 am

**sooyoungie 💕:**

yes baby?

12:10 am

did she blow money on gacha games again?

12:10 am

**seulgi:**

no … she’s back on stardew valley

12:11 am

**sooyoungie 💕:**

oh, it’s that serious?

12:11 am

**seulgi:**

i think so

12:11 am

do you think it’s joohyun?

12:11 am

**sooyoungie 💕:**

maybe? but they’ve been acting so gross for the past month

12:12 am

let me do some research

12:12 am

seulgi lets her soulmate do her magic. sooyoung doesn’t always show it but she secretly loves wannie just as much as seulgi does. if anyone can find out what’s going on without directly asking seungwan, it’ll probably be sooyoung.

it takes five minutes before sooyoung is spamming her with screenshots from a deplorable confessions page. seulgi doesn’t subscribe to gossipy nonsense like that though she knows plenty of other people who enjoy the drama. a quick skim through and the best friend is mad, she could protect seungwan in the real world, but in the digital world? it’s just not possible.

her heart aches at the sight of seungwan being hurt, she loves her best friend to death and it just feels so _wrong_ for absolute strangers to treat her like this.

“wannie.” seulgi calls out quietly. it’s now the middle of the night and seungwan has been playing stardew valley for the last eight hours, it’s pretty darn serious in seulgi’s perception.

seungwan removes her headset to glance at her best friend who’s just come out of the shower, she hums quietly. the bear-like girl doesn’t say much, she wraps her little nerd in a light hug before letting go. seungwan stiffens in her arms, ready to push her away but she knows seulgi isn’t like joohyun, there’s no pressure to talk or to explain anything at all.

“whenever you’re ready, okay? i love you.”

“thanks, seul.”

“i’m getting breakfast with sooyoungie tomorrow, i’ll get you something too.”

“can you get me a latte too?”

“sure. don’t stay up too late.”

“i’ll try.”

* * *

**joohyun-unnie:**

hey … i hope everything’s okay, talk to me soon?

1:31 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

seungwan-ah … 🥺

10:03 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

can you at least reply so i know you’re okay?

12:32 pm

i know the whole thing must be quite shocking, can we talk it out?

12:32 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

yah … son seungwan, it’s been a full day …

9:12 pm

are you really just going to ignore me?

9:12 pm

**joohyun-unnie:**

are you … mad at me?

3:03 am

can you please just type something?

3:03 am

i’m worried about you

3:03 am

**joohyun-unnie:**

fine … note taken. 

11:43 am

* * *

seungwan doesn’t really know what to feel by the next day. throwing herself into the safe, farming world of stardew valley helped to distract her for a little but the thoughts keep coming back.

joohyun, along with her online friends have been blowing up her phone, so she switched it off entirely. logging out of all social platforms, she essentially disconnects herself from the entire world. she’ll worry them, she knows, but she can’t stand to be around anyone, both online and offline. her thoughts are so overwhelming, she can’t help but begin to take them as the truth.

_maybe joohyun is too good for her. maybe she’s not worthy to be an instagram model’s soulmate. maybe she’s just not enough._

sooyoung comes over and her friends pretend like nothing is wrong, but maybe it’s just so they can keep an eye on her. she can feel their worry radiating off them so she tries to ease the unwanted tension by scoffing at their childish arguments. but even she could tell that it’s forced, how would they believe her?

the atmosphere is stifling and sooyoung breaks the silence with her usual forwardness once she’s sick of the tension. _we saw the posts and they’re full of shit,_ she hisses. seungwan merely acknowledges them with a small nod, she wishes she could believe that. seulgi, on the other hand, doesn’t say much. unlike sooyoung, she’s not very vocal when it comes to anger. if anything, she’s more upset because it sucks to celebrate seungwan’s progress only to have some idiots ruin it with a bunch of senseless comments. 

seungwan tells her friends that she appreciates them and she’ll be okay in a little bit. they leave her to her games, trusting that she’ll bounce back with a little time. she spends hours festering in her thoughts while mindlessly planting flowers and vegetables in her virtual farm. nobody could get her here, nobody can hurt her if she’s not the soulmate of irene, nobody knows her if she’s just _azure._

she’ll definitely need to explain things to joohyun once she’s done processing it all, whenever that might be. for now, it’s easier to not exist as son seungwan.

* * *

desperate times call for desperate measures. seungwan doesn’t respond for an entire day and joohyun decides that she has to do something. texting her cousin proved to be useless because her soulmate has ghosted her online friends too, messaging seulgi didn’t help much either — _just give her a little time_ , seulgi advised with nothing more.

_a little time?_ joohyun knows what it’s like to not want to talk to people but at least she doesn’t ghost them and leave them hanging and wondering if they’ve done something wrong. this whole thing isn’t her fault, but why does it feel like she’s the one who said all those hurtful things?

if seungwan isn’t going to reply, then joohyun is going to find a way.

the senior makes her way to the aquila dorms in the afternoon. it’s been three days since they’ve last talked or met and joohyun justifies that she’s given seungwan enough time. she wants to hash things out and if her girlfriend is so intent on pushing her away, at least she could just check on her. 

walking to seungwan’s dorm almost feels natural at this point, she’s been over so many times now the other residents might mistake her as one of them. seulgi answers the door with a tightened jaw, it takes some convincing but she ends up dragging sooyoung out so the two could have some privacy.

joohyun stands at the door, waiting for seungwan to invite her in but the younger girl merely stares at her blankly. her face is devoid of any expression and her eyes just looked _hollow_ — a stark contrast from what joohyun is used to. a dishevelled look coupled with swollen eyes tells the older girl all she needs to know, seungwan isn’t okay at all.

“can we talk?” joohyun chances, “please, seungwan.”

seungwan contemplates the girl standing before her, every negative emotion she’s been working to get over comes rushing back. and god does she feel horrible right now, but she couldn’t find it in herself to turn her soulmate away. she’s already ghosted her, pushing her away would only hurt their relationship even more.

she bobs her head slowly and invites her girlfriend in. she lets joohyun sit on the bed while she sits in her chair, doubting that she can handle any sort of close proximity confrontation now.

“you can start.” seungwan hugs her knees to her chest and looks at the ground. she’s not ready to talk but she doesn’t really have a choice when joohyun is forcing her way through.

exhaling slowly, joohyun starts with a clenched fist, “i get that you’re upset, but the way you’re dealing with this makes me worried.”

“sorry, i’ll be fine.”

the senior sighs quietly, she doesn’t know how exactly to go about this. their relationship isn’t broken, but it needs some sort of fixing. seungwan being so morose isn’t going to help either, this is going to be much harder to navigate than she anticipated. “seungwan, i know how it feels to suddenly be criticised for the dumbest reasons. it’s not easy but it’s something you can learn to ignore.”

“it’s _not_ a dumb reason, i’m getting hate just for being your soulmate.” seungwan counters, her fingers tightening around her arms, “it’s not even something i have control over.”

the older girl nods, she knows this feeling. but she buried it a long time ago, rendering her numb to the hurt. between the two of them, she supposes she’s faced the brunt of it all. and if she can deal with it, seungwan can too.

“people will spew all sorts of hate, but they don’t know you, they don’t know us. their opinions don’t matter when it’s our relationship.”

“yet, it’s not just one or two people, there’s a whole wave of them.”

“i know … but there are supportive people too. point is, we can’t control what they have to say.” joohyun offers with a gentle smile. 

watching seungwan is – _hard_. in a span of a day, her soulmate has turned into someone she doesn’t recognise. her adorable little love huddling away in the darkness of her dorm with nothing but anguish for company, it makes her heart wrench.

the younger girl looks up at joohyun for the first time but doesn't quite meet her gaze, “yeah it is out of our control, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” she spits a little more harshly than she intended to.

joohyun nods slowly, “accepting that there’s nothing you can do about it will make things easier.” she contemplates getting up and approaching her soulmate but decides against it quickly, seungwan looks like she’ll only push her away. her gaze never leaves her girlfriend, she looks tired, like the life has been drained out of her.

“i’m not like you, _joohyun_. i’m not immune to these comments." seungwan snaps, finally meeting joohyun's eyes. the hollowness is replaced with a look of subdued resentment and joohyun acknowledges that she’s brought this upon them. there's nothing more heartbreaking than seeing someone you love get hurt because of you. 

the nerd continues to speak through ground teeth, "it hurts to see absolute strangers comment on me, on us. as if it wasn’t already hard enough to get where we are now.”

“so why don’t we focus on us?" joohyun gets up and tries to approach seungwan, "there’s no need to pay attention to people who have nothing nice to say.”

the senior pulls a chair and sits right in front of her girlfriend who looks away. she tries to take seungwan's hand but the younger girl merely jerks back like she's been burnt. swallowing nervously, joohyun decides against all physical forms of affection until they've finished talking it out.

"if it hurts, why do you care so much, seungwan-ah?"

her question is met with silence. seungwan takes a moment to weigh whether joohyun would understand if she bared her heart out, if she shared her insecurities as she does with seulgi. they’ve been okay so far, maybe it’ll be okay now too.

“because a part of me thinks that they’re right." seungwan admits with a shaky breath. thinking about it only causes pressure to begin building at the bridge of her nose and she clenches her jaw to ease it. she averts her gaze towards the ground, unable to maintain any sort of eye contact for the fear of breaking down.

the sight of seungwan on the verge of tears shatters joohyun's heart. her soulmate deserves nothing but the best but seungwan doesn't even believe that she’s worthy of that. 

"what are they right about?" joohyun questions softly with the intention to dispute every one of these hate comments.

a sniffle is heard from seungwan but she buries her face in her hands quickly. "if we lived in a world without these tattoos, without the certainty of a bond that ties us together," the younger girl's voice grows softer as she speaks, her voice is on the precipice of breaking and eventually, it does. 

_"i don't think you would even look at me."_

joohyun watches her soulmate speak with trembling lips, experiencing a pang of betrayal as she listens. at the same time, her blood begins to simmer at seungwan's words, she has learnt that her soulmate is more than insecure, but this is too much. 

joohyun tries her best to hold in her anger, but it's bursting at the seams. after the past few weeks they’ve spent together, she’s hurt that seungwan has so little faith in her. all she can manage is a hushed tone that's filled with rage. "are you _really_ listening to what other people have to say?"

_"am i wrong?"_ seungwan challenges, but her voice steadily declines into a strangled whisper, almost in resignation of her fate. "it's all because of these tattoos that bind us together, these tattoos make us feel things for each other. what people are saying _isn't_ wrong, i am out of your league."

the _audacity_ of son seungwan. joohyun is never a violent person, she would never hurt seungwan, but the urge to punch something is growing by the second.

"so what if it's because of the tattoos? it doesn't make my feelings any less real, it doesn't make you less of my soulmate," joohyun explodes in fury as she rises from her seat, “ are you really doubting my feelings for you?”

“answer me truthfully, if we didn’t have these tattoos, would a girl like me even catch your eye?”

the senior lets out a short, hard laugh that grates her throat like broken glass, “are you being serious right now?”

“answer me, joohyun!”

_“no!”_ joohyun snarls, _“is that what you want to hear?”_

maybe it is. that’s all seungwan needs to hear to spiral further away from being joohyun’s soulmate. the insecurities she’s been working to overcome are reappearing with a newfound persistence, hearing confirmation from her soulmate’s lips only amplifies them.

as soon as the words leave her lips, joohyun begins to hate every bit of her existence. she should’ve listened to seulgi, yerim, literally everyone who told her to give seungwan space. the fact that she doesn’t know seungwan as well as they do mocks her once again, she really should’ve fucking stayed home.

a tense silence settles between the two. seungwan is trying to ignore the tightening in her chest by digging her nails into her arms, anything to stop her tears from falling. she’s _not_ going to cry in front of joohyun. meanwhile, joohyun draws a deep breath into her lungs, shutting her eyes as she forces herself to calm down. she holds back her anger, her hurt, her regret — every single emotion that she feels in that moment because she knows that it’ll only make things worse. her emotions are making her irrational and though everything she’s said is merely out of impulse, she has the feeling that seungwan will cling onto every single word.

they are polar opposites, coming from different backgrounds and worlds entirely. seungwan wouldn’t find herself in joohyun’s world and neither would joohyun find herself in seungwan’s. perhaps it’s by blind chance that they have each other, but what could be so bad about it? why are they focusing on the _what ifs_ instead of what they’ve currently got? she tries to debate against seungwan’s flawed logic, she can’t understand why seungwan is doing this but maybe she could break down where she’s coming from.

“we’re very different people, seungwan.” joohyun reasons softly, “how else would our worlds have collided?”

“so you agree that we’re only together because of these tattoos?”

“seungwan, it doesn’t matter. in this world, we have these tattoos and that’s that.” joohyun exhales sharply. it feels like her words are falling on deaf ears, seungwan is nothing but a void that can’t see reason. ”i get that you're _insecure_ but this is a bit much, isn't it?”

seungwan looks her dead in the eyes, something has shifted. in her aura, in her tone, this isn’t the son seungwan she’s come to be so fond of. 

“i think you’ve said enough.”

“i didn’t mean it like that,” joohyun lets out a frustrated sigh and picks her words with extra caution, “what i want to say is that you’re not exactly rational about this whole thing.”

with a hardened gaze, seungwan grinds her teeth. “well fuck. sorry i’m not like you, _joohyun._ ” she sneers, unleashing her wrath upon the only person who’s made to love her, “sorry i can’t be fucking confident, sorry i can’t handle a little bit of hate. sorry i don’t enjoy sharing my private life with thousands of strangers. sorry i’m insecure, i’m sorry that you’re _stuck_ with me!”

joohyun is taken aback by her sudden outburst, where has her adorable little soulmate gone? her jaw drops and she gapes at a loss for how to respond.

in a meek voice, she tries to defend herself, “i think you’re misunderstanding where i’m coming from.”

“sure i am, but so are you.” seungwan’s tone seeps with scathing hostility to the point that it genuinely scares joohyun. 

“look, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean what i said. can we do this over in a calm and rational manner?”

“no, we can’t.” the younger girl snaps, “i can’t say this politely and i might regret this, but _fuck off, joohyun._ i already told you i don’t want to talk. so just _leave,_ will you?”

joohyun swallows thickly and nods her head slowly, “okay.”

with that, the older girl walks away, leaving her soulmate to wrestle with her thoughts. things have turned out much more disastrous than she’d ever thought they could. how they are ever going to fix this is a conundrum she’ll have to solve, probably with a lengthy apology to go along with.

* * *

exiting the room, joohyun bumps into seulgi and sooyoung who look at her with varying expressions. the duo had never left, they probably heard everything considering how thin the walls are. seulgi tosses her a disappointed glance but doesn't say much, she enters the room to pick up the pieces that joohyun had left in her wake. meanwhile, sooyoung stares down at her relentlessly with folded arms, if seungwan never told her what the highschooler is actually like, she would be intimidated.

"she's not like you," the taller girl starts, "you know that, right?"

joohyun responds shortly, clearly not in the mood for talking after what has just gone down. "of course i do."

"so why are you treating it like she'll get over it in a few days?"

"i'm _not,_ " joohyun narrows her gaze. if sooyoung wants a confrontation, then she'll get it. "i've been patient, i've tried giving her space, i've tried to talk to her. what else do you want me to do?"

sooyoung clenches her jaw, eyeing the older girl with a scornful gaze. "that's not what she hears from you. in her head, you're practically telling her to suck it up."

"when have i done that?” joohyun questions incredulously, “all i've been saying is to ignore them."

"isn't that pretty much the same thing?"

"how would _you_ talk to her then?"

"don't downplay this, it's a big deal, your love can't erase the hurt that she's been dealt." sooyoung grunts, "she’s got tunnel vision when it comes to her own emotions, gets locked up in a never-ending cycle of vicious thoughts. sometimes she just needs someone to coax her out of it, not make it worse. what you're saying is not what she wants to hear.”

if joohyun hadn’t stormed here demanding to talk to seungwan, maybe she would’ve been a little kinder. but this _absolute garbage_ that’s, unfortunately, seungwan’s soulmate had the nerve to hurt her even more. there’s no way in hell sooyoung could just take it lying down, she’ll never admit it but seungwan has been a great friend since they’ve met, she’s not going to let this piece of shit get away so easily.

"i'm trying my best here, sooyoung.” the senior lets out an exasperated sigh, “she's the one that's pushing me away."

"she's trying her best too, in case you haven't noticed. this is just how she deals with things that upset her."

"how am i supposed to know anything if all she does is ghost me?"

"didn't she say she wanted to be alone? isn't that clear enough?"

"yeah but it's been days, we should hash it out at some point."

"she'll talk when she's ready, _not_ when you're tired of her absence.” sooyoung hisses sharply, “if she draws a line somewhere, you better fucking respect that line. this includes your flaunting on social media too."

joohyun exhales sharply through her nostrils, "i got her approval for every single post."

"of course she’ll say it’s okay, she's never going to outrightly deny you even if she isn't comfortable.” sooyoung scoffs, “one, deep down, she's willing to give it a shot and two, you're her soulmate, how could she ever deny the love of her life? you have more leverage than any fucking one in her life but that doesn't mean you can go stomping over her."

joohyun bites back a retort, she's been guilty of doing that, even if it's with innocent intentions. maybe she should be listening to sooyoung instead of looking for answers to retaliate, so she lets the younger girl continue to reprimand her. but the next sentence comes off as offensive to joohyun.

"you're lucky she's this easy with you.”

" _easy?_ what part of any of this is _easy?_ " joohyun challenges the highschooler, taking a closer step towards her, as if she could come off as intimidating to park sooyoung.

sooyoung lets a wry laugh escape her lips, "i've known her for almost two years now and it took her _six months_ for her to start bantering with me. you think _you_ have it hard?"

"friendships and relationships are two different things."

"it's not about that, it's about how she treats the people around her. the relationships she's built with the people around her take time. it’s like she lives in a carefully curated world. she takes ages to get comfortable and just about fucking forever to fully open up to someone.” sooyoung glares at the smaller girl, jabbing her finger into her shoulder mercilessly, “so yeah, _you_ have it easy."

joohyun eyes the younger girl who seems bent on getting on her nerves, smacking her invasive hand away. "it's because we're soulmates, we're meant for each other. if i'm not meant to be someone she can trust and confide in, then what's the point?" she counters with a scowl.

sooyoung draws a deep breath, talking to joohyun is infuriating. the audacity of this piece of garbage to act like she has a right to seungwan. "the point is, you can't just waltz into her life and act like you deserve her just because you're her soulmate. you haven't taken the time to fully know her and yet, you claim to love her already. how do you even know if how you love her is the best way to love her?"

though she’s in no mood to continue listening, sooyoung has just shown her a serious revelation. in all honesty, she’s never thought of it this way before. joohyun bites her lower lip in guilt and sooyoung can see that she’s gotten her point across.

"maybe you’re still new to this, but you’ll find out soon enough that while these tattoos bind us with attraction, the love is up to us. beyond the words, it still requires effort. it's still a fucking commitment. saying you love someone and actually loving them are two very different things, and we both know the prior is much easier." sooyoung begins to take her leave, she’s said more than enough but there’s just one last thing she has to get off her chest.

"she thinks that you're too good for her, but honestly, from what i’m seeing, _maybe you're the one that doesn't deserve her._ "

sooyoung walks away, a victor in this battle of seungwan. it feels like she's fought a war in the stead of her unnie and if joohyun is hurting, then _good,_ it’s what she deserves for messing with the wrong nerd.

a thought that has never occurred to joohyun before pops up — _maybe seungwan would be better off without her in the first place._

she doesn’t linger, the feeling of being so out of place has never felt stronger. she makes a hasty exit from the aquila dorms and potentially seungwan's life entirely. it’s evident that her presence has left a blazing trail of anguish in seungwan’s life, would it be better if they had never met at all? could she have saved seungwan from this unnecessary misery if she’d never approached her?

she doesn’t know, but the least she could do now is smother it before it gets any worse.

everyone views tattoos differently, some positive, some negative. at the end of the day, they are just tattoos. no matter how binding they may seem, nothing is permanent. 

with enough distance, with enough time, even _love_ can fade into nothing.


	10. dissection of a shitshow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you hate the joohyun gamer scene, just know that i cringed all the way while writing it. anyway, i'm gonna be taking an indefinite break from writing, so if you want to save this chapter for a later time, feel free. hope this doesn't disappoint, thank you for reading.

the satisfaction of putting joohyun in her place doesn’t last, sooyoung returns to the room as the triumphant feeling fades. the door being left ajar hints that the inhabitants of the room probably overheard her conversation with the senior as much as she tried to keep her voice down. sooyoung readies herself to receive some sort of reprimanding from the nerd and enters the room.

upon her entrance, she sees that the pair of best friends are seated on the floor beside each other. sooyoung makes the mistake of locking eyes with seungwan. and as expected, here comes the earful. 

_"why'd you do that?"_ the introvert demands in a quiet voice, a tinge of anger still remains but she knows better than to direct it upon her friends.

"she hurt you." sooyoung replies simply, shrugging as she finds a seat on seulgi’s bed, just to the right of them. the actual reason is much deeper than she’ll ever allow herself to admit but seungwan didn’t need to know that.

"you didn't have to hurt her back."

"as if i had to," sooyoung counters, “you already did enough damage on your own.” 

seungwan glowers at her, with a tightened jaw, she snaps. “and you _had_ to go and make things worse.”

sooyoung stiffens at the hostility, she doesn’t enjoy being on the receiving end of a glare, more often, she’s the one doing it. but seeing as seungwan is on the verge of kicking her out, she has to get on the older girl’s good side again. "look, unnie, all i did was let her know some things, if it upsets her then it's on her." the younger girl explains.

“it wasn’t necessary, _sooyoung._ ”

“it’s not like you guys are going to talk soon, plus, i doubt your relationship is that fragile."

"what the _hell_ do you know?” seungwan retorts with a bitter scoff, the tension in the room is getting heavy once again.

seulgi speaks up quickly, intervening before seungwan has to tell another person to _fuck off_. "hey … let's not start anymore fights, okay?" she tosses sooyoung a warning look to knock it off, but naturally, her soulmate isn’t someone that listens. 

but she heeds the warning and backs off a little. sooyoung sighs, "all i'm saying is that this is all fixable. it's just a nasty fight where you don't quite understand where the other party’s coming from but it'll be okay."

“all you and seulgi ever fight about is the dumbest fucking shit, what do you even know?”

“wannie …”

the highschooler narrows her eyes, but it’s directed at her soulmate instead of the introvert. “i’m guessing seulgi never told you about the time we fought about you then.” she mutters.

“what?” seungwan flits her gaze from sooyoung to her best friend, a new development draws her out of her rage, “you guys fought over me? _why?”_

seulgi nods slowly, mentally noting that she needs to have a proper word with sooyoung later before she starts to explain. “look, it happened when we’d just met. she thought we were too close to be just friends and got really jealous.”

the nerd droops her shoulders as she listens, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“what good would it do?” the design major mumbles with a slight pout, “besides, we worked it out and sooyoungie became nicer after that.”

seungwan remembers this clearly, it was when sooyoung transitioned from calling her with _yah_ and _hey_ to addressing her as _unnie_. it was a big step back in the day, but finding out the truth behind it after two years makes her feel slightly upset. more so of the fact that her best friend kept this from her.

deeming the matter not worthy of pursuit, she exhales through her nose and focuses on the matter at hand. “so how did you guys patch up?”

“i realised that you guys are literally the epitome of best friends and she concluded that i needed lots of attention and we adapted accordingly.” sooyoung shrugs, “point is, we both gave in a little.”

"what am i supposed to give in here? am i supposed to be miraculously okay with getting hate for something i have no control over?" seungwan grunts, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

"you’re missing the point.” sooyoung rolls her eyes, “you can slowly adapt. try to see the world from her shoes instead of being in your bubble."

seulgi raises a hand like a student in class before inquiring curiously. "you don't think she's at fault?"

"seul, baby, i know you wanna be a good friend but joohyun-unnie had good intentions too though it was poorly executed."

“oh.”

the trio lapses into silence, sooyoung doesn’t know what else she can say if her unnie hasn’t taken in what she’s just said. they could have all the time in the world to dissect this entire shitshow but if seungwan didn’t even want to try to understand where she or joohyun is coming from, it’d be pointless.

lucky for them, seungwan still wants to fix things. her relationship with joohyun might be hanging by a thread but it doesn’t mean that things are over just yet. 

"we're both at fault, aren't we?" the little nerd murmurs after a prolonged silence.

sooyoung nods with a relieved smile, "glad you can see that, now are you ready to talk about the hard stuff?"

"sooyoung-ah … i told her to _fuck off_ … are you sure she'll ever want to talk to me again?"

"well, she confirmed all your insecurities out of spite. do _you_ ever want to talk to her again?"

seungwan lets out a slow exhale before she bobs her head, "i do, but not right now."

"then we'll assume that she thinks the same."

"okay …"

"where do we start? how do you feel now?" seulgi looks at her best friend and her soulmate with a hopeful smile plastered on her lips. while she could be a great listener, she's better off providing comforting hugs. it’s easier to leave the hard feeling stuff to her big brained soulmate instead.

"like shit."

"yeah, and?"

"and hurt. i don't want to be anyone's anything."

"not even my best friend?" seulgi nudges her lightly.

"i'll make an exception for you."

sooyoung snaps her fingers in rapid succession to get them back on track, huffing slightly, she continues speaking, "let's talk about why you think like this."

"like?"

"like why do you believe what others are saying?"

the little nerd pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. she looks to the ground, focusing on a stain on the carpet rather than making eye contact with her makeshift therapists. confessing her true feelings is one thing, whether they’ll understand is another. she took a leap of faith with joohyun and look at them now. 

seulgi slinks an arm around seungwan’s shoulder and pulls her into a comforting hug. her best friend has really been here through her ups and downs, knowing exactly when she needed a hug instead of a listening ear.

“come on, wannie.” seulgi coaxes gently, “we won’t react like joohyun if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“how much did you guys actually hear?”

“not enough to know what exactly went down,” sooyoung responds, “you can tell us what’s bothering you or we’ll just leave you to your goddamn farming game, your choice.”

seulgi clicks her tongue at her soulmate before returning her attention to her fragile little friend. a downcast expression has settled on her face, the design major supposes it’s much better than the hollowness that she’s gotten used to over the last few days.

as much as seungwan wishes that joohyun could’ve offered her this kind of comfort, it’s just not possible right now. leaning into seulgi’s hold, the nerd opens up. "i don’t think they’re wrong, joohyun has way more to offer than i do. and she pretty much confirmed everything.”

"in what way?” sooyoung immediately questions.

"in what way what?"

"in what aspects does joohyun have more to offer than you?"

sooyoung’s words leave her pondering, she does a quick introspection and finds the answers with ease. it’s pretty much everything that she thought joohyun to be initially. just because seungwan got to see another side of her, doesn’t automatically mean she’s no longer all of seungwan’s first impressions.

"she's pretty, she's popular, she's smart. she's everything i'm not."

"yeah, she's an asshole too but go on." sooyoung hums lazily as she proceeds to lie on seulgi’s bed, resting her head in her hand as she waits for seungwan to continue.

the nerd scrunches her face in a frown, "why are you so mean to her?" 

"when is she nice to anyone she's just met?" seulgi points out with puckered lips.

sooyoung snorts, "exactly."

"okay …"

the conversation stops momentarily, seungwan doesn’t know what else she could say. talking about this still hurts, bringing up all of joohyun’s good points only seem to amplify the feeling of inferiority within her. she still feels stupid for thinking she really belonged with someone like joohyun.

"is that all about joohyun?" the highschooler asks after an extended silence.

seungwan turns to face the younger girl and raises an eyebrow, "yeah … what else do you want?"

"i thought there'd be a lot more," sooyoung shrugs, "anyway, you're comparing yourself to her strengths. that's not very fair, right?"

with a frown, seungwan asks, “what’s unfair about not being able to match up to the best parts of her?"

"and can she match up to yours? your diamond rank or whatever it is in those games you play." sooyoung flops a hand in the air as she tries to get her point across.

"she beat me at smash, so yeah, she probably could if she wanted to."

the highschooler frowns before letting out a loud groan, she plops her head on seulgi’s soft bed in frustration. exhaling loudly, she starts the ted talk she’s been saving for the last few days.

"fuck … unnie, what i'm trying to say is you can't be comparing her popularity to your popularity, her looks to your looks. what you lack, she might excel in, vice versa. it would be fair game if you were both shitty instagram influencers or both nerds but there's a disparity between your personas from the start. you could be a total noob in her world and she'd be an actual noob in yours. you get where i'm coming from?"

seungwan takes in every word slowly, processing this new revelation while seulgi is just impressed that her soulmate managed to get it all out in one breath. sooyoung turns to face them with an expectant look, she totally did not just say all of that for them to keep silent.

"i get it! it's like when i ask you to draw while you get me to do make up." seulgi pipes up with her own analogy in an attempt to back her lover up, "it's okay to be bad at what somebody else is good at."

sooyoung snickers at her endearing soulmate and nods, "yeah and you shouldn’t be comparing yourself in the first place, she has her strengths and you have yours. but what’s happening right now is that the people in joohyun's world perceive her as the best of the best while you pretty much have nothing to offer. like she’s the queen and you’re nothing but a lowly peasant. if joohyun came into your world, what would people say?"

"they'd probably call her an egirl …" seungwan mumbles, “and then simp for her, because that’s what i would do.”

"no idea what you just said but whatever," sooyoung groans, "you understand what i'm getting at?"

seungwan raises her gaze to look at sooyoung, "i'm pretty much comparing my weaknesses to her strengths, that's why i feel inferior. and this difference between us is striking when joohyun is placed on a higher pedestal. hence the mean comments ..?"

a smile on sooyoung’s face isn’t rare, but there’s a tenderness to the one that’s plastered on her cheeks now. her tone takes a slight dip and she softens up, "people are just assholes, unnie. but yeah, they're focusing on this unfair difference because they think that being pretty and popular is all there is to having value as a person."

"why do they do that? don’t they have better things to do?"

"they’re just shallow or jealous maybe? drama?” the highschooler offers up plausible reasons with a hum, “joohyun is technically a public figure after all, people like to talk. it's almost human nature to gossip."

"just because you like drama doesn't mean it's human nature, sooyoungie …" seulgi mutters.

"it's human nature to want to enjoy a good story, gossip is just that." sooyoung rolls her eyes in retort.

seungwan bobs her head slowly, the gnawing anxiety that has been eating away has had its fill. while there is still some residual angst, she doesn’t feel quite as suffocated now that sooyoung has broken it all down for her. there’s still issues that need to be addressed, but a dissection of why she feels like this is more than enough for today.

"so what should i do now? i don't feel up for apologies yet."

"you could start crafting it, god knows how long it'll take you to formulate an apology."

the little nerd winces at the thought of making it up to joohyun, "i don't think sorry would be enough … would it?"

"probably not." seulgi agrees unhelpfully.

"then again, she's also at fault. so both of you being idiots might just even it out."

“fuck …” seungwan groans while resting her head on seulgi’s shoulder.

“don’t sweat it just yet, i’m just glad you’re not farming anymore.” seulgi sighs as she runs a hand down her nerd’s arm reassuringly.

seungwan chuckles for the first time in days, “i wasn’t farming, i was romancing the villagers.”

“why don’t you go and romance your soulmate?” sooyoung quips with a slight smirk.

“why don’t you leave me alone?”

the highschooler lets out a dramatic gasp before turning to face the ceiling, “and let you self-destruct? it’s been miserable to not be able to make fun of you, i can’t imagine going any longer without dissing you.”

the tension in the air is long gone. seungwan isn’t an angry goblin who just wants to dissociate from the world and seulgi and sooyoung no longer have to tread on eggshells around her now. this is her _one_ good deed of the year, sooyoung declares mentally.

“you’re a good friend, sooyoung-ah,” seungwan beams, “i love you too.”

her declaration is met with an overexaggerated gag. “gross, save it for your joohyun please.” sooyoung groans with an exasperated sigh, "and for the record, i was on her side until she started yelling." 

"traitor!" seulgi sticks her tongue out in mock spite.

“thanks for calling me out on my shit. i appreciate it a lot more than i can express right now.” seungwan shoots her friends a genuine smile and seulgi embraces her a little tighter in response.

“honestly, i never want to do it again.” sooyoung starts with a grimace, “seeing you so withdrawn is terrifying, i don’t know how my baby deals with you.” she admits with a tinge of honesty, this is the most open she’ll ever be with seungwan.

seulgi deadpans, “i didn’t even deal with it. the first thing i did was text you in a panic.”

“true …” sooyoung bobs her head in agreement.

seungwan laughs silently before asking, “do you guys think i would’ve been fine after a few days?”

“probably,” seulgi shrugs, “if you weren’t, then we could’ve been forced to stage an intervention.”

“what would you do?”

“cut the wifi and have sooyoung talk to you.”

“oh, that could’ve worked, honestly.”

“thank god we didn’t have to resort to that.”

“thanks guys …”

the couple proceeds to force their little nerd to wash up so they could properly feed her, it’s been days since she’s had an actual meal that didn’t consist of potato chips or instant ramen which is absolutely abhorrent in sooyoung’s eyes but seulgi could only offer a nervous _hehe_. once they’re certain that seungwan’s gonna be just fine alone, they carry on with their usual couple things which seungwan has grown accustomed to tuning out to.

and as much as her ugly emotions have been dissected, learning to accept that there’s a disparity between her and joohyun that can’t exactly be bridged is still going to take some time. she needs to work on herself before she can even think of how she should start her apology to her soulmate. the person that she is right now isn’t going to cut it in joohyun’s world and she wants to change that, if not for herself, then for joohyun.

* * *

**yerimie:**

hey you good?

8:08 pm

**joohyun:**

yeah

8:15 pm

**yerimie:**

for real?

8:16 pm

**joohyun:**

what do you want?

8:16 pm

**yerimie:**

just checkin in on you

8:16 pm

azure logged on and we talked briefly

8:16 pm

she said you guys had a big fight

8:17 pm

**joohyun:**

yeah we did, i suppose

8:17 pm

she told me to fuck off

8:17 pm

**yerimie:**

dude no way

8:17 pm

she literally does not cuss at anyone

8:18 pm

**joohyun:**

well, she didn’t exactly hold back 🙂

8:18 pm

**yerimie:**

oh boy, what happened?

8:18 pm

**joohyun:**

just a bad fight, i don’t wanna talk about it

8:18 pm

can you just make sure she's okay?

8:19 pm

**yerimie:**

she said she talked it out with her friends

8:19 pm

what about you?

8:19 pm

are you okay?

8:19 pm

**joohyun:**

yeah

8:20 pm

**yerimie:**

🤨🤨🤨

8:20 pm

well, i’m here if you wanna talk, okay?

8:20 pm

**joohyun:**

i’ll be fine

8:20 pm

* * *

joohyun is in fact, _not_ fine at all. the fresh graduate is currently plopped on her couch with a tub of vanilla ice cream in hand, flicking through netflix titles with a despondent gaze. she didn’t even want to watch anything, everything on her home page is related to seungwan. all the titles and her list are filled with recommendations from her soulmate or shows they’ve yet to find time to finish.

grunting slightly, she throws on a documentary about the bermuda triangle for background noise while she scoops a mouthful of ice cream into her mouth. did she look sad? extremely. but did she care? not quite.

there’s a heavy weight on her chest that’s settled since her argument with seungwan in the afternoon. it’s mostly the fear of her losing her soulmate — she’s not sure if seungwan could be cruel enough to cut her off after this but it seemed like a very plausible outcome in her head.

_she fucked up, they fucked up_. but it’s more of her fault than seungwan’s.

focusing on the gentle drone of the narrator’s voice, she locks her thoughts away. it’s easy to not think about things if she tried.

yongsun returns home to find joohyun knocked out on the couch, not the sight she’s expecting after a night of casual drinks with her friends. normally, her roommate would be waiting for her with a glass of water, ready to chide her for returning home so late. kicking her shoes off clumsily, she stumbles over to her friend and pats her with slightly more force than she intended.

“go to bed, hyun-ah.” she mumbles with a slight slur. honestly, she’s not even that drunk, she’s just a bad drinker.

joohyun stirs awake with a slight groan, blinking slowly into consciousness. she looks up at yongsun with a sleepy gaze, “oh, you’re back.”

“yes i am,” yongsun affirms while she takes in the scene. half-melted ice cream tub on the coffee table, joohyun in seungwan’s unwashed hoodie again, a documentary playing on the tv? joohyun isn’t one to watch documentaries at her own will, _something suspicious is going on._

the brunette exhales loudly as she plops down on the couch next to joohyun’s head and her roommate didn’t even bother shifting. “did something happen?” yongsun questions with a gentle pat on her head.

swatting her hand away, joohyun grumbles, “i’m fine.”

“my world is still spinning but you don’t sound fine, you certainly don’t look that way either,” yongsun looks down at her roommate with sympathy, “come on, just tell me what you’re willing to tell me.”

joohyun weighs her words, calculating if she should bare her heart out to yongsun, the only person that might be on her side in a situation like this. everyone has been acting against her already, what’s another one to the list?

“i had a fight with seungwan.” she admits quietly, burying her face in the fabric of her hoodie. even after their whole post-seollal debacle, joohyun still finds it hard to be truthful about her feelings, though she’s been trying to be more vulnerable with seungwan.

a quiet hum escapes yongsun’s lips, “how bad is it?”

“if we didn’t have tattoos, she’d probably break up with me.”

yongsun is unable to resist a snort, probably not the best reaction but it’s the best she can do in her mildly drunken haze. “you’re overexaggerating, joohyun-ah. is it because of the comments?”

joohyun shifts to look at her roommate, “you’ve seen them too?”

“byul secretly reads them.” yongsun nods.

“oh.”

silence washes over them before yongsun sighs loudly, she gets up and ambles in the direction of her room. joohyun pushes herself up with one hand, frowning in confusion. she thought yongsun would try to talk to her, or lend a listening ear, but perhaps not. being left alone might be better instead.

“we’re still gonna talk about this,” yongsun declares, “i need to sober up before i spew some stupid bullshit like byul does.”

“i’m perfectly fine if you want to sleep.” joohyun retorts quickly.

yongsun whips her head around with a huff, “i really do but you look like shit.”

“thanks.”

“give me ten minutes.”

* * *

joohyun spends the next ten minutes trying to fall into a deep sleep so she could avoid talking to yongsun, maybe if she snores, it would be more convincing. but the brunette returns quickly, all freshened up, hair up in a bun and a bottle of soju in hand.

“are you sure you still want to drink?” joohyun mutters as she eyes her friend warily.

yongsun bobs her head, “we both could use some, now scooch.”

the model flops lamely to make some space for her roommate before resting her head on her lap. the brunette takes a large swig of the drink before handing it over to joohyun, who matches an equal gulp.

“okay, please start so we can go to bed before it’s 2 am.”

“you’re an actual boomer.”

“at least my bones don’t crack when i crawl out of bed, _irenosaur_.” yongsun hisses, “now start.”

stifling a chuckle, joohyun returns the bottle to her roommate. she folds her hands over her midsection and expels a slow breath. _where does she even begin?_ maybe with how she thought that communication was the most important thing in a relationship? or how she was told to _fuck off_ by her soulmate who barely curses? or how they ended up like this in the first place? she doesn’t quite know, but she starts with the sole thought that’s been replaying in her head like a broken record.

“i fucked up big time, yong.” joohyun confesses, shoulders rising in the process, “i don’t know how to fix things, or if it’s even fixable.”

yongsun takes in her words with a quiet hum, “you know, i’ve had plenty of arguments with byul and we always bounce back.”

the model nods, she knows it all too well. yongsun would come to her, sometimes a crying mess and then she would rant all her feelings over a few bottles of soju. maybe this is what yongsun is trying to achieve here — except joohyun isn’t the one to go off on a rant without prompts. lucky for her, yongsun is here to provide all the prodding she needs.

“you guys are different, you’ve been together for so long it’s only natural to want to patch up.” she mumbles weakly.

yongsun inquires with uncertainty lacing her tone, “are you saying that you don’t want to patch up?”

“i do, but it’s not like she wants to listen.” joohyun grunts and yongsun hands the bottle over. taking a quick swig, she thrusts it back and continues talking, “fuck, she didn’t even want to talk. i just made things worse by confronting her.”

“what did you do?”

“she thinks that we’re only together because of these tattoos, she doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. i've already said i don't care about what others think about us but she just seems so bent on listening to them. i don't know, yong. i felt so betrayed, so _fucking_ hurt that she thinks like this after the time we’ve spent together. ” joohyun doesn’t even try to hold back her anger anymore. she’s been trying to repress the bubbling fury for the entire day, with reasons like she has no right to be mad after how she has hurt seungwan. but she knows the longer she lets it fester, the worse the aftermath. so it’s better to get it out while she still can, before yongsun leaves her as well.

“your feelings are valid, you know?” yongsun hums quietly.

joohyun scoffs while glaring into the ceiling, as if they are the ones that wronged her. “yeah, as valid as they may be, i still did something stupid.”

the brunette takes a quick sip before asking cautiously, “did you physically hurt her?”

“no, fuck, i would never.” joohyun responds quickly, turning to look at her roommate who looks more concerned than anything. “but emotionally, yes.” she adds in a quiet voice.

“did you say something bad ..?”

the model bobs her head slowly, recalling the intense spite that overwhelmed her. she tries to put it into words but it sounds like a bunch of excuses in her head, choosing to be honest is probably easier here. “fuck, yong, i was so angry, i wanted her to have a taste of my pain. it’s like i wanted to _intentionally_ hurt her back.”

the brunette looks down at her friend who’s a trembling ball of fury lying on her lap and exhales softly. arguments are never fun, especially with someone like joohyun — who, if given a chance to express her emotions, tends to let them get the better of her. nonetheless, she can feel joohyun's remorse under all the rage.

“let me get this straight first, she didn’t want to talk but you confronted her anyway. confrontation goes south and you said something mean to hurt her out of spite.”

“yeah, except i pretty much yelled at her.”

“i don’t even have to say it, do i?”

“i’m a shitty fucking person who should just die?” 

"it was a shitty move, hyun-ah,” yongsun shakes her head in disapproval, “though, not one that's completely unreasonable."

joohyun lets out a harsh laugh and sneers, "how can intentionally hurting your soulmate be seen as reasonable? are you okay, yong?”

"it happened in a spur of a moment, i'm sure if you explained things, she'll understand and forgive you."

"that's the problem, yong." joohyun exhales sharply, waving her hands in the air as she rants, "she doesn't want to talk, or listen. all she's done is ghost me and push me away. i don't know how to talk to her or go about apologizing. she's probably better off without me."

bae joohyun being self-deprecating and negative is a side that yongsun has never dealt with before. her roommate is usually confident, at least, she has to be if she wants to stay in front of a camera. it doesn’t sit right to see her like this, it's the exact opposite of how she normally is.

"you didn't know her before she met you, how do you know that she'll be happier with you?"

“i’m the one that brought this upon her, the hate is because of me. without me, i can’t make her upset.” joohyun reasons. 

“without you, you can’t make her happy either, joohyun-ah.”

“she has many friends, including my own cousin, to enjoy the rest of her life with.”

the model’s forehead is met with a harsh flick from yongsun’s finger, the brunette’s brows are stitched in a frown and she grunts. joohyun steals the soju from yongsun and finishes it while she waits for an explanation. leaving the empty bottle next to the tub of half-melted ice cream on the coffee table, she muses, _what a perfect mix of items for a sad soul._

"this doesn't mean it's entirely your fault, you know?” yongsun starts, “look, it takes some serious effort to get you mad, so there must have been a build-up of some sorts for you to react so explosively."

"whatever it is, it doesn’t absolve me of any fault.” joohyun smiles wryly and sits up. “i don't know how to love her. i don't know how to care for her when she's hurt. _i just don't know her._ "

sooyoung’s words sting, as if the younger girl knew all the right words to leave her questioning if she’s even suitable for seungwan. if her goal was to get back at joohyun, she’s clearly succeeded, perhaps a little too well at that.

yongsun wraps an arm around joohyun’s shoulders and inches a little closer. she could try to empathise with her friend but she knows it wouldn’t even come close to the despair that joohyun feels now.

"of course you wouldn't know her, not fully at least.” yongsun pats her roommate gently, “you've been together for a month, you'll probably know her favourite food rather than how she deals with upsetting issues. if this didn't happen, when would you have learnt?"

"some other time in the future? not when we're literally just starting out."

"well, the earlier you get this sorted, the better it is, isn't it?"

"i don't think it works like that in our case. i don't think she even _needs_ me, yong.” joohyun buries her face in her hands, the urge to cry is beginning to build up and she resists it by grinding her teeth, “she's got plenty of understanding friends around her, why would she need _me?"_

she could understand why joohyun is acting the way she is now. with seulgi and sooyoung, seungwan didn’t seem like she’d actually need a soulmate.

soulmates are a funny thing, they could appear out of nowhere and with one look, you’d be attracted to them like it’s magic. speaking to each other only confirms the fact that you're soulmates. yet nobody seems to talk about the effort you have to put in to actually spend the rest of your lives together, nobody talks about the hard stuff, because who likes to air their dirty laundry?

"it's different. the love from her friends and the love from you is different. i can't put it into words, but you’ll understand when you feel it."

“and if i never feel it?"

"look, her friends can only be there to a certain extent. when it comes to you, her significant other, i'm sure you'll be treated differently."

"yeah right, she told me to fuck off while she talked it out with her friends." joohyun mutters bitterly.

judging by the time that yerim had texted her, she could only speculate that they talked it out just after she left. this blatant act of seungwan choosing her friends over her wounds her a lot more than she likes to admit and it only cements the fact that her soulmate didn’t need her. 

yongsun nudges her lightly, "you've been more open with her than you have with me, haven't you?"

"what?"

"you're comfortable around her, yeah?"

"where are you going with this?"

"maybe she needs a little more time to get as comfortable as you. you may have let her in, but she hasn’t fully let you in. her friends have been around much longer, naturally she’d be more comfortable talking to them.” the brunette reasons gently.

joohyun blinks slowly, running a hand through her hair, she bites down on her lower lip. “so she has her friends, she doesn’t need _me_.” she repeats through gritted teeth.

“going with that logic, if you have me, why do you need her?” yongsun challenges.

balling her hands into fists, joohyun turns to face her roommate with tears in her eyes. “ _i love her_ , yong. fuck … meeting her might just be the best thing that’s happened to me and now i’m going to lose her.” she sniffs.

yongsun pulls joohyun into her chest and the model obliges frictionlessly. bae joohyun is usually a force of nature, but seeing her curled up and bawling her eyes out would make anyone think twice. it's rare to see joohyun breakdown like that, a sob sends her entire body trembling. not the easiest sight to behold but yongsun feels almost relieved that they're comfortable enough for her to do this. they would never be on the same level as seungwan and seulgi, but to offer some support is enough for yongsun.

“i think it is, but i don’t think you’ll lose her if you do something about it,” yongsun coos softly, running a hand down joohyun’s back comfortingly, “you’re still finding your rhythm with each other. all you need is some time to learn to love her in the way that she needs and then you’ll be okay.”

"what if she never wants to talk to me?"

"i doubt she'll go that far, she loves you too, you know."

"you're only saying this to make me feel better."

"am i supposed to make you sadder?" yongsun scoffs.

"no …"

"cry it out, then text your cousin to see if she can talk to seungwan. you're not going to walk away from your soulmate so easily, you hear me?"

her demand is met with a loud sniffle from joohyun which she interprets as a yes. yongsun is glad that they argued after seollal, otherwise, she doubts that her roommate would even say a single word. she holds her fragile friend despite how exhausted she is, keeping joohyun company and waiting for the smaller girl to tire herself out from crying. it takes much longer than she expected, so the pair ends up falling asleep on the couch, both too weary to shift to their respective rooms.

* * *

**joohyun:**

say it with me

7:30 pm

you’re an idiot

7:30 pm

**yerimie:**

i am an idiot

7:30 pm

**joohyun:**

again

7:30 pm

**yerimie:**

i am an idiot …

7:31 pm

**joohyun:**

again

7:31 pm

**yerimie:**

how many times do you want me to say it

7:31 pm

**joohyun:**

until seungwan talks to me again

7:31 pm

which could be never, so forever in your case

7:32 pm

**yerimie:**

there’s no way she’ll never talk to you again

7:32 pm

**joohyun:**

that is the projected outcome

7:32 pm

why’d you even send those screenshots to her?

7:32 pm

**yerimie:**

shouldn’t she know if someone’s talking shit about her?

7:33 pm

**joohyun:**

what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, idiot.

7:33 pm

i thought you knew her

7:33 pm

why would you send it to her if you know she’s going to react like this?

7:33 pm

**yerimie:**

i didn’t know she’d take it that badly 😔

7:34 pm

i’m suffering over here too!!! 

7:34 pm

she told our friends that she’s gonna take a break from our boss runs

7:34 pm

without her we’re kinda fucked

7:34 pm

so now they’re pinning the blame on me

7:35 pm

**joohyun:**

i might lose my literal soulmate and all you can care about is your stupid run?

7:35 pm

**yerimie:**

sorry, now what?

7:35 pm

**joohyun:**

i don’t know

7:35 pm

**yerimie:**

should i try talking to her again?

7:36 pm

**joohyun:**

she might tell you to fuck off too

7:36 pm

**yerimie:**

that’s harsh

7:36 pm

honestly i’ve never seen her react to anything like this

7:36 pm

**joohyun:**

when would she ever face criticisms from absolute strangers? 

7:37 pm

**yerimie:**

um … she’s pretty active on forums

7:37 pm

but that shit was downright hateful

7:37 pm

**joohyun:**

and you still sent it to her ..?

7:37 pm

**yerimie:**

i said i'm sorry!!! 😔😔😔

7:38 pm

i'm gonna talk to her

7:38 pm

i will update you in real-time

7:38 pm

**joohyun:**

are you sure you can talk to two people at once?

7:38 pm

**yerimie:**

don't worry unnie i have a typing speed of 150 words per minute

7:39 pm

**joohyun:**

🤨 okay …

7:39 pm

**yerimie:**

she said she's feeling better

7:39 pm

**joohyun:**

what else?

7:39 pm

**yerimie:**

i'm asking her about you now

7:40 pm

**joohyun:**

what did she say?

7:40 pm

**yerimie:**

she said thinking about you kinda sucks big time

7:40 pm

so she's trying to avoid that now

7:40 pm

but she'll probably talk to you when she's ready

7:41 pm

**joohyun:**

oh …

7:41 pm

anything else?

7:41 pm

**yerimie:**

that's all

7:41 pm

i don't think she really wants to talk about it

7:42 pm

**joohyun:**

so there’s nothing i can do?

7:42 pm

**yerimie:**

i mean …

7:42 pm

i’ve got an idea if you want to try it

7:42 pm

**joohyun:**

🤨 what?

7:43 pm

**yerimie:**

come play with us

7:43 pm

**joohyun:**

like maplestory?

7:43 pm

**yerimie:**

yeah

7:43 pm

look you don’t even have to tell her your real name

7:44 pm

come up with some fake name

7:44 pm

**joohyun:**

are you sure?

7:44 pm

**yerimie:**

do you want to talk to her or not?

7:44 pm

**joohyun:**

fine ...

7:45 pm

* * *

the first thing yerim does is to get joohyun to download discord so she could better aid her dinosaur of a cousin who acts like she barely knows how to use a computer. they take an hour to get her all set up — which by yerim’s standards, is way too long.

“oh my god, finally!” yerim groans, “hurry up and get in. i already told everyone that my friend is coming to play.”

“why would you do that?” joohyun mutters as she goes through the character creation process, taking an extra long time to read each class’ abilities and perks, “what should i pick?”

yerim whines, “why didn’t you read up on it while you took an hour to download?”

“i did but i’m still not sure!” joohyun counters with a frown, her mouse hovers over a rogue and she skims through their abilities.

“just pick whatever you’re reading now and get in!” her younger cousin rushes once again.

she settles on a dual blade, one of the better thief classes in yerim’s opinion. not like it really matters, she’s just going in to check things out, check on seungwan maybe, and then get out. she knows she doesn’t quite belong in a world like that, this virtual space is seungwan’s territory and it almost feels like she’s a trespasser.

“okay, get through the tutorial and we’ll help you with the quests.”

“aren’t you going to let me explore on my own?”

“you’d get lost or sidetracked,” yeri explains easily, “besides, azure’s a bishop so she can provide buffs while you’re grinding.”

joohyun doesn’t think much of it and does the tutorials, the controls are easy and so are the skills. it’s not as complicated as the controls in smash bros, which she’s gotten pretty decent at after weeks of playing with seungwan.

“this is a boring game, how do you guys even spend so much time here?” joohyun remarks while she skips through yet another cutscene.

yerim grunts, “do you want to spend time with azure or not?”

“yes …” she mumbles, “i’m done with the tutorial.”

“okay, what’s your name?”

“ _w-wee_ …”

_“wee?”_

“ _w-wisteria_ …” joohyun admits lamely.

yerim snorts as she types away on her keyboard, “how’d you come up with that?”

the truth is, she had no idea for a proper in-game name. looking around for inspiration only gave her scented candle inspired nicknames, the closest one on her desk was a purple candle named wisteria. it had a lovely scent and yerim was rushing her, so she didn’t really think twice. but now, saying her brand new alias out loud makes her feel a little stupid.

“it’s the name of one of the candles on my desk.” joohyun sighs, “what do i do now?”

as if on cue, yerim’s character pops up on the screen, her sparkly cosmetics blinding joohyun momentarily. she can barely make sense of her cousin’s outfit, the younger girl looks like a fashion terrorist if anything.

“why do you look like a glitter bomb?” joohyun cackles loudly.

“i spent twenty dollars on this outfit.”

“yah! kim yerim! it doesn’t even look nice, what were you thinking?” she gasps in mock horror.

“this is you and azure’s fault honestly, i lost the bet and was forced to get this. i have to wear this _rubbish_ for three months!”

she doesn’t hold back her laughter, if anything, her cousin is deserving of a plight like this. wiping the tears from her eyes, she looks at her screen only to see a new character. they’re much better looking compared to yerim’s disaster, a quick look at the name tag and — it’s _seungwan._

azure looks adorably good in joohyun’s opinion, she’s seen some of the outfits this pixel game has to offer and seungwan definitely knows how to dress her character up.

in the chatbox to the side, azure has greeted her. she’d missed it while she was looking at their outfits.

**azure:** hello!! :D

“can you say hi back?” yerim urges.

**wisteria:** hello :)

“now what?” joohyun furrows her brows, moving her character from left to right uncertainly.

azure sends her a guild invite and she accepts. wisteria is now a member of _reve,_ a quick look on the rankings showed that they are second place, amongst almost ten thousand guilds. and her soulmate is the leader.

“how good are you guys honestly?” joohyun can’t help but be in awe, two out of ten thousand is a pretty impressive feat in her opinion, “second top guild in this entire game?”

“it’s all because of azure honestly,” yerim replies, “we’re aiming for first though, second isn’t good enough.”

“competitive much?”

“like you aren’t?”

joohyun takes the retaliation with a hum and lets it slide.

she lets azure and yeri lead her around this virtual world, doing everything her bossy cousin says. she doesn’t quite get the game, but if it means that she could spend some time with her girlfriend, even at a distance, she’ll take it.

_azure_ is pretty quiet, though yerim says it’s normal. the bishop follows them around, providing supportive buffs whenever necessary without interfering too much. yerim does most of the work considering that wisteria is her _friend_.

at some point, her two guides had to excuse themselves for a boss run — yerim grumbling about how she had to literally beg for azure to join them, though it’s probably an over-exaggeration. given seungwan’s tendencies, her girlfriend most likely agreed after yerim asked more than once.

she explores the world on her own, training her character as she goes along, managing to hit level 100. alas, she still manages to run into some asshole who seem bent on killing the same monsters that she is.

“yah, kim yerim, someone’s killing my slimes!” joohyun frowns as she tries to outdo this unsolicited presence, spamming her keys as her character flies around the map.

yerim snorts, “unbelievable, you’re getting _ksed_ already?” 

“what does that mean?”

“kill steal, usually means when another player barges in and starts killing your mobs.” the younger girl explains with a nonchalant hum, “you wanna see how cool azure is?”

“i just want this asshole out of my map!”

**yeri:** AZURE

 **azure:** ???

 **yeri:** my friend’s getting ksed

 **yeri:** can you help

 **azure:** on my way

“why can’t _you_ help me instead?” joohyun hisses.

yerim tuts quietly, “i’m showing you the power of my guild leader.”

it takes a minute but azure shows up, joohyun half expected her to out slaughter _EEDJIOT_ but instead, all she does is type.

**azure:** hey 

**azure:** do you mind leaving this map?

 **azure:** there’s plenty of other maps

 **eedjiot:** lol

“she’s trying to talk to him and all he said was l-o-l ... is this supposed to happen?” joohyun mutters.

the invader showed no signs of stopping and she isn’t relenting either, something about giving up what is hers in the first place ticks her off. 

“um … just wait ...”

azure starts using her abilities as soon as yerim finishes her sentences, joohyun doesn’t know what’s going on anymore considering the multiple bright flashes that erupt from seungwan’s character. she stands there, watching as azure rains hellfire onto the poor guy. though they couldn’t take damage from other players, seungwan cleared the map so quickly that the invader could barely kill anything. eventually, the intruder gives up and leaves.

smirking slightly, she chuckles at the situation — seungwan chasing a _kser_ away for her is something she never thought she’d experience.

**azure:** all’s good now :D

 **wisteria:** thank you~

 **azure:** i thought yeri was sticking with you

 **wisteria:** she left me alone e_e

 **azure:** well, i’m free now! i can help you out if you want

 **wisteria:** sure :D

“is everything good?” yerim drawls after minutes of hearing silence.

grinning, joohyun responds with an upbeat _yup!_

azure ends up sticking around her for a few hours, guiding her much more patiently than yerim would. they end up talking a little as well, except that joohyun had to lie her way through some conversations to not reveal her true identity. it’s nice to see seungwan in another light, though it’s not entirely different from her actual self. if anything, she reckons that azure is more confident than the real seungwan. 

they stay up till joohyun declares that her body is too weak — it’s 4 am by then, joohyun has hit a whopping level of 145 and she’s spent several hours hanging out with azure and her friends.

they bid each other goodnight for the first time in days and it almost feels _normal_ again but she can’t help but feel a little conflicted. she misses having seungwan’s constant presence around her. being unable to text her soulmate feels like a punishment meanwhile, masquerading as _wisteria_ feels like she's evading said punishment. like she isn’t quite giving seungwan the space she needs.

maybe she’d talk to yongsun about it in the morning, but for now, she needs sleep.

* * *

joohyun rationalizes the thought over lunch with yongsun. her fellow friend deems that it's okay to want to talk to seungwan after they've spent the last few weeks stuck to each other. besides, it's not like she has bad intentions, this could be a step in understanding seungwan a little better.

the guilt in her heart doesn't feel quite as heavy after thinking about it from another angle. with that, she proceeds to spend the entire day hanging out and playing as _wisteria_. she also finally understands the appeal of in-game cosmetics after azure gave her character an adorable little outfit but swears that she’ll never spend a dime on the game.

she stops in the evening to eat, after struggling for a solid ten minutes, her thoughts of deciding what’s for dinner are interrupted by her phone ringing.

"hello?"

"hello, joohyun."

the person on the other end of the line isn't who she thought would be calling her at all.

_"halmoni,_ is something the matter?" joohyun responds curtly.

the residual feelings from seollal still linger even though she's found her soulmate. although most of that ire has been buried, a call like this is equivalent to digging it back up.

“there’s an important matter that requires your presence back home.” the aged woman informs stiffly, “you are on a break now, yes?”

straight to the point, as always, joohyun scoffs mentally. “yes, i am. how soon do you need me back?” she hides a scowl behind a neutral tone.

“this saturday.” her grandmother replies, “will you be able to make it?”

it’s a thursday night, a day to pack and prepare is more than enough, but it doesn’t feel like an appropriate time to leave. honestly, it feels horrible to leave in the middle of an argument with her soulmate. but she knows that question isn’t a request, but rather a statement. and maybe, a small break would help. so she agrees.

“i will be there tomorrow.”

“good, i will see you then.”

“take care.”

* * *

joohyun returns to daegu the next day, she hadn’t expected to return so soon. usually, she only comes back for seollal and chuseok and the rest of the year she's in seoul. but things could change now that she's graduating.

the house is much quieter without all her relatives bustling about, the majordomo is the only one around to greet her at the door. she’s informed that all the inhabitants are still at work, after all, she did arrive in the afternoon. she lets the chef fix her a snack before retreating to her old room.

a quiet emptiness envelopes her and she can’t help but miss seungwan, her adorable little soulmate who she wishes could be here. if they didn’t have such a horrible fight, perhaps joohyun would consider bringing her along, though she doesn’t quite like the idea of her family casting their judgements upon her. after this whole incident, it’s probably a safer bet to not bring up seungwan’s existence in front of her family.

joohyun ends up taking a nap till it’s time for dinner — when her parents, along with her grandmother, have all returned from work. she greets them with a small smile and settles down at the dining table with them.

dinners outside of festive seasons are usually quiet, but since she’s officially graduating next month, her parents disguise their concern as interest. they question her choices regarding her future and joohyun replies with ease — she has a plan, a recommendation from her professor, if all goes well, she’ll start her new job in the foreseeable future.

“and if it doesn’t work out, you’ll come home?” her grandmother chimes in from the head of the table, she’s been quietly listening to the conversation without interference. 

joohyun doesn’t exactly agree, instead she replies with slight hostility, “it’ll work out.”

“having a backup is always good, joohyun.” the aged woman's tone is stern and joohyun finds it hard to look her in the eyes — part of her is still afraid of defying her grandmother.

her mother clears her throat to ease the unwanted tension that’s begun to settle — at least someone in this family is on her side. “anyway,” her mother starts, “are you excited about the dinner tomorrow?”

joohyun raises an eyebrow, this is the first time she’s heard about a dinner. she turns to her grandmother almost accusingly, “is this the important matter you spoke about on the phone?”

the elderly woman nods expressionlessly, “it’s the company’s anniversary dinner. since you’re on a break, you might as well join us.”

“you didn’t think to inform me over the phone?” joohyun inquires calmly.

her grandmother lets a wry smile slip, “would you have come otherwise?”

this isn’t going to be some ordinary corporate dinner, it’s going to be a matchmaking session — she can feel it in her bones.

“besides, you do have an important part in the event. you’re going to be presenting an item in our auction fundraiser.” the elderly woman continues to speak and joohyun swears her voice has never sounded more distasteful.

she lets the head of the house prattle on about the details, only nodding occasionally to acknowledge her and nothing more. she spends the rest of the night silently wishing she’d stayed in seoul, or that she’d make up some dumb excuse instead of coming home. the fact that she had fallen for her grandmother’s ploy so easily irks her the most, but she’s not about to declare that she’s found her soulmate, especially when they’re still in the middle of a nasty fight. spilling all of that might just lead her grandmother to think that joohyun is better off with someone of her choosing instead.

there’s no way her grandmother can antagonize her within a day, she just has to get through tomorrow and then the day after she’ll be back in seoul, away from her antics.

* * *

despite her annoyance, it would be awfully impolite to not show her face at the event, so joohyun shoves all her emotions into a tiny box and locks them away for the day. she’s attended some of these company events before, so she isn’t necessarily a stranger, but an anniversary dinner spells a different kind of trouble. 

her parents and grandmother had left much earlier to ensure that all the necessary preparations were settled, so she arrived alone at 7 o’clock sharp. the venue radiates with energy of the elite and powerful, it is indeed a grand event albeit one filled with snobbish assholes. joohyun wrinkles her nose at their smug attitudes, never quite liking them because their aura seems to scream _philandering cheaters._

the lobby is filled with people and joohyun tries her damndest to avoid all of them, locking her gaze straight ahead. she’s used to having eyes on her, but tonight, there’s a lot more attention than she wants to deal with. on top of that, her outfit did not help one bit. her grandmother had hired a stylist and pretty much pressured her into getting all dolled up, forcing her into a dark navy gown that exposed her shoulders to the cold air. of all things that she’s going to have to deal with tonight, she just wished she wouldn’t be freezing throughout.

she focuses on her goal, _check in, get seated and try her best to stop existing for the next three hours._

but perhaps an oversight on the lovely host’s part — joohyun isn’t on the guest list. hearing _there’s no bae joohyun on this list, ma’am_ , suggests her night is only going to go downhill from here. she shoots the receptionist a tight-lipped smile and excuses herself to the side to figure something out.

but before she even moves from the reception table, a voice speaks up, drawing her attention.

“she’s with me.”

joohyun detects some hint of familiarity in the voice but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. _there’s no way_ , she thinks quietly as she looks up. but her eyes widen when she takes in the person before her.

_“seungwan?”_


	11. oh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil bit of spice in this chapter so if you're not comfortable, here's the [sfw version](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1455713/11/oh)  
> i'm so sorry for sinning.

the presence of son seungwan is an enigma that joohyun has long put behind her, considering it solved after she turned up at her door on that one fateful night. but seungwan appearing before her now makes her think otherwise. perhaps there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to her enigma of a soulmate.

joohyun’s breath is caught in her throat when she fully grasps that this situation is very much real and the sight of her girlfriend makes her mouth go dry. holding a blazer in one hand, seungwan is dressed in a white top and dark navy dress pants. except said top has a little too many buttons undone, exposing more skin than joohyun is used to seeing. and the most jarring part of her appearance? her hair now stops at her shoulders and there’s an extra piercing on her left ear. 

joohyun isn’t quite sure how she feels about it — seungwan looks much more mature than compared to when they last met. her adorable little soulmate now looks _hot_ and this new realisation leaves her slightly flustered.

“hey.” seungwan greets with a small smile. though there’s not a trace of hostility between them, a slight tension still hangs in the air. 

seungwan’s voice snaps her out of her shameless staring. ignoring the heat that’s rushing to her cheeks, she grabs seungwan’s arm firmly, tugging them away from the prying eyes who seem to be very interested in the unfolding situation. as if she isn’t tense enough already, seungwan’s unsolicited presence could make things tricky tonight.

the older girl pulls them to a quiet corner where she’s certain that nobody would be looking. the fear of her grandmother being aware of this _one good thing_ in her life is overwhelming and she’s never been more on edge. meanwhile, the nerd can’t exactly comprehend why her girlfriend is so antsy — it’s like she has a permanent frown plastered across her face after she announced her presence. despite that, she still looked heavenly in that gown. the silence makes joohyun realise that she’s still holding onto her girlfriend, she yanks her hand back abruptly and the younger girl blinks back into focus.

"what are you doing here?" joohyun hisses, glancing over the younger girl’s shoulder warily before turning her attention to her.

seungwan rubs the nape of her neck with a grimace, "i'm accompanying my dad for the dinner."

seungwan doesn’t know where they stand with each other now — acting all lovey-dovey as if nothing has happened feels wrong, but acting like strangers didn’t exactly feel right either. she could sense joohyun’s reservation as well, so she supposes that they’re somewhat on the same page for now.

“oh.” joohyun responds, she had no idea what answer she expected but this is certainly not it. if she’s being truthful, part of her wishes that it’s some part of seungwan’s grandiose scheme for them to patch up. looks like they’re still going to have to do things the hard way.

the nerd shifts her weight from one leg to another awkwardly, shooting her girlfriend a dumb question to continue the conversation, "what about you?"

with pursed lips, joohyun replies curtly. "my family's the host and my grandmother requested that i attend."

"but your name isn’t on the guestlist ..?” seungwan trails off.

expelling a sigh, the older girl raises her shoulders in response. “they might have forgotten, i’ll figure something out.”

“okay …”

“i’ll see you around then.” joohyun nods politely. 

every fibre of her being is screaming at her to fucking apologize but there’s a lot more that needs to be said other than a shitty fucking _sorry._ they needed a proper talk to iron things out, but she fears that it’ll end up like their previous one. the last thing she wants is to argue with seungwan again, especially not at an event that’s undoubtedly important for her family’s reputation. she hates to admit it but she's still a daughter of the bae family. even if she isn’t working for the family’s company, she has to do the bare minimum of _not_ fucking things up.

she absolutely can and will not take that risk tonight. besides, this isn’t the right place to make up, they could do this at their own pace back in seoul. for now, she has to make sure that the fact that seungwan is her soulmate remains a secret to her family.

joohyun turns her heel to leave, whipping out her phone to send an SOS to her dear mother. but she stops when she senses seungwan’s presence trailing behind her.

“wait,” her girlfriend calls out quickly, “do you at least want to sit together? dad said i could bring a date.”

joohyun turns and they lock eyes for the first time. seungwan is almost certain that she might break into tears there and then. she never knew how much she missed joohyun until now — she could put their argument behind her if it meant that she could be wrapped up in joohyun’s arms once again.

seeing the longing in seungwan’s eyes makes her heart twinge, maybe this is her way of offering a respite from their fight. but to sit through a three-hour event together while they’ve yet to settle their current issues? unfortunately, it sounds nothing short of a disaster for joohyun. 

with a restrained smile, she shakes her head. "not tonight, seungwan," joohyun rejects softly, "i should go."

a _can we talk later?_ is perched at the edge of her tongue, but seeing the pained look in joohyun’s eyes makes her swallow the thought entirely. _not tonight, note taken._

"okay."

seungwan retreats a little and watches joohyun walk away. why did she think there's no chance of her bumping into her soulmate at daegu? she should've asked who the hell was hosting this dinner instead of hastily agreeing because of free food. cursing quietly, she returns to her dad who seems to have caught everything.

the tall entrepreneur extends an arm out and seungwan gladly seeks solace in her father’s hold. with an arm around her shoulder, he begins to usher her into the ballroom.

“now, do you want to tell me how you know the baes’ daughter?” her dad questions casually as he grabs a glass of champagne from the servers.

seungwan dreads answering her dad’s question, she’s a terrible liar if anything and he knows all her tells. still, she tries to mumble her way through it. “she’s a friend from university.”

“seungwan-ah, if you’re going to say she’s just a friend, can you at least be a little more confident about it?” the entrepreneur retorts teasingly.

pouting slightly, she heaves a sigh, “okay … she’s more than a friend …”

her father drops his voice to a whisper at her answer, “is it what i think it is? because while mom might disown you, i’m perfectly okay with it.”

seungwan’s jaw drops at his ridiculous assumption and recoils away from his hold, “dad!” 

"kidding!” he chuckles with a large grin, “is she _the one?_ ”

there’s no point keeping it from him anyway and it’s definitely better to tell him the truth now, lest he actually assumes that they’re friends with benefits.

with a nod, she mutters under her breath, “yeah, i’ll tell you all about her after i’ve eaten the fancy food you promised.”

“aish, i thought you came to spend some time with your old man.”

“you don’t get to act as if you’re not using me as a replacement since mom is busy!”

* * *

joohyun gets her mother to come to her aid and lingers around her like a lost child — which means being introduced to fellow colleagues and business partners. there’s still some time before the actual dinner starts so most people spend their time networking. though unlike her grandmother, her mother doesn’t require her to be an active participant in conversations.

she zones out from the talking — everything feels shitty, albeit a bit more miserable than before. meeting her girlfriend in an entirely different city? not to mention at an event that she never expected her to turn up at? what kind of dumb luck is this?

a perpetual frown settles on her face as she ponders over seungwan’s status. to be a guest at this event would mean that her family is affluent, or they have a good relationship with her family. both of which are equally unexpected and maybe even partially unwelcomed. she wants her soulmate as far away from her family as possible — not because she’s ashamed but if subjecting her love to their judgments is preventable, she’s going to do everything in her power to make sure it stays that way.

a buzz from her phone draws her attention and she steps away from the conversation her mother is currently engaged in. taking a quick peek, it’s just who she expects it to be.

**son seungwan**

1 message

opening the message, she’s greeted with another enigma.

**son seungwan:**

👁👅👁

7:09 pm

_what in the actual hell?_ joohyun doesn’t know how to decipher this string of emojis, is this a booty call? she has no patience for games today. grimacing slightly, she sends a quick response.

**joohyun:**

..?

7:09 pm

**son seungwan:**

sorry, i just wanted to ease the tension between us

7:09 pm

**joohyun:**

oh

7:09 pm

**son seungwan:**

what time does this end?

7:10 pm

**joohyun:**

10 probably, but i’m sure you can leave before that

7:10 pm

**son seungwan:**

oh, great. what time will you be leaving?

7:10 pm

**joohyun:**

much later, i have to stay for the afterparty

7:10 pm

**son seungwan:**

oh … okay

7:11 pm

joohyun watches seungwan’s status change from active to typing and back to active, she could sense her girlfriend agonizing over how to carry on the conversation. she’s been nothing but terse just now though with good reason. she’s afraid that if they didn’t act like strangers tonight, she would end up exposing seungwan.

a hand firmly clamping down on her shoulder almost makes her drop her phone and she turns to see her grandmother standing behind her with a stern expression. joohyun quickly tucks her phone away and greets the elderly woman with a tight smile.

“this is an important event, i can’t have you texting your friends all night.” she warns with a tight-lipped smile.

“i know,” joohyun responds quickly, “it was important.”

her grandmother eyes her cautiously, “i assume it’s settled?”

her phone buzzing in her hand did not suggest that but she nods anyway — seungwan has to take a backseat for tonight. the matriarch offers her a pleased smile before guiding her away from her mother, perhaps this is the exact point in time where everything officially goes downhill.

joohyun spends the next half an hour listening to various heirs and accomplished entrepreneurs recite their impressive achievements with a polite smile and feign interest. acting like the quiet and cold girl that is _irene_ helped a lot. most people assume she’s one with few words and she lets them carry the conversations. 

occasionally, she finds herself scanning the crowds to catch a sight of her tiny soulmate. she spots her next to a much taller gentleman who joohyun can only assume is her father. she contemplates asking her parents to see if they know anything about the sons but quickly decides the risk isn’t worth it — joohyun has never shown interest in the family business and doing so now might raise questions.

the duo would nudge each other playfully and put on a big smile when someone approached them. joohyun knows how dull these events can be for someone without any interest but seungwan seems to be having fun goofing around with her father.

at least one of them isn’t miserable tonight.

* * *

her personal hell comes to an end when the guests are requested to take their seats. joohyun highly doubts she can listen to another _exciting_ new business venture, at least she could catch a break while everyone is stuffing their faces with food.

she glances through the crowd as she makes her way to her assigned table, trying to spot seungwan as discreetly as possible. her phone has buzzed a couple of times but she hasn't had time to check since her grandmother is watching her like a hawk.

she finally spots the younger girl at the table across her and their eyes meet once again. seungwan shoots her a hopeful smile before taking her seat. having her soulmate in sight might just be the closest thing to comfort she could get tonight.

settling in her seat, she whips out her phone to check her messages. this might be the only time where she’s free from her grandmother’s presence — the matriarch is currently preparing to address the guests on stage.

**son seungwan:**

do you think we can talk later?

7:11 pm

i can wait for you

7:12 pm

are you okay?

7:23 pm

just say the word and i can swoop in

7:23 pm

seungwan must have noticed how miserable she looks, she should probably try a little harder to hide her displeasure now.

**joohyun:**

it's fine

7:32 pm

she watches as seungwan checks her phone with a small smile, a quick glance up at her before typing a response.

**son seungwan:**

the seat beside me is free for the night

7:32 pm

offer still stands

7:32 pm

**joohyun:**

thanks but i really can't

7:32 pm

**son seungwan:**

how have you been?

7:33 pm

**joohyun:**

fine. you?

7:33 pm

**son seungwan:**

fine too

7:33 pm

**joohyun:**

that's good

7:33 pm

a round of applause causes her to look up from her phone, the matriarch is done with her address and is returning to her seat. she has to cut their conversation here, they'd have to settle for staring at each other all night instead.

**joohyun:**

i gotta go

7:34 pm

* * *

seungwan holds back a groan when joohyun dips from the conversation once again. her girlfriend did explicitly state that they're not going to do anything tonight but she assumed that texting would be fine.

except that’s not the case. joohyun feels like an entirely different person, her vibes remind seungwan of their first encounter. she’s uneasy and closed off unlike how she usually acts. maybe her presence is affecting joohyun as well, she thought she was cool with her whole _she’s with me_ thing but maybe it’s inflicting negative repercussions instead. put it short, joohyun isn’t acting like joohyun tonight and she thinks it could be because of her.

seungwan picks at her food as she ponders over the reasons, she can’t help but feel a little bummed out. her gorgeous girlfriend sits beside the host like a prize to be shown off. and said prize, though right in front of her, is just out of reach.

she wonders how they’ll go about talking. joohyun’s responses have been nothing but curt, though it’s still much better than the silence they’ve had for the past few days. maybe they could find some chance to sneak out, they didn’t even have to talk, seungwan wouldn’t mind a chance to sit in silence for a little.

the dinner carries on with seungwan moping over her girlfriend. her father says nothing much but at some point, the atmosphere around them is starting to get depressing. and that’s not how he envisioned their long overdue father-daughter night to go.

with a nudge, he catches his daughter’s attention for a moment. "wanna go introduce yourself?" her dad whispers as he joins her in her useless pining.

seungwan tosses him a side-eye, "to joohyun's grandmother?"

"that's madam bae, she's a powerful businesswoman and we owe it to her for our success." the gentleman informs easily while taking a sip of his champagne, “it won’t be hard to strike up a conversation, we have plans for a new project.”

"so we have a good relationship with their family?" seungwan widens her eyes, this new development sounds promising.

her father nods, "and from what i’ve heard, she's been on the lookout for suitable partners for her granddaughter."

"do you think i'm eligible?"

"sure, if you take over the company." her father chortles, "anyway, i've never brought you or your sister up."

"are you ashamed of us?"

"yah, come on! do you actually want to be matchmade?"

"no …"

"i care about your happiness, sweetheart. so can you finally spill the beans? i'm dying to know what her tattoo says."

seungwan gives him a rundown of the events that transpired, glazing over certain details like how she managed to avoid joohyun for weeks and her hiding under the bed when joohyun gave her tea. sharing what their tattoos were only earned a loud _aww_ from her dad and she has to look away because of how embarrassed she is. to top it off, she shared their recent fight too, explaining the tension between them tonight.

her father listens with bated breath, not speaking unless she wanted some sort of acknowledgement. his sighs and gasps make his thoughts clear to her. at the end of it, he merely hums quietly.

"you're both at fault." the entrepreneur concludes, “but also how dare she hurt you?”

“we were acting on emotions, relax. it’s gonna be okay when i actually get to talk to her.” the nerd reassures easily though she doesn’t quite believe herself either.

finishing the last of his champagne, her father raises his eyebrows with a sly grin. “let’s make it now then.”

"dad! no!" 

seungwan could barely protest but her father is already out of his seat. the drop in her heart coupled by the sheer panic that rushes through her veins is enough for her to chase after him. he could be a loose cannon when it comes to embarrassing her — and embarrassing her in front of joohyun’s grandmother? it spells nothing but disaster for their future relationship.

* * *

they are halfway through dinner and despite the seemingly constant addresses from the emcee, people still manage to find pockets of breaks to drop by and greet her grandmother. the matriarch jumps at the chance to introduce them and joohyun could only force a smile after the eighth one. she’s tired from all the socializing and she misses seungwan. she contemplates excusing herself to the washroom to take a break but just as one leaves, another one approaches.

on the other hand, her soulmate has spent most of the evening animatedly chatting with her father. joohyun stiffens at the thought of seungwan sharing the fact that they’re soulmates to her father, she has no idea what business relations their families had but the uncertainty makes her a little anxious. what if seungwan’s father disapproved of their relationship? or worse, _her?_

her train of thoughts is broken when her grandmother begins shifting out of her seat — something that has never happened before. joohyun perks up at this new change and draws a deep breath, bracing herself for hell or high water.

“sungmin-ssi, it’s a pleasure to have you here again.” the matriarch greets in a sickly sweet tone as joohyun slinks out of her seat to join her.

looking up, she registers the new presence as seungwan’s father. it’s not hard to distinguish him from the rest of the guests considering how he towers over most people. the gentleman greets the aged woman with a polite bow, some movement from behind him draws joohyun’s attention and she tilts her head slightly to get a better look.

hiding behind his towering figure is her soulmate struggling to put her blazer on, joohyun almost instinctively walks over to help her but the circumstances they are in remind her that she absolutely cannot expose seungwan. she bores her eyes into seungwan, hoping that her burning stare would catch her attention. thankfully it does and joohyun subtly taps her neck for her girlfriend to adjust her collar. the younger girl offers a grateful smile as she makes herself look presentable, or at least less of a mess.

“madam bae, happy anniversary, thank you for inviting me.” the gentleman greets politely before tugging the small frame from behind him to the front, “my wife is unable to attend today but i’ve brought my backup.”

seungwan stumbles a little before extending a hand out, “h-hello madam bae, my name is son seungwan!” she blurts as she drops to a ninety-degree bow.

joohyun purses her lips at seungwan’s actions before concluding that it is a wise choice to not have any connection to her tonight. she feels bad for cringing at her own girlfriend but the way her collar is still sticking out will not leave a good first impression.

but to her surprise, the matriarch lets out a small laugh before shaking her girlfriend’s hand politely.

joohyun lets out a soft, shaky breath as she watches the situation unfold. all she needs seungwan to do is not get on her grandmother’s bad side, they could be properly reintroduced at a later time.

“well, it’s certainly nice to meet you, seungwan-ssi.” her grandmother hums, “you never mentioned you had a daughter, sungmin-ssi.”

the gentleman chuckles and pats seungwan so she could stop her overly polite bow. “well, she’s what i like to call a _pleasant surprise._ ”

the nerd wishes she could disappear right now. grimacing at her father’s poor choice of words, she plasters a pained smile on her face. joohyun glances at her grandmother who seems to have an amused smile on her lips, something she hasn’t seen in a long time, no doubt thanks to this absurd father and daughter duo. the aged woman nods as she beckons joohyun to come closer. all these while she’d been silently standing behind her grandmother.

“this is my lovely granddaughter, joohyun.” the matriarch introduces, “joohyun, these are the sons, one of our long-term partners.”

she greets the father and daughter with a polite tilt of her head, “hello, it’s nice to meet you.”

did it feel strange to be reintroduced to seungwan again? definitely. compared to their first meeting, this feels more official. she could still remember how silent seungwan was when they first met, they’ve come so far since then.

seungwan’s father begins to engage her grandmother in some conversation and seungwan takes the chance to slink to her side.

“sorry, my dad wanted to introduce us.” seungwan whispers, “are you okay?”

joohyun forces a quick nod, throwing furtive glances at her grandmother, “we need to pretend like we don’t know each other tonight, okay?”

“why?”

“i’ll explain later, can you do this for me?” the older girl urges.

seungwan bobs her head slowly, catching on as soon as joohyun eyes her grandmother subtly. ensuring that the elderly woman has her attention away from her, joohyun raises a hand to tidy up seungwan’s outfit — as hot as her girlfriend is, she’s still an adorable mess at heart.

“you look good tonight.” joohyun adds with a restrained smile. she’s been terse throughout the night but the least she could do is offer her girlfriend a harmless compliment.

seungwan bites down on her lower lip and grins, “so do you.”

sensing eyes on her, joohyun begins a casual conversation. “so you go to seoul national too?” she increases her volume slightly, making sure the matriarch could hear.

seungwan plays along as well, feeling a little better now that some of the tension between them is gone. “yes! i’ll be starting my second year this monday.” she responds enthusiastically.

they make up some fake conversation, acting like they are absolute strangers instead of a couple. they talk about things they already know about each other, responding with an _ooh_ or _ahh_ whenever appropriate. joohyun can’t decide if listening to strangers talk business or making fake conversation with her girlfriend is harder, if anything, she just wants the night to end right now.

luckily for her, the adults end their conversation with a hearty laugh and the father and daughter duo bids them farewell. they return to their respective seats to continue the rest of the night.

as they walk away, her father asks with a hopeful smile, “did you talk?” 

“no!” seungwan jabs her dad in the ribs quickly, huffing as she storms back to their table, “i’m never coming to these events with you ever again!”

wincing, the gentleman sighs and ushers them back to their seats. there’s no place for his meddling tonight, the kids are on their own for this one.

* * *

dessert is being served as they return to their seats, which is a good sign since it means that the night is inching its way to an end soon. still, unfortunately for joohyun, she has to be stuck with her grandmother for a little longer.

the matriarch pays dessert no mind as she gazes at joohyun, “how do you feel about her?”

the question leaves joohyun surprised, it’s not the first time she’s heard it tonight, but it’s a question meant for her _potential partners_ only.

“about son seungwan?” she swallows.

the elderly woman nods expectantly, "she's a little awkward, isn't she?"

"she was just nervous," joohyun can't help but defend her soulmate, "i enjoyed talking to her."

the matriarch’s lips tug upwards into a pleased smile, "so you would consider her?"

"consider her for what?"

"for a partner."

joohyun tenses up at her words, while it's great for her to consider seungwan worthy enough, they still have an ongoing agreement. 

"i thought you were giving me a year." joohyun replies curtly.

"it's important to make plans ahead of time.” her grandmother shoots her a stern look while she speaks lowly.

"i don't think this is fair for me."

the matriarch scoffs incredulously, "fair? all i am asking is your opinion on a partner. and for god's sake, you could be more engaged in conversations."

“i’m trying, halmoni.”

“try harder because this is for your future.”

it’s always about her supposed future. as far as joohyun is concerned, she did well in university, her future is secure for the next few months at least. her future sounds a lot more like the company’s future.

joohyun grinds her jaw and she mutters under her breath, _“i never asked for this.”_

the aged woman manages to catch her words and she glares at joohyun. "you would not have such a comfortable life if i did not make the sacrifices i did."

she's heard this one too many times, tales of how her grandmother left her family behind so she could pursue a better life. she's well aware of her sacrifices, but it doesn't mean that she needs to sacrifice her future for the family as well.

"and for that, i am grateful." joohyun retorts, "but this doesn't mean you get to dictate my life."

"if you were truly grateful, you wouldn't even be _thinking_ about finding your soulmate."

this is as brave as she gets for tonight, anything more would result in a disaster. joohyun draws in a deep breath, mumbling a restrained _i’ll be right back_ , before excusing herself to the washroom. tonight is enough to prove that her grandmother only sees her as an asset, it's no longer a feeling but a fact.

she could ignore this but her indignance is bursting at the seams. granted, she’s not engaging herself in conversations but it doesn’t mean she hasn’t been trying. she used to be more compliant, someone who only did the bidding of others. but maybe she’s grown up now, she finally sees her grandmother for the woman she is. 

joohyun has an inkling that the extended grace period she’s been given is nothing but a farce. whether she brought anyone home at the end of it, soulmate or not, her grandmother would reject them. but no amount of money could ever make her give up son seungwan.

leaning over the sink, she tries her best to cool off, wiping away the single tear that threatens to ruin her makeup. she still has another hour or two to go and if the powers that be are on her side, her grandmother would stop antagonizing her. someday, she would spill everything on her mind, but tonight is not the night for it. given her recent outburst with seungwan, she tries her best to reign in her anger.

the door to the washroom swings open and joohyun doesn't even look up, she has more concerns than worrying over someone seeing her lose her composure.

"are you okay?"

a quick glance confirms her guess, of course, it's her soulmate. it takes a lot of effort to not break down entirely in front of her, looking at how concerned seungwan is definitely does not help.

"yes." she replies shortly before fixing her gaze on the intricate swirls of the marble counter. she hears seungwan approach her with tentative steps, stopping just beside her and resting her weight against the counter.

in a gentle tone, the nerd offers a bold suggestion, "wanna get out of here?"

"i can't."

"why?"

joohyun glances at her soulmate with a resigned sigh, "i still have to meet potential partners out of courtesy and there's the auction …"

"but … i'm right here …" seungwan mumbles with a tinge of sadness in her voice.

letting a wry chuckle escape, joohyun returns to glaring at the marble, "i thought you didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"no …" seungwan swallows thickly, "i still do."

the couple lapses into silence, each with different thoughts occupying their minds, the air hangs heavy with unsaid words. how does a pair of soulmates end up in a position like theirs? to feel like strangers and lovers at the same time. 

seungwan decides that this is enough and begins to gently pry joohyun’s hands off the counter. the older girl had been unconsciously gripping the marble with trembling hands as if that's the only thing stopping her from falling apart. she flinches as seungwan slowly coaxes her soulmate into her arms. joohyun lifts her gaze with soft eyes, almost in protest but lets seungwan pull her a little closer.

“just for a while,” seungwan murmurs, “just enough to get through the night, okay?” 

joohyun caves in to her request. hooking her arms around the nape of her neck, she buries her face in the crook of her shoulder. seungwan's arms find their way around her back and it feels almost natural to be back in each other's arms.

with seungwan, she lets her facade crumble away. she doesn’t have to be irene, or bae joohyun, she could just be whoever the hell is under all the layers of pretence. 

"i missed you. a lot." joohyun confesses, inhaling deeply. seungwan might be the only thing keeping her sane tonight. she thought the furtive glimpses she’s been stealing would be enough but nothing can beat being herself with seungwan by her side.

the little nerd runs a hand down her back soothingly and hums, “so did i.”

joohyun tightens her grip, clinging on to seungwan for dear life. this is but a tiny reprieve from the horrors of the evening and she tries to enjoy every second of it. seungwan relinquishes the need for words and merely envelopes her in her warmth. while joohyun has tried her best to hide her distress all night, her girlfriend has noticed how tense she is, even from a distance.

it’s just been a terrible night for joohyun and seungwan just wants to offer some comfort.

joohyun pulls away eventually, expelling a quiet breath. her hands remain locked behind seungwan, not wanting to return to reality just yet. her gaze flits to seungwan’s lips and she decides, _fuck it_.

leaning in close, joohyun presses her lips against seungwan’s, chasing after the kiss she’s been longing for. to her delight, seungwan reciprocates with an equal amount of yearning, shifting a hand to cup her cheek tenderly.

joohyun pushes her mouth harder against seungwan’s with every hope that they would forgive each other at the end of it. it’s a bittersweet kiss filled with unsaid apologies and promises, it’s not much, but it’s still something. any residual angst is washed away with one simple action. despite their unresolved issues, they are much better off loving than hurting each other.

joohyun almost lets herself relax fully before the sound of the washroom door begins to creak open. _oh fuck_ , she panics and she tries to pull away. and to her relief, seungwan has much faster reflexes, so she jumps out of joohyun's grasp easily.

jabbing her hand under the automatic tap, seungwan pretends to wash her hands while joohyun turns to face the culprit with her heart thrumming rapidly in her chest.

“halmoni,” joohyun greets with a tense smile, “is something the matter?”

her heart is on the verge of giving up but the lord would just not have it. there’s a small trace of her lipstick on seungwan’s lips and joohyun can only pray her girlfriend keeps her head down.

the matriarch masks a frown as she notices seungwan's presence, "you were taking a while and the auction is about to start." she informs stiffly, their disagreement has clearly driven a wedge between them.

joohyun swallows and bobs her head, "right." 

that’s the end of her little respite, she shoots seungwan a polite nod and exits the washroom. the older girl begins to trail after her grandmother and seungwan follows closely. walking beside her, seungwan takes the chance to lean in close and leaves a chaste peck on her cheek.

a flush rushes to her cheeks and joohyun stares at seungwan with widened eyes that scream _what the hell are you doing?_ thankfully, no one seems to have noticed her girlfriend’s actions, but it only increases the pounding in her chest. 

seungwan has never been this brave, but seeing joohyun so flustered makes it all worth it. maybe it’s the champagne. or the food. whatever it is, she just wants to take care of a mildly miserable joohyun. she knows if the circumstances were different, joohyun would be glued to her all night. unfortunately, the best she could do now is offer an article of clothing. extricating herself from her blazer, seungwan places it around joohyun’s bare shoulders.

“good luck.” she whispers with a slight grin.

“yah … son seungwan ..!” joohyun begins to protest but it seems that their chatter has caught the attention of her grandmother.

the matriarch turns and surveys the situation with a raised brow. the couple freezes up under her gaze and the only thought seungwan has is _run_. seungwan clears her throat before brisk walking back into the venue with her gaze trained on the floor. she finally understands why joohyun has been so antsy. if she had someone watching her like that? she’d crack under the pressure within five minutes.

acting as if nothing has happened, joohyun continues to strut back into the ballroom as well. though she can’t believe seungwan just left her, it's probably a good call on her part. her grandmother doesn’t say anything when they return to their table, which is a relief because joohyun can’t even imagine what kind of questions she would ask. 

at least one thing’s for sure — son seungwan is definitely on her list of potential partners now.

* * *

seungwan returns to her seat and heaves a loud breath. good lord did she feel brave until the demon that is joohyun’s grandmother stared into her very soul. there’s no way in hell seungwan wants to be reintroduced to madam bae as joohyun’s soulmate now, her fragile little heart couldn’t possibly handle it. her father merely glances at her as he continues with his dessert nonchalantly. 

but when bae joohyun returns to her seat with her daughter’s blazer around her shoulders? that calls for some form of interrogation.

“spill.” the entrepreneur kicks his daughter under the table lightly as he scoops some chocolate mousse into his mouth.

seungwan lets out a whine as she sinks further into her seat, “i think i’m gonna die.”

his daughter looking like a physical embodiment of a melting puddle is the least of his worries. he casually feeds her a mouthful of sweetened dessert and hums, “yeah, i bet.”

the little nerd pushes herself up and buries her face in her hands instead, groaning as she ate the delicious dessert. “she’s terrifying, dad. it’s like she’s going to steal my soul or something.” seungwan cries.

her father rolls his eyes and teases her, “that’s because you’re going to steal her precious granddaughter.”

seungwan removes her hands and looks at him with a panicked expression, “do you think she knows?”

“i doubt so and it wouldn’t be the first thing on her mind. she probably assumed you guys were smooching in the washroom.” the entrepreneur raises his shoulders and turns his attention towards the stage.

“how’d you know?”

“you got a smidge of her lipstick on your face.”

seungwan hastily wipes her mouth to get rid of any trace of joohyun. well, come what may, she supposes. if it comes down to it, she would just admit she’s joohyun’s soulmate and they could go from there. 

the lights begin to dim in the ballroom as the auction starts. seungwan hadn’t been paying attention to whatever was going on on stage but seeing as joohyun is missing from her seat now, she might as well join her father in making snide comments.

except that it’s a jewellery auction for a charity organization and each piece looks more impressive than the last. apparently, the baes run a luxury jewellery business and these are all custom made for this event. there’s absolutely no space for terrible jokes here. 

her father shares more details about the baes and seungwan feels giddy at her new discoveries — joohyun’s family is _rich_ rich. once they settle their fight, they should definitely talk about their families as well.

it's a small auction of seven items, with absolute whales outbidding each other at every turn, it doesn’t take long for the final item to be revealed. perhaps for an extra _wow_ factor, instead of putting it in a display case, joohyun is the one presenting it.

the million-dollar necklace sits comfortably on joohyun’s neck, matching her outfit in every way and accentuating her ethereal beauty. seungwan thanks the heavens for how she’s able to call someone that gorgeous _her_ soulmate. 

"see something you like?" her father teases to which seungwan groans in response.

her dad is never going to shut up now that he knows, as cool as he might be about the whole situation, he'll probably embarrass her at the first chance he gets. he already tried once, seungwan just has to make sure it’s the last too.

the auction carries on with some insanely high numbers being called out. seungwan could only witness in awe as the value of the necklace increased. it's been a pretty eye-opening night considering how she hasn't been to any of these formal events before. being here is a feat on its own and she mostly agreed because sooyoung convinced her it's a perfect opportunity to get out of her comfort zone.

seeing joohyun here was never part of her plan, though she has every intention to talk once she got back to seoul. it seems like fate has other plans in store.

the final bid ends up at a whopping two million dollars. seungwan's gaze follows joohyun as she gets off the stage and disappears into the dark corners. the emcee returns to the stage to wrap up the event with a thank you and an invitation to stay for the afterparty.

"are we staying?" seungwan questions curiously. if her dad is staying, at least she'll be able to wait for joohyun discreetly.

the entrepreneur shakes his head, "afterparties are for socialites, mom and i head out the moment we can."

seems like her dad has had enough of socializing. bobbing her head, she speaks, "you can go back without me, i'm gonna wait for joohyun."

her father lets out a dramatic gasp and widens his eyes, "you sure, kiddo?"

groaning, seungwan grunts, "yeah, just in case she needs me."

"aren't you a chivalrous lady tonight? where has my awkward little girl gone?" her father beams proudly while getting up.

the nerd rolls her eyes as she follows him out of the ballroom, "you could say you're proud of me and leave it at that."

"i'm proud of you, seungwan."

“thanks dad.”

* * *

finding herself sitting outside doesn't scream elite folk behaviour but seungwan couldn't care less. she'd rather be looked down upon than to turn into one of those pompous twats. the hotel lobby had been filled with guests pouring out and it's a little too hectic for her liking. she's perfectly fine waiting outside alone, besides the cool night breeze is soothing in its own ways. she finds a little quiet corner where the only people around seem to be the hotel staff.

seungwan pulls out her phone to check her messages. her guild discord is busy as usual but she's got a few messages from her group chat with seulgi and sooyoung. they’ll probably want updates so she diverts her attention to that instead.

**seulgi's demon:**

how are things?

9:05 pm

oh wow it's taken her more than 10 minutes to reply

9:22 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

maybe she's talking to some hot rich girl now 🤪

9:30 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

i hope so

9:30 pm

**seungwan:**

🙄 yeah i was

9:45 pm

hot rich girl's name is bae joohyun

9:45 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

are you kidding

9:46 pm

because i can't tell

9:46 pm

**seungwan:**

i'm serious

9:46 pm

the dinner is hosted by her family and she's here

9:46 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

you got my attention now

9:47 pm

have you guys talked?

9:47 pm

**seungwan:**

not yet, i'm waiting for her now

9:47 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

shouldn't dinners be over by now?

9:47 pm

it's going to turn into supper soon

9:48 pm

**seungwan:**

she's at the afterparty

9:48 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

so why are you texting us like a loser?

9:48 pm

**seungwan:**

:( ...

9:48 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

lay off her sooyoungie

9:49 pm

she already got a haircut! don't be so mean!

9:49 pm

one step at a time wannie 😘😘😘

9:49 pm

**seungwan:**

dad went back so i don't really know what to do

9:49 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

go in and drag her out

9:50 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

DO IT WANNIE!!!

9:50 pm

**seungwan:**

you guys are insane

9:50 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

then wait outside like a loser 🙄

9:50 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

why aren't you at the afterparty anyway?

9:51 pm

**seungwan:**

i don't even know anyone!!!

9:51 pm

what am i supposed to do at an afterparty anyway?

9:51 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

network? flirt?

9:51 pm

can your family adopt me instead?

9:52 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

son sooyoung 🤩

9:52 pm

**seungwan:**

😐

9:52 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

fluffy pancakes are on me if you do it

9:52 pm

**seungwan:**

nice try but no

9:53 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

and boba for a WHOLE semester

9:53 pm

up to three times a week

9:53 pm

**seungwan:**

you're insane

9:53 pm

but that's not enough to convince me to walk into a room full of strangers

9:54 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

i won't bully you for the entire semester too 😏

9:54 pm

**seungwan:**

😐

9:54 pm

done.

9:54 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

take a selfie so we know you did it

9:55 pm

shoving her phone into her pocket, seungwan gets up and begins to walk. with each step, she questions why the hell she’s actually doing this. fluffy pancakes, boba and absolutely no shit from sooyoung for an entire semester sounds pretty good while she was still texting her friends. but now that she’s back inside, her courage is waning and every fibre of her being is starting to reconsider this terrible bet. maybe she should just stick to waiting for joohyun outside, even if it potentially means waiting an hour just to catch another glimpse of her.

the afterparty is held in a smaller ballroom just next to where the actual event was held, though a majority of the initial crowd has left, there’s still a hell of a lot of people here. seungwan stands dumbly at the entrance, hesitating if she should really do this. there’s no way she’ll be able to blend in, everyone just seems to be talking to someone and she’d stick out like a sore thumb without her dad.

_yup, this is a bad idea,_ she declares mentally before turning her heel to leave. seulgi and sooyoung could diss her all she wants but she sure as hell isn’t going to storm in there to rescue joohyun from the vile clutches of her grandmother.

_“seungwan?”_

she freezes at the sound of her name. turning slowly, seungwan comes face to face with joohyun. her girlfriend still has her blazer draped over her shoulders in a tight hold, other than that, she looks visibly more tired than before. it seems that she chased after her considering the way her breathing has intensified.

joohyun steps closer to her with a slight furrow of her brow, she inquiries, "what are you still doing here?"

"i was waiting for you."

the older girl’s gaze softens and she exhales quietly. “where’s your father?” joohyun glances around the area, she hadn’t seen the tall entrepreneur anywhere and it’s impossible to miss him.

rubbing her nape awkwardly, seungwan mumbles, “he went back.”

“and you didn’t join him?” joohyun pursed her lips with a tinge of worry becoming evident on her face.

the younger girl shakes her head, “i wanted to be around for you. i know you said not tonight but it bugs me to see you like this. just in case you need another bathroom break.” seungwan admits while holding back a cheeky grin.

joohyun snickers and shakes her head slowly, she’s lucky her grandmother hasn’t interrogated her. but there are still many watchful eyes around, so she takes seungwan’s hand and gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. _just a little longer,_ she tries to convey with the limited physical touch.

“an hour, tops. and maybe we can take a little stroll, okay?”

“okay.”

the lovers part ways — joohyun returning with a newfound vigour and seungwan with a bounce in her step. halfway out, she regrets not asking joohyun for a selfie. guess she’s not getting fluffy pancakes, or boba … or a break from sooyoung.

but at the very least, she’ll be getting somewhere with joohyun.

seungwan returns to her quiet little spot and exhales slowly. her phone is getting a little low — she has to preserve some battery to make her way back to her lodgings, so she has nothing to keep her entertained while she waits. 

it could be for the better, after all, she isn’t exactly prepared for her actual talk with joohyun. she takes some time to mull over how she should apologize, but at the same time, she wonders how joohyun would broach this as well. maybe she's equally as tormented, or just numb to it all. 

it’s been a week since everything happened, yet it feels like the longest week of her life. she can only hope that whatever she comes up with is enough for an apology.

* * *

joohyun returns to her grandmother’s side with seungwan’s blazer still wrapped tightly around her. _it’s cold_ , is what she tells her grandmother when the aged woman eyes her suspiciously. besides keeping her warm, it warded off the _potential partners_ that her grandmother has been subtly trying to introduce her to. with her curt replies, it seems like they got the hint that she’s not interested at all.

and the best part of it all? _it smells just like son seungwan._

knowing that her girlfriend is out there waiting for her lifts her spirits, it won’t be long till they’re fully reunited. she bears through yet another hour of socializing before her grandmother declares that the event is officially over. a majority of the guests have left anyway and there are only a few stragglers talking to the matriarch about business deals.

joohyun slips away the moment she gets a nod of approval from her grandmother, rushing out the doors of the ballroom with her eyes searching for one person. the lobby holds no trace of her tiny soulmate, so she scours the outside instead.

true enough, just when she exits the main door, she finds seungwan. the younger girl is sitting by some plants that almost hide her entire existence, her blouse is the only thing offering any sort of contrast. a cold gust of wind blows in her direction and she shivers, but seungwan doesn’t seem to be reacting at all.

being certain that her soulmate hasn’t noticed her, joohyun approaches her with big strides. upon a closer look, seungwan has her head in her hands while her elbows rest on her thighs. _and she’s dozing off._ the sight melts joohyun’s heart a little and she strips herself of seungwan’s blazer. 

joohyun pats her head lightly and drapes the jacket around the smaller girl. “seungwan-ah,” she murmurs gently as she rouses her girlfriend.

the nerd snaps awake and jumps at joohyun’s touch, only relaxing when she’s fully processed that this isn’t a dream.

"are you done with everything?" seungwan mumbles while she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. she’d only meant to rest her eyes, not fall asleep entirely.

"yes." joohyun responds with a big grin before a flash of worry appears on her face, “you should’ve just gone home. it’s cold out here.”

“i wanted to wait for you.”

hearing that makes her heart swell and joohyun holds back the urge to kiss her there and then. it's been an exhausting evening, being able to let down her facade is truly a blessing. and to be finally allowed to spend time together with her soulmate, that sparks a lot of joy.

"you didn't have to, but thank you." she mumbles as she leaves a small kiss on the crown of her head, "can we get out of here?"

seungwan rises to her feet and nods, "thought you'd never ask."

they have a small fight over who should wear seungwan’s blazer and joohyun loses. all it took was seungwan bringing up the last time she’d been sick and they were off. once they are far enough from the hotel, joohyun slips her hand into seungwan’s, finally feeling complete once again.

* * *

the pair of soulmates mindlessly stroll along the street until they find themselves in a park, following the path in a slow amble and basking in each other's presence. joohyun clings onto her soulmate tightly, resting her head on her arm.

perhaps it's a good time to finally settle their fight. they've dragged it out for much too long, neither one wants to go another night without a resolution. in the desolate park, joohyun starts her apology that she’d been saving.

"i’m sorry. i don't want to argue with you ever again, seungwan." joohyun confesses with a heavy sigh, "i don't ever want to hurt you again."

seungwan hums in agreement, "neither do i. i want to properly apologize."

"i should be the one apologizing."

"we're both at fault." seungwan raises her shoulder, "sooyoung said we're both idiots."

this earns a small snicker from joohyun and she pulls away to face seungwan, "we are."

"sooyoung also broke the whole thing down for me and i'm sorry too. i didn’t know how to react in a situation like that.” seungwan mumbles, "it's just that … i just need some time to adjust."

"i know, but you shouldn't have to. our relationship should just be between the two of us, flaunting it is a privilege. and i can do without it. i should've learnt to respect your wishes."

"no … i mean … i don’t particularly enjoy it, but it makes you happy … so i wanted to try for you. i just didn't expect all of this to happen."

“you reacted in the only way you knew how to,” joohyun squeezes her arm a little, “i didn’t know how much time you needed to and i just tried to force my way in. i wasn't thinking clearly and everything was influenced by my emotions at that time. i wasn't trying to see where you were coming from at all, all i was doing was to try to get you to understand my views instead. i was the one who didn’t know how to handle it, i was the one that messed things up.”

seungwan shakes her head with a frown, “you were concerned about me and there's nothing wrong about that. it wasn’t right for me to just shut you out like that. i’m used to seulgi and sooyoung giving me space and expecting you to be like them isn’t fair at all. ”

“that’s where i fucked up, isn’t it? i just don’t know you well enough.” joohyun murmurs with a wry smile.

the nerd stops in her step, slapping her hands onto joohyun’s shoulders firmly, earning a surprised gasp from the older girl. 

she glares at joohyun intensely before speaking, “we both fucked up, we both hurt each other, we both don’t know each other. this is one fuck up, joohyun, it doesn’t mean i don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you anymore. we still have the rest of our lives to learn everything about each other. and the night i confessed to you, you said were going to figure out how to love me, that applies to me too. we’re going to work through this, okay?”

joohyun bites her lower lip while tears begin to well up in her eyes, her breathing hitches as she sniffles lightly. seungwan pulls her into her chest, enveloping her in a warm hug. running a hand down her back comfortingly, she continues to talk in a gentle whisper.

“this won’t be the first or last time that we do this and that’s okay. i’m going to try my best for you and as long as you’re willing to do this with me, we can fuck up as many times as we need.”

clutching the fabric of her blouse tightly, joohyun sobs, _“i don’t deserve you, son seungwan.”_

“you idiot, that’s what i thought when i first met you.” seungwan chuckles as she holds joohyun a little tighter, “but this is what we have and i'm never ever giving up on us, so don’t give up either.”

"i won’t, seungwan.” joohyun sniffs, “i just want us to be okay."

"we'll be okay. you're my joohyun, after all."

joohyun pulls back with wet cheeks, mumbling before she presses a kiss against seungwan’s lips. 

“and you’re my seungwan.”

with limbs wrapped around each other, they spare a moment to relish in each others’ warmth. they put the turmoil away and replace it with every ounce of love that their hearts are capable of producing. love isn’t easy, even with the certainty of a bond — joohyun finally understands that as seungwan begins to pull away.

“as much as i love to make out with you, it’s actually getting really cold.” she mumbles with a small grin.

“a little longer?” joohyun pouts, “i don’t wanna go home just yet.”

“you can always come back with me, i’ve got a big fancy hotel room and all.”

“is this what they call a flex, son seungwan?”

“yeah, but did it work?”

“yes,” joohyun scoffs, “let’s go.”

* * *

joohyun accompanies seungwan back to the excessively large suite that her father had gotten, it’s too much for one person but it feels less hollow with joohyun around. but despite the gigantic space they had, there’s still only one shower, so seungwan lets joohyun go first. putting her phone on charge, she promptly falls asleep on the comfy bed.

joohyun doesn’t take long, within fifteen minutes, she’s all dressed in seungwan’s spare clothes. she considered letting seungwan sleep but there’s no way the younger girl would be comfortable sleeping in those clothes, so she wakes her. 

when that’s settled, she drags an armchair to the large window so she can zone out while she waits for seungwan to be done. it has been a tumultuous night, joohyun sighs while she stares into the city lights down below. at least she'll finally be at ease now that she's resolved her fight with seungwan.

all that's left is something to make it up to her sweet little girlfriend.

she brings her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. she ponders over how she'll break the news to her grandmother that seungwan is her soulmate. frankly, the whole situation just seems a little too convenient. knowing her grandmother, the matriarch would probably be skeptical. 

"penny for your thoughts?" seungwan's gentle voice breaks her out of her reverie.

the older girl turns to look at her soulmate who's busy drying her hair. a small smirk creeps up her lips as she turns fully. with all the tension between them gone, she could be as affectionate as she wants.

"i think you look really good with your new haircut." joohyun compliments as she ogles at her love.

seungwan responds with a shy smile, "my hair dries much quicker now too."

the model sticks her hands out and beckons her to come over, to which seungwan obliges. joohyun wastes no time in pulling her girlfriend into the large armchair. the two gnomes fit comfortably on the chair considering their sizes. sooyoung could make fun of them for all seungwan cares, snuggling next to joohyun feels way too nice.

the older girl snakes her arms around seungwan's waist as she nuzzles her face into the back of her shirt, taking in the scent of her fresh soulmate.

seungwan chuckles and nudges her lightly, "i thought you were going to dry my hair."

"do you want me to?" joohyun huffs into her back and offers a muffled reply. 

"it's not like i can wring the water out with you clinging onto me like this." the younger girl retorts with a pat on joohyun's hand.

with a groan, joohyun ceases her hug and takes the towel out of seungwan's hand. she sits further in so that seungwan is in front of her and gets to work. the nerd bites back an amused grin, not quite expecting joohyun to actually do it.

"thank you," seungwan says quietly, "i know we've forgiven each other but i still want to make it up to you somehow."

with her back turned, joohyun can't read seungwan's expression at all, it's hard to gauge if seungwan is upset.

"i do too," joohyun replies, "but i have no idea how."

"me too." seungwan bobs her head with a small laugh.

hearing her laugh might be the best thing in the world. with that, she can safely rule out that seungwan is not upset. joohyun hums, "i do this with yongsun sometimes. on three, we both say what we want that we think the other is capable of doing."

the nerd turns to face her girlfriend with her lips tugged upward in amusement. "seriously?"

"yeah, but it's mostly who does what chores." joohyun shrugs, "or do you want to go first?"

seungwan shakes her head, "you first." 

"well, okay." joohyun obliges, "i want lots of cuddles. and i want to see you in a suit again."

the nerd laughs and bobs her head, "consider it done, we can cuddle to sleep. but as for the suit, that's my only one and it's only for important events."

"can a _date_ be considered an important event?" 

"is that how badly you want me in a suit?"

joohyun nods, "other than the fact that you had one too many buttons undone, you were a sight to behold. did you expect me to not have a reaction?" she lets out a pointed smirk as she continues to blot the water out of seungwan’s hair.

"sooyoung said three buttons was fine!" seungwan protests.

joohyun chuckles, "it is, but maybe i just don't like other people gawking at you."

"don't worry, i'm all yours." seungwan reassures with a small peck on her cheek, "besides, you drew way more attention in that gown."

"halmoni made me wear it, i would've shown up in sweatpants if i could." joohyun mutters with a click of her teeth.

"come on now, you looked hot. i wouldn't mind seeing you in it again."

_"oh?"_ joohyun smirks.

seungwan clears her throat and bobs her head slowly, "y-yeah … i mean you've always looked like a goddess to me." she stammers.

"well, this goddess is willing to grant any wish of yours. so what do you want?"

seungwan shrugs, "i'm coming up blank."

"absolutely anything," joohyun repeats, "if you want me to make out with you, just say the word.”

seungwan chokes on her spit and ends up in a coughing fit at the sound of that. joohyun doesn’t hold back her laughter as she pats her girlfriend’s back gently. she’s going to have fun teasing seungwan constantly if this is how she’s going to react, maybe she understands sooyoung a little better now. in the bravest tone that seungwan could manage without stammering, she turns to look joohyun dead in the eye before making her demand.

_“fine, make out with me.”_

pleasantly surprised and also a little challenged, joohyun tosses the towel aside and she scrambles off the chair. the glint in her eyes makes seungwan swallow nervously, it’s almost as if a switch has flicked inside her.

“you asked for this.” joohyun warns with a smirk as she straddles seungwan. before seungwan can even regret her request, joohyun leans in, bringing their lips together in a fervent kiss.

* * *

joohyun pulls back after a hot minute, smirking down at seungwan whose cheeks are cupped in her hands. seeing her girlfriend dumbstruck only proves that she’s succeeded, but this isn’t enough to really make it up to seungwan. joohyun has other plans in mind as she shifts to meet seungwan’s mouth again, this time, a little more gently.

to say she’s enjoying this is an understatement, seungwan has never quite experienced anything like this before and admittedly, this is not what she expected when she thinks of _first times_ with joohyun. she lets her soulmate’s hands travel down her arms, tracing her skin until they interlock fingers.

joohyun pulls back to catch her breath and to take in the sight of her panting girlfriend. a quiet giggle escapes her throat as she pauses their kissing to brush seungwan’s hair aside.

“w-what?” seungwan mumbles nervously.

joohyun shakes her head with an endearing grin, “nothing, i just thought you’d be too flustered to enjoy this.”

while she could hide the increased thrumming of her heart, she couldn’t hide the flush that’s beginning to creep up on her face. still, she continues to challenge joohyun with a slight stammer.

_“i-is that all?”_

the older girl quirks an eyebrow while she licks her lips, wherever this is going, she didn’t mind as long as seungwan is happy. “if we’re on the same page, i can offer you a lot more.” she whispers suggestively.

seungwan tenses up and she bites down on her lower lip, half regretting challenging joohyun. she should know how competitive her soulmate is, considering the multiple matches of smash bros they’ve played. joohyun senses her slight apprehension and leaves a pat on seungwan’s head.

“we don’t have to do anything that you don’t want, okay?” joohyun reaffirms, “like you said, we have the rest of our lives.”

the nerd shakes her head quickly, scrambling to find the right words. “no! it’s just … i’ve never … i’ve never done this before … with anyone … at least …” she confesses in a meek tone, voice trailing off and she averts her gaze to the carpeted floor.

"if you want to, i'll show you."

"okay …" seungwan nods with trembling lips.

joohyun doesn't waste any time in tugging them towards the bed. while going at it on a chair could sound fun, she wants to make seungwan's first time special. she has every intention of worshipping seungwan tonight.

pinning seungwan onto the bed, joohyun begins to leave a trail of kisses down her collarbone.

a hand stops her and seungwan pipes up, "w-wait … what do i do ..?"

"it's okay," joohyun reassures, "you just have to feel. it's all about you tonight."

she resumes her actions, leaving a mark on seungwan's skin before her hand makes her way under seungwan's shirt. the younger girl stiffens at her touch, probably due to her nerves.

"relax, i got you." her girlfriend coos softly, peppering more kisses on her skin, "if you want me to stop, just say the word."

with that, seungwan tries her best to ease herself. she lets joohyun divest her of her clothes and gently trace her skin with her fingers. joohyun withholds nothing as she roams from her chest down to her navel and eventually making its way to her goal.

sliding her hand down, joohyun slips her hand below the waistband. she swipes a finger through seungwan's slick heat and the sudden action makes her girlfriend gasp.

"do you want me to continue?" joohyun eyes are filled with concern while she hovers over seungwan. 

"yes." is the firmest answer seungwan has given her all night. so she proceeds to leave more marks on her neck.

joohyun tugs her panties off and tosses them aside. with the only obstruction gone, she has full reign over seungwan's pleasure. leaving a soft peck on her lips, joohyun continues to plant kisses against her navel. she could feel seungwan shifting under her touch and joohyun is fuelled by her response.

she slips a finger inside seungwan's folds and her grasp tightens around her. seungwan lifts her gaze and they lock eyes momentarily. this is her cue to pull away, the action incites a small, barely audible whine from her girlfriend.

with a newfound fervour, joohyun tugs her adorable girlfriend down the edge of the bed and kneels between her legs. she leaves light kisses all around seungwan's thighs and each one sends a tingle throughout her love's body.

"j-joohyun …"

hearing her whimper makes joohyun stop her teasing, she gets onto the matter at hand — worshipping her soulmate.

with a firm tug, she pulls seungwan closer, burying her face in her core.

_fuck_ , seungwan can barely process what's happening to her but it feels good. she squeezes her eyes shut and does what joohyun had instructed — feel.

she feels joohyun's hands pushing her legs apart. she feels the softness of joohyun's tongue between her thighs, accompanied with rhythmic movements of her fingers. she feels joohyun picking up the pace every time her breathing hitches or when she jerks in the slightest.

she'd never thought they'd be this intimate so soon. the thought has crossed her mind before but joohyun always seemed so _cuddly._ if she told this to her friends, seulgi would probably faint. heck, as if she'd be bold enough to even mention it.

joohyun curling her fingers draw her out of her thoughts with a sharp gasp. seungwan begins to feel a pressure building and she looks down only to see joohyun staring back at her with that glint in her eyes.

she's much too shy to maintain any eye contact while her girlfriend is eating her out. so she opts to shut her eyes again and joohyun mumbles something.

"are you close?"

"y-yeah."

"okay."

joohyun resumes whatever she'd been doing and the pressure grows. seungwan grips the sheets while joohyun works at her with her mouth. 

and then, she _feels_ it.

with a strangled whimper, seungwan comes undone with her soulmate's face buried in her thighs. joohyun slows down, easing her off her climax before she finally pulls away with a slight smile on her lips.

joohyun crawls back up and seungwan, despite being in a blissful haze, pulls her in for a quick kiss.

"that was … wow."

"is that all?" joohyun quips.

"i'm going to make it up to you too …" seungwan murmurs tiredly as the older girl settles beside her.

joohyun chuckles softly. "when we get back to seoul, okay?"

"mhm …" seungwan mumbles before she drifts off.

planting a soft kiss on her forehead, she embraces her soulmate tightly. "sleep well, my love."

maybe joohyun doesn't regret returning to daegu afterall. it seems that by some law of the universe, seungwan always makes things better.


	12. if this is what love is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbNs7tAUFkk&ab_channel=KeshiVEVO) please; had it on loop like a fucking maniac while writing and editing this chapter.

waking up to the warmth of the sun on her skin feels foreign, it takes her a moment to fully process where she is. once she does, joohyun blinks lazily as she glances to her right where seungwan is still soundly asleep. waking up to her soulmate curled around her is _nice_ , she could really get used to this.

the bruises she left on seungwan’s skin the night before look awful against her pale skin. she could only hope that her girlfriend has something to hide the grotesque purple marks because joohyun didn’t quite think of the consequences when she’d left them.

sighing quietly, she turns to nuzzle against the nape of seungwan’s neck, taking a large whiff of her scent. her subtle shifting causes the younger girl to stir and eventually awaken.

joohyun greets her with a gentle hum, “good morning.”

with a small yawn, seungwan turns to face her with one eye open; she's awake yet on the precipice of falling back asleep. her sleepy expression is almost enough for joohyun to coax her back to sleep, but unfortunately, they probably have to return to seoul by today.

"what time is it?" a raspy voice leaves her lips.

joohyun merely shrugs in response. judging by the sun, it doesn’t feel too late. "maybe like nine?" she throws out a wild guess.

with an obscenely loud groan, catching the senior off guard. earning a gentle smack, the nerd stretches her aching limbs out before making a polite request, "can you get my phone?"

joohyun rolls her eyes, but crawls out of bed anyway. surveying the massive room, it takes a moment to find seungwan's phone next to hers on the desk. grabbing it, the older girl uses the chance to check the time before handing it over to seungwan. 9:10 — plenty of time to cuddle with seungwan and get breakfast before she heads home to gather up her things.

"what time do you have to go?" joohyun inquiries. she settles back into bed, resting against the headboard and seungwan takes the initiative to snuggle against her.

"checkout's at noon, so probably around then." seungwan murmurs as she flicks through her messages, "what about you?"

joohyun shrugs, "unlike you, i don't have classes anymore." she mocks.

the nerd whines at the thought of a morning lecture tomorrow. a new school year would also mean that she's not going to be able to spend as much time as she liked with joohyun. _bummer,_ but they'll find a way to make things work, probably.

“so are you staying in daegu for a few more days?" seungwan chucks her phone aside and presses her face into joohyun's hip.

the older girl shakes her head, "i've had enough of my grandmother until chuseok."

"okay, well, if i leave a little later, can we spend today together then?"

with arms pulling her soulmate closer, joohyun smiles, "i don't think i want to spend another day without you."

"you're so clingy."

joohyun clicks her teeth in response as seungwan lets out a raspy laugh. slipping into a comfortable quietness, they cuddle for a little longer, the soft breathing of each other threatening to lull them back into a slumber.

"what do you want to do today?" seungwan questions.

"i'd honestly really love to stay in bed and do absolutely nothing."

"but it's a special day, isn't it?"

"it is?" joohyun blinks dumbly. she stares into the distance while she tries to recall what occasion it could possibly be. yet, nothing comes to mind. 

seungwan raises an eyebrow, not quite sure if her soulmate is feigning ignorance, though it’s endearing regardless. she murmurs, "i didn't forget your birthday, you know."

forgetting seungwan's birthday was one thing, but forgetting her own as well? she is really getting old. it could be because of the tumultuous week they’ve been through and the hecticness of last night’s activities made her birthday a secondary concern. she lets out an incredulous scoff and looks down at seungwan, “i forgot my own birthday.”

“that’s okay, i’ll never forget it.” seungwan pushes herself up to leave a soft peck on her cheek, "happy birthday, joohyun." 

with a contented sigh, the birthday girl grins. "thank you, seungwannie."

"your gift is back in seoul, so unfortunately all you've got is me for today." seungwan informs as she returns to snuggling next to her girlfriend.

joohyun runs a hand down seungwan’s deltoids, "that's okay, you're more than enough."

"you're unbelievably cheesy today, what happened?" 

"i just missed you a lot. can you really blame me?"

“not at all,” seungwan chuckles, “i’ll indulge you for as long as you want.”

and they do just that, cuddling till the rumbling of the senior's stomach becomes too loud to ignore.

"we should get up before you starve …" seungwan makes an attempt to get up bu

joohyun doesn't even budge, "this is way too comfy to give up."

the nerd sighs as she sits up, hair sticking up with a nasty bout of bedhead and she separates herself from joohyun. feeling the sudden coolness against her skin brings back memories of the previous night and she quickly tugs the sheets to her chest.

the older girl giggles as she attempts to comb seungwan's fingers with her hand. "there's no need to be shy." joohyun coos, "you're beautiful."

even with her reassurance, it doesn't stop seungwan's cheeks from flushing with embarrassment. "c-can you grab my clothes?" she squeaks with her gaze trained on the white sheets.

joohyun obliges with a quiet snicker, "okay, only because you’re that adorable." 

she moves around the room to gather up seungwan's clothes which were scattered from last night. the younger girl wastes no time in readorning her clothes despite her reddened face. 

joohyun extends a hand out once she's done, "i think last night was a decent birthday gift, don't you think?" she remarks when seungwan accepts. 

the nerd chokes a little before tugging them towards the bathroom to wash up wordlessly.

* * *

_"oh my god, what the hell is this?"_

seungwan cries out, voice echoing in the large bathroom as she stares into the equally large mirror. a big, nasty bruise, sits proudly on her neck. it's coupled with a few others that are planted on her throat and collarbone. but none are quite as big as the one on her neck.

"sorry," joohyun smiles sheepishly, "i didn't think they'd be so bad."

panicking, she yanks the collar of her shirt down, counting the number of marks that joohyun had left on her skin. there's more on her chest, making her skin dotted with hickeys. joohyun glances over, taking in her girlfriend's panic with amusement as she continues to brush her teeth. 

"i have school tomorrow!" seungwan's eyes widen in mortification, how the hell is she going to cover all of this up?

joohyun flops a hand nonchalantly before responding with a slight smirk, “i think they look good.”

“this isn’t funny,” seungwan blabbers as she leans closer to the mirror to examine the grotesque bruises, “what do i do?”

slinking an arm around her waist, joohyun offers the solution at the top of her head. “some concealer and you’re fine, don’t worry.”

“are you sure?” the nerd is on the verge of tears at this point and joohyun jumps to comfort her. she nods quickly as she runs a hand down seungwan’s back reassuringly.

“don’t worry, i’ve covered plenty before. it’ll be fine, okay?” she coos.

sighing, seungwan nods and reaches for her toothbrush. “how do you know so much anyway?” she questions curiously. up till now, they’ve yet to talk about the more intimate parts, but it seems like they should, considering the previous night. joohyun is definitely experienced when it comes to activities in the bedroom.

“i’ve had hookups before, but that was mostly in my first or second year.” the older girl explains, “i had a lot more energy and patience back then.”

seungwan hums, “should i be jealous?”

scrunching her face as she weighs the question, joohyun shrugs, “if yongsun isn’t, i doubt you would be.”

“why would yongsun-unnie be jealous?” she quirks a brow quizzically.

“because i hooked up with byulyi.”

_wait._

_huh?_

_“what?”_ seungwan looks at joohyun with her jaw hanging.

joohyun bobs her head casually, “they met because we were hooking up.”

finding out that your soulmate has hooked up with your best friend’s senior is — strange. seungwan assumes that they would be uncomfortable, or at least awkward but that's hardly the case. 

“oh.”

“are you mad?”

“no, not really. honestly, i’m in shock.” seungwan blinks, "aren't you guys awkward?

“not at all, it makes for a funny story for yongsun," joohyun snickers at the fond memories, it’s been a while since it all happened and it’s a little faded if she’s being honest.

“so are you going to teach me?” seungwan nudges her with a playful smirk.

“you’re already panicking over hickeys,” joohyun quirks a doubtful brow, “are you sure?”

“i might have been falling asleep but didn’t you say when we get back to seoul?”

with a slight flush creeping up on her cheeks, joohyun continues washing up without another word. if they continued this conversation, they might just end up skipping breakfast entirely.

* * *

seungwan eventually gets over her shock and the couple begins their morning with breakfast. they attack the breakfast buffet with ravenous appetites while they adjust back into their regular dynamic, talking about anything and everything. today’s conversation happens to be about their families, or rather what they don’t seem to know about them.

“so, where do we even begin?” joohyun questions while she takes a sip of her tea.

the nerd cringes, “your grandmother is scary as hell.”

a scoff is heard before joohyun motions at her to continue, “then tell me about your dad, he seems like a nice guy.”

“i guess he is, he’s funny and he cares.” seungwan hums while biting into a crunchy piece of toast, “and he’s smart too.”

“but?”

“but what?”

joohyun raises an eyebrow, “sounds like there’s more than just that.”

seungwan looks down at her plate and nods. there is more, but they aren’t exactly happy, funny memories like she’d like them to be. “but … he wasn’t always like this, he was hardly home when i was younger. my parents had a strained marriage at some point but they worked it out and he became a better dad.” 

“oh … sorry ...” joohyun murmurs, mildly regretting probing when she shouldn’t have.

“don’t be, it’s been a while and things are fine now,” the nerd flops a hand to extenuate the situation, “besides, isn’t telling each other about ourselves what we wanted to do anyway?”

joohyun bobs her head gingerly, “not at the extent of digging up bad memories though.”

“it’s really fine, maybe sharing the bad stuff makes it hurt less.”

“mhm … as long as you’re really okay with it.”

cracking into a light grin, seungwan continues to share a little more. "he's the reason why i wanted to pick up software development. i thought if i could help him out at work, maybe he'd come home more often."

joohyun clutches her chest dramatically, "ah there it is again! you're making my heart melt!" she exclaims with a teasing smile.

seungwan flicks the crumbs off her fingers in retort, earning a kick to her shin from joohyun.

"it worked out, okay! turns out i'm just as big of a nerd as he is!"

her girlfriend shakes her head with a large smile, "you're so sweet, you know that?"

blushing, seungwan switches the topic easily, “what about your family?”

bringing up family doesn’t always incite the most pleasant memories, especially after her mild dispute with her grandmother last night. for the most part, joohyun can’t disregard her familial bonds — family is still family at the end of the day. she hides the shift in her mood under the guise of processing her thoughts.

“we’re distant, i suppose.” joohyun pauses, “cold, even. we barely talk, my mother texts me every couple of weeks and my father doesn't even call. i only see my grandmother when i go home during seollal and chuseok.”

“is it safe to assume that yeri is the loudest person in your family?” seungwan teases.

chuckling, joohyun nods, “yeah, you can say that. she’s the only saving grace of this family.”

“what’s the deal with your grandmother last night though?” seungwan questions while she gets to work on her omelette, “you felt really off in her presence.”

joohyun glances down pensively, the person that she is and the person that she has to be under her grandmother’s eyes are two very different people. of course her soulmate who’s only seen the tender parts of her would perceive the guarded version of her as odd.

“the joohyun that i am with you is not the same as the joohyun that i have to be when i’m with her,” the older girl purses her lips, “i don’t quite know how to explain it but it’s a necessary pretence.”

a hand slides above hers and seungwan offers a reassuring squeeze, “no pressure, i don’t quite understand it either but if you gotta do it, then you gotta do it.”

joohyun humming lightly marks the end of their brief talk regarding their families, they could bring this up another time when the situation calls for it.

* * *

after experiencing mutual revelations about each other’s backgrounds, their conversation drifts to discussions for their plans for the day. while they agreed that they would spend the day together, they have no outline for their day. with the dread of a new semester starting hanging over her, it's safe to say that she definitely needs to head back before nighttime.

"so you're gonna head home first?"

"well, i don't have any clothes other than the gown from last night," joohyun points out. she's dressed from head to toe in seungwan's clothes, not that she minded but if they intend to go to any popular spots, she'd want to be in more than just a t-shirt.

seungwan nods while biting down on a croissant, "then what?"

"how about i head home after this, meet you back here when i'm done packing and you can use the time to settle our way back?" joohyun offers.

and seungwan is on the verge of agreeing when a familiar face pops up. 

"you kids need a flight back to seoul?"

_of course, her dad would interrupt._

joohyun snaps her head towards him and she's frozen, there’s no way she could feign innocence while she’s wearing seungwan’s clothes. does he know that they're soulmates? _he has to, right?_ and seungwan's hickeys weren't fully covered, she's merely hiding them with her hoodie — they thought it'd been fine since they were just getting breakfast. but under the scrutiny of her future father-in-law, joohyun can't help but panic.

so she does the best that she can and that is to be _irene_.

"mr son." she greets with a polite smile as she extends a hand out.

the entrepreneur shakes it with a large grin as he settles next to seungwan who's eyeing him with a glare. "drop the formalities, joohyun-ssi, seungwan told me everything last night." the gentleman waves a hand in the air before proceeding to steal food from his daughter's plate.

"dad!" she hisses.

joohyun purses her lips, "you know that we're soulmates ..?"

seungwan's father bobs his head, "yeah, do you know how long i've been waiting for this?"

"pardon?"

"i meant finding out the story behind her tattoo." the gentleman clarifies, "i'm glad she's got someone other than seulgi and sooyoung. those two could get so noisy sometimes."

_"dad!"_

seungwan is practically praying for her dad to leave but evidently, he enjoys tormenting her with his presence. and joohyun, while she feels bad for her soulmate, couldn't exactly tell her girlfriend's father to leave.

"i see …" she nods politely.

the entrepreneur ignores any and all hints and continues to get acquainted with his future daughter-in-law. "so, if you've already got my girl, why is madam bae still looking for partners for you?"

joohyun bites down on her lower lip, getting reminded of her grandmother isn't exactly pleasant.

"i haven't told her yet," joohyun explains with a tense smile, "i hope you can keep this from my grandmother for a little longer, at least until i'm ready to bring seungwan home."

the entrepreneur lets out a dramatic gasp which shocks the table but he eases it with a hearty chuckle. "yah, your soulmate has plans to bring you home, when were you going to bring _her_ home?" he nudges his daughter with an elbow.

seungwan huffs, "i bet mom already knows, so why bother?"

"i haven't told her, honestly." the gentleman raises his hands, "and you're welcome to visit any time, joohyun-ssi, but call ahead so her mother can bake your wedding cake in advance."

joohyun's cheeks flush as she forces a nod and seungwan can only eye her apologetically. _sorry about my dad_ , her eyes seem to scream.

"anyway, what are you studying, joohyun-ssi?"

"just joohyun is fine," she smiles, "and i’m studying psychology, but i specialise in criminal and forensic psychology."

the tall gentleman has easily readable expressions and he looked to be in awe. "that sounds impressive, joohyun. so what do you think of my daughter?"

the question catches joohyun off guard and she can't tell if he's serious or joking. luckily, seungwan has had enough and comes to her rescue.

seungwan groans, "don't you have other places to be?"

"i just wanna get to know her a little," he shrugs before turning his attention back to the older girl, "so, come on, i wanna know what you think of my daughter."

seungwan looks like she's ready to strangle her dad. "i'm right here, dad! ask her when i bring her home!" 

"okay, fine," he relents with a huff, "so do you kids need a flight back? i can make the arrangements right now." the entrepreneur finally declares that it's enough of torturing his daughter today.

"nope, we'll take the train." seungwan spits quickly.

"suit yourselves," he shrugs and begins to get up, "i will see you both when seungwan brings you home, yes?"

joohyun nods politely, "we'll make plans when we return to seoul."

"great to hear!" the gentleman beams, "in the meantime, those hickeys look really nasty, might wanna consider covering them up but if you don't want to–"

"dad! i will text you later!" seungwan begins to shoo him away, bringing their table back to silence. 

joohyun doesn't quite know how she should react — seungwan's father is so laid back, unlike hers who would be overly strict if she compared them. one thing’s for sure, if she came home with a neck full of hickeys, she’d probably be kicked out. but the embarrassment plastered on seungwan’s face seem to make it less serious.

"sorry …" seungwan mutters while burying her face in her hands.

the older girl bursts out laughing and shakes her head, "i take it that he approves of me?”

removing her hands, the nerd’s shoulders rise a little. she can’t believe that her father thought it was appropriate to casually insert himself into their conversation and even had the audacity to interrogate joohyun in her presence.

“i mean, i guess?” seungwan murmurs, “he told me i could settle for seulgi if i never meet my soulmate, so i think he doesn’t have any expectations.”

joohyun hums with amusement, “so when are you going to bring me home, son seungwan?"

"are you serious?" she chokes.

"mhm, if i'm going to bring you home during chuseok, i should be introduced to your family too, right?"

"let’s talk about it when it’s closer to chuseok, yeah?”

* * *

they part ways after breakfast, with joohyun returning home and seungwan settling all the logistics. they’d figure out what to do when joohyun comes back, but for now, the graduate has other things to worry about — like explaining to her family why she didn’t return any of their calls, nor come home for the night.

stepping into the foyer, joohyun hears nothing but silence, so _maybe_ she could get away with sneaking back into her room. she tiptoes across the marbled floor and tries her best to make it to the stairs when the matriarch appears in her peripheral vision.

“where were you?” her sharp voice cuts through the silence while she eyes joohyun sternly.

tensing up, joohyun turns around, plastering a stoic expression onto her face, “i was with seungwan.”

“son seungwan?”

a nod is the only response joohyun offers; the lesser said, the better it is. she tries to walk away only to be stopped with another question.

“what were you doing with her? and you didn’t come home?” the aged woman demands.

today isn’t the day where she wants to argue with her grandmother but there’s still some underlying tension from their dispute last night. joohyun had been bent on saving it for the next time she returns, but the phantom traces of seungwan lingers against her skin, providing an extra and probably much-needed push. 

scoffing, joohyun mutters, “what else could i be doing with someone in a hotel room?”

her seething grandmother storms over to her and perhaps for the first time ever, lays a hard slap across her cheek. it takes joohyun a moment to register what has just happened — stunned, she merely gapes. the searing pain spreads around her cheek, drawing her back to reality. this is the first time she’s dared to be this insolent, and also the first time she’s been hit.

though she knows she deserves it, the shock leaves her numb and all she can hear is white noise. she averts her gaze to the ground and draws a shaky breath to compose herself.

“you’re grown up, but don’t forget your place.” the matriarch spits harshly, “i am still your elder.”

eyes stinging with tears, joohyun mutters through gritted teeth, “you demand my respect yet you refuse to give me any.”

“pray tell, when have i disrespected you?” the aged woman folds her arms across her chest.

“have you ever considered that i am a person with dreams and i’m more than capable of making my own choices?” the graduate glares her elderly grandmother in the eye, “or am i just an asset to be traded off for a good deal?”

the matriarch pulls her lips into a tight-lipped smile, “everyone in this family is capable of making their own choices, but you’re so selfish that you’ve never considered putting the needs of the family over yours.”

_selfish._ the word stings. joohyun bites the inside of her cheek with a wry scoff, “for _fuck’s_ sake, this family owns a multi-million dollar company, how much more money could you possibly need?” 

“it’s not just about the money, this is a family business. it is our legacy that you refuse to be a part of.” her grandmother’s voice is filled with disappointment, but with her cheeks still throbbing with pain, joohyun could care less.

she’s gotten so much braver in standing up to the matriarch since she was a teenager, call it impudence but joohyun refuses to be treated like an asset any longer. this is her life, her future with seungwan also hangs on how much she’s willing to stand up for herself. 

clenching a fist, joohyun begins to walk away, “a legacy i have no interest in. you should take a look at your scheming son-in-laws, perhaps they would be more interested.” she hisses with the intention to hurt.

“you were never this disobedient,” the aged woman sneers, “i should’ve never let you go to seoul.”

joohyun shakes her head, “this is one thing i can thank you for because it helped me to learn how to think for myself.”

“i placed all my hopes on you and this is how you’re going to let me down?”

“no, you don’t get to do this.” joohyun hisses sharply, “ _you_ placed your expectations on me and i couldn’t match up. i’ve spent my youth trying to live in this box you so desperately try to put me into, but i’ve had enough. this is my life, i make my own choices.”

“you’re a disgrace to this family.”

_disgrace_. it feels like a stab to her chest, leaving another twinge of pain on top of the ache that she’s already trying to suppress. she’s said enough to ruin their relationship for the rest of their lives. joohyun has no intention of apologizing and with how proud her grandmother is, she doubts that they’ll ever return to how they used to be. she’s lucky that she hasn’t been kicked out yet and she’d rather not give the elderly woman a chance to develop that thought.

“it’s nice seeing you again, halmoni,” she declares as she starts to make her way up the steps, “i will be heading back now.”

the matriarch booms loudly, “you don’t get to walk away from this, joohyun!”

“i will still fulfill our agreement,” joohyun declares with a tightened jaw, “the next time i return it will be with someone of my choosing.”

she ignores her grandmother’s subsequent words when she trudges back to her room, hurtful words followed with how she better not show her face again falls on deaf ears. by the time the next family gathering rolls around, their anger would’ve dissipated and joohyun would’ve locked all negative emotions away.

that next time will be with seungwan by her side, being introduced to her family as her soulmate. and nothing with her seungwannie could be a bad thing.

though, that’s a problem for future joohyun. present joohyun knows what she wants now; nobody, not even her grandmother, is going to stand in her way — her sole goal for today is to spend her birthday with seungwan. and that’s exactly what she’s going to do.

* * *

joohyun takes some time to doll up, making sure that her makeup hides all trace of the redness of her cheek. the last thing she wants is seungwan finding out about this, worrying her girlfriend so soon after they patched up doesn’t bode well in her head. she gathers up her things and doesn’t even bid her family a goodbye when she steps out of the door with her luggage in hand. her grandmother would be giving her the stink eye the next time she returns but that’s the least of her worries now.

she meets up with her girlfriend back at the hotel and being greeted with a radiant smile makes it easy for her to push her woes aside. they spare a moment to think of a place for a date and joohyun has a perfect place in mind — though she ponders if it’s due to how she’s just fought with her grandmother. they head to one of the many spring festivals taking place at this time of year. 

when she was much younger, her grandmother would often bring her to these yearly festivals. the routine stopped as she grew up, she wasn’t sure why, but she vaguely remembers the matriarch being busy one of those years and then they stopped going entirely.

with her hand securely intertwined with seungwan’s, stepping into the festival grounds brought about a new kind of warmth. while the nostalgia and heartache lingers, joohyun is ready to make new memories with her tiny, adorable _soulmate_.

there’s a bit of everything, ranging from food stalls to game stalls and performances. the cooling weather coupled with cherry blossoms gently fluttering in the wind makes for a beautiful day to spend outdoors. joohyun tugs seungwan along, reminiscing and introducing the little things that brought her so much joy as a child.

_there’s no need to reminisce this as a memory_ , seungwan eventually declares when she yanks joohyun towards the row of games she’d been eyeing. they blow some money on games, though neither of them are good at any of them. unfortunately, seungwan’s skills in video games does not translate into the real world very well and joohyun’s competitiveness could only get her so far.

but that’s fine, they’ve had their fun. they proceed to visit the long row of snack stalls, indulging in the variety of fried food and overly sweetened desserts. joohyun stuffs her girlfriend with some daegu specialties, or rather with anything that she thinks smells mouthwatering and seungwan merely smiles with protruding cheeks. it’s joohyun’s birthday after all, if she’s had a hard time saying no before, how could she say no now?

ambling along the paths, they take some pictures under the large pink trees. it starts with joohyun modelling and seungwan crouching down on the floor to get the perfect angle for her girlfriend. then it’s followed by a picture together with seungwan’s arms snaked around her side, taken by wandering passerbys. and eventually, seungwan taking a selfie with joohyun’s lips pressed to her cheeks. although joohyun reassures that these pictures are going to stay in her personal album for real this time, seungwan takes her phone out of her hands and taps on the instagram app without batting an eyelid.

“what are you doing?” joohyun tiptoes to catch a glimpse of what seungwan is trying to do. but the younger girl is much quicker, she has already selected their latest picture and taps the post button as her soulmate tries to snatch her phone back.

**renebaebae** pee pee poo poo 💩

10 seconds ago

“yah! son seungwan!” joohyun shouts when seungwan hands her phone back with a cheeky smile.

the damage had been done, her everso cryptic and cold persona is ruined with seungwan’s exceptionally questionable caption. comments have started to appear and it’s too late to delete it now.

**yongsun** ok who hacked you

 **yerimiese** LOL!!!! what the hell!!! did you do this @todayis_wannie

joohyun tucks her phone away with a sigh, “why? i thought you didn’t like it.”

“i told you i’m going to try my best.” seungwan hums nonchalantly while slipping her hand into joohyun’s, “and if all your followers are going to find out about us, let it be from my own doing.”

joohyun’s heart swells at her words, her soulmate is still awkward and shy, but hell, she’s really doing it for her. she can’t even begin to express just how much she loves her. biting the inside of her cheek, she starts walking.

“can you pick a better caption next time?” is the only thing she murmurs.

“poo poo pee pee?”

a playful shove doesn’t hide the large grin on her cheeks. like magnets, seungwan returns to joohyun’s side with a matching smile. loving, goofy, adorable — while joohyun had a semblance of what she’d like her soulmate to be, seungwan is giving her everything and more. she isn’t sure what kind of person she needs to be for seungwan just yet, but she’s certain that she’ll find out with time. 

* * *

they find a spot in the grass once their legs begin to tire, picking a shady spot under a large tree. there are plenty of people lounging around as well, it’s a lovely place to fall even more in love with your significant other.

joohyun rests her head across seungwan’s lap while the latter leans against the bark of the tree, taking in the cirrus clouds with a half-lidded gaze. cherry blossoms glide over them, cascading all around with a select few getting carried away by the wind. stroking joohyun’s hair tenderly, seungwan feels content as they bask in the beauty that mother nature has to offer.

this is something they both needed after the past week — the calm and serenity relinquishes the need for any words. 

maybe this is what love is supposed to be like. to be able to do the most mundane things and still want to etch it into your memory like a prized possession. to go through literal hell and be okay with it just because you’ve got your soulmate by your side. to try to be the best version of yourself so that you can give them the love they deserve. the right love is nice, and it might just be what they have.

falling in love had felt so daunting, perhaps due to how pristine they wanted to keep their relationship. but now that they’ve gone through an ugly fight and made up, it truly feels like it’ll be okay if they fight again. at the end of the day, they know that even if they bring the apocalypse onto their relationship, they’ll still find their way back to each other.

and it’s in this tranquility, in this aura of love that seungwan seems to radiate, does joohyun finally find the right words.

“you make my world a better place, son seungwan.”

the sudden interruption catches seungwan off guard and she shifts to look down at joohyun. deeming that she hasn’t misheard anything, seungwan responds with a gentle hum, “and you’ve made me a braver person, bae joohyun.” 

an air of tranquility washes over them once again, they know what they mean to each other. this janky little relationship is proof of their growth, their commitment and their love to each other. and just because they’re a work in progress doesn’t mean that it’s worth less — they know for a fact that there’s nobody else they’d rather love.

* * *

**seulgi's demon:**

WHAT IS THIS?

5:21 pm

(photo)

5:21 pm

the photo that sooyoung had sent is a screenshot of joohyun’s latest post, it’s the first and only post that revealed her full face, so it calls for some sort of explanation.

**seulbear 🐻:**

YEAH WHAT IS THIS @seungwan

5:22 pm

**seungwan:**

a selfie? 🤭

5:22 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

don’t 🤭 me

5:22 pm

EXPLAIN

5:22 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

YEAH EXPLAIN!!!

5:23 pm

**seungwan:**

what’s there to explain??

5:23 pm

it’s a selfie with joohyun, park sooyoung 🙄

5:23 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

yeah but WHY is it posted

5:23 pm

your entire face is in it

5:24 pm

do i need to yell at her again?

5:24 pm

**seungwan:**

NO

5:24 pm

please don’t

5:24 pm

i posted it myself

5:25 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

are you 100% okay with all her followers seeing it?

5:25 pm

**seungwan:**

they’ve already left me hate before they’ve even seen my face

5:25 pm

what’s the next worst thing that could happen?

5:25 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

what is this 

5:26 pm

baby are you seeing this

5:26 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

i am @seulgi's demon

5:26 pm

i think our wannie is stepping out of her bubble 😭😭😭

5:26 pm

**seulgi's demon:**

i think it’s the haircut

5:27 pm

you feelin confident now, unnie?

5:27 pm

**seungwan:**

🙄

5:27 pm

yeah, kinda i guess

5:27 pm

we can talk more when i get back

5:28 pm

**seulbear 🐻:**

okay!!!!!

5:28 pm

* * *

the train back to seoul is surprisingly empty, it seems like not many people fancy travelling during dinner time. the two gnomes had been munching on festival foods for the whole day so skipping dinner isn't an issue. an evening train ride is perfect, they wouldn't reach seoul too late and seungwan would have enough sleep for her morning class.

joohyun has been a lot quieter since they left the festival grounds, seungwan doesn't quite know what it is, but it feels like something is bugging her. she tries to leave it for a while, afterall, it’s not everyday she gets to have a long train ride whilst the sun is setting in the distance. but it’s hard to enjoy the tranquility when your girlfriend is a brooding mess next to you.

"are you okay?" the younger girl finally works up the courage to ask after an extended silence.

joohyun had been mindlessly gazing out the window but her attention turned to seungwan with relative ease. with a slight smile, she nods.

"yeah, just thinking." she deflects.

seungwan squeezes their intertwined hands and nods, "if you want to talk, i'm all ears."

while joohyun has tried to let down her walls with seungwan, it’s still a challenge to fully share issues regarding her family. it’s a topic that hits way too close to home. she’s thought a lot about it ever since she came to seoul, but deciding that it’s not worth sharing makes it easier to bottle it up. granted, it comes up every time she returns home, but it’s also one of the things she’s gotten used to brushing aside.

with seungwan thumbing circular patterns on her skin mindlessly, there’s no pressure to open up at all. yet the simple action, coupled with an unsaid reassurance of a _you can rely on me_ , seems to be coaxing joohyun out of her habit.

"i had an argument with my grandmother last night, just before our whole bathroom escapade." joohyun starts with a heavy sigh, "and i guess things got even worse since i didn't go home last night."

"what happened?"

“we fought when i went home and it’s the most explosive fight we’ve had.” a pang of pain is felt at the memory of her grandmother hitting her, though joohyun tries to disregard its existence like she does with all emotions related to her family.

seungwan eyes her with a softened gaze, “why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“i didn’t want to ruin our day,” the senior confesses with a shaky breath, “we just patched up and i don’t want to ruin anything.”

the nerd leans to leave a soft kiss on joohyun’s soft cheek, reassuring her tenderly, “sharing your feelings, good or bad, will never ruin anything, okay?” 

cracking into a slight smile at her action, joohyun takes it as encouragement to continue sharing. these feelings have been bottled up for the longest time now, she’s had all the words perched at the tip of her tongue, waiting for the right person to share them with. and now that person is currently waiting patiently, gaze trained on her like she’s the most beautiful being to grace the earth. it feels great to be loved.

"she has her expectations of what i should be and she makes me out to be whatever she wants me to be.” joohyun starts with a mumble, voice increasing as her frustration resurfaces, “but that isn't me, i don't want to be the perfect granddaughter. i just want to be myself."

"that's valid," seungwan reaffirms gently, "being honest to yourself is always much better."

"except that she doesn't think that way, she called me a disgrace to the family."

the harshness of the word causes seungwan to widen her eyes in surprise, she’d never expect that the matriarch she met last night would be capable of spewing such words to her beloved granddaughter. no response seems to be appropriate so she bites down on her lower lip and waits for joohyun to continue.

the older girl huffs, all the things that have been on her chest for years is finally coming to light. she continues to vent, “she’s going off about how our business is a legacy and how i’m selfish for not wanting to be a part of it. i just don’t understand, i don’t need to be a part of it. it’s thriving without me and hell, she has a long list of heirs, which includes my parents, who are more than capable of taking over the company.”

"maybe it's how she tries to show her love." seungwan muses, "think of the business succeeding being the fruits of her labour and maybe she wants to share it. it’s easy to see that you’re someone precious to her."

joohyun considers the alternate angle with pursed lips, "is it that hard to say she loves me?"

"we know older folks are allergic to the word _love_." seungwan jokes.

hearing a snicker escape her soulmate's lips makes the atmosphere less tense. expelling a quiet sigh, joohyun mutters, "i just wished she would try to see me for who i am. every time i try to be myself, it's like i'm afraid of her disapproval."

"what shifted today?" 

"you." the words slip off her tongue like it’s the most natural thing. 

seungwan’s breathing hitches, "m-me?"

joohyun separates from her girlfriend momentarily so she could hook an arm with hers. she relinks their fingers and presses her cheek against seungwan’s shoulder and admits a gentle truth, "having you around makes me feel like being myself is okay. i guess the mask slipped today and i didn’t feel like faking it anymore.”

"but … is it a good thing? what happens now?"

as far as seungwan knows, it seems that she’s the catalyst that caused joohyun and the matriarch to fall apart. though she’s trying to be happy over the fact that joohyun is being honest to herself, falling out with family can’t exactly be considered a good thing.

"in the long run, probably. this was bound to happen at some point either way, so better now than later." joohyun's shoulders rise briefly, "we'll find out during chuseok."

the words make seungwan's heart skip a beat — out of fear rather than excitement. she bites down on her lower lip, "are you really going to introduce me to your entire family?" 

"i just have to bring you home before the next seollal so i don't get married off to a random stranger. and don't you want to meet yeri?" joohyun teases with a nudge.

seungwan dreads the thought of meeting her bratty archer, "she's going to tease us all the way!" the nerd groans.

"considering how she played a hand in almost ruining our relationship, i don't think she has any rights.” joohyun mutters bitterly.

chuckling, seungwan plants a soft kiss on the crown of her soulmate’s head. drawing a calming breath, she mumbles, “to be honest, i think the fight brought us closer."

"really?” joohyun retorts skeptically, “because that’s singlehandedly the worst thing i’ve gone through."

"me too, but it's a necessary evil, joohyun-ah."

a necessary evil that brought them where they are now; snuggled up to each other on a train ride back home sharing nothing but their innermost feelings. seungwan continues to trace mindless patterns on joohyun’s skin while the lapse into another comfortable silence. it’s always the trivial things that make joohyun fall in love; quiet, hazy moments where time seem to pass them by. somehow, they seem to reflect seungwan's tenderness in all its glory.

"can i be honest for a moment?" joohyun’s voice interrupts the stillness.

humming, seungwan obliges, "of course."

drawing a deep breath, joohyun squeezes her girlfriend's hand for a boost of courage before she speaks. “i think i feel too much for you, and i don’t know if it’s a bad thing."

ticking an eyebrow curiously, seungwan shifts to give joohyun her full attention, urging her to continue with a light nod. 

joohyun does so with an anxious swallow. these feelings have been locked tightly in her chest because sharing them would mean exposing a much more personal side that would be dubbed as _whipped_ by yongsun. and revealing them to seungwan has always felt like it’d be too overwhelming for their current relationship — until now, that is.

"the thought that anything remotely bad could happen to you scares the shit out of me and i just want to keep you in a world where no one can hurt you. but that’s not how the world works, it’s a shitty fucking place and you’re going to get hurt." the words leave her lips in a teary-eyed mumble.

"i feel the same," seungwan adds, "but however terrifying that may be, knowing that i’ll be with you every step of the way from now on is also relieving in some ways.”

the reassurance from seungwan crashes over her and she wipes away her stray tears with a sniffle. oh, how vulnerable she’s allowed herself to become upon meeting the love of her life.

“i guess it is." joohyun mumbles, "everything in my life has been chosen for me and you’re the only thing that doesn’t feel like a fucking nightmare. i don’t want to lose you.”

reaching over, the nerd pats her snivelling girlfriend gently. "you won't. i'll make sure of that myself."

“thank you,” joohyun heaves a sigh, “you’re being way too patient and i don’t know if i deserve all of this.”

clicking her teeth, seungwan smacks her though it’s merely a glorified tap, “stop it, silly. you do. you spoke the word on my wrist for a reason."

"and what might that reason be?"

seungwan doesn't respond, instead she leans in and leaves a gentle peck on joohyun's lips.

" _i was made to love you, and you, to love me_. granted, it's a little messy and we haven't quite figured out how. but to me, you're something good that i want to keep by my side forever."

_is this what love is?_ joohyun wonders while she tries to stifle the large grin on her cheeks. if it isn’t, what could possibly top this warm fuzzy feeling settling in the depths of her chest? joohyun fights back the urge to retort with some witty remark that would kill this intimacy.

_love_ , joohyun decides, comes in many forms. and one of them happened to appear at her door on one random night, with the guise of a gawky nerd who makes the butterflies in her stomach feel like a raging hurricane.

"and you’re this little ball of goodness i never want to lose." using her hands, she traces seungwan’s jaw with a feathered touch before guiding their lips to meet in a deep kiss.

_"i love you, son seungwan.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100k words. i did it. before 2021! it's like 11:50 pm while i'm typing this but thank you so much for reading as always. been a while since i've left a little ramble here and i have so much to say but i just wanna get this uploaded and get drunk. so expect an essay in the next chapter, whenever that might be.
> 
> edit: marked this as complete for now bc i don't know if i want to continue. i'm kinda tired i guess. of myself mostly. while it's not the ending i envisioned, i'm okay with leaving things as is. if i never come back to it, thank you for taking the time to read this fun little thing. i loved writing it too.


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